RiffText/MFT3K/1-Up Emails/clone

1-UP EMAIL 59!

1-Up is emailed to make clones.

Cast (in order of appereance): 1-Up, Henry, Heavenly 5000, Stinkoman Clone

Transcript

{Cuts to 1-Up getting up in a place with Clouds, Fire and Grass. 1-Up is pixelated (a sprite) like in the Stinkoman 20X6 Game}

1-UP: Arg... {gets up} W-W-Where am I...?

BLUEBRY: hell

{A Greggo starts walking over towards 1-Up}

GREGGO: Hello, 1-Up. I was told that you were coming.

1-UP: Where am I?

GREGGO: Your at Greggo Death Court. It is a court where I am the judge and i decide if you should stay on Earth and be a ghost or if you should go to heaven or if you can go to hell or if you can come back to life.

BLUEBRY: oh my god i was right and it's hell

1-UP: So, Bassicly, This is the place people go where they weren't meant to die so early.

BLUEBRY: like all the unbaptized babies of the world

So, These people decide what my fate should be.

GREGGO: Exactly. It is half Hell and Half Heaven. If you see any red or Orange People, Then be careful. If you see any white or yellow people, then obey them or you could be sent to Hell.

BLUEBRY: "obey your white masters"

1-UP: Is there a Computer around here?

BLUEBRY: yeah over at the hell library. get the password from kathy

GREGGO: Yes, Just around the corner. By the way, I'm Henry.

1-UP: Nice name. But, I got to check some email.

{1-Up goes around the corner where he finds a puffy white Computer with a black and shiny screen. It looks perfect to 1-Up}

1-UP: Cool. That is the most best computer I have ever seen.

{A White Face appears on the Computer's Screen}

BLUEBRY: "would you like some mayonnaise before we go to the sperry's outlet?"

COMPUTER: Hello, I am the Heavenly 5000. Name please?

1-UP: 1-Up.

HEAVENLY 5000: Name Confirmed. What would you like to do today, 1-Up?

1-UP: Check Email.

{The following email appears on the Heavenly's Shiny Screen}

Dear 1-Up,
Face it. Things are boring without Stinkoman (all because of you!).
Why not make a carbon copy out of him using some
cloning technology that you're SUPPOSED TO USE TO
CLONE YOURSELF if it wasn't for Sticklyman. Just find
Stinkoman's DNA sample somewhere, you know, 
since you were in his house.

-Sayo-Sham-Sam

1-UP: {typing} I guess you are right. It is my fault that Sticklyman is gone. But,Who cares.

BLUEBRY: ahahahaha wow

I'm watching him suffer when I watch Stinkoman Emails. So, Don't think that I can't see what is going on. Hmm... I guess I could make a clone of Stinkoman. {stops typing and sighs} I wish I diddn't have to type. In fact, I wish that what i just said would appear on the screen whenever I want it too.

HEAVENLY 5000: Wish Confirmed. You may now answer emails without having to type.

{The words that 1-Up say appear on the screen}

1-UP: Wow. That is cool. A self-typing computer. I wish I could keep the Heavenly 5000. But, It belongs to Henry. {sighs}

{The words stop appearing on the screen}

1-UP: Computer. Can you do Clone Sequences?

HEAVENLY 5000: I can do anything except for kill people, I only get used by good people.

BLUEBRY: so you can torture
CHWOKA: mutilate
SKUB: cause rape
BLUEBRY: maybe a brain death here and there
NACHOMAN: cause horrible horrible pain

1-UP: What happens to people that are bad?

HEAVENLY 5000: If anyone bad goes anywhere 3 metres from me. I will instantly send them to hell. To use me, You must have a true heart.

1-UP: So, Your saying-

HEAVENLY 5000: Yes. You are going to be my new owner.

BLUEBRY: did you think this would be obvious to the reader because it wasn't

1-UP: What will happen if Henry won't let me be your owner.

HEAVENLY 5000: Hey, Henry doesn't control me. I make my own desicions.

BLUEBRY: I DO WHAT I WANT

If I want to leave, so be it.

1-UP: {sighs}

HEAVENLY 5000: What is the mattter, 1-Up?

1-UP: Too many people have gotten hurt. I don't want to be the chosen one if it is going to hurt people.

HEAVENLY 5000: I'm sorry. But, You were chosen by the Legendary and Great Kaiser.

BLUEBRY: death to the kaiser! long live our boys on the western front!

The Kaiser is what made The Homestar Runner chosen. It is in your blood. Nobody... Not even you can stop it. Everyone wants your power. Any way they can. There are four ways to get your power. They can either get The Talismans of Power, The Dark Elf or The Legendary Dark Wand.

1-UP: I am going to clone Stinkoman now.

HEAVENLY 5000: Good for you.

1-UP: Computer. Start Cloning Sequence on Stinkoman's DNA.

HEAVENLY 5000: Command Confirmed.

1-UP: Perfect.

{A Stinkoman clone appears right next to 1-Up with Red Eyes}

1-UP: Why does that clone have red eyes?

STINKOMAN CLONE: Die!

BLUEBRY: you just kind of jump into it don't you

{Starts running towards 1-Up charging up a Duble Deuce} Double Deuuuuuuuuuuu-

{1-Up spin-kicks him}

1-UP: That was a close one.

HEAVENLY 5000: Get him!

{1-Up charges up he's own Double Deuce. But, The Stinkoman Clone gets up and hits him to the ground}

1-UP: Ouch.

STINKOMAN CLONE: Die now! {Starts punching 1-Up over and over}

HEAVENLY 5000: I don't normally like fights. But, This is quite enjoyable.

BLUEBRY: dick

1-UP: {Grabs the Stinkoman Clone's Fist and starts punching the Stinkoman Clone with the stinkoman Clone's fist over and over} Stop hitting yourself. Stop hitting yourself. Stop hitting yourself.

{The Stinkoman Clone jumps out of 1-Up's reach and starts charging up a Double Deuce}

STINKOMAN CLONE: Double Deuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuce!

HEAVENLY 5000: Emergency Teleport Activated.

{The Computer and 1-Up dissapear. The Stinkoman Clone shoots his attack and hits the ground. Cuts to the graveyard where 1-Up's body is}

1-UP: Huh? {Gets up} Hey, I'm back in my original body. But, Where did the Heavenly Computer go? Aww... My dream computer is gone. Well, It is time to go and defeat Sticklyman. Jr. {Leaves}

{The Paper comes down}