(even if you aren't vegan)
Conshow/29
Contents
Summary
THIS IS A TWO-WAY EPISODE
OPENING:
In the alternative universe, Conchris finds a way to universe hop and he sends his two minions, Cruroar and Cieeia into the magical train that leads to the other universe's Wikity whilst Chrionroar plays unfitting music.
Cruroar and Cieeia: Partners in Crime?:
Alt universe Cruroar and Cieeia find a way into the universe that Conshow is set and wreak havoc, causing Cruroar and Cieeia to get the blame. Chrionroar takes up the job as lawyer, a really idiotic one at that.
Conchris and Forest: The Unlikely Duo:
Whilst Cruroar and Cieeia are being trialled, Conchris and Forest try to get to the bottom of the problem and find the alt universe Cruroar and Cieeia. Will they be able to find and destroy what caused this universe hopping?
Transcript
Opening
{Open to the Alternate Universe Wikity}
ALT CONCHRIS: One. Two. THREE!
{Grunting noises are heard}
ALT CONCHRIS: No! This machine won't work! Again!
ALT CRUROAR: We've been trying for the past hour or so! Why do we have to waste our time?
ALT CONCHRIS: Come on! Just one last push of the giant button! One. Two. THREE!
{They all push against the button with full strength, the train suddenly arrives with its destination as "Alt Universe Wikity"}
ALT CONCHRIS: HA ha ha! Awesome! I knew creating a universe hopping tunnel will work!
ALT CIEEIA: Like, are you sure? What if, like, the space time of shows get all, like, messed up?
ALT CONCHRIS: Nobody asked for your opinions!
ALT CRUROAR: Yeah!
ALT CONCHRIS: I want you two to take it and make sure you mess up that other Wikity as much as possible.
ALT CRUROAR: Aww yeah! This is more like it!
{Alt Cruroar and Cieeia hop into the train, it suddenly starts and then goes at 88 miles per hour until it disappears into the universe hopping tunnel}
ALT CONCHRIS: AWESOME!
{Cue introduction}
{Open to Conchris' House - Main Hall}
CONCHRIS: It's funny how you both are now more than just friends and yet you don't make a big deal out of it!
CRUROAR: Maybe it's because we're more responsible people.
CONCHRIS: Your face is responsible!
CIEEIA: No, it's more than that...
CONCHRIS: Please, let's not go far into the details. Besides, a train suddenly appeared outside our door. Maybe I should go check.
{Conchris opens the door to see a man holding a pizza box}
MAN: Delivery for a Mister I. C. You. Pee...
CONCHRIS: Dude! He's right across the street!
MAN: Oh sorry! Thanks man!
{Conchris shuts the door loudly}
CRUROAR: Who was it?
CONCHRIS: Your mom.
CRUROAR: Oh... really?
CONCHRIS: Nah, just kidding.
CRUROAR: I was hoping you would say that.
CONCHRIS: DAMN YOU!
CRUROAR: I wonder what's on the news, but I'm too lazy to move from here, so I'll just use my mind to press the power button on the remote...
{Cut to the living room, the remote moves a little as Cruroar tries to push the button with his mind}
CRUROAR: Nnngh... urgh... thhhhh.... Ah, screw it!
{Chrionroar flies on-screen and hits the power button, he then falls to the floor in pieces}
CHRIONROAR: I'M A VASE!
NEWSMAN MCNEWSMAN: Hi! Newsman McNewsman here with the daily news... Wikity is under attack by two criminals. We believe they go by the name of Cruroar and Cieeia. Here's the artist's rendition of one of them. {The TV picture changes to a Cruroar similar to that on the Megaman 1 box, it then changes back with Newsman facepalming} I swear, that's the last time I hire random hobos... Anyway, they will be charged with murder, stealing from a store, stealing candy and stealing candy from a baby. Good day! {somehow reaches for the power button and turns the TV off}
CONCHRIS: GASP! You're wanted!
CRUROAR: Gee, as if this didn't happen before...
