Difference between revisions of "RiffText/Green Grass and High Tides Forever!/1"

Latest revision as of 21:45, 14 November 2013

Assaulting your peripheral vision, it's

GREEN GRASS AND HIGH TIDES FOREVER

CHAOS: So, what are we all doing today?

EMERL: I say we go to the beach.

LIGHTNING GUY: I say you jump off a cliff.

GEMERL: But then we'd rust!

EMERL: Oh, yeah. Rust no good. So, what ARE we doing?

KANO: {lighting strikes; Kano appears} BOW DOWN TO ME!

LIGHTNING GUY: You've desecrated the good name of lightning, you egotistical ass.

PATRICK: {bowing down} I am not worthy. I am not worthy. I am not worthy.

{Gemerl kicks Patrick.}

LIGHTNING GUY: We have now established that the character of "Gemerl" is physically abusive.

GEMERL: Get up!

PATRICK: Can't you see that I'm bowing down to Kano?!?

LIGHTNING GUY: Question mark? Exclamation point! Question mark?

GEMERL: Forget Kano! We all need something to do! You two should help us find something, instead of giving praise.

KANO: How DARE you say- {interupted}

LIGHTNING GUY: Nobody said "{interupted}".

IORI: {enters} Hey juys!

DALEK: {Comes in, wearing lots of gold.} Hey humans plus robots, plus whatever the hell you are Kano.

LIGHTNING GUY: I didn't know "whatever the hell you are Kano" was a character.

By the way, I found a hidden treasure cave right over, behind Emerl. {Everyone looks behind Emerl to see a cave.}

KANO: I'm a human too, Dalek.

LIGHTNING GUY: No, you're an annoyance.

EMERL: Was any of that chocolate?

CD-I MARIO: {enters} Hey guys! I heard one of you guys say chocolate.

CD-I LUIGI: {enters} Chocolate's good, but I prefer spaghetti.

LIGHTNING GUY: IT'S FUNNY BECAUSE HE LIKES SPAGHETTI

DALEK: You know, Kano, my real name is... {A plane passes by, drowning his speech.} I said, my name is... {Fireworks.} MY NAME IS.... {Tay Zonday comes, and starts singing Chocolate Rain.}

LIGHTNING GUY: Some stay dry, but I'm definitely feeling the pain.

Oh screw it!

SMW CARTOON LUIGI: {enters} Hey, guys!

IORI: Hey, Luigi!

SMW CARTOON LUIGI: That's- {interupted}

LIGHTNING GUY: See, Kano? Now somebody said "{interupted}"!

KANO: Don't care.

DALEK: I need to exterminate someone!

{M.Bison comes in.}

LIGHTNING GUY: No. NO!

M.BISON: Yes! YES!! {Gets Zapped.} No...

LIGHTNING GUY: Yes...

DALEK: That's much better.

STAN: Oh my god! You killed M.Bison!

LIGHTNING GUY: "Look! A South Park reference! That means we're edgy, right?"

KYLE: You-..

{Both get zapped.}

LIU KANG: {comes in bicycle kicking}

LIGHTNING GUY: I...don't even want to know what that is.

KANO: {shoots him with a laser from his robotic-eye-thing}

LIU KANG: {death scream}

LIGHTNING GUY: We totally needed an entire line of dialogue for that.

GEMERL: CAN WE STOP KILLING PEOPLE AND DO SOMETHING ALREADY!?!?!?!

PATRICK: How about we play... Rock Band?

GEMERL: No, it's a rip off of several games.

LIGHTNING GUY: This show is a rip-off of everything. Would a game of Rock Band really be that horrible in comparison?

What can we do?

PATRICK: Rock Band is not a rip-off! ...Mortal Kombat?

LIGHTNING GUY: "No, that's a rip-off of Street Fighter," said Gemerl.

KANO: Real life, or video game?

PATRICK: {mocking} Ooo,

LIGHTNING GUY: The Land of Ooo.

I think we should play real life MK! Where we can bleed badly and get our body parts chopped off! {normal} What do you think? Video game!

GEMERL: Real. It gives me something to blast.

EMERL: Real. I don't even know what we're voting about.

LIGHTNING GUY: Welcome to democracy!

CHAOS: Real. I'm a demon, what'd you expect?

KANO: Real, so I get to kick some- {interupted}

IORI: Bottom.

LIGHTNING GUY: No, he said let's kick some "{interupted}".

KANO: ...That too.

PATRICK: But we could die! In a grewsome

LIGHTNING GUY: Some grew.

painfull death!

LIGHTNING GUY: That's horriblle!

DALEK: Except for Kano.

PATRICK: .....Right, but still!

DALEK: And I only have one weakness.

LIGHTNING GUY: The power...of song. {does a Michael Jackson pose}

SEPHIROTH: Stairs.

