Chaos Emails.exe/Flatts

Summary

Chaos and The Cheat go on a quest to slay the one named "Flatts."

Cast (In order of appearance): Chaos, Ms. Puff, The Cheat, Virtual Flatts, Virtual Chaos

Places: Chaos' Basement, Ms. Puff's classroom

Computer: BELL 2999

Date: October 6, 2007

Transcript

CHAOS: 2...3...4...{A la barbershop quartet} You've got to come see, my new philosophy........EEEEEEEMAAAIIILLLL!!!

{types "[email protected]//Email", Email appears onscreen.}

Dear Ms. Puff,

Flatts is gonna kick my butt!
From,
Sponge Bob

{Clears screen}

CHAOS: WHAT!!! I'll alert her right away!

{Chaos goes to Ms. Puffs classroom}

CHAOS: MS. PUFF! FLATTS IS GONNA KICK SPONGEBOB'S BUTT!

{Ms. Puff gasps, puffs up, then faints}

CHAOS: Wow, didn't mean to shock you there... Well, it looks as though only I can solve this. Back to the basement!

{Chaos returns to the basement}

CHAOS: Now I shall sound The Cheat siren! {Chaos picks up a slide whistle shaped like The Cheat and plays it}

{The Cheat instantly teleports to Chaos' Basement with a chef's hat and oven mitts}

CHAOS: The Cheat! Assume quest-bearing mode!

THE CHEAT: {Cheat noises}

{The Cheat presses a big, blue button, and Him and Chaos get backpacks and weapons}

CHAOS: AWAY!!! {Chaos sprouts wings and a tail and flies away}

THE CHEAT: {Cheat noises similar to "Away!!!"}

{The Cheat holds up his arms and activates his jet-pack, and tails after Chaos}

{Chaos and The Cheat land back in Chaos' Basement}

CHAOS: What the? Why didn't we go anywhere? What about Flatts? C'mon! Stupid fourth wall! {Sigh} Maybe I can Virtually find and slay Flatts. {Chaos tears off his disguise and head to the BELL}

CHAOS: Now, to go to the web...here it is! welcome to {Types in URL} virtualflattslayer.com!!!

{Enter button appears onscreen, and Chaos clicks it}

{Chaos is brought to a character selection screen and makes himself what appears to be a warrior with black armor}

{Chaos clicks "To The World!!!" button and enters a cave with a computer-generated Flatts}

CHAOS:' And now you die!!! {Clicks spacebar and hurls a black fireball at Flatts, slaying him}

{EXP screen appears, and Chaos gets 300 EXP for slaying flats, which hardly raises the exp bar}

{Clears screen

CHAOS: {While typing} Now, how do I celebrate this? Huh. Maybe I should just {Holds up cell phone} TELL EVERYONE I KNOW!!! {Opens up cell phone and dials} Hello? Bubs? I just slayed Flatts! Hello......

{A screen that reads 80 phone calls later appears, then fades back to Chaos still at the BELL with the words from before still on the screen}

{clears screen}

CHAOS: {while typing} Now, that that's out of place, I guess I should.....Gee. I dunno. How about another one-person barbershop quartet? Eh?

{Chaos runs offscreen and returns dressed like a member of a barbershop quartet}

CHAOS: We were sailing along, on Moonlight Bay {Baritone} on Moonlight Baaaaay. We were...

{Screen turns black, then returns to show The Cheat throwing a bouqet of roses and crying}

CHAOS: Thank you! Thank you! I do it all for the fans! After all, you're all the stars!!!

{Chaos returns to and clears the screen}

CHAOS: {While typing} There you have it, Robert. Bob? Bobert? Billiam? William? Kewpie Dan? Hey, The Cheat?

THE CHEAT: {Cheat noises}

CHAOS: Look for a sponge named...Kewpie Dan...

THE CHEAT: {Cheat noises}

CHAOS: I'm gonna make a samm'ich while he's at work. Peace, all my E-fans!

THE END!

Fun Facts

• This is the first instance of Chaos having an email song.
• Flatts, Ms.Puff, and Spongebob, are all Characters in the Nickelodeon kids Television series Spongebob Squarepants.
• Kewpie Dan was a target on Strong Bads "People I gotta egg" list.