RiffText/MFT3K/Records of Bell/23

Summary

Tracy goes insane.

SKULLB: Took him this long did it

NOXIGAR: Took him this long didn't it.

Cast: Im a bell, Cameraman, Tracy, A Koopa Troopa/A Turtle, A Goomba/A Little Kid, A Hammer Bro/Zoo977, A Man/Bowser, Sarah, Mature Bling, Don Skull, Bell Soul, Hollow Bell Soul, Yog Sothoth Soul, Stephen Colbert Soul

SKULLB: OH SON OF A BITCH

Places: Outside Bell's House, Bling's Living Room, Mushroom Kingdom/Japan, Tunnel/Sewers, Bridge Over Lava/Atop A Power Line, Hospital, Bell's Mind

Episode Information: 405-Maybe I'm the One Who is a Schizophrenic Psycho/Never Try To Talk To

SKULLB: Bell In Real Life

NOXIGAR: I suppose you've made that mistake?

Your Own Soul. He's a Total Prick

Insult: evil monkey in my closet

Credit Joke: Somebody You Don't Know

Transcript

{open to outside Bell's house. Bell opens the door. He is in his underwear}

CHWOKA: Which is odd, because usually he doesn't even wear anything.
BLUEBRY: "Footie pajamas are the new thing okay"

IM A BELL: ...It's ten in the frigging morning! What in the {BLEEP}ING HELL do you want?!

SKULLB: Wake up, sleepyhead! It's time for school!
BLUEBRY: "Brunch isn't even until 15 minutes!"

CAMERAMAN:{offscreen} We're here to film this episode. Can we come in?

IM A BELL: ...You guys aren't allowed in this house!

CHWOKA: Not until you say "please".

We film in Bling's house!

SKULLB: Bling bling in the hizzouse

{Noxigar facepalms}
NOXIGAR: Damn it, Skullbuggy...

CAMERAMAN:{offscreen} But-

IM A BELL: SCREW OFF! {slams the door}

CAMERAMAN:{offscreen} ...Okay, let's go bother Tracy.

{cue opening theme. cut to Bling's living room. Tracy walks in and notices a mushroom on the couch}

TRACY: Huh? {eats mushroom, eye twitches}

CHWOKA: This is a normal reaction.
SKULLB: Bell is the kind of person who probably tries to make anime expressions in real life.
BLUEBRY: "I wonder if this kills me..."

{cut to Tracy's brain. It grows eyes and a mouth and starts screaming.

SKULLB: Fun Fact: That's kinda what's happening to me right now.

After a few seconds, it stops. It's eyes widen and it pauses for a few seconds. Then, it wellfaces.

{Synchronized groan}

After a few seconds, it disintegrates. cut back to Tracy}

TRACY: ...OH MEE GEE.

CHWOKA: Is this an acronym with a Scottish accent?
SKULLB: OCH AYE FETCH ME A CORONA YEH WEE LITTLE MAN

NOXIGAR: {singing loudly, in soprano} IF THERE'S A BUSTLE IN YOUR HEDGEROW, DON'T BE ALARMED NOW

{cut to Tracy's view of everything. It looks like a Super Mario Bros. level.

SKULLB: GODDAMMIT

NOXIGAR: Ho ho HOOOOOOO. Now you're the one legitly pissed this time.

the screen splitscreens to show both Tracy's view and reality. To simulate this, two transcripts will occur; tracy's view and the real world}

CHWOKA: How does one film somebody else's delusions?
SKULLB: That depends. How does one film Records of Bell?

NOXIGAR: {singling loudly, this time in alto} IF THERE'S A BUSTLE IN YOUR HEDGEROW, DON'T BE ALARMED NOW

Tracy's View

BLUEBRY: Oh this is going to be terrible

NOXIGAR: It hasn't even begun and you've got a pessimistic view on the outcome of this. Sheesh.

{There is a door leading out of a castle. He opens it and exits. Cut to outside the castle}

CHWOKA: once i ate some shrooms i totally thought i was sonic
SKULLB: I was tripping on salvia and I swear to God I was Plok.

TRACY: It's-a me; Mario! {sees a Koopa Troopa and a Goomba}

BLUEBRY: {groans}

{Noxigar groans at Bluebry's groan}

{Tracy stomps on the Koopa Troopa, turning it into a shell. He then grabs it and throws the shell at the Goomba. Both the shell and the Goomba explode}

CHWOKA: W...what?
SKULLB: What is this, Super Eversion Bros.?
BLUEBRY: ... I don't get it.
SKULLB: Got dangit Bluebry

NOXIGAR: DAMN IT, SKULLBUGGY.

TRACY(:

CHWOKA: (:
SKULLB: >:(
BLUEBRY: :o

Ah-ha-haiii! {hits a ? Block. A Fire Flower comes out of it. Tracy grabs it and becomes Fire Tracy}

SKULLB: YOU CAN'T BECOME FIRE ME I BECOME QUIT

NOXIGAR: I become quite annoyed. Go on, finish.

{cut to a Piranha Plant.

SKULLB: Number one supplier of vicious piranhas since 1934!

Tracy fires a fireball at it, destroying it. Cut to a Hammer Bro beside a warp pipe}

CHWOKA: You know, I've played the game. I don't need to see all this.
SKULLB: NO BUT YOU DO YOU DO

FIRE TRACY: It's a Hammer Bro!

SKULLB: "I'm in a video game!"

NOXIGAR: Well that's no shit.

HAMMER BRO: ... {throws a hammer at Fire Tracy}

SKULLB: Would I be considered insane if this was my normal reaction to these characters?
BLUEBRY: Hammer Bro is an obvious metaphor for good taste

NOXIGAR: {singing once again in soprano} IF THERE'S A BUSTLE IN YOUR HEDGEROW, DON'T BE ALARMED NOW

{Fire Tracy blasts a fireball at the hammer bro, destroying it. He enters the warp pipe. Cut to a tunnel. Fire Tracy exits the warp pipe}

BLUEBRY: Is there like, a competition to make the action sequences as boring as possible?

NOXIGAR: Yes. And you are the champion. How does it feel?

FIRE TRACY: Hmm... Where is he... {walks through the tunnel}

{cut to a few minutes later, at a bridge over lava. Bowser and an ax

BLUEBRY: axe

NOXIGAR: Y'know, it can be spelt either weigh...

is there.

BLUEBRY: are there.

Fire Tracy runs in, grabs the ax,

BLUEBRY: axe

and cuts the rope holding up the bridge. Bowser falls into the lava}

FIRE TRACY: Mario wins! WHOA~ {falls into the lava}

SKULLB: {imitating the SMB death sound} Broop-boop ba-doo-doop da-Tracy-is-dead

{END INSANITY}

Reality

{There is a wall.

CHWOKA: Minimalism!

Tracy smashes through it. Cut to outside the house}

TRACY: WIBBLE WIBBLE WIBBLE!

SKULLB: Records of Bell: Nothing is Sacred Any More

NOXIGAR: You thought anything would be sacred in a less-than-stellar fanfiction? What are you, a cocaine addict?

{sees a turtle and a little kid}

{Tracy stomps on the turtle, crushing it. He then picks up the turtle carcass and throws it at the kid. The kid runs away, horrified. All the time this is happening, Tracy is foaming at the mouth}

CHWOKA: I've got to admit, I actually am laughing at this. Should I be ashamed?
SKULLB: You should probably wash your mouth out with buckshot.

NOXIGAR: Or not. Seeing as this is either intended Irony or Stylistic Suck still in the works.

TRACY: WIBBLE WIBBLE GOOMBA WIBBLE WIBBLE! {hits a brick ledge with his

BLUEBRY: wait this is a dude?

head, making it bleed.