{Cut to the courtroom lounge, a gavel is banging in the background}
CONCHRIS: Well it did.
CRUROAR: Cripes. Wait, how'd we get here anyway?
CONCHRIS: It's the magic of scene shifting! Everyone has instantly remembered everything you did off camera.
CIEEIA: That doesn't sound very inspiring.
CONCHRIS: Well, IT'S THE WRITER'S SHOW DAMN IT!
{Cut to the Writer's desk}
WRITER: Well, I write what I see...
{Cut back to the courtroom lounge}
CRUROAR: Who is our lawyer?
{Chrionroar flies in and lands on the floor, he gets up wearing a lawyer's suit with spiky hair}
CHRIONROAR: I ARE IDIOT AT LAW!
CRUROAR: Someone please kill me...
CIEEIA: Why is his hair all spiky?
CONCHRIS: What, are you kidding? It's now a rule that lawyer's hair MUST be spiky or else you will lose!
CIEEIA: Cripes.
CONCHRIS: Well, I'll leave you in Chrionroar's hands. I'm going with Forest to find out how this happened.
FOREST: But, I wanted to see the two of them tremble as the idiot acts like the way he is and gets them thrown into jail and I will laugh at their misery.
CONCHRIS: Too bad, you're coming with me!
{Conchris drags Forest out, fade to black, three words pop up with two options}
CHOOSE YOUR EPISODE:
OR
Or you could just read the both of them. I don't care.
Episode 29: Conchris & Forest: The Unlikely Duo
{Open to the streets, Conchris is still dragging Forest}
FOREST: But all I wanted was suffering!
CONCHRIS: Too bad! You're going to help! I created you to help me with my inventions and such! But no! I just had to install that AI where you get free will!
FOREST: You created me for that reason?!
CONCHRIS: Yep.
FOREST: You're ridiculous, you know that?
CONCHRIS: Hey! It's a much better fate than being created for a whiny friend who is emo all the time!
FOREST: Touché.
CONCHRIS: Well, we have to get to the bottom of this one. How about play the introduction again for bits and giggles.
FOREST: Ha ha ha ha ha. You're funny, NOT. Playing the intro again will waste valuable time and oxygen... but on the other hand...
{Cue introduction, again}
{Open to the police station}
CONCHRIS: Officer Generic!
OFFICER GENERIC: What is it?
CONCHRIS: We need help finding where we can find the scene of the crime.
OFFICER GENERIC: Oh! You mean those two that are being trialled?
CONCHRIS: Where should I go?
OFFICER GENERIC: The mall, I think it's still under protection by police law.
CONCHRIS: That's all I need to know. {runs off}
{Cut to the mall, Conchris and Forest run up to the barriers}
CONCHRIS: Damn! It's locked! Forest, can you use your blaster to get us inside?
FOREST: Sure.
{Forest blasts down the barriers and alarms start sounding}
CONCHRIS: Uh oh!
{Conchris and Forest run into the mall with several police officers chasing after them. As they close in on the doors, the doors start to slowly fall}
CONCHRIS: WE'RE NOT GONNA MAKE IT!
FOREST: Hold on!
{Forest grabs Conchris and uses her jets at the bottom of her shoes to blast them into the mall, the doors quickly shut, locking the officers out}
OFFICER #1: Well, damn. Who here wants to buy some donuts?
OFFICERS: YEAH!
{Cut to the inside of the mall, Conchris gets up and dusts himself off}
CONCHRIS: Wow, that wasn't epic.
FOREST: Shut up! This part of the episode is supposed to be more serious for serious people out there who think the internets are serious business.
{Cut to the Writer's desk}
WRITER: Wha? I didn't mean that!
{Cut back to the mall}
CONCHRIS: Are you sure? People don't take us seriously anyway.
FOREST: I am positive! I'm sure there are people who have no sense of humour at all!
CONCHRIS: Like YOU for instance!
FOREST: Shut up! I'm almost regretting grabbing you and sliding under the gates.
CONCHRIS: Well, can someone turn the lights on?
