RiffText/Everything You Know Is Wrong/Episodes/4

Synopsis

Because Noxigar has his own catchphrase Homestar

LIGHTNING GUY: You have a Catchphrase Homestar? I could never afford those!

gets jealous and attempts to get his own catchphrase, Mike Control and Sum 14 do a prank call, and Homestar44withpie cannot stop placing 1.6 rulebreaker templates.

Transcript

{Cut to Homestar and Marzipan in Homestar's room, reading the wiki.

LIGHTNING GUY: They have never been more disappointed in their lives.

Homestar looks and finds Noxigar in a fanstuff saying, "CHAOS EMERALDS! NWORB ENAJ YESLEK!" He gets an envious look on his face}

HOMESTAR: Wait, okay nevewmind. I can tell that isn't a subliminal message.

LIGHTNING GUY: Actually, it is. It's a warning to get out while you can.

MARZIPAN: Homestar, let's try reading it. {pronounces "Nworb Enaj Yeslek" rather oddly}

LIGHTNING GUY: I'm guessing she pronounced it how it was written.

Hmm... how's about finding this in French? Maybe there's some corresponding numbers?

HOMESTAR: Eh... it does seem wathew odd.

MARZIPAN: Wanna read it again?

{Homestar gets interrupted by Homestar44withpie, who places a 1.6 rulebreaker template on Marzipan's face.

LIGHTNING GUY: "I'm a happiew man now!" said Homestar.

Homestar44withpie runs off.}

HOMESTAR: Uh, Mawzipan?

{Cut to Mike Control and Sum 14 in the wiki's main computer room. All the sysops are bound and gagged. Mike dials a number.}

MIKECONTROL: Oh man this is gonna be awesome!

LIGHTNING GUY: I don't know. I personally think Oh Man This is overrated.

SUM 14: You said it, dude.

{Mike Control dials a number. Cut to Darkness Lord, who picks up the phone from the other side.}

LIGHTNING GUY: I wouldn't suggest prank calling the devil.

DARKNESSLORD: Uh, hello?

MIKECONTROL: Hey, um, this is Strong Bad. I'm gonna subscribe you to so many fashion magazines you'll love it.

DARKNESSLORD: Uh, Strong Bad? What are you talking about?

LIGHTNING GUY: "I don't watch internet cartoons. I have a life!"

{Mike Control hangs up. Cut to him and Sum 14 laughing hysterically.

LIGHTNING GUY: See, it's funny because you're both terrible prank callers.

Homestar44withpie runs so stylishly that

LIGHTNING GUY: All heads turn to him as he does a graceful ballet.

he places a 1.6 rulebreaker template on the phone. He runs off.}

SUM 14: Oh dang. No more prank calls, huh?

{Cut to Noxigar, who had turned HST into a chair.

LIGHTNING GUY: When? Yesterday? A month ago? 1972? Is the chair still with us? Is Noxigar still with us? There are so many things wrong with your usage of past tense here. So please don't do it again without clarification.

Noxigar is sitting on his new chair drinking a cup of tea, reading the latest wiki news.}

HST: {muffled} You turned me into a chair you son of a-

LIGHTNING GUY: It's a talking chair you son of a-!

{Noxigar pours tea all over the new chair}

NOXIGAR: When will you shut yer gob?

LIGHTNING GUY: Derp derp derp derp?

HST: {muffled} When you shut yours!

{Cut to Chwoka, Darlon, and Vanhock all with tape recorders recording laughtracks.}

NOXIGAR: Was that really funny?

VANHOCK: Oh, yeah. It was.

LIGHTNING GUY: IT JUST WAS

{Noxigar uses his left sleeve to throw a "Bed Axe" at Vanhock. Vanhock is chopped in half. Darlon charges at him with a huge tree. Noxigar uses the HST chair to trip Darlon over, causing him to fall into a microwave oven with Noxigar closing it behind Darlon. Noxigar turns on the oven to 2007 degrees Fahrenheit and Darlon explodes.

LIGHTNING GUY: This is ridiculous. He would at least gotten cancer first!

Cut to Chwoka with an intimidating look on his face.}

CHWOKA: {sounding almost like Napolean Dynamite} What is it with you and killing my characters off in such quick notion? Worst deus ex machina ever, dude!

LIGHTNING GUY: That...was a crime against humanity.

NOXIGAR: How is that a deus ex machina?

{Homestar44withpie runs and places a 1.6 rulebreaker template on Chwoka's stomach and lungs. Chwoka immediately finds that the sysops deleted his lungs.

LIGHTNING GUY: "They were wasting disk space."

Chwoka then falls over and dies. Chwoka's ghost appears.}

NOXIGAR: Was that even necessary?

LIGHTNING GUY: Is anything in this show necessary?

CHWOKA'S GHOST: No. Homestar44withpie better be banned.

{Cut to Homestar44withpie back in his Userpage House.

LIGHTNING GUY: Couldn't you have just called it a house?

He finds Joey Day in it.}

JOEYDAY: Uh, hey, I seem to noticed you put rulebreakers on stuff that actually was related to Homestar. Except for Chwoka's lungs.

{JoeyDay holds a bag saying, "Chwoka's Lungs"}

LIGHTNING GUY: Hey, wait a minute. Bags can't talk!

JOEYDAY: And you've been doing this as an IP address, and I cannot allow my wiki to be distorted into chaos. So, I'm gonna have to auf ya.

{Joey Day gets out a Banhammer and approaches Homestar44withpie. He swings his hammer and Homestar44withpie fades away from existance.

LIGHTNING GUY: Why would you make a hammer that big if you aren't going to actually hit anyone with it? My tax dollars could have gone into something a lot more productive, like the financing of the constant therapy I'm going through because of this. Watching children just fade from existence isn't making me any less depressed.

Cut to Chwoka having watched it all on his computer.}

CHWOKA: {normal voice} I do not sound anything like Napolean Dynamite! And there's too many deus ex machinas! This misses the mark!

LIGHTNING GUY: Wait, is this the same Chwoka that just died or was it all just a dream? Or, in my case, a nightmare.

{Homestar pops up from behind the computer kicks Chwoka in the face nine times. Fade to black afterwards. Cut to that same bag as before, except it says "The End". End 'sode}

Comments

Remember what the Tandy told you. Noxigar 16:57, 9 October 2007 (UTC)

Ummm... I wasen't that vandal. I don't know who it was. But if it's just a parody, it's K' —H44WP 21:44, 9 October 2007 (UTC)

This is a parody, you know. Noxigar 19:57, 10 October 2007 (UTC)

I hate Napoleon Dynamite. But meh. Pretty cool, anyway. And no, defeating my characters was not a dues ex machina. Simply one-sided.-— ChwokaTalk 03:03, 12 October 2007 (UTC)

I was making fun of the fact that in most cases that you talk to me you use the phrase "deus ex machina" within the paragraph or in a sentence. Noxigar 16:31, 12 October 2007 (UTC)