SKULLB: Anything to promote head trauma is fine with me!

NOXIGAR: Let me tell you about the rabbits, Lennie...

There is a flamethrower sitting on top of it.

CHWOKA: "Guess I'll just leave the flamethrower here, under no locks or precautions, where anybody can get it, then leave it for a couple hours. What could go wrong?!"

NOXIGAR: {singing} IF THERE'S A BUSTLE IN YOUR HEDGEROW, DON'T BE A- {coughs} Damn all this singing Led Zeppelin in soprano's starting to wear at my throat.

Tracy grabs it}

{cut to a garden. Tracy burns it with the flamethrower. Cut to Zoo977 beside a manhole}

CHWOKA: Why does he have a garden in Japan?
SKULLB: NO IT IS A ZEN GARDEN WITH BONSAI

NOXIGAR: MFT3K: Whatever Bell Doesn't Mention Being Asiatic We Automatically Assume To Be Asiatic For No Sodding Reason

TRACY: HAMMER WIBBLE!

ZOO977: ...WHAT THE F-

CHWOKA: Zoo's also way way way against cursing.
SKULLB: It was probably a replacement swear. Like, "WHAT THE FRUIT" or something.

{Tracy lights Zoo on fire with the flamethrower.

SKULLB: I should probably laugh at this. I'm just... {sighs} I'm just too depressed.

NOXIGAR: Can't your little "doctor" prescribe something to at least act as a placebo?

Zoo runs off, screaming. Tracy jumps into the manhole. Cut to the sewers. Tracy falls out of the manhole}

TRACY: BOSS WIBBLE...

{runs through the sewers}

{cut to a few minutes later, at a power line. A man is there.

CHWOKA: Where in relation to the power line? Is he a tightrope walker doing his most "ELECTRIFYING STUNT YET"?
SKULLB: Apparently the power line is under ground.

Tracy runs in and breaks the wire, causing the man to fall to his death}

SKULLB: Records of Bell: We Think Nothing of Manslaughter

TRACY: WIN WIBBLE! WIIIIIIIIIIIIBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBLLLLLLLLLLE... {falls}

{END CORRESPONDING REALITY}

The End Of The Episode

{fade to black. cut to a hospital via the opening of eyes.

SKULLB: COMMENCE THE OPENING OF EYES TO MAKE BLINK

Bell, Sarah, and MB are standing around the screen}

IM A BELL: He's waking up!

{camera spins around to show that Tracy is in a hospital bed. his arm is broken and there are bandages around his forehead}

TRACY: Huh? Wh-what happened?

IM A BELL: We don't know.

CHWOKA: Well, thank god it was all, you know, CAUGHT ON TAPE.

They found you beside a dead guy under a broken power line. Your brain turned to ash,

CHWOKA: How did he recover, then?
SKULLB: Records of Bell: If You Thought Head Trauma Was Bad

your head was bleeding, and your arm was broken.

TRACY: Strange.

SARAH: Yeah.

CHWOKA: THE ACTION NEVER STOPS

NOXIGAR: {singing} And she's buying a stairway... to... heaven...

TRACY: Hmm... I'm starting to remember what happened...

MATURE BLING: Really? What?

TRACY: Well, it all started wh-

DON SKULL:{wheels in}

CHWOKA: The Freewheelin' Don Skullivan.
SKULLB: Don't you make fun of my handicap.

NOXIGAR: More like an advantage... ON WHEELS, DUDE!

Hey, has anybody seen a 'shroom I left back at MB's house?

TRACY: ...Where EXACTLY did you put it?

CHWOKA: "In your mouth."
SKULLB: "While you slept."

DON SKULL: On the couch.

