RiffText/User:Chaosvii7/Battels/Kanjiro2

ANNOUNCER: Prior to the dissappearence of Chaos, and the rise of the evil "ShaodowMarks" Gang, Today's Battel is unique.

LIGHTNING GUY: Following the misused "prior to", and extra letters jumping around everywhere, Today's Battel is looking grim.

Today we have Kanjiro, returning from his latest team battel, where he had been turned into a pebble. And we have Shadowmarks members 4 and 5 going up against him. This should turn out to be an exciting match.

GUFFAW: Two guys against a pebble. This will be exciting indeed.

Just a reminder, Chaos' powers have been shut off since his kidnapping, thus meaning that Kanjiro's scale is rendered useless for the next while.

{Member 4 takes out a massive scythe, while 5 takes out 2 claws}

MEMBERS 4 AND 5: Nobody messes with the underdog twins!

LIGHTNING GUY: Except the overdog twins, of course.

Kanjiro: Yeah, yeah... Now i'm giving you one more chance to give back chaos, if you do not except, well... You'll wanna except...

GUFFAW: Your English teacher would be proud reading this.

4 & 5: {In unison} Make us! {Both dash past Kanjiro then snap their fingers, giving Kanjiro severe cuts and gashes}

Kanjiro: {Kanjiro goes "poof" and appers in the air unscratched} Apparently your dumber than Chaos,

LIGHTNING GUY: Your dumber than Chaos is coincidentally smarter than all of us.

he would of never would of gone head on at me, when i could of triggered a clone. You guys get an G--

GUFFAW: He must of {bzzt} have realized that G is not a vowel.

(But so charming)

4: Work on your comebacks while you rot in the ground! {Swings his scythe and mini-sickles and kama fly into the air, and target Kanjiro}

LIGHTNING GUY: It's the attack of the inconsistent tense!

Kanjiro: Ahh... That's it? I was hoping for a challenge... {Pulls out swords, then dashes away into nothingness} The best part of this battle is... i can use all my old tricks!

{4 and 5 slice a random part of nothing, forcing Kanjiro out while 5 prepares for an attack}

4 & 5: That's it. We know EVERYTHING that happens in these battels. We know almost all of all your moves!

GUFFAW: And we are still totally not stalkers.

Kanjiro: Still, they are pretty powerful moves... {Pulls out cellphone} I bet you know what'll happen next then?

LIGHTNING GUY: He'll wireless you to death!

4: Is it time, brother?

5: It's closer than you think, borther.

GUFFAW: Somebody call the borther patrol.

Kanjiro: Lame... Now! Time for my move! {Closes his cellphone. Then people from all kinds of anime appear besides Kanjiro, as well as a second Kanjiro. They all spread out and dash away, while Kanjiro (not quite sure which one) stays in place.}

LIGHTNING GUY: Let's see, he closes his cellphone despite never opening it, and a bunch of crap that belongs on its own line happens. See? I try.

Have fun fighting my friends... oh, so you can't kill them... {Throws up his hat, and it burns up turning into a magnificent staff. He then opens a small latch at the end of his staff, then pulls out a small diamond, crushing it in his hand and spreading the pieces around.} That should do it. I'm not gonna waste time here...

GUFFAW: Too late.

4 & 5: NOW! DEMON BROTHERS TRANSFORMATION! {both 4 and 5 begin transforming. 4 becomes a golem with it's bones on the outside

LIGHTNING GUY: Man, it's so bones outside, don't you think?

and organs visible, while 5 turns into an ice-werelion combo}

ICE DEMON: Superb Ice Death! {teleports and kills all of the summoned characters and breaks Kanjiro's staff}

GUFFAW: Not the staff. Anything but the staff.

DEATH GOLEM: Neverending Wave! {slices scythe at Kanjiro, sending him into a dark illusion, making him curl up in a ball}

BOTH: Ultimate Demon Brother finisher! Sure Death Shot! {both create a ray with their weapons that spreads around the whole field, killing Kanjiro, regardless of shadow clones and pebble transformations.}

Kanjiro: {you here a snap in the distance.

LIGHTNING GUY: Get ye flask! It is always ye flask.

Both Kanjiros appear out of nowhere, each holding a sword.} You fell for my illusion! I can't believe it! Well, you destroyed my anime army... But i still have this fella, you see, he's no normal clone, he's a blood clone, meaning he is me, and as a bonus he absorbs powers, so you just gave the powers of 34 different anime characters to me! {The blood clone uses gara's power to make a flying sand carpet, while at the same time he grows a lot of clones, each giving them a different zanpakto.}

GUFFAW: You cannot even spell a moderately obscure anime reference correctly. How pathetic.

Off Topic: No fair! You got like three moves in a row!

LIGHTNING GUY: Bawww to the staaars!

OFF TOPIC 2: YOU CAN'T SPELL GAARA!HA HA!

GUFFAW: Ha ha hapocrite.

BOTH DEMONS: That's a nice try, but you don't have the blood to spare! If we kill him, You're dead, too! {Both demons preform the Sure Death Shot again, this time, cutting open the blood clone and KILLING him}

ICE DEMON: You could always join us, or die!

LIGHTNING GUY: I know I could always die, but I'm just not up for it right now.

{picks up Kanjiro's basically dead body and drags it across the field at super speeds}

Kanjiro: {Kanjiro appears behind the brothers, dumbfounding them...}

GUFFAW: There is an appropriate place for them and an inappropriate place for them. Dots do not grow on trees, you know.

Another bad move... I don't need a drop of blood to make a blood clone, and now you just made me transfer my real body into the blood clone. Now, time for my move! {Summons 234,761,056 clones.}

LIGHTNING GUY: I'm thinking of a number between one and one billion.

Get them! {all of the clones use different zanpacto on the brothers overpowering them and then eventually kills the ice demon, forever and always, then wounding the golem. Eventually all but 34 clones die.} Now you can't use your super attack thingy!

GUFFAW: Such beautiful vernacular.

Off Topic 3: The ice dude is dead forever. There is no way to bring him back, SO DON'T TRY!!! This Battel is hard enough when you can do whatever you want, AND DO THREE ATTACKS WITHOUT GIVING ME A TRY TO DEFEND MYSELF!

LIGHTNING GUY: Whoa, there! Just calm down, take a seat, and breathe slowly.
GUFFAW: Info a bong.

OFF TOPIC 4: However, every member of ShadowMarks is undead. Therefore, You would have to make 5 LIVE for him to die.!

LIGHTNING GUY: Talk pages exist for a reason, people!

ICE DEMON: Nice try! {Severs part of Kanjiro's arm and pierces his chest}

{Ice Demon just disappears, he can not fight in this battel anymore and is gone forever, and that's final. There is no excuse for him to be existent.}

Off Topic 5: Wait a minute, i signed for a battel vs 1&2,

GUFFAW: Symbols are so useful for dialogue.

yet i fight 4&5, and at the beginning, there was only three shadowmarks, and now there's nine!

OFF TOPIC 6: No. Before you chose to fight them, they were just mysterious strangers with no background to anybody. They weren't revealed to be members or ShadowMarks, NOR did you know what number they would be in the order of it. Make sense?

LIGHTNING GUY: Forget it. Talk pages are useless, anyway.

{ Undead Golem stabs himself with his own scythe}

Kanjiro: Does that means he just... uh... lived himself...?

GUFFAW: I am not quite sure how one can live himself, but why not.

{Golem pulls out scythe and spiders, leeches and zombie skeltons come out of his chest. The skeletons hold down Kanjiro while spiders and leeches suck out all of Kanjiro's chakra, spirit energy, any mystical power that fuels his attacks, and a Small amout of blood}

UNDEAD GOLEM: Quite the opposite. I just made myself much, MUCH more of an undead!

Kanjiro: {Spits out a spider. Eww...}

LIGHTNING GUY: spiders are gross almost as gross as girls eww

Well, you could kill me, although, you have a choice, either fight me, or my army of anime. What's your choice?

UNDEAD GOLEM: How about a 2-for-1? You AND your army.

Kanjiro: Ok. {All of a sudden 34 undead anime characters sprout out of the ground.} There's one catch, they can't be destroyed in any way... {Zaraki Kempathchi Swings his sword and a powerful blast of energy destroys all of the leaches and spiders and zombie skeletons and such.} Thanks to a gift from Chaos's dad, the grim reaper,

GUFFAW: You wish.

I have an undead superpowerful army of unstoppable anime superstars. Hey, at least it's better then having to fight death its self.

UNDEAD GOLEM: Well, they can go up against MY army! ARMY OF KAISER! Ultimate Kaiser Behemoth! { a 3-headed Golden Kaiser Dragon rises from the shadows, with an army of at least 1000 undead of all kinds, 10 Crystal Dragons, 5 Behemoths, and 200 Ultimeras}

UNDEAD GOLEM: ATTACK! {Kaiser Dragon lifts into the air and prepares for an attack, while 4, still as an undead golem, hops down and aids his army in battle aginst the neverending army}

Kanjiro: Gaara! Inoue! Prepare the shield! {Gaara and Inoue make a giant unbreakable dome shield blocking any attacks} And i mean ANY! There is no way to get through, and don't try going under the shield!

