Difference between revisions of "RiffText/User:Chaosvii7/Battels/Cow Puncher 2"

Latest revision as of 19:20, 17 April 2011

ANNOUNCER: Today, we have the next exciting Battel in the saga! Chaos will attempt to defeat AND convert Im A Bell and Cow Puncher from the guild!

CHAOS: You two sicken me. Why do you think I left that guild?

LIGHTNING GUY: Because you hate fun?

IM A BELL: THANKS FOR REMINDING ME! {beomes 9} Mwahaha.

LIGHTNING GUY: That was the saddest evil laugh ever.

I'd become Demon Bell, but I've created a new form I'll reveal soon.

CHAOS: Pish posh.

LIGHTNING GUY: I am Mary Poppins! Listen to my British ahkcent!

Save yourself the energy. You'll wish you had.

IM A BELL: {grumbles}I'm a deux ex macina.{grumbles}

LIGHTNING GUY: You also don't know what a deus ex machina is.

CHAOS: I heard that. Now, Make your move.

IM A BELL: Ya know what? I'm just gonna become that form. {becomes what looks like Demon Bell's head on Pure Watashi's body with Dasriturabell's wings, a Master Emerald on chest, Pure black arms, and Proto Man's legs} OMEGA BELL!!!

LIGHTNING GUY: Ωh laωd.

OMEGA BELL: Now then. OMEGA JLAMMY VAPORIZATION!!!! ATTACK OF THE RETRO VIDEO GAMES!

{Cut to a Pac Man game. There are none of those large pellet-things. Chaos is Pac Man and Omega Bell clones are the ghosts. The ghosts quickly eat Chaos. Cut to Super Mario Bros. There are Chaos goombas everywhere. Mario quickly destroys them. Cut back to the battelfield}

LIGHTNING GUY: Bell, you've destroyed my childhood again. Again!

OMEGA BELL: TAKE THAT!

CHAOS: Take What?

LIGHTNING GUY: That.

All you've done is turned into a Watashi/Dasriturabell/Protoman/Sonic Hybrid beast, then you zoned out repeating "Video Games, Video Games".

OMEGA BELL: You godmodder.

LIGHTNING GUY: You're acting like that's something new.

{sighs, sends Chaos into the previously described video games} Er, hello? Are you dead yet?

CHAOS: You tell me. Can I speak?

LIGHTNING GUY: No, you spit nonsense from your mouth.

OMEGA BELL: Wait, aren't you ALWAYS dead, considering your father IS Death? Anyways, I guess you had enough game torture. {freezes games, releases Chaos} There. You know, I'm just waiting for CP to stop staring off into space and attack already.

{Cow Puncher used his silence for a super sonic yell. Chaos is parallelized}

LIGHTNING GUY: It's like getting paralyzed, only all of your limbs are equidistant.

CHAOS: {sarcastically} Wow. Stuck in motion. This is SOOO bad.

OMEGA BELL: {fades back into Bell} Before you mutilate me chaos,

LIGHTNING GUY: Paint me goth.

let me ask one thing. {blasts open a portal showing the real world Chaos in New England} If you hate the ShadowMarks, why'd you let HIM control them? {crooked smile}

CHAOS: He's the creator of me, shadowmarks, an the arena you're in. Without him, there'd be no good, juicy plots to these battels here.

LIGHTNING GUY: Note to self: Track IRL Chaos down and punch him in the face when this is over.

IM A BELL: Exactly. But, how can you simply accept that the ShadowMarks were created by the same person that created you?

ZNEX: {offscreen} Woot! Fourth wall breakage!

LIGHTNING GUY: Screw yourself with a fork.
COACH Z: And fork yourself with a screw...driver!

CHAOS: I accept it.

IM A BELL: You're just hiding the fact that you want to kill your real world self for creating the ShadowMarks.

LIGHTNING GUY: That's the obvious conclusion to draw from this.

ZNEX: {offscreen} Yeah, but his real world self created everyone else as well, like his mother, his father, his siblings...you know. And his other relatives as well.

CHAOS: Well, in mind that this also sparked the creation of Heian, Noelle, Daichi, and a few other people I have yet to introduce. But they'll come along in Chaos Emails. Probably next season.

LIGHTNING GUY: Ah, Chaos Emails. If I didn't value my sanity, I'd consider riffing that next.

IM A BELL: Oh. Right. Hmm... BUT, he DID make you the LEADER of the ShadowMarks. Watch. {plays tape of many horrible things the ShadowMarks did}

LIGHTNING GUY: They killed my hamster

See?

CHAOS: I did worse things as their leader, compared to that weak son of a... Anyways, I don't mind. The problem is, that you MUST get out of that guild. They'll throw you out like a piece of garbage, and send you into the Demonic god they worship. This is why I left. I lost control of my own guild.

LIGHTNING GUY: I just have one small question for you, Chaos.
LIGHTNING GUY: WHY DIDN'T YOU FREAKING TELL HIM THAT IN THE FIRST PLACE?!

IM A BELL: Oops. Wrong tape. {plays tape of things Chaos did as the ShadowMarks' leader} See? He MADE you do all those things. He didn't let you. He MADE you do them. ... Um... I think Chaos and CP are dead...

LIGHTNING GUY: Oh, you bored them to death.

Does that mean I win?

{Demon Chaos' Impure Zanmato runs through 9's heart, turning him back into Bell.}

DEMON CHAOS: I think not. Now, I defeated 9, hypothectially speaking. Now I WIN!!!

LIGHTNING GUY: I just have one small question for you, Chaos.
LIGHTNING GUY: WHY DIDN'T YOU FREAKING DO THAT IN THE FIRST PLACE?!

ANNOUNCER: AND CHAOS SUCESSFULLY CONVERTED BOTH MEMBERS!

LIGHTNING GUY: But he just "converted" Bell. Cow Puncher was never a part of anything.

DEMON CHAOS: Whoo-hoo.

{future 9 appears}

FUTURE 9: Hello.

IM A BELL: Yo, future me.

LIGHTNING GUY: Well, I've seen enough. Goodnight, everybody.

Oh, and, Chaos. I think you forgot something. I KILLED ALL OF THE SHADOWMARKS. {opens up chest revealing all of the ShadowMarks' souls}