TRACY: ...YOU ASSHOLE!!! {starts beating up Don Skull}

SKULLB: With a broken arm? Wow, what a trooper. :salute:
BLUEBRY: "WHY DID YOU LEAVE DRUGS ON THE COUCH YOU KNOW I LOVE DRUGS ON THE COUCH"

DON SKULL: HEY! WHAT'S WRONG WITH YOU?!

IM A BELL: ...Well, I think we know what happened.

DON SKULL: What-Oh. Crap. Um... Am I going to have to pay for this?

BLUEBRY: no we have socialized medicine but that means that a BUREAUCRAT WILL STAND BETWEEN YOU AND YOUR DOCTOR

NOXIGAR: Doctor...uhm...who in the hell?

IM A BELL: No. He should just fix himself with reality-bending powers.

CHWOKA: OH THANK GOD SOMEBODY FINALLY REMEMBERED THEIR SUPERPOWERS

TRACY:{gets up, transforms into normal} Right. But... {gets in Don Skull, dives

CHWOKA: DIVE, DIVE, DIVE!

him into a wall} That should teach you not to leave your shrooms lying around. Oh, by the way, mushroom, blood, and Tortan? Tastes horrible.

SKULLB: I'm fairly sure one doesn't eat tartan but go ahead?

{everyone but Don Skull laughs. He writhes in pain. cut to black.

CHWOKA: Yay, it's over!

NOXIGAR: You wish it was over. Too bad... it isn't.

After a few seconds the words "EPISODE 23 PART DEUX: NEVER TRY TO TALK TO YOUR SOUL. HE'S A TOTAL PRICK" appear.

CHWOKA: oh WHAT
SKULLB: FORGET THIS I AM OUT OF HERE
{SkullB leaves the theater.}
CHWOKA: Pff. Good luck.

Fade to black. Cut to Bling's living room. Bell and co

CHWOKA: Nobody likes co. Not even enough to capitalize his name.

are standing around a Bell clone strapped to an electric chair. There is a wire coming out of the chair. It is glowing}

SARAH: So, wait. WHY are we doing this?

IM A BELL: Why the hell not?

BLUEBRY: yeah i've stopped reading

SARAH: Good point.

{Bell becomes Soul Reaper Bell, slices open a hole in the universe, sticks the wire into the hole, and flips the switch, frying the clone, and creating a portal into his mind}

CHWOKA: {grim} There's a party in my mind...
{SkullB walks back in.}
CHWOKA: So? How was your little excursion?
SKULLB: {slightly distressed} Well! They've got sentry robots out there. ... I didn't really, uh, know that the first time.

IM A BELL:{transforms back} And now we will see my soul. {enters the portal}

CHWOKA: Wait, how did they know this would happen?

{everyone else follows Bell into the portal. cut to a pink and organic

CHWOKA: Orgasmic?
SKULLB: Eww. You nasty.

-looking hallway. There are metal doors labeled various things everywhere.

SKULLB: "WELCOME TO VARIOUS THINGS EVERYWHERE!"

A portal appears and everybody steps out of it}

CHWOKA: OH MY GOD THE SCENE DESCRIPTION IS SO VIVID IT'S LIKE I'M THERE
SKULLB: I wish I wasn't.

NOXIGAR: ...and this is where I laugh at your expense. But I don't.

IM A BELL: Well, we're here.

TRACY: But where IS here?

IM A BELL: Inside my mind.

CHWOKA: {half-singing} I need something to change your mind.

TRACY: ...What.

IM A BELL: I'm serious. This is my mind.

MATURE BLING: ...Hey, what's this door labeled "DO NOT ENTER"? {opens door}

CHWOKA: Then he was never seen again because he was a friggin' MORON!

IM A BELL: Hey! Stop tha-

MATURE BLING: ...Huh. I never thought Bell was a furry.

CHWOKA: Strangely enough, I already hate to maximum capacity, and do not hate him any more for this.
SKULLB: Oh, I'm starting to hate him more. And believe me, Bell Quest's first chapter pretty much skyrocketed it to maximum capacity.