LIGHTNING GUY: You're explaining text in an action. Nobody heard it. You're sounding even crazier than usual right now. Just stop.

{The giant dome rises from the ground and appears itself to be a sphere holding the anime army up in the air.} I'm just going to stay up here until you bring me Chaos! I have something to say to him, IN PRIVATE!

GUFFAW: {lowers volume} Where is the clitoris?
{Lightning Guy remains tight-lipped.}

{Kaiser Dragon reaches into the shield, and at the expense of basically dying, brings Kanjiro to 4, still in golem form}

UNDEAD GOLEM: On ONE condition. Give me back my brother!

Kanjiro: {Kanjiro thinks silently} Hmmm... What is with these guys... what do they want with chaos anyway... gotta think of a plan... {he stops} Ok, I'll let you see your brother, but the second you start an attack, or if you take Chaos away again...

LIGHTNING GUY: ...I'll go over the 30 line minimum. Yeah, I'm real.

{looks up to the sky and whispers} Ok, you gotta help me out reaper, Chaos is in trouble, the only way to help is bring back that ice demon, temporarily. Make dark clouds stir around in the sky if you agree... {dark clouds stir around in the sky} Yess! Ok, now get me Chaos! {whispers} If this is a trap, your going to be responsible, reaper...

GUFFAW: Threatening Death is a great way to keep him happy and your clituriousity fueled.

UNDEAD GOLEM: As you wish. {snaps fingers and brings out chaos, in chains, with a weird collar.}

LIGHTNING GUY: Fetch the stick for your master, Gothy. Oh right, you can't 'cause you're in chains! Ha ha ha! Animal cruelty is fun.

CHAOS: Kanjiro! Thank goodness you're here!

Kanjiro: Ehm... I wish to speak privately...

GUFFAW:

{4 pushes a button and releases a seal on Chaos}

UNDEAD GOLEM: You have 5 minutes. I'd get going.....NOW.

Kanjiro: Well, that's 5 minutes for your brother too, oh well, now, {speaking very rapidly}Chaos, the only reason we are both alive right now is your dad, i don't know how long his patience can take it, so... well, we are trapped, Have any escape/kill off these demon dude ideas? And... what's with these guys? You owe them some money or something?

LIGHTNING GUY: Nah, just these kidneys I stole. Nothing important.

CHAOS: They want...revenge. They took me because I made the entire group, which at the time was in the hundreds, fall apart. How? Well, I made ShadowMarks. And I THOUGHT I took it apart.

GUFFAW: Well, that clarifies absolutely nothing.

Anyways, for taking them out, go for the crystal dragons. They're able to connect themselves to make a shield 1000 times as strong as yours. As for my dad, well, don't worry. But... this collar. They're forcing something BAD out of me. Something more powerful than every member of ShadowMarks, this army, and my dad put together.

UNDEAD GOLEM: Time's up! {forces seal back on Chaos and brings him back}

LIGHTNING GUY: Makes sense. They had five minutes, and their discussion took me one minute to read. No kind of manipulation going on here whatsoever.

{Undead Golem turns back into 4}

4: That was a very fair trade.

LIGHTNING GUY: None whatsoever.

Kanjiro: Ahh, ahh, ahh, I said Temporarily, Reaper! Banish this demon to the darkest pits of tartus will you?

SPONGEBOB: Oh, tartus sauce!

{The ice demon disappears} Now, i want 10 of you to work on the crystal dragons, while 20 of you work on the kaiser dragon and those other weird things, and zaraki, you and your parter take on the army of the undead, while Inoue and Unohana work on healing the whole group. Do you think you guys can do that all? I can take on the demon. Ok, break! {Everyone does their respective jobs.} Now it's just you and me.

{4 turns back into undead golem}

UNDEAD GOLEM: You first.

GUFFAW: What a polite little bugger.

{Kanjiro blows up in flames then runs towards the golem making himself a human rocket... on fire. The Golem gets knocks down.

LIGHTNING GUY: What were the knocks doing up in the first place?

He then skids around behind the golem and plants smoke bombs everywhere. He disappears, then all of a sudden 10 clones drop from the sky slashing the golem then drawing his staff, Kanjiro hits the golem with a huge fiery wave. He then stomps on the golem and dashes away. The golem is badly wounded and is coughing out blood.}

{Undead Golem's leg moves, and stand up, followed by the other leg, then the chest, and the arms, and the head, reforming the golem}

GUFFAW: This golem specimen has a chest for a body, I see.

UNDEAD GOLEM: Die! {Takes scythe and sends dark waves at Kanjiro}

{The Golem misses and hits a crystal Dragon.}

Kanjiro: One Down. 2 Killed by my army. {Does the math on his fingers...}

LIGHTNING GUY: It was too middle-school level to do in his head.

That's 7 more to go!

UNDEAD GOLEM: I'd focus on the waves of dark magic coming at you, if I were you! {waves turn into Undead knights, who slash Kanjiro in the back, followed by a slice made by Undead Golem}

{Unohana and Ishida come to Kanjiro's aid. Ishida killing of the knights with the sting of his bow, and Unohana healing Kanjiro.}

GUFFAW: The simple present tense is connected to the progressive present tense. Does not compute.

Kanjiro: {breaths a sigh of relief} Thank goodness...

{Living Skeleton Cages take Unohana and Ishida and bring the m somewhere underground,

LIGHTNING GUY: Oh, they're bringing The M? You know this is serious now.

while two more undead knights come and slice Kanjiro down the chest while his guard is down}

UNDEAD DEMON:' I can control anything buried underground. In fact... {Undead Golem revives his Ultimate Kaiser Dragon as a zombie, and hops on it}

GUFFAW: Giddy up, bitch, giddy up.

Kanjiro: As long as i have death on my side, i can do anything... {Snaps his fingers. Unohana and Ishida appear beside him. He claps his hands twice. The Kaiser dragon starts to dance in the air, flinging the golem to the ground. Urahara, Ichigo, and Kanjiro appear besides the golem, all performing there bankai.} We are unstoppable! The only way to beat us is to beat death its self! Man, Mr. Chaos... your so cool...

LIGHTNING GUY: Your so cool will have to wait until we tame your ego.

{Undead Demon mutters some intelligible words,

GUFFAW: If the words are intelligible, why can we not hear them.

and a black demon with a collar similar to the one like Chaos' appears. The demon holds up his hand, turning all members of the anime army back into humans, and sending them away, while putting the undead army to rest. Suprisingly, Death retreats from the Battel, leaving 4 and Kanjiro.}

4: Now it's REALLY just you and me. {Pulls out scythe.}

LIGHTNING GUY: But what about all those groupies back there?
GUFFAW: Oh, please. They do not count as people, and you know it.

Kanjiro: Zagnit! Well, the only way to solve this is... HAND TO HAND COMBAT! {Uses the transformation technique similar to the one that previously turned himself into a pebble on the golem, although this time, he turns into a Japanese Samurai.} This shall be fun... {Lunges with his sword toward the samurai golem.}

{Undead Samurai Golem turns back into regular 4, who scars Kanjiro down his left eye with his scythe.}

Kanjiro: Double-Zagnit!

LIGHTNING GUY: What the crap are you saying? This is ridiculous even for kiddie show standards.
GUFFAW: And I have seen plenty of kiddie shows with mutilation and Satanic imagery.

Do you know how long this'll last? It's like... some sort of battel scar! Wait a minute, i said hand to hand combat!

LIGHTNING GUY: And since when have people given a rat's ass about what you say?

{Changes the golem back into a samurai. Kanjiro jumps above the golem samurai slashing his sword down towards him.}

{The Demon-like figure pulls 5 out of a crack in the ground and drops him next to 4, where he gets out his claws and dissapears}}

Kanjiro: I am disgraced! A samurai using metal claws! Bagh!

GUFFAW: Humbug.

You don't even know how to use a Katana, do you? {Kanjiro Dashes towards the Samurai Golem, then slashes it from the right side of his face down to his left thigh.} How's that for a battel scar!

LIGHTNING GUY: Pretty unimpressive, if you ask me. Have you ever tried slashing his hands off instead? That would be both an awesome potential scar and a service to the community. Win-win.

{Undead Golem reforms}

UNDEAD GOLEM: Undead, REMEMBER!

5: how somebody forgets that when it's in their name is a little.......dumbish.

LIGHTNING GUY: YEAH YOU STUPID DUMBISH DUMMYHEAD

GUFFAW: Your usage of irony is quite tiresome.

'LIGHTNING GUY: {scoffs} Haters gonna hate.

Kanjiro: You! I banished you to the underworld! I like, destroyed you forever!

{Golem transforms back into 4}

4: Our demon brought him back. Afetr all, he's part of the "experiment."

GUFFAW: I bet they will give Chaos an anal probe.

5: You see, we take humans and work on them to best fit our army. They almost ALWAYS come out as demons, but we have seen undead in the last few experiments. We have hundreds more like that! And Chaos is well on his way to joining them.

Kanjiro: ****.

LIGHTNING GUY: Help, doc, I'm seeing stars!