{The lights flick on to reveal several police officers surrounding them}
CONCHRIS: Meep.
FOREST: Wuss.
{Forest's left arm becomes an arm cannon and she starts firing it at the police officers, they slowly back away from the duo}
CONCHRIS: Well, I'll prove to you that I'm not a wuss!
{Conchris pulls out the laser blade and slices at several officers, missing only a few}
OFFICER #32: HA! Missed!
{Officer #32 falls apart and lands on the ground}
OFFICER #32: Damn it.
OFFICER #54: Eh, nobody liked him anyway. {gets obliterated by Forest's cannon}
FOREST: Nobody liked you either!
{Conchris tries to fend off the other officers but gets overwhelmed and runs off}
CONCHRIS: Forest! There's too many of them! Let's find some clues and get out of here!
FOREST: Nobody messes with my creator and gets away with it!
CONCHRIS: Wow, you sure have changed.
{Three officers grab Forest, Forest struggles for a bit before throwing them over her, she jumps back and fires several shots, each one of them hitting the officers, one officer pulls out a laser blade and gets into a blade fight with Forest, they clash several times before Forest kicks him down and stabs him. The remaining officers begin to cower}
FOREST: Yes. That's it, cower!
OFFICER: MEEP!
{The officers run off, Conchris is watching in awe}
CONCHRIS: Wow. That was awesome.
FOREST: Shut up! Let's find some clues!
{Conchris and Forest search about until they find a hole in a wall}
CONCHRIS: I wonder if anyone found this?
FOREST: Are you kidding? This hole has a veil! It would fool anyone not familiar with veils!
CONCHRIS: Then how come I can see it?
FOREST: Shut up!
{Conchris and Forest go into the hole, they follow the tunnel for a while before they end up in a clearing}
CONCHRIS: A clearing?
ALT CIEEIA: Like, that's right?
{Cut to Alternate Cieeia and Cruroar (DUN DUN DUN!)}
CONCHRIS: Gasp! It's alternate Cieeia and Cruroar!
ALT CRUROAR: That's ALTERNATE UNIVERSE Cruroar and Cieeia!
FOREST: You look like a midget!
ALT CRUROAR: Shut it!
FOREST: If you are from an alternate universe, why did you come here?
ALT CIEEIA: We, like, came here because our, like, master wanted us to.
CONCHRIS: Sounds reasonable.
ALT CRUROAR: We might as well get rid of you two and start our own show!
CONCHRIS: What?! But a show full of jerks is like have an anti-version of something!
ALT CRUROAR: Too bad! Let's fight, outside!
{Cut to the fields}
ALT CRUROAR: Let's do this...
{Conchris and Alternate Cruroar charge towards each other, they both clash several times until Alternate Cruroar kicks Conchris in the crotch, he then doubles over in pain as Alternate Cruroar hops onto his back and starts thwacking him with his fists}
CONCHRIS: Why'd you go and do that? Is there such thing as honour in this show?
FOREST: Negatory.
CONCHRIS: Damn! But wait... if there... isn't... WOULD YOU STOP HITTING ME IN THE BACK?!
ALT CRUROAR: NO!
CONCHRIS: That's it! I had it!
{Conchris gets up and throws himself down, back first. Alternate Cruroar is crushed}
ALT CRUROAR: Ow... Cieeia! HELP!
ALT CIEEIA: Sure, whatever.
{Alternate Cieeia slowly starts walking towards Conchris with a bat}
CONCHRIS: What are you doing with that?
ALT CIEEIA: You'll see.
{Alternate Cieeia spin kicks Conchris to the ground and starts whacking him into an unconscious state}
CONCHRIS: I hate you...
ALT CIEEIA: That was, like, too easy.
FOREST: Not so!
{Forest runs up to the Alternate Cieeia and throws her over her back}
ALT CIEEIA: Ow! You broke a nail!
FOREST: Would you rather face death or a life in jail?
ALT CIEEIA: No. {Forest points the arm cannon at her} Okay! Okay! We'll confess!
ALT CRUROAR: Somebody get this guy offa me!
