RiffText/AruseusEmails/variations

ARUMAIL1: variations

Aruseus explains himself in different timezones.

Cast {in order of appearance}: Aruseus, Aruntosaurus, Caveman Homestar, Pterodactyl Coach Z, Aruseus the Steed, Knight, Homestar, The Polka-man, Nick Knackerston, The Sneak, The Homestar Runner, Anthruseus, Cheatball, 1-Up, Anthru-borg, Overlord T, Stinkoman {easter egg}, Bubs {easter egg}

Places: Computer Room, The Cave, Peasantry Field, Knick-knack Stand, 20X6 Field, Overlord T's Fortress, 20X6 Computer Room {easter egg} The Field {easter egg}

Computer: Lappy 486

Date: January 1st, 2007

Transcript

ARUSEUS {while typing "run_arumail.exe"}: E-mail he, E-mail hoo, E-mail ha, E-mail HA HA!

subject: variations

Dear Aruseus,
If you had different variations, what would they be?
Curious,

Sidekick Bob

ARUSEUS: {typing} Well, Bobby, I guess we'd start out with the prehistoric era, where there would be the viscious Anrontosaurus!

{Cut to a cave in prehistoric times, where you see a brontosaurus-like Aruseus smash a cave with his tail}

ARUNTOSAURUS: {roars}

{Caveman Homestar walks onscreen}

CAVEMAN HOMESTAR: Oh, jlammy. That annoying dinosaur is after us again.

ARUNTOSAURUS: {roars, smashes Caveman Homestar, Coach Z Pterodactyl files in}

COACH Z PTERODACTYL: Check it out! The Aruntosaurus can do it again!

{Cut to a field in Peasantry, where a non-anthro Aruseus, walks onscreen with a knight riding him}

ARUSEUS: Then in the time of Peasantry, there would live a vailant knight, and I would be his steed!

{The knight whips the steed}

KNIGHT: Move you worthless piece of dung!

{Cut to Nick Knackertson's stand, in the Old-Timey Era}

ARUSEUS: After that, I probably...

{Homestar runs in}

HOMESTAR: Wait, wait. I got it. Do you like to dance?

ARUSEUS: No. Dancing is a waste of my...

HOMESTAR: Ok. In Old-Timey, you would be...

{Cut to Nick Knackerston's Nearly Fabulous Knick-Knack Stand}

HOMESTAR: ...The Polka-man!

{The Polka-man walks in}

THE POLKA-MAN: Yello there, Nick! Do you wanna see me dance?

NICK: No thank you, I'm tired.

{The Sneak comes onscreen and steals a knick-knack, but Nick hits him with a flyswatter. The Sneak ends up a splat on the ground. The Homestar Runner Walks in}

THE HOMESTAR RUNNER: Oh, phooey. The Sneak, did you try to steal one of Nick Knackertson's Nearly Fabulous Knick-Knacks?

{Cut back to Computer Room}

ARUSEUS: What!? That's the stupidest thing I ever heard! How did you come up with that?

HOMESTAR: I read the transcript.

ARUSEUS: You can read?

HOMESTAR: Sorry for bothering your e-mail. I guess I should go.

ARUSEUS: You better.

{Cut back to Lappy}

ARUSEUS: {typing} So there you have it. Then again I might as well predict who I will be in the future, probably some guy working for some evil alliance bent on taking over the world...

{Cut to 20X6 Field, Anthruseus is standing there, striking poses}

ANTHRUSEUS: Oh yeah! No one can defeat me! I'm strong!

{Cheatball bounces in}

CHEATBALL: Cheatball! {explodes}

ANTHRUSEUS: {flying away} AAAAAH!!!

{Cheatball reappears. 1-Up walks onscreen}

1-UP: Hey Cheatball, Did that white furry guy have any pudding? I lost my pudding. I want pudding.

ARUSEUS: Finally, I would still be in that alliance, but then take over the whole world, and I would be cyborg-ish, and less annoying.

{Cut to Overlord T's fortress, where he is sitting in a chair}

OVERLORD T: Anthru-borg, get me a prawn shake!

ANTHRU-BORG Oh, all right. {flies offscreen, comes back}

OVERLORD T: Good! Get me another!

{Cut back to Lappy}

ARUSEUS: {typing} So there you have it, Bubs. All my variations. Though I didn't really like my Old-Timey version...Ah well, Homestar's an idiot and you can't change that. {The Paper comes down, reading "Click here to email Aruseus."}

{After about 5 seconds, Aruseus will say something}

ARUSEUS: {under his breath} Polka...ew...

Easter Eggs

• Click on "variations" to see a cutscene.

{Cut to a Computer in 20X6, Anthruseus is answering an email}

ANTHRUSEUS: {typing} Well, Bob, back then I was probably be a little taller, and I answered emails!

{Zooms out, Stinkoman is standing next to Anthruseus}

STINKOMAN: Get off of MY computer!

{Cut back to Present-day Computer Room}

• Click on "Bubs" to see another cutscene.

{Cut to the Field, Aruseus is in a crawl position, straining, while Bubs is sitting on his back}

BUBS: Move you stupid pile of crap!

{Aruseus collapses, Cut back to Computer Room}

Fun Facts

• Sidekick Bob is from Tampo Emails.
• The scene with Anthru-borg is similar to the easter egg in Not-So Zippy Email "massive fail" with Mr. Cradgage and Pyro.
• In the easter egg, Anthruseus mentions his present day form.
• The E-mail song is a parody of the Numa Numa Song.
• The Coach Z bird flying in is a reference to Summer Short Shorts.