Well... um... {Kanjiro Prepares for an attack}

{4 and 5 disappear}

Kanjiro: You guys bore me... I wanna wrap this sucker up!

GUFFAW: Then unwrap it and lick that stick dry.

{red chakra spew out of Kanjiro's body forming the shape of a tiger around his body. His eyes turn red. He gets claws. He scares me.}

LIGHTNING GUY: You obviously have severe problems that will require years of therapy to fix. But don't worry, my pet crocodile will take care of your work while you're gone.

This is made out of the two-tailed jinchuriki's chakra! {in a fiercer voice} Nobody can beat the tigers cloak! {Charges into mid-air swiping his claw into the air revealing 5 and blasting him into the ground with tremendous force.} No one defies the grim reaper and his son and gets away with it!

Hey, leave me out of this!

{6 shuriken appear in his hand out of no where. He throws them into the air striking the invisible 4 and sends him into the ground by his brother. Kanjiro pulls out his swords which appear to be flaming.} DIE!!!

OFF TOPIC 8(IT'S 8 NOW): I WATCH ANIME TOO! YOU DON'T HAVE TO GIVE DUMB LINKS!!!! I CAUGHT UP TO NARUTO 4 MONTHS AGO!!!!

GUFFAW: {creates a dot on a graph} This is you. {creates a dot off of the graph} This is everybody that cares.

4: Trépas du Purdique {Impure Death)

5: Dragon du Cristal (Crystal Dragon)

4 & 5: Mourir! (die!)

LIGHTNING GUY: Did I accidentally switch my computer's language settings, or are you guys just pretending to be clever again?

{Rainbow Crystal Dragon appears and sends a powereful wave into Kanjiro's heart}

Off Topic 9: It took you 4 months... Oh well... But you still didn't answer my question. And you don't need to get angry. And speak French. Whats up with that!

GUFFAW And misuse punctuation. Whats up with that.

{Kanjiro falls to the ground.}

Kanjiro: Ugh... {Struggles to get back up.} You'll pay... {Falls to the ground again. Right before he hits the ground he goes poof and reveals a shadow clone.}

Kanjiro: {The real Kanjiro appears behind 4&5.} I said DIE!!!

LIGHTNING GUY: And still nobody gives a rat's ass about what you say.

{He swings his swords rapidly against 4&5 shooting sparks and flames everywhere.} And... NOW! {He jumps back. His swords form an X and mases amounts of energy gets absorbed into them, then when he slashes the swords across each other a HUGE fire blast hit the underdog twins sending them 50 meters away. He then uses shunpo and dashes right next to the brothers.} Time for the final move! {He stabs both of them right into the heart with each sword... The demons chakra goes away} Now I must defeat the others with help from my friends and save chaos. {He looks back at the horizon and sees the crystal dragon coming at him. He just then realized something.} Wait a second... There are 7 more crystal dragons and about 7 more members of the shadow marks... not only will we have to defeat the Shadow marks... but then the crystal dragons... We have a long fight. {He dashes away and not even the half dead brothers can sense him.}

Announcer: Well what happened!?! He just ran... Is he preparing for the next battel... or is he just scared...?

GUFFAW: My bet is on the last one.

We must find out next battel!

GUFFAW: No, we do not. No.

Brought to you by McDonald's™ Tune in next episode at 7:30 Thursday night.

4: He has a lot of thinking to do, if so.

After Math

Sorry about stealing your ending... But I wrapped up the battel! Pretty climatic don't you think?

LIGHTNING GUY: Let me just interrupt you (like you get much enjoyment out of doing in the transcripts themselves) so I can laugh right in your face. {laughs right in Kanjiro's face} That is all.

And only two people/demons ended up half-dead. Wait... that would equal 1 death...? --Kanjiro 23:55, 1 November 2007 (UTC)

No, that would equal 0 deaths becuase an undead could suffer from death, even when in human form.

Well, I was planning to actually destroy the dragon then and there so they would be dead f'reals, but i got bored. --Kanjiro 00:04, 2 November 2007 (UTC)

But, the dragon has no relation to them. The dragons are just dragons, of crystal, and to summon them when not in a war, you have to pronounce it in frencch.

1. REDIRECT User:JuomariVeren/sig 00:08, 2 November 2007 (UTC)

But i thought you said the key to destroying the SM's is the Crystal Dragons? And i figured there is about the same number of dragons as SM's so... --Kanjiro 00:12, 2 November 2007 (UTC)

That was the key to destroying the army. The Members have a special way. Now, to the Final battel of this saga!

1. REDIRECT User:JuomariVeren/sig 19:08, 2 November 2007 (UTC)