{Fade to black}
OR
Episode 29: Cruroar and Cieeia: Partners in Crime?
{Open to the courtroom, the jury are busy talking amongst themselves, the judge bangs his gavel}
JUDGE: Court is now in session! We are here because of the charges pressed against Mr. Goodwin and Ms. Goldilin. What kind of surname is that?!
CIEEIA: HEY! Don't go dissing my family name!
JUDGE: Sorry. Long nights at the bar can do that to me. Anyway, we need to hear some kind of... what's it called? Ah screw it. Prosecution?
{An englishman takes the prosecution stand}
ENGLISHMAN: Yes, sir?
JUDGE: What's the story on this case?
ENGLISHMAN: Ahem. It appears that...
CHRIONROAR: Moo!
{Pause}
ENGLISHMAN: It appears tha...
CHRIONROAR: MOO!
ENGLISHMAN: It appea...
CHRIONROAR: MOO!
ENGLISHMAN: It...
CHRIONROAR: BAAA!
ENGLISHMAN: {slightly annoyed} Good thing I have copies of the written version here. {throws them all out around the courtroom}
JUDGE: It appears that these two are charged with... well, murder, stealing, stealing candy AND stealing candy from a baby!
ENGLISHMAN: What sick person would do such a thing?!
JUDGE: Obviously, these two.
CIEEIA: But I would never steal...
CRUROAR: According to them, you do.
JUDGE: SILENCE! I want you to call up a witness, Englishman.
ENGLISHMAN: {admiring Chrionroar's spiky hair} My, that's incredibly spiky. It's so spiky that I would be afraid to touch it! Ho ho ho ho! {snaps out of it} Oh! Sorry, anyway, I would like to call up Mr. Person, who JUST so happened to be around at the time of the crime.
{Mr. Person takes the stand}
ENGLISHMAN: Name and Profession, please.
MR. PERSON: Mister Person. I'm a nobody at the moment because some edjit lost me a job! {glares at Chrionroar}
JUDGE: So, Mister Person. Can you testify what you saw at the crime scene?
MR. PERSON: Sure thing. {clears throat} I was at the mall at 7 o'clock in the morning. The mall was just opened. Everything was quiet until those two ruffians came up...
{Cut to the mall, everything is in black and white, Alternate Cruroar and Cieeia jump in and starts terrorising the people there}
MR. PERSON: {voiceover} It was horrible! The two of them were wrecking the stores and stealing! They set off so many alarms that we gotten into a record book for having so many alarms on at one time!
{Cut back to the courtroom}
MR. PERSON: I was pretty sure it was them... although one of them was kind of short to be honest.
{The judge bangs his gavel}
JUDGE: Enough! Now... Mister... Fligglewiggle?
{The jury starts sniggering, the judge looks annoyed and bangs his gavel}
JUDGE: Do you have any problem with this testimony?
CHRIONROAR: {is busy chewing on the gavel} What? No! Of courses nots!
JUDGE: Then in that case, we could end the trial here and call the two of them guilty, charged with DEATH!
CRUROAR: YIPES!
ENGLISHMAN: Well, it appears that their defense attorney has gone insane, I propose that we end this trial with a wi... I mean, guilty verdict, yes?
JUDGE: Agreed. The court finds Mr. Goodwin and Ms. Goldilin...
CIEEIA: It was nice knowing you...
CRUROAR: Same here...
JUDGE: GUILTY!
{The judge bangs his gavel}
JUDGE: Court is ad...
{Fade into Chrionroar's mind, the brain suddenly wakes up and plugs itself in, zoom out to the courtroom, Chrionroar is shocked and he falls to the floor, he gets up}
CHRIONROAR: OBJECTION!
JUDGE: What is it?
CHRIONROAR: {slams the table} I want to cross-examine!
JUDGE: Wha? But...
ENGLISHMAN: Oh let him. It's not like he'll find the hole in his testimony anyway!
CHRIONROAR: Repeat the part about the looks of the two of them again.