DALEK: Hey! Shutup!

CHAOS: I can't die.

LIGHTNING GUY: Yes, you can! All you have to do is belieeeve in yourself!

{Gospel music starts to play.}

LIGHTNING GUY: Can I get a witness?

GEMERL: And you can put us back together.

PATRICK: But what about everyone else?

KANO: I could bring you guys back to life if you die.

LIGHTNING GUY: THATISNOTHOWNATUREWORKS

PATRICK: Ok! I'm in!

DALEK: Stairs can't kill me. It just inconveniences me.

LIGHTNING GUY: "It" referring to the obviously singular noun "stairs".

I mean, I can't fly, or stand. It's imtimidating to me!

LIGHTNING GUY: Imteresting.

By the way, I am in.

GEMERL: On the count of 3. 3.

LIGHTNING GUY: You're a robot. You should be able to do basic math.

{blasts Patrick's head off}

SHAO KAHN: Fatality!

DALEK: SILENCE FOOL!!!

LIGHTNING GUY: The evil twin of LOUDNESS FOOL.

{Blasts Him, then Emerl. Iori starts running, but he gets blasted too.}

IORI: Owwwww! ....I hate that freaking robot.

DALEK: I'm not a robot. I'm a mutated alien, in a robot shell. Like all of my species.

LIGHTNING GUY: And that was your unimteresting fact of the day!

EMERL: COPY ABILITY. {Picks up Dalek, gains his blaster, and shoots Iori with it again, turning him into a pile of ash.}

IORI: I'm already a pile of ash!

EMERL: SHUT UP.

LIGHTNING GUY: HOW DARE YOU DISPUTE THE WORDS OF AN ACTION.

{Sweeps ashes into a sewer hole}

KANO: {uppercuts Emerl who explodes upon impact} Gotcha!

LIGHTNING GUY: I can totally believe that you blew up a military-grade robot just by punching him.

GEMERL: My turn! {throws a small missile at Kano, who explodes.}

KANO: {ressurects; uppercuts Gemerl who explodes upon impact} Gotcha too!

LIGHTNING GUY: Gotcha Too! got poorer reviews than the first Gotcha!, but it made more in the box office. Go figure.

{Gemerl reforms, and rapidly kicks Kano.}

GEMERL: I-DON'T-DIE!

KANO: Yes-you-DO!

LIGHTNING GUY: HE JUST DOES.

{Gemerl explodes when Kano says "do"}

{Gemerl reforms, and merges with the Emerl's shell, making him Super Gemerl.}

SUPER GEMERL: Now you're in for some real deap-{Interrupted}

LIGHTNING GUY: THEY ACTUALLY SPELLED INTERRUPTED RIGHT! AFTER ONE-AND-A-HALF EPISODES, THEY FINALLY GOT THE DAMN SPELLING RIGHT!

CHAOS: Crap?

KANO: {Super Gemerl explodes}

LIGHTNING GUY: How? Did you blow him up with your mind? Are you really that much of a Mary Sue?

I win!

{Super Gemerl reforms.}

SUPER GEMERL: No, you don't. I'm still alive, and in any case, you forgot to fight Chaos.

KANO: Fight Chaos, eh? {shoots a laser beam at Chaos, who in turn deflects it.}

LIGHTNING GUY: WITH HIS MIND

CHAOS: Red Thunder! {launches a bolt of red lightning at Kano}

KANO: {dodges, uppercuts Chaos into a spikey pit}

CD-I MARIO: What about us?

LIGHTNING GUY: "We want to get pushed into a pit, too!"

{Chaos falls down midair, and pushes both CD-I Mario and Luigi into the pit.}

LIGHTNING GUY: "Thank yoooooooooou," they said as they both died.

CHAOS: Nice try!

KANO: {uppercuts Chaos again and he falls down into the pit}

SUPER GEMERL: NOW YOU MUST BEAT GANON!

LIGHTNING GUY: Must he?

GANON: {morphs into Liu Kang} You will DIE!

LIGHTNING GUY: Apparently, he must.

KANO: If I did this twice, I can do it again. Die! {uppercuts Ganon into the pit}

GANON: No! Not into the pit! IT BURNS!

SUPER GEMERL: NOW WE MUST DO SOMETHING DIFFERENT!

LIGHTNING GUY: Must you?

{Cut to the Field. Everyone is back to normal, and standing around.}

EMERL: Let us eat cake!

PATRICK: Hurray! Wait, we got this much text that fast? Can we continue?

LIGHTNING GUY: NO

EMERL: Sure, but we need at least 2 credits to continue.

{The screen stops, and flashes "GAME OVER" three times. Then it says continue, with a time counting down. Some random guy comes by and puts in 2 quarters. Everything turns back to normal, and continues.}

LIGHTNING GUY: As of now, "Some random guy" is my mortal enemy.

