Zippy Emails/emails/8

Overview

Zippy Email #8: powers

Zippy has to choose a power to have. Hypothetically.

CAST: Zippy, Kooky, Mitch, Young Couple

PLACES: Zippy's Bedroom, Kooky's Lab, Mitch's House, Anytown Mall

PAGE TITLE: Indy X9!

Transcript

{Open: Indy X9.}

ZIPPY: Checking emails, forwards and sdrawkcab! {opens email}

subject: powers

Hey Zippy,
If you had the ability to do anything, what
would that anything be? Also, if you can, explain
why you chose that anything.
See ya!
Conchris

ZIPPY: Wow, do we have a stickler here. What, you want my life story? Check the second email. Anyhow, {typing} that's an interesting question, Chris. Seeing as you're incredibly vague with the word ability, I take it you mean superpower! And this is a tough one. On one hand, I could have x-ray vision... but that would raise this email show to PG-13, and we don't want that. {clears screen} No, Chris, my power of choice is... transformation. The best power ever.

{Cut: Kooky's Lab. Zippy walks in.}

KOOKY: Why if it isn't our regular, Zippy. What do you want?

ZIPPY: I want- I want the transform. Give me the transform.

KOOKY: What are you babbling about?

ZIPPY: Listen, I just got an email, and I want to be able to transform. I'm thinking that you've got the smarts to be able to make a transmogrifier or whatevs.

KOOKY: Zippy, you know that transformation is both implausible and physically impossible.

ZIPPY: What about the Plot Device?

KOOKY: Oh! I have that, don't I?

{Kooky takes out the Plot Device and pushes a big red button on it. Suddenly, a big boxy machine appears behind Kooky.}

ZIPPY: See? That wasn't so hard.

KOOKY: Alright, then. Get in. I don't know how it works, so you figure it out.

{Zippy steps into the machine and presses a button. He is zapped with massive amounts of electricity before stumbling out of the machine and falling over.}

KOOKY: I guess that button doesn't work.

ZIPPY: No, no... I'm... I'm okay.

{Zippy stands up.}

ZIPPY: Did it work? Am I a tyrannosaur yet?

KOOKY: You're a moron, but that's no change.

ZIPPY: Whatever. I wish I was a tyrannosaur.

{Suddenly, Zippy starts to shake. His body morphs into that of a tyrannosaur.}

ZIPPY: Holy... this is amazing!

KOOKY: Oh. That's how it works.

ZIPPY: Wait, wait, wait. I wish I was... a rock monster!

{Zippy turns into a golem shaped vaguely like his former self.}

ZIPPY: Hahahaha awesome! I'm off to go mess with people!

{Zippy trudges off, still a golem.}

KOOKY: Mess with people? Is that all he does?

{Cut: Mitch's House. Mitch is walking to the refrigerator. He opens the fridge and takes a beer. Suddenly, the beer sprouts a face.}

ZIPPY: Hey, Mitchy! I'm Bud!

MITCH: Wh- what?

ZIPPY: You know, you're killing yourself when you drink us! Liver cirrhosis is in your future! Tee-hee!

MITCH: Oh God... oh God! I'm... what's going on?

{Suddenly, Zippy morphs back.}

ZIPPY: Hahaha! Psyche!

{Zippy runs off.}

MITCH: ... {sighs} This is why I drink.

{Cut: Anytown Mall. People are walking by a statue that looks suspiciously like Zippy. A couple stops by.}

MAN: Oh, honey! Look at that statue! Isn't it so neat?

WOMAN: It's so unique!

ZIPPY: Why thank you! I thought that you'd all like the rustic look.

WOMAN: EEK!

MAN: Run!

{The couple runs away.}

ZIPPY: Hahaha. Teenage love.

{Cut: Mitch's House, again. Mitch is drinking at his table. Suddenly, another echidna walks in, who looks a lot like Mitch. Almost exactly like him.}

MITCH: What the... who are you?

ECHIDNA: I'm your shattered future self! Due to years of alcohol abuse, my liver scabbed over to the point where I needed a transplant! I also went half braindead! If you keep drinking, you'll become what I am!

MITCH: Oh God, really? Wait, wait, wait. You're just Zippy, aren't you? You're just Zippy in disguise! Leave right now!

ECHIDNA: Fine. But it's your fault. All yours.

{The echidna walks out. Suddenly, another echidna walks in.}

OTHER ECHIDNA: Hey, look at me! I'm your future self!

MITCH: Zippy, get out.

{The echidna morphs back into Zippy.}

ZIPPY: Oh. Sorry. By the by, this guy popped by, said he was your future self? I didn't believe it. Did you already see him?

MITCH: {distressed} Wait, wh-

ZIPPY: See ya, man.

{Zippy leaves. A few seconds later, Mitch pours his beer into the sink.}

{Cut: Kooky's Lab. Zippy walks in.}

ZIPPY: Hey, Kooks?

KOOKY: Yeah?

ZIPPY: Why can't I transform anymore? I just tried to transform into a pair of ladies underwear, and I couldn't!

KOOKY: Well, it turns out tha- Wait, what? Ladies... underwear?

ZIPPY: Listen, I'd rather you don't question it. Now, why come I can't transform?

KOOKY: According to the manual that came with the time machine, it turns out it only lasts a little while.

ZIPPY: Aw, man! Let me get back in the machine!

KOOKY: Nope. I can't let anyone ever use this again, much like the time machine.

ZIPPY: Come on! Can't you let me use it at least one more time?

KOOKY: Nope. I can't let anyone ever use anything this powerful again. Sorry.

ZIPPY: Damn you and your inventor's code!

{Cut: Indy X9.}

ZIPPY: {typing} Well, Conchy, transformation is the best power ever. Too bad none of you will ever do it. {speaking} That's it for this episode. Peace!

Click here to email Zippy!