MR. PERSON: Ahem, I could've sworn that one of them was pretty short...
CHRIONROAR: HOLD IT! Short? Are you sure that he wasn't midget sized?
MR. PERSON: When you think about it, yes.
CHRIONROAR: But, is the Cruroar we see before us THAT short?!
JUDGE: Well?
ENGLISHMAN: Well, we took some measurements and it does seem to appear that the height difference between the crook and this guy is shockingly different... {is shocked} GAH!
CHRIONROAR: Just as I thought! {thinking} He he he, great comeback there.
ENGLISHMAN: But wait! He has a friend that has access to machinery! He could've used a growth ray to grow him to this size!
CHRIONROAR: If I know Conches like a book, and I do. He doesn't have any growth rays in his lab!
{The jury gasps}
ENGLISHMAN: How are you so sure? Do you has evidence?
CHRIONROAR: I can prove it! {Chrionroar pulls out a photo of the basement in Conchris' House, a finger got in the way of the right side of the picture} TAKE THAT!
ENGLISHMAN: Well, I suppose it could be acceptable... but you could've cleaned up!
CHRIONROAR: I'm an idiot! I don't know about cleaning up!
JUDGE: Then why did you become so intelligent?
CHRIONROAR: Brain surge.
CRUROAR: No wonder why he's acting all intelligent...
CHRIONROAR: Anyway, with that evidence, I claim that Mr. Person's testimony be completely scratched!
ENGLISHMAN: OBJECTION! I object to Chrionroar's statement!
JUDGE: Objection overruled.
ENGLISHMAN: {thinking} Damn it... I must think of a way and fast! Wait a second... This might work... {speaking} HOLD IT! Are you sure that you're NOT a friend of the people being put on trial?
CHRIONROAR: GAH!
ENGLISHMAN: I knew it! You're trying to cover up for them!
CHRIONROAR: I was trying to find out the truth! Besides, it's strange for Cruroar to magically shrink in size during the crime! They couldn't possibly have committed it!
ENGLISHMAN: But we found fingerprints at the crime scene, and they matched those two's!
CHRIONROAR: Wait a second, that also makes ME a witness!
ENGLISHMAN: To what?
CHRIONROAR: Since I am a friend of theirs, I would've known if they wreaked havoc! And we were sitting at home watching the news!
{The jury starts mumbling and the judge bangs his half-bitten gavel}
JUDGE: Chrionroar! What's the meaning of this?
CHRIONROAR: If I can direct you to the opening of this episode...
{Cut to Conchris' House - Living Room, a scene where Cruroar, Conchris, Cieeia and Forest are all watching TV whilst Chrionroar is throwing signs down into the basement is shown}
CHRIONROAR: {voiceover} This photo was taken at 6 hours and 59 minutes in the morning! They couldn't possibly get to the mall within a small time frame!
ENGLISHMAN: {voiceover} OBJECTION! They could've teleported!
CHRIONROAR: {voiceover} That's where you're wrong buddy! Conches is an inventor, he may have created a time watch and a dimension traveller but he did not create a teleporter at all!
{Cut back to the courtroom, the Englishman is looking rather annoyed}
ENGLISHMAN: What?
CHRIONROAR: {slams desk and points at Englishman} Do YOU have any evidence that they could've gotten there within a minute?
ENGLISHMAN: In fact, you've already stated it. Mr. Conchris did create a time watch, it stops time.
CHRIONROAR: GAH!
ENGLISHMAN: They could've used the watch to travel through time and end up at the mall!
CHRIONROAR: {thinking} Damn! I was hoping he wouldn't catch on!
ENGLISHMAN: Besides, even I could've used the time watch to freeze time too!
CHRIONROAR: Wait a second...
ENGLISHMAN: Huh?
CHRIONROAR: Episode 2! Of course! The time watches were DESTROYED!
ENGLISHMAN: Wait, what about the watch that slows down time?
CHRIONROAR: {slams desk} It was also destroyed!
ENGLISHMAN: GAH!
CRUROAR: Wow, all this to help us?
