(even if you aren't vegan)
RiffText/MFT3K/Records of Bell/26
{The cast walks back in, Chwoka carrying SkullB and setting him down in the chair adjacent to him.}
NOXIGAR: Great, I must've missed a host segment or something. I'll check after I'm done with this riff.
Summary
The cast battles a wave of popups.
CHWOKA: {excited, dopey} A wave? You know what that means!
{SkullB, Chwoka, and Bluebry perform a wave}
Cast: Sarah, Man on TV, Im a bell, Daigo, Don Skull, Tracy, Mature Bling, Golden Bass,
SKULLB: Nobody wants to play bass, no matter how golden it is.
Many Many Pop-ups, The King Of All Pop-Ups
Places: 8-Bit House, Field, Floating Platform
Insult: biscuitheads
Credit Joke: Not You
Episode Information: 502-Never Get A Popup Blocker Named "blok ur popupz for FREEEEEEE."
Transcript
{open to Sarah watching television}
MAN ON TV: Do you have unnecessarily large breasts?
SKULLB: God, yes
BLUEBRY: no i'm only like a b cup
{Noxigar blinks}
NOXIGAR: WHAT IN THE FLYING HELL-
Well, try Bardusparumvir! Side effects may include; Death, loss of sleep, loss of voice, loss of hearing, loss of limbs, loss of sanity, loss of The Game, heart failure, kidney failure, epic failure, crowbars in your nose, monkeys flying out of your ass, you flying out of monkeys' asses, turning gay, if you are gay turning asexual, if you are asexual turning bisexual, if you are bisexual turning into the opposite gender, if you are a hermaphrodite losing any and all reproductive organs, if you have none then you will become a horrible tentacle monster with three genders, male female and one that impregnates other species, if you are that then I'm sorry for you.
SKULLB: My... my brain broke.
CHWOKA: Oh, shoot... Uh... How many fingers am I holding up? {holds up two fingers}
SKULLB: Wh-what's a finger?
BLUEBRY: thank god there's no risk for erectile dysfunction
NOXIGAR: Okay maybe Records of Bell is threatening if it can make Skullbuggy seem socio-intellectually depraved.
SARAH: ...Why would I want smaller breasts?
BLUEBRY: You don't really... get women do you?
MAN ON TV: ...It prevents lower back problems?
SARAH: ...GET OUT OF MY TELEVISION.
SKULLB: "WITHOUT MY GLORIOUS MEAT BALLOONSTHE AUTHORFANS WON'T BE ABLE TO GET IT UP"
NOXIGAR: ...I'm sorry. The idiocy of this statement delayed my reaction time. I tried to think of a smart-ass remark for that, and really can't. Damn it, Skullbuggy. Your brain-breaking's becoming contagious. Apparently I did not spend enough time in the Decontamination Room from the last riff you did.
MAN ON TV: OH CRAP I'VE BEEN FOUND OUT. {jumps out of the television, runs off}
SARAH: ...That was pointl-
IM A BELL:{pops up from behind couch} IS HE GONE?
SARAH: ...Wh-
SKULLB: "The television scares me..."
{cue opening theme.
{Chwoka wakes up}
CHWOKA: Shhrgrfhuh?
cut back to the 8-bit house. this time, everyone is there}
CHWOKA: Everyone will leave... at exactly... the same time.
BLUEBRY: You already made that joke.
CHWOKA: So? Insinuating 8 billion people could fit inside a house got old too.
DAIGO:' SO WHAT AM WE BE'S DOING TODAIS?
SKULLB: Ooh, rock me on the dais
BLUEBRY: broken english = MORE HILARITY
NOXIGAR: It works for a comic called "Sweet Bro and Hella Jeff." I highly recommend it.
IM A BELL:{kicks Daigo in the side of the skull}
CHWOKA: {imitating Bell} See guys I hate stupid people too I'm cool guys hey hey hey hey hey
SKULLB: "I KICKED HIM HA HA HA IT'S RANDOM IT'S RANDOM IT'S RANAFDKASFASODFSDG
BLUEBRY: this is america learn to speak english >:|
DAIGO: Ah. Sorry about that, faulty brain chip. It made me speak IN NEWB LANGWAGE LIKE DIS!!!1
CHWOKA: Aren't all Skullbuggies but Number Two malfunctioning?
SKULLB: ... All... Skullbuggies?
CHWOKA: D-disregard that.
NOXIGAR: Um, yea that would include the original who has a lovely tendency of malfunctioning during your riffs.
IM A BELL: FALCON KICK! {kicks Daigo harder, cracking his skull}
DAIGO: Okay, I think that did it. NOEP.