NOXIGAR: Wow... uhm... I have no comment for this. I'm not sure if they're trolling or this outright assholish anymore.

...Among other things.

TRACY:{laughs}

SKULLB: THAT IS NOT DIALOG THAT IS ACTION COME THE FRUIT ON GUYS

NOXIGAR: Dialogue is action in some degree. It's still doing something.

IM A BELL:{eye twitches}

SKULLB: Are seizures normal reactions to embarassment?

GET OUT OF THERE. {grabs Mature Bling, flings him into a wall} Now come on! We're going to my soul.

DON SKULL: Ooh. What's it like?

IM A BELL: I have no idea.

TRACY: So how do we get there?

IM A BELL: At the end of this hallway. Follow me. {starts walking}

SKULLB: th' action nemba stomps

NOXIGAR: Huh? There wasn't a single spelling error in that dialogue.

{everyone follows Bell. Cut to the end of the hallway. There are two doors. One labeled "COLLECTED SOULS" and the other "BELL'S REAL SOULS". Everyone walks in}

IM A BELL:{reading} "BELL'S REAL SOULS"? What? {opens door} ...What.

MATURE BLING: That's... That's just strange.

{camera spins around to show there are four souls in the room.

CHWOKA: yes but what do they look like

One is Bell's true hollow form, one is Bell himself, one is Yog Sothoth, and one is Stephen Colbert.

CHWOKA: Yeah just slap that explanation wherever you feel like
{SkullB breaks down and cries.}

NOXIGAR: I thought this was Records of Bell: Nothing is Sacred Anymore. Quit yer bitchin'.

The hollow one appears to be slowly sucking the life out of the Colbert one}

BELL SOUL: Huh? Oh, hey. I was exepcting you guys to be here.

IM A BELL: What? How did you-

BELL SOUL: ...I can see anything that happens.

IM A BELL: Of course. So... Why are there four souls in here?

BELL SOUL: We each represent aspects of you. I am your basic emotions, lust, compassion, and pretty much your mind.

CHWOKA: But they were just IN his mind arrrrrrgh

The hollow

CHWOKA: The DEATHLY hollow? :V

NOXIGAR: I can say Harry Potter's Seventh Book was worse than anything Im a bell could've made.

is your psychopathy, sociopathy, and where your powers are stored. Yog Sothoth is your envy. And Stephen Colbert is your humanity. As you can see, the hollow is slowly absorbing it.

SARAH: But why Stephen Colbert?

IM A BELL: I used to look like him.

SKULLB: ARE YOU KIDDING ME

SARAH: Huh.

CHWOKA: NOT EVEN FOR A SECOND

NOXIGAR: {singing in soprano} IF THERE'S A BUSTLE IN YOUR HEDGEROW, DON'T BE ALARMED NOW

IM A BELL: Um... Is there any way I can delay my humanity getting destroyed?

BELL SOUL: You already did when you created Ll e bami.

IM A BELL: Well, how long will it take for the hollow me to completely absorb it?

BELL SOUL: About 3 years.

CHWOKA: Which is 2012. Wait a minute...OH MY GOD.

NOXIGAR: Superstitious much? Or is this some attempt at a joke?

IM A BELL: ...Okay then.

MATURE BLING: Hey, when's this episode gonna-

SKULLB: -stop sucking?

{cut to black. cue credits}

SKULLB: Apparently right now.
{Chwoka walks outside. Exaggerated punch sounds are heard, and bullets are fired. Chwoka brings back in a battered sentry gun}
SKULLB: ...why did you do that?
CHWOKA: I really don't like sentry guns.
NACHOMAN: I take offense to that!

NOXIGAR: I'd imitate NachoMan's voice, but I already sang in soprano and alto the same lyric from "Stairway to Heaven" by Led Zeppelin and probably exhausted my vocal chords in the process. Sayonara, at least for this episode.