CIEEIA: Be glad we're still alive.
CHRIONROAR: Furthermore... {slams desk and points at Englishman} If you know so much about Conches, then why aren't you thinking about the times he destroyed the watches?!
ENGLISHMAN: DAMN!
{The jury murmurs amongst themselves until the judge bangs his gavel}
JUDGE: Silence! Englishman, we need you to explain why you know so much about this Conchris guy.
ENGLISHMAN: Nehehehe. I wasn't going to let you get off the hook that easily...
CRUROAR: {gasps} The evil smirk! I know something bad's going to happen!
ENGLISHMAN: Oh yes... They used the time machine!
CHRIONROAR: GACK!
ENGLISHMAN: Yes... they could've used it before the crime was committed!
CHRIONROAR: ARGH!
JUDGE: You have anything to say, Mr. Chrionroar?
CHRIONROAR: {thinking} Damn! It's no use! I can't save them! They're gone now and it's all my fault! I'm such an idiot...
{Fade to black}
OR
Ending
{Fade into the courtroom, Chrionroar has gone insane again}
JUDGE: Well, after that little charade, I find Mr. Goodwin and Ms. Goldilin...
CONCHRIS: NOT SO FAST OLD MAN!
{Conchris and Forest burst in with Alternate Cruroar and Cieeia tied up}
CONCHRIS: I think a certain SOMEBODY wants to own up to this mess.
JUDGE: Well then, let us hear it.
{Pause}
JUDGE: Well?
CRUROAR: It's not us! It's them!
{Curoar points at the alternate universe Cruroar and Cieeia, Forest prods both of them off as Cruroar and Cieeia leave the stand}
FOREST: Speak! {tears the duct tape off of Alternate Cieeia}
ALT CIEEIA: Ow! Like, that hurt!
FOREST: It's going to hurt a lot more if you don't start talking!
ALT CIEEIA: YIPE! Okay! We, like, admit it! We admit to the crime!
JUDGE: You admit to it?
ALT CIEEIA: Like, yeah. Also, that Englishman over there? That's not actually, like, an Englishman.
ENGLISHMAN: I TOLD YOU TO KEEP YOUR MOUTH SHUT!
{Cruroar pulls a zip that was protruding from Englishman's back and it is revealed that he is Alternate Chrionroar, everyone gasps}
ALT CHRIONROAR: Yeah, so I tried to get those two in trouble? What are you going to do about it? Throw me into a lava pit?
JUDGE: No, there's a worse punishment for you three...
{Cut to a nuke launch pad, a nuke takes off with Alternate Cieeia, Cruroar and Chrionroar tied to it}
CHRIONROAR: YOU'RE ALL JERRRRRRKKKKKKKKKSSSSSSSssssss..... {fades as he flies away}
{The nuke somehow flies at 88 miles per hour and teleports away}
CONCHRIS: Well, that's over with.
CRUROAR: This must be the longest episode we've done in a while.
CIEEIA: Phew! Am I glad to still be alive!
CHRIONROAR: WOOF! I'M A HORSE!
FOREST: I thought you couldn't last three seconds in there without a guilty verdict! What happened?
CRUROAR: Well, something in Chrionroar's mind snapped and he suddenly became intelligent.
{Conchris and Forest laugh}
CONCHRIS: You idiot! Idiots don't suddenly become smart!
{Conchris and Forest continues laughing, Chrionroar joins in}
CHRIONROAR: WHAT ARE WE LAUGHINGS AT?!
CONCHRIS: Ha ha ha ha! YOU!
{Cue credits}
{Cut to Alternate Wikity, the nuke from before appears and hits the city, causing a nuclear explosion, Alternate Conchris is seen choking Alternate Cruroar, Cieeia and Chrionroar with his arms}
ALT CONCHRIS: YOU FAILED ME!
ALT CIEEIA: It, like, wasn't our problem!
ALT CHRIONROAR: Please master! Give us another chance! Please!
ALT CONCHRIS: NO!
{Cut to a black screen with the word "END" on it}