CHWOKA: No EP? Well, I certainly wouldn't want to hear any of these people sing.
IM A BELL: ... {smacks Daigo in the steering wheel, a cartridge of some kind pops out of his mouth. Bell grabs it} An N64 cartridge? LOLWUT? {blows into cartridge, pops it back in Daigo}
CHWOKA: Huh. So it turns out Bell can pervert things in more ways than one. Who knew?
SKULLB: That's- that's not how it w-works
DAIGO: ...Okay, THAT time it worked. So, what ARE we doing today?
BLUEBRY: NOPE DIDN'T WORK LET'S DO THE FIGHTING AGAIN
IM A BELL: Dunno.
DON SKULL: I just had an idea. Daigo, do you have a mech mode, like Number Two?
CHWOKA: Number Two has a mech mode?
SKULLB: ... You holding out information on me?
CHWOKA: {nonchalantly} Who's Number Two? I don't know any Number Two.
NOXIGAR: Gee I wonder who Number Two works for...
DAIGO: Yeah, why?
BLUEBRY: duh, i mean who doesn't
IM A BELL:{suspicious, worried] ...DS, what are you-
DON SKULL: Well, transform into it.
DAIGO: Ookay... {transforms into a mech similar to the one that Number Two had}
CHWOKA: Wait just a second! Don's mech mode had to be casemodded into him by Bell, who apparently has a degree in engineering.
SKULLB: Why can't I transform into a hulking metal nightmare?
NOXIGAR: How in the hell are you going to fit in your seat if you transformed into a hulking metal nightmare?
DON SKULL: Hmm. Interesting. FLIGHTSKULL MODE, GO!
{The golden Bass flies in. It and DS start forming the Flightskull upon Daigo}
IM A BELL: DON SKULL, NO! THE FLIGHTSKULL WASN'T DESIGNED FOR MECHS-
CHWOKA: DON'T CROSS THE STREAMS
BLUEBRY: this is so terrible
{There is a flash of red light. The Flightskull and Number Five fuse into a human-size, golden mech
CHWOKA: oh my god
oh
oh
{Chwoka takes out a barf bag and vomits into it.}
SKULLB: Wait, they have bags? I've just been throwing up on the floor.
with white wings, a purple skull-face with red eyes and what appears to be black hair with a white streak in it, and a silver sword}
CHWOKA: Alright, I think that's all of it!
{Chwoka looks back up at the screen.}
CHWOKA: Nope.
{Chwoka begins vomiting into Bluebry's bag.}
SKULLB: Please say there's room for mine.
TRACY: ...OH WHAT THE HELL.
DAIGO/FLIGHTSKULL ABOMINATION:
BLUEBRY: you got that right
{sounds like Don Skull's voice overlapping Daigo's} WE ARE THE BEST CHARACTER ON THE SHOW. WE ARE THE GOSHISKULL. WE ARE BETTER THAN THE CATBELL AND THE WOMAN WITH HUGE TITS
BLUEBRY: i swear it's like the 50s never ended for bell
COMBINED. WE ARE THE GOSHISKULL.
CHWOKA: Well, it is appropriate that their combined names combine the amount of terrible in both names.
SKULLB: YOSHISKULL
IM A BELL: OH FOR THE LOVE OF GOD! {smacks the Goshiskull in the back of the head, forcing out the N64 cartidge, but now it's cheese-covered.
SKULLB: Rg-hig-gh- RRRRRRHG-HGG-GHGG
{SkullB's body starts emitting smoke.}
SKULLB: SO MUCH RAGE
NOXIGAR: See? There you go, malfunctioning again.
Bell takes it, runs off, runs back it, with the cartridge cleaned, and pops it back into the Goshiskull}
BLUEBRY: THE ACTION NEVER STOPS
NOXIGAR: What did you expect at this point?
GOSHISKULL: Oh, sorry about that. The Golden Bass was eating some NachoMen.
CHWOKA: Hey, wasn't he that sentry guy?
MATURE BLING: ...You mean nachos.
GOSHISKULL: Nope, NachoMen. {holds up a picture of many NachoMen, covered in cheese and screaming in pain}
MATURE BLING: ...That looks more like WUW Rule 34 Guro/Vore porn.
CHWOKA: No...it...doesn't?
SKULLB: Okay, I really, really want him dead. I don't care how. ... Though it'd be nice if it involved genital mutilation.
BLUEBRY: You know damn well he'd get off to that
{SkullB throws up into the seat in front of him.}
NOXIGAR: Wait, where the hell was NachoMan? He should've been the one riffing that to high hell, not you guys. The context is just wrong now.
GOSHISKULL: ...So?
CHWOKA: {imitating Bell} Hey guys, I can use mature themes in my writings, so that means I must be mature, too!
SKULLB: He's like 12, right?
MATURE BLING: ...STAY AWAY FROM ME.
BLUEBRY: stranger danger
GOSHISKULL: I'm just kidding!
MATURE BLING: Oh. Okay then.
SKULLB: "Though the prospect did seem rather arousing..."
GOSHISKULL: So, um, seriously, what're we gonna do?
IM A BELL: Um... I dunno-
{a large, floating banner reading "blok ur popupz for FREEEEEEE." breaks through the window and starts firing lazers
CHWOKA: learn to spellright
NOXIGAR: The popupz ruse was a... DISTACTION. i HAVE the theatre.
at everything}
CHWOKA: Oh, yeah, this was the plot we were told about earlier. I actually forgot! (OOC: Yeah, I really did.)
IM A BELL: ...That'll do. {pulls out a large, glowing sword} EAT MY SWORD, YOU-PFFFFAHAHAHAHA!!!! "Eat my sword". Teehee.
CHWOKA: Yeah, that's just silly! Who do you think he is, a swordeater?
SKULLB: Bell loves glistening pork swords
NOXIGAR: Great, a penis joke. DAMN IT SKULLBUGGY.
BANNER: Eep! Um... Follow me! {crashes through the wall}
IM A BELL: ...Right, whatever.
{everyone exits the house.
CHWOKA: {Snagglepuss} Exit, stage left!
NOXIGAR: Your impression is not camp enough. Try again.
Cut ro a large field, covered in pop-ups. Bell and the crew walk in}
IM A BELL: ...OH DEAR GOD THEY'RE EVERYWHERE!
SARAH: Well, we better get started.
IM A BELL: Right.
{Sarah pulls out her pocket knife, looks around, and finds a pop-up labeled "FREE ARMOR FOR U". She leaps into it, and armor forms around her}
BLUEBRY: just like in real life
IM A BELL: ...How-
SARAH: Daigo told me about this. If you smack into a pop-up, you can gain its power if you wish.
IM A BELL: Huh.
{Sarah looks around and finds a pop-up labeled "SWORDS SWORDS SWORDS". She jumps into it, and her pocket knife turns into a sword}
IM A BELL: ...Okay, y'all
BLUEBRY: when did they start saying "y'all" in japan
NOXIGAR: Since they're not referencing Japan in this episode. Tch'yah, dude. Get the memo.
ready?
SARAH, MB, TRACY, & GOSHISKULL: Yep!
CHWOKA: Why are they everywhere? Surely this is a mastermidned operation that needs to be handled delicately.
IM A BELL: Good. {transforms into True Hollow Bell} I am, too. {this song starts playing. Sarah runs towards a pop-up with a picture of Herbert on it labeled "LOLICONS FOR FREE". She stabs it multiple times}
CHWOKA: Or you could just destroy them all. That works too.
TRACY:{pulls out a mushroom, eats it} A-HA-HAIII!!! {runs up to a pop-up labeled "Free Mario ROMs", jumps into it, becomes Fire Tracy} WIBBITTY WIBBITTY WIBBLE! {shoots a fireball at a pop-up reading "Spies? In MAH Sentry? It's More Likely Than You Think. FREE SPY CHECK!". It promptly explodes into a green mushroom cloud}
CHWOKA: It's like... I want to cry, but I've already vomited up my tears.
NOXIGAR: {Legion from Mass Effect 2} Error. Organics cannot vomit tears. Does not compute.
IM A BELL: ...LOLWUT.
BLUEBRY: {chokes on his popcorn a bit}
MATURE BLING: HOLLOWS FOR LIFE! {becomes Full Hollow Bling, tears up a pop-up reading "IT'S A RANDOM MMORPG THAT NOBODY HAS EVER HEARD OF AND LIKELY NEVER WILL. PLAY NOW!"}
{Goshiskull slices up two pop-ups reading "NEW INSANE DIET PLAN! TRY IT!" and "RARE AKSHUN FIGYERZ FOR $$$!". Bell jumps into a pop-up labeled "CONFUZZLED? LET MR. THERA-PISSED HELP!". He gains a large, glowing orb labeled "BALL OF CONUFFLEMENT". Bell throws the ball at some pop-ups, and the ball bounces back to him. The pop-ups hit start attacking eachother, until reducing themselves to a pile of pixels emitting green smoke. Sarah runs towards a rather large pop-up with a stupid-looking guy on it. She smacks it and the guy starts talking}
CHWOKA: Oh no! I skipped over this block of text! Surely I will miss an important development or foreshadowing!