EMERL: Well, we need a new time-consuming event. What happens next?

IORI: Hmm... Let's go

LIGHTNING GUY: kill ourselves

bother Cartoon Bowser and his minions!

GEMERL: We could always blow up a koopa or two, but how about we bother CD-I Link?

IORI: Okay!

LIGHTNING GUY: Oh look, another excuse for these guys to make stupid YTP references.

{cut to CD-I Hyrule}

CD-I LINK: Gee, it sure is boring around here.

LIGHTNING GUY: Well, that's about to not change.

EMERL: {While falling} LEEEEEEEEE-RRRRRROOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOY JENKINS! {Lands on CD-I Link}

LIGHTNING GUY: Yep, still bored.

KING: Who are you? Why are you here? You can't have any of my dinner!

EMERL: I'm a robot, No reason, and I can't eat people food.

KANO: Oh, and CD-I Ganon, is DEAD. YOUR WELCOME.

LIGHTNING GUY: You can't have any of his welcome, either.

KING: Tha- Oh. DINNERDINNERDINNER.

PATRICK: Dinner!

IORI: Dinner!

EMERL: Dinne-Breakfast?

LIGHTNING GUY: I don't know. Does a breakfast dinne?

IORI: Lunch?

CARTOON MARIO: Lunch.

IORI: I see.

LIGHTNING GUY: You do? I just assumed you were blind.

EMERL: Brunch?

{Gemerl punches Emerl right upside the head.}

LIGHTNING GUY: We have now re-established that the character of "Gemerl" is physically abusive.

GEMERL: Idiot? Yes.

CARTOON LUIGI: That's Mama Luigi to you, Iori! {wheeze} I've been saving that since the beginning of this episode!

LIGHTNING GUY: You should have saved it longer. Like, forever longer. Then the world would be a much happier place.

GEMERL: Too bad you waited until now to say it, because I'm going to kill you for the rest of the episode. {turns his arms into machine guns and rapidly fires, getting blood and Luigi guts all over the King's dinner.}

LIGHTNING GUY: At least it's higher in protein now.

IORI: Oh em gee!

GEMERL: Shut it up! {Shoots Iori offscreen}

LIGHTNING GUY: "That's what you get for sounding out letters!"

KANO: Quit shooting people! {shoots Gemerl offscreen}

EMERL: Oh, boy! Gun party! {turns both of his arms into proton cannons, flails them around the screen. The castle is destoryed.}

LIGHTNING GUY: How dare you...remove the...storyness...of the caste. Yeah, let's go with that.

IORI: Now let's go bother Cartoon Bowser!

EMERL: OKAY!

LIGHTNING GUY: I'M YELLING BECAUSE I WASN'T PAID ENOUGH ATTENTION AS A CHILD!

{cut to Cartoon Bowser's castle}

CARTOON BOWSER: Wow, it sure is quiet around here.

IORI: LEEEEEEROYYYYYYY JEEENKINSSSS!

LIGHTNING GUY: Is equally unfunny the second time around!

CARTOON BOWSER: Whoa! You scared me half to death! What's your malfunction? And who are you?

EMERL: Aww, I can't do my dramatic entrance now.

LIGHTNING GUY: Hint: It involved a lot of yelling.

IORI: You can still say it.

KANO: Lets say it all together to bother Bowser! {quickley} And a 1 and a 2 and a 3! {everyone says LEROY JENKINS, but Bowser covers his ears}

CARTOON BOWSER: Ha! Didn't get me there!

{Chaos smashes into Bowser from, behind.}

LIGHTNING GUY: I'm going to, vomit.

CHAOS: LEEEEEEEEEEEROOOOOOOOYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY YYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY

JJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJANKANS!

LIGHTNING GUY: Yep, that'll do it.
(Lightning Guy vomits.}

CARTOON BOWSER: I think my ear drums are injured.

{Lemmy/Hip and Iggy/Hop Koopa enter}

LIGHTNING GUY: I totally know who they are.

LEMMY/HIP: What's with all the noise, King Dad?

IGGY/HOP: Hey Lemmy, look! It's Kano!

LEMMY/HIP: Kano! {Lemmy/Hip and Iggy/Hop run over to Kano and hug him}

LIGHTNING GUY: Why would anybody hug that menace to society?

KANO: Hey, guys.

GEMERL: THREAT TO ADORABILITY. AN-LIMINATE! {Blasts Iggy and Lemmy off of Kano, into Bowser.}

LIGHTNING GUY: "I shoot children! That makes me cool!"

IGGY/HOP: Nice shot. {gives thumbs up}

KANO: Hey, I like those two. Why'd you shoot them?

LIGHTNING GUY: "BECAUSE IT MAKES ME COOL!"

GEMERL: THREAT TO ADORABILITY. {turns back to normal} Because you like them. Duh.

