RiffText/Wiki User Email Im a bell/Restaurant

There are a lot of horrible restaurants.

LIGHTNING GUY: I had no idea.

Summary

Cast (in order of their appearance): Bling, 1-up, Grundy, Stinkoman, Generic Man, Generic Woman, Waiter

Places: Im a bell's computer room, Stinkoman's house, A restaurant, Another restaurant, Yet another restaurant, one more restaurant

Transcript

BLING: In order to make a great email show,

LIGHTNING GUY: And do other impossibles of the form,

1-UP: And avoid breaking 1.6,

GRUNDY: We have decided,

ALL: To check email together!

LIGHTNING GUY: That was too anticlimactic.

Restaurant

Dear Bling,
Have you ever been to a restaurant and you had a bad waiter or waitress?
Sam The Man

1-UP: Hmm... I can't think of anything... OH WAIT! There was this one time...

LIGHTNING GUY: Hey, Lois, you remember that time when

{cut to Stinkoman's house}

1-UP: Yeah, I'd like some chocolate pudding, please.

LIGHTNING GUY: They'll never stop.

STINKOMAN: This isn't a restaurant.

1-UP: Make that vanilla.

LIGHTNING GUY: They'll never freaking stop.

STINKOMAN: We don't even HAVE any vanilla pudding!

1-UP: How much?

STINKOMAN: Grrr... DOUBLE DEEEEEEEEEEEEEEUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

LIGHTNING GUY: How so very original.

{Cut to outside the house. An explosion comes out of a window. Cut back to the computer room}

1-UP: That guy was annoying. I didn't even get my pudding!

GRUNDY: Does that even count?

LIGHTNING GUY: Nothing in this show ever does.

BLING: I doubt it. One, that's in the future.

LIGHTNING GUY: Oh, and Bling's a psychic now.

Two, that wasn't even a restaurant. Grundy, what about you?

GRUNDY: Well...

{cut to a restaurant}

MAN: {looks at Grundy} I don't want to eat at a place that sells chicken THAT uncooked!

LIGHTNING GUY: "But maybe if I skin it alive here and there, I won't even notice!"

{cut back to the computer room}

GRUNDY: And there was this other time...

{cut to another restaurant}

WOMAN: {looks at Grundy} I didn't know any restaurant sold chicken that raw!

LIGHTNING GUY: See, it's funny because it's the exact same joke.

{cut back to the computer room}

BLING: Uhh... Aren't those almost the same?

LIGHTNING GUY: Maybe if he says "almost", he can get away with it.

And didn't they have NOTHING to do with waiters or waitresses?

GRUNDY: Yeah, you're right. Well, what about you?

BLING: Hmm...

{cut to a restaurant}

BLING: I'll have some more of the red wine, please.

WAITER: Aren't you too young to drink wine?

LIGHTNING GUY: You of course ask him that now.

BLING: Shaddup! {passes out}

{cut back to the computer room}

BLING: And...

LIGHTNING GUY: Another "and".

{cut to another restaurant}

BLING: Here's the money.

WAITER: Sir, we don't even ACCEPT yen!

LIGHTNING GUY: And Japanese money is so available here.

BLING: Shaddup! {passes out}

{cut back to the computer room}

GRUNDY: You're weird.

BLING: You too, kid. You too. {passes out}

{the paper comes down}

LIGHTNING GUY: The question wasn't even addressed. These terrible cutaway "jokes" had barely anything to do with the subject. This is what I call a "failure". This entire email show is a failure, and it will never amount to anything more than a terrible embarrassment for the site it was once on! And I shall add that it has never been more my displeasure to rant and rave on a supposedly comedic feature on some obscure wiki derived from that now-dead aforementioned site! So good job, Bell, for making my entire life a failure! A completely irreversible failure! It's a shame! A crying shame! An-oh, my shift's up. See you guys tomorrow.