{Pause. Chwoka laughs}
MAN IN POP-UP: O HAI THAR. DOES U WANT- {pronounced as "WAHH-NT"} -SUM CAR EEN-SHORE-AHNCE? WEH-HE-HELL... HEERZ WUT U DOO; GO TO DUBYA DUBYA DUBYA DAWT PARSLEY FRUIT DAWT-
{Sarah screeches, and then slices the pop-up into many pieces. Cut to Fire Tracy, who is firing many fireballs at a pop-up with Bowser on it}
FIRE TRACY: BOWSER WIBBLE!!!!!!!!!!!
{the Bowser pop-up explodes, leaving a star-shaped and flaming piece of it. Fire Tracy grabs it, and lights on fire}
FIRE TRACY: OWW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! BURNING WIBBLE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
CHWOKA: Why did he go insane?
NOXIGAR: I think you missed an episode where Tracy is known to be insane when anything involving the Super Mario Bros. is referenced.
{cut to MB. He jumps into a pop-up labeled "KIRBY HACKS!", and gains Dedede's hammer. He promptly hits a few pop-ups with it. Cut to the Goshiskull, who flies into a pop-up labeled "DEATH NOTE VIDS!". He gains a bag of potato chips.}
GOSHISKULL: We will take a potato chip... {takes a chip, holds to mouth} AND EAT IT! {eats chip}
CHWOKA: {imitating Bell} see 'cause i read tv tropes
{a large, Ryuk-shaped shadow appears behind the Goshiskull and attacks some pop-ups. cut to Bell, who pulls out what appears to be the handle and guard of a sword, but styled to look like a Shoop. A beam of blue energy appears from it and forms the shape of a blade. Bell slices up a few pop-ups. Cut to Fire Tracy again. He jumps into a pop-up labeled "SSBB CHEATZ" and gains a firey, rainbow colored aura. He then preforms Mario's final smash, decimating most of the remaining pop-ups. Sarah runs in, bounces off of Tracy's head, jumps into a pop-up labeled "STREET FIGHTER GAMEZ"}
SARAH: HADOUKEN!!!!!!!!! {fires a hadoken,
BLUEBRY: no seriously what is that
nobody knows what that is and i've asked like, five times now
NOXIGAR: You've never played the Street Fighter series? Welp, neither have I.
destroying all but five of the remaining pop-ups}
{THB runs in and slices up the remaining five pop-ups. The music grows a little quieter. Goshiskull and Full Hollow Bling run in}
GOSHISKULL: ...We did it. We defeated them.
CHWOKA: If I had fallen asleep, I'd not missed anything of substance at all.
TRUE HOLLOW BELL: Not quite...
{light shines on a stairway}
CHWOKA: No, don't ruin Led Zeppelin for me, too!
NOXIGAR: {singing in countertenor} If there's a bustle in your hedgerow, don't be alarmed now
SARAH: How long's THAT been there?
TRUE HOLLOW BELL: It's always been there. You guys were just too busy fighting that you didn't notice.
SARAH: Huh.
{Everyone runs up the stairway. Cut to the top, where there is a floating platform. Everyone arrives}
CHWOKA: So, THESE people get to go to Heaven?
BLUEBRY: Well, this could be Heaven and this could be hell.
SARAH: ...Where's the-
{a large meteorite slams onto the platform. It shatters, revealing a giant pop-up with the image of a crown on it. It is quickly warping to random places around the platform}
TRUE HOLLOW BELL: Who are you?
POP-UP: I AM THE KING OF ALL POP-UPS! I AM THE UNGODLY SON OF HACKERS, CODERS, AND RICKROLLERS!
TRUE HOLLOW BELL: Are you talking about those Rickrolls that move around the screen of your computer?
CHWOKA: God, just shut UP!
KING OF ALL POP-UPS: YES! NOW, DO YOU WISH TO FIGHT ME, OR WOULD YOU PREFER I KILLED YOU ALL RIGHT NOW?
BLUEBRY: you know, if you just invested in a decent popup blocker
NOXIGAR: You just said the entire point of the episode, bucko. You get NO POINTS.
TRUE HOLLOW BELL: We're going to fight, of course!
CHWOKA: OF COURSE BECAUSE THERE IS NO OTHER WAY TO SOLVE THINGS THAN VIOLENCE
KING OF ALL POP-UPS:{laughs} Excellent! I haven't had challenges in a LONG time!
CHWOKA: Are you asking for a challlllleeeeeeeeeeeNNNNNNNNNNNGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGEEEEEEEEEEE?!
TRUE HOLLOW BELL: Hmph.
CHWOKA: You know what, this time I'm just going to get out of here before the fighting. I'll show them!
KING OF ALL POP-UPS: WELL? ARE YOU GOING TO FIGHT ME, OR ARE YOU JUST GOING TO STAND THERE?!
TRUE HOLLOW BELL: I've already started fighting.
KING OF ALL POP-UPS: Wh-
CHWOKA: Doesn't he speak in all caps?
{THB explodes. He reappears behind the KOAPP, stabs him in the back, and warps to on top of the KOAPP.
CHWOKA: OH WHAT THAT'S NO FAIR I HAD NO WARNING
The music grows back to normal volume again}
KING OF ALL POP-UPS: AARGH! WHY YOU... {warps to in front of THB, wraps around him, crushes him}
TRUE HOLLOW BELL: UGGGGGHHH!!!!
CHWOKA: BOOTS ARE A TERRIBLE FASHION FAD
BLUEBRY: CRUSH HIM DEAD
SARAH:{runs up to the KOAPP, attempts to stab him, but he warps to behind Full Hollow Bling, causing her to stab THB instead} OH GOD! BELL, ARE YOU OKAY?!
BLUEBRY: thank god, he was like, one of the most annoying characters
FIRE TRACY:{runs over to Bell} DAD WIBBLE!
TRUE HOLLOW BELL: I'm fine. Don't worry.
CHWOKA: Thanks to my REALITY-[CUDDLING]-BENDING POWERS
FULL HOLLOW BLING:{growls, swipes claws at the KOAPP}
BLUEBRY: noooooooo stay dowwwwwwn
KING OF ALL POP-UPS: Woah! Feisty little beast, aren't ya? Well, I can take care of that. {legs form, he kicks FHB off of the platform, legs disappear}
{FHB transforms back into Mature Bling}
KING OF ALL POP-UPS: ...LOLWUT.
CHWOKA: He's not trying very hard.
MATURE BLING:{stabs the KOAPP}
KING OF ALL POP-UPS: RRRR... {smacks MB off of the platform}
MATURE BLING:{falling} AAAAAAAAAAAAAAaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa...
BLUEBRY: yesssssss
KING OF ALL POP-UPS: Huh. I say that's a success. This wasn't much of a fight at all, now was i-
{the Goshikull flies in and chops the KOAPP in half}
KING OF ALL POP-UPS: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARGHHHH!!!!!!!!!!! {reforms, turns around, forms arms, pulls out a sword, slices the Goshiskull in half}
SARAH: OH NO!
CHWOKA: It's Devo!
{the Goshiskull transforms back into Daigo, Don Skull, and the Golden Bass}
KING OF ALL POP-UPS: ...WHAT IN THE HELL IS GOING ON?!!!
BLUEBRY: i don-i don't know
{Don Skull and the Golden Bass grab hold of the KOAPP. Daigo charges a skullbeam and fires it, obliterating the KOAPP}
KING OF ALL POP-UPS: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH...
{at this point, the song ends. The Golden Bass flies off. THB, Tracy, and Sarah walk up to DS and Daigo. All of the effects of the pop-ups disappear}
TRUE HOLLOW BELL:{transforms back into normal Bell} Well, it's finally over.
BLUEBRY: nooooooooo
NOXIGAR: Now you know how I felt during Green Lantern. I wanted Paralax to win because the movie sucked that much
SARAH: But what about Bling?
IM A BELL: ...Oh crap.
{cut to the ground. MB is laying in a crater, covered in blood. Everyone else arrives}
SARAH: Oh God. Is-is he...
IM A BELL: Yes. He's dead.
CHWOKA: REALITY-BENDING POWERS
BLUEBRY: NO YOU DON'T
SARAH:{starts crying}
CHWOKA: YOU HAVE REALITY-BENDING POWERS
BLUEBRY: DON'T PLAY GOD
MATURE BLING: PffffAHAHAHAHA!!!! {gets up} You seriously thought I was dead! AHAHAHAHA!!!!
SARAH: ...YOU ASSHOLE!
BLUEBRY: YOU ASSHOLE! YOU GOT MY HOPES UP AND EVERYTHING
{pull out pocket knife, chases MB offscreen}
CHWOKA: YOU DON'T NEED TO CHASE HIM YOU HAVE REALITY-BENDING POWERS
{fade to black. cue credits}
NOXIGAR: I think Bell just demonstrated his reality-bending powers by ending the episode and the riffs simultaneously.