KANO: That's not a good reason...

IORI: What does "theat to adorability" mean?

LIGHTNING GUY: It means you can't spell.

GEMERL: THREAT TO MY CUTENESS.

KANO: Threat to your cuteness?!? You're a robot! You don't look... like.... anything......cute! If that is what you mean by threat to your cuteness.

LIGHTNING GUY: I can draw... out.... sentences......too!

GEMERL: {turns his arms into machine guns} WHAT WAS THAT?

KANO: You heard me! You, aren't, cute! You, are, UG-A-LY!

LIGHTNING GUY: I, can, draw, out, sent-a-ences, too!

{Gemerl blasts Kano's head off, then kicks his body into the air, followed by chopping him up further by slicing him with a sword.}

GEMERL: EXTREME FATALITY.

KANO: {ressurects} I hope that made you feel better.

LIGHTNING GUY: I'm still unsatisfied. Do it again.

IORI: Hey, weren't we here to bother Bowser?

KANO: Wait, yeah, we are! Let's do it some more!

{Everyone constantly pokes Bowser's unconcious body.}

LIGHTNING GUY: You people need a hobby.

KANO: {notices Lemmy/Hip and Iggy/Hop are poking Bowser too} H & H, you're poking him too?

LEMMY/HIP: Yeah!

IGGY/HOP: Why not?

LIGHTNING GUY: Maybe because it's your father and you love him?
LIGHTNING GUY: Ha ha! I'm just kidding! Poke him like the selfish pricks you are!

EMERL: Everybody-a-poking!

PATRICK: This is fun.

GEMERL: Oh, very.

IORI: Whee! I like obnoxiously poking people!

LIGHTNING GUY: "Being a sociopath is awesome!"

{A few seconds go by.}

GEMERL: OK, Now this is just boring the crap out of me.

LIGHTNING GUY: Now you know how I feel every second that I'm reading this.

IORI: Yeah. {stops} And Bowser woke up.

CARTOON BOWSER: Can you guys stop poking me?

IORI: How about... Mario Kart? Super Smash Bros? ...Pong?

LIGHTNING GUY: He said, while still poking Bowser.

GEMERL: Sonic Battle? King of Fighters? Mortal Kombat? The unreleased Doctor Who game? Hotel Mario? Watch Legend of Zelda toon?

IORI: Didn't that Sonic fighting game suck?

PATRICK: Didn't Hotel Mario suck? Oh wait, yes it did!

GEMERL: Hasn't everything we've done today sucked?

LIGHTNING GUY: YES

PATRICK: No, not everything. Most of everything we did didn't suck.

LIGHTNING GUY: We have now established that the character of "Patrick" is really good at lying to himself.

GEMERL: Except the Real life Mortal Kombat, annoying Link, and Poking Bowser.

KING: {jumps in} You'll pay for intterupting

LIGHTNING GUY: How much does "intterupting" cost?

and ruining my dinner!

{Gemerl slowly raises his arm, and shoots The King offscreen.}

IORI: Wow, Sephym'n and his character(s) sure have been quiet.

LIGHTNING GUY: That was the weirdest line of anything I ever read.

GEMERL: I think they left and replaced themselves with cardboard cut-outs.

{cut to a cardboard cut-out of the Dalek. it falls over.}

LIGHTNING GUY: Still more interesting than the actual Dalek.

IORI: What makes you say that?

GEMERL: Well, I have a hunch. That, and, they left a note.

IORI: What does the note say?

LIGHTNING GUY: ♫

GEMERL: Well, I'm just gonna say that Dalek wrote it...because it's a pile of ash.

IORI: I see.

PATRICK: So, what do we do next?

LIGHTNING GUY: END THE EPISODE END THE EPISODE END THE EPISODE

GEMERL: Something that consumes about 15 more lines,

LIGHTNING GUY: NO NO NO

then we end the segment. {FOURTH WALL BREAKAGE!!!}

PATRICK: Ok...

EMERL: Can we go to the beach NOW?

GEMERL: Well, I guess...

CARTOON BOWSER: Surprise

LIGHTNING GUY: buttrape

attack! {attempts to surprise attack but Kano shoots him with a laser}

EMERL: BEACH!

{Cut to the beach, where a counter reading "10" is sticking out of the ground.}

GEMERL: Well, this is fun.

LIGHTNING GUY: no it isn't

So, who wants to play volleyball?

{The counter changes to 9.}

PATRICK: Nah.

IORI: Nah.

KANO: Nah.

LIGHTNING GUY: C-C-C-COMBO BREAKER

{The counter falls down to 6.}

KANO: 5...

IORI: 4...

PATRICK: 3...

CD-I MARIO: 2...

CD-I LUIGI: 1...

GEMERL: I kind of hate you guys for this.

{The counter falls down to zero, and the episode ends.}