(even if you aren't vegan)
Zarel Emails/44
Zarel E-Mail #44
Zarel gets challenged to a brawl by another email checker. Co-written by ProhibitTheBastard.
Cast (in order of appearance): Zarel, Pter, Barry Bird, Boss Boo, Strong Bad, Homestar Runner, Strong Sad
Places: The Roomy-Vac, Barry's Living Room, The Field, Strong Bad's Computer Room
Transcript
ZAREL: There was this one time, an email walked up to me, and then I slapped it in the face.
subj: hiDear Zarel,
YO ZAREL! I HAVE A BETTER EMAIL SHOW THAN YOU!
You suck! Let's brawl!
MEET ME AT 6TH STREET, BARRY BIRD!
p.s. what is your favorite well iunno video game genre
{Zarel shouts every bit in caps, and says "Meet me at 6th street, Barry Bird" as if he's saying it to someone, and ignores the postscript bit}
ZAREL: {typing} Woah woah woah. You meaning to tell me there are actually other people knocking off Strong Bad's show? I mean, besides me and Homestar Runner?
PTER: {offscreen} Actually... {Pan out to show Pter next to Zarel.} Lots of people did this back around 2004 and so. In fact in 2007 we had someone-
{Zarel angrily grabs Pter by the collar}
ZAREL: {through his teeth, punctuating every word} We. Don't. Talk about that.
PTER: Okay, jeez. {starts floating offscreen} Not like it won't be coming up soon anyway.
ZAREL: {typing} Alright, so there were email shows back then. I just didn't expect there'd be someone else doing it in 2014. Wait a sec, what do you mean my show sucks and yours is better? Oh, it's on. I'll take your challenge, Mr. Barry Bird. Just you wait. {Zarel leaves.}
{scene cuts to Barry's computer room with Barry Bird in the computer}
BARRY: To sum it up, there is such thing as a crapper. What with all the toilets go for the- {doorbell rings} Huh, I bet it's pizza! Also, I never remembered having a doorbell. Probably the Mormon guy installed it. {leaves as he screen cuts to Barry's living room, and he walks across the room to get the door, and opens it} Hello?
VOICE: Package for Mr. Bird.
BOSS BOO: {walks in} What are you doing, Barry, you have work to do! Break's over!
BARRY: Hey. I thought this is break time. I'm 1 minute in for this 10 minute break?
BOSS BOO: Oh, that break would belong to yo momma!
{audience laugh track plays as Seinfeld music play with Barry looking disgusted and the words say the following:}
ZAREL VS. BARRY WILL BE BACK AFTER THESE WORDS
{then screen cuts to black}
{screen cuts to a green screen that says the following:}
EVERYBODY! EVERYBODY!
{screen cuts to Homestar and Strong Bad in an unknown background as Zack Hemsey's Mind Heist from the 3rd trailer of Inception plays}
STRONG BAD: We have dreams! We dream of a {scene cuts to the corn field with halos on top of each corn} HOLY CROP!
{The following words appear:}
FROM THE CREATORS OF HOMESTAR RUNNER
THE BROTHERS CHAPS
{and the words appear:}
AND DIRECTED BY
UWE BOLL
MICHAEL BAY
ROLAND EMMERICH
M. NIGHT SHYAMALAN
FRIEDBERG AND SELTZER
QUAD CITY DJs
AND
CHARLES BARKLEY
{scene cuts to The Field with Strong Bad falling from the cliff}
STRONG BAD: NOOOOOOOOOOO! Ho ho!
{scene cuts to Strong Bad's Computer Room with Strong Bad typing his Compe}
STRONG BAD: I! DON'T! SOUND! ANGRY! AT! ALL!
{the words appear:}
STRONG BAD
{scene cuts to the Brother Strongs' bathroom}
STRONG SAD: {offscreen} What smells? It smells like-
{as the music comes to an end, the words appear:}
INCRAPSION
{scene cuts to Homestar and Strong Bad in an unknown background}
HOMESTAR: That's a good show.
STRONG BAD: No it's not!
{the words appear:}
NOT COMING TO A THEATRE NEAR YOU AT ALL
STRONG BAD: {offscreen} NO! MORE! RELIGION!
{the words appear with the Announcer saying the following:}
NOW BACK TO ZAREL VS. BARRY
{scene cuts back to Barry's living room}
BARRY: {singing} I got a package. {normal voice} I wonder who it is...
{Barry opens the package to find Zarel's head inside, stacked upon all his other body parts.}
ZAREL: Great cripes, they need to put air holes in that freakin' box next time! {looks at Barry} Oh, hey there.
BARRY: Hi there, how's it goin'... uh... stranger?
ZAREL: Stranger? I'm Zarel. You know, the one you challenged to the brawl or something?
BARRY: Zarel? Oh! Zarel- look, I need to explain, I didn't type the email, someone who used my name typed the email.
ZAREL: Oh. So then disassembling myself and mailing me to your house so that you can face certain doom, that whole shebang was pointless?
