RiffText/MFT3K/Records of Bell/9

Summary

Bell meets some old acquaitances.

BLUEBRY: acquaintances
CHWOKA: Antiquated?

Cast: Im a bell, Tracy, Mature Bling, Don Skull, Sarah, Kuro, Kinzo, Original Im a bell, Sara McCallister, Peasoup-San, Burudderu, Crazestar Saneless, NeoStinkomech

Places: Onboard Restaurant, Deck

Episode Information: 203-Old Concepts Never Die, They Just Disappear

Insult: brain-dead TV executives

Credit Joke: The Fox TV Executives, For Not Canceling Us For This Week's Insult

CHWOKA: Like they even can.

Transcript

{open to Bell and Tracy staring at eachother.}

BLUEBRY: each other

{After ten seconds, they both get Well faces.}

BLUEBRY: {sighs}
{SkullB takes out a pistol from somewhere, possibly under the seat. He aims it at his head.}

NOXIGAR: The safety's still on, mind you.

{Cue theme song. Cut to the onboard restaurant, where Bell and co are sitting at a table}

IM A BELL: Everyone, it's been two episodes

CHWOKA: God, you guys, it's not funny if there IS no fourth wall to begin with.

NOXIGAR: Personally, I blame the Renaissance Faire for even introducing the concept of a fourth wall, on the grounds that people will misuse the term several generations later.

and we haven't directly seen anyone else on the cruise.

BLUEBRY: They've been hiding.
SKULLB: You know, there are more places than just your basement

NOXIGAR: Last I checked Records of Bell, cruises =/= basements.

I propose we go and meet some of the people on this ship.

EVERYONE ELSE: Agreed.

IM A BELL: Good.

SKULLB: Okay.
CHWOKA: Qutie possibly, the least infuriating exchange in the entire series.

{cut to half a hour later, on the deck. Bell and co are walking around}

IM A BELL: Hmm...

HOMESTAR-LIKE VOICE WITHOUT LISP:

CHWOKA: In a fit of sublime irony, this would have been acceptable to put in {action brackets}, even as a description, because it is a description of a character's voice. Instead, they decide to put it in bold and spell it out for us, stretching out the character's name. I feel bad for Homestar-Like Voice Without Lisp, and a little confused at their mother.
BLUEBRY: Too intellectual. Be more funny.
CHWOKA: I'm just so angry!

NOXIGAR: {flatly} Uh-huh.
NOXIGAR: {imitating a psychiatrist, but with a monotone voice} I'd recommend Prozac to cure your anger. Have a nice day.

Hey, you!

IM A BELL: What-Oh God.

{the original design for Im a bell runs onscreen}

BLUEBRY: what a coincidence

ORIGINAL BELL: Hey, me! What's up?

IM A BELL: Why're YOU here?

ORIGINAL BELL: I'm here with my girlfriend, Sara McCallister.

{a woman that looks like a flat-chested Sarah with normal blonde hair walks onscreen}

SKULLB: A woman with normal proportions? NOT IN MY ANIMES!

NOXIGAR: +10 points to Bell for realism.
-10 points to- DAMN IT, SKULLBUGGY! - for presumptuousness.

SARA MCCALLISTER: It's like looking in a mirror. A funhouse mirror.

SARAH: Stay away from me, or you die.

BLUEBRY: You don't have to be so violent :S:S:S
SKULLB: I'm betting the violence thing turns Bell on.

NOXIGAR: You would want it to turn Bell on, wouldn't you?

ORIGINAL BELL: Oh yeah, and some of my friends are here, too.

{Peasoup-San, Burudderu, NeoStinkomech, and Crazestar Saneless walk onscreen}

SKULLB: Yeah we know who they are

NOXIGAR: Some introductions are in need, I agree.

IM A BELL: Amazing. Somehow my failed creations have reentered this universe.

BLUEBRY: maybe they took jetblue
SKULLB: If this statement is true, there should be a lot more things here
CHWOKA: {jowly} "My god. It appears the virus has developed sentience."

TRACY: REentered? When did they leave?

CHWOKA: July 15th, 2007, at 1:34 PM.

IM A BELL: Well, they left when they officially failed.

CHWOKA: Who "officially" fails characters? And why aren't all of the characters we've seen so far failed?

NOXIGAR: Bell's got different standards, I guess.

Except for Crazestar. He left when I switched my SmackJeeves avatar to Comrade Bell instead of him.

SKULLB: Records of Bell: Exposition for Dummies

TRACY: Huh.

CHWOKA: SPARE YE NOT ONE MOMENT!

DON SKULL: So, where'd they go?

IM A BELL: The Bizarro World.

BLUEBRY: BEST PART OF THE FUNNIES EVER
CHWOKA: Like, Bizzaro Superman?

MATURE BLING: And how'd they get back?

CHWOKA: {singing} GET BACK! GET BACK! GET BACK TO WHERE YOU ONCE BELONGED!

NOXIGAR: You're lucky "belonged" isn't a word.

IM A BELL: I don't know.

ORIGINAL BELL: We walked.

IM A BELL: ...What?

ORIGINAL BELL: You heard me. We walked.

BLUEBRY: Losing weight for swimsuit season, eh?
SKULLB: "You can leave the basement?!"

NOXIGAR: Again, this "basement" thing. I made Bellstrom's house in Absurd Bell Quest have a basement for this reason alone.

IM A BELL: The Bizarro World exists in another dimension and it's corresponding coordinates

CHWOKA: What, they have latitude and longitude in space?

are fifty light years away! How could you have walked there from here?

CHWOKA: Because you're a bad writer.

ORIGINAL BELL: I have reality-bending powers.

IM A BELL: No, no you don't.

CHWOKA: Yes he does! Look, he JUST bent reality! You can't say something that happened didn't!

NOXIGAR: Or maybe his bending of reality as far as the outcomes of everything he's done versus what would happen in real life.

I'm the one with reality-bending powers! You are just an ordinary anthropomorphic bell!

CHWOKA:"Ordinary" is not the right word to use here.

ORIGINAL BELL: NO I'M NOT. I HAVE POWERS. AND WANDERING CAPS LOCK SYNDROME.

IM A BELL: ...You're also a total n00b.

original bell: i'm not a 70741 N00B!!!!!1one

CHWOKA: SkullB, do you still have that pistol?
SKULLB: No way, I only brought one bullet.

NOXIGAR: "And I'm having trouble disposing of the safety!"

IM A BELL: ...Thank you for proving my point. Time to kill you.

SKULLB: Motherf*** I thought we were done with this

{grabs Original Bell, Sara, Peasoup-San, Burudderu, NeoStinkomech, and Crazestar. He throws them into the air and charges a hadoken}

BLUEBRY: what is that

Hadoooooo... {fires hadoken}

BLUEBRY: no seriously, what is that
SKULLB: Nothing, he just ruined Street Fighter for me, that's all.
{SkullB gently weeps.}

{at the failed charaters}

BLUEBRY: characters

KEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEENNNNNNNNN!!!!!!!!!!!!!

{the failed characters disentegrate}

BLUEBRY: disintegrate

IM A BELL: There. ...Y'know what? Let's just meet new people next episode.

EVERYONE ELSE: Agreed.

{cue credits}

CHWOKA: This episode is definitely a contender for most purposeless episode ever. I mean, a little filler is okay, but so far, there has only been two or three not filler episodes.
SKULLB: Do you really want him to attempt a story?
CHWOKA: ... You have a good point.

{Noxigar takes out a sharpened pencil.}