Zippy Emails/emails/31

Overview

Zippy Email #31: money

Zippy helps Hammerhead make CASH NOW.

Transcript

ZIPPY: It's season three and I'm still checking emails. Wow. {opens email}

Money

Hello, zippy!
I was planning on getting big brother an orniment, but the price was 250 dollars. Do you know a way to make money fast?
Sincerely,
Hammerhead

ZIPPY: {typing} As some of you may not know, I'm an expert at saving and spending money. That's how I can get cool cool computers like this!

{The Fruity logo appears on the bottom right of the screen for a second. It then disappears.}

ZIPPY: {typing} But seriously, product placement aside. I can give you a bunch of my patented secrets to get money, now!

{A splash screen pops up, reading, "ZIPPY P'S GET CASH NOW!". After a bit, it disappears, and the scene is now in Zippy's kitchen.}

ZIPPY: Now, you may all be wondering... why am I in my kitchen? Simple! I'm going to show you how to conserve your food in order to save money for groceries and gas! It's easy!

{Zippy opens his pantry and pulls out a can of "Warhol's Chicken Noodle Soup".}

ZIPPY: Look at this soup can. It's much more than modern art, kids... it's two meals in one! After you're finished with the soup...

{Zippy pours some soup into a bowl, and then proceeds to start eating the can.}

ZIPPY: {pained} Y-you can eat th-the can! S-see?

{Cut: outside. Zippy is standing next to what appears to be his car.}

ZIPPY: There's another way to save on gas money! Instead of using Ol' Petrolly, just take a can of this!

{Zippy takes out a can of grease.}

ZIPPY: I got it from El Burrito's down the street! Not only is it a good source of natural gas, it also smells great! I can't tell you how many guys tried following my car when I take it on the road... because... nobody has. Yet. But they will! I guarantee it!

{Cut: Zippy's Front Yard. A small stand, with the words "ZIPPY'S K'NICK K'NACKS" on it, is stood up on the lawn. Zippy is sitting behind it.}

ZIPPY: Now, I'm sure you're all saying, "Zippy, you herculean stallion, I thought we were trying to make money!" Which is exactly what I'm doing now!

{Zippy takes out a small sign and drapes it over the stand's counter. It reads "OPEN".}

ZIPPY: One of the best ways to make money is to sell your neighbor's old possessions for money!

{Mitch walks over.}

MITCH: Hey, Zippy. What's up?

ZIPPY: Just selling some things, that's all.

MITCH: Oh, really? I might as well splurge a little bit... Those are some nice shears!

{Mitch picks up a pair of hedge clippers.}

MITCH: Hm... quite sharp-looking. Nice color, little wear... I'll take 'em.

ZIPPY: That'll be thirty dollars.

MITCH: Huh... I'm not surprised. Hold on, let me get some mo- wait a minute...

ZIPPY: Hm?

MITCH: ... These are my hedge clippers! You stole them!

ZIPPY: Thirty bucks and they're yours. Again.

MITCH: Frg... Fine. I did pay fifty for them new, anyhow...

{Mitch hands Zippy some money.}

MITCH: Steal anything from me again and- POW! Right in the kisser.

ZIPPY: Sure thