(even if you aren't vegan)
RiffText/Everything You Know Is Wrong/WWI
A Special Based of Blackadder Goes Forth,
LIGHTNING GUY: I didn't know Blackadder Goes Forth did Special Baseds.
the Crew are portrayed in a WWI Enviroment.
LIGHTNING GUY: En viroment? Sorry, I don't speak French.
More Idiocy Ensures.
Contents
The Story.
LIGHTNING GUY: Are we seriously doing this?
- When General Sam unveils his new strategy to move his drinks cabinet six inches closer to Berlin, Cyrus volunteers to be the Official War Artist.
Characters
General Noxigar
The Highest Ranking Officer in the Story. He gives out all the orders, but due to his high position, he doesn't need to fight. He just sits there peacefully with no bother.
LIGHTNING GUY: Because enemies never go for the HROs.
For some reason, he occasionally puts the word "Baa" in some of his sentances.
Major Znex
Gets killed off early in the first episode.
LIGHTNING GUY: And that's all we need to know.
Captain Sephiroth
General Noxigars Accountant, and Right Hand man. Despite his constant toadying, Noxigar views Sephiroth with a great deal of contempt, and although claiming to regard him as a son, takes pains to point out that he's certainly not a favourite, but rather a "sort of spotty, illegitimate sprog that no one really likes". He also has this weird Eye-Twitch going on.
Captain Sam The Man
The Messenger of the army. Represented that, because of his news role in present times.
LIGHTNING GUY: That sentence made no sense whatsoever.
He does a good job delivering, because, he always gets the letter to the right person.
Captain Cyrus
Possibly, the Main Character.
LIGHTNING GUY: That's why he's the fifth down the list.
Unlike his Present day form, Captain Cyrus, is more obnoxious, and rude.
Lieutenant Bell
One of the Most Optimistic people you can meet. He is also a good artist, and a good person to be around.
LIGHTNING GUY: Most Optimistic people are never good to be around.
Private Garzel
Unlike his Present day counterpart, he is Really stupid.
LIGHTNING GUY: How is that unlike any of his counterparts?
His cunning plans equel to someone who is Crazy,
LIGHTNING GUY: At least Crazy people know how to spell.
such as, carving his name on a bullet, in relation to the old saying 'a bullet with your name on it', his explanation being that if he owns the bullet, it won't ever kill him as he won't ever shoot himself ('shame' comments Captain Cyrus), and the chances of there being two bullets with 'Garzel' on them are 'very small indeed'.
LIGHTNING GUY: Indeed.
He is also a terrible cook, examples:
- Rat Au Van (a rat that's been run over by a van),
- Filet mignon in Sauce Bearnaise (dog turds covered in glue),
- Plum duff (a mole hill decorated in rabbit droppings),
- Cream custard (cat's vomit),
- Coffee (hot mud), with milk (spit), sugar (dandruff) and rather dubious 'chocolate sprinkles'.
- Apple crumble which contains fish
- More rat; Sauté, which involves:
- taking the freshly shaved rat and marinading it in a puddle until it is drowned
- stretching it out under a hot lightbulb
- getting within dashing distance of a latrine
- wolfing it down!
- Rat fricassé, which is the same as above, but a slightly bigger rat.
LIGHTNING GUY: tl;dr He can't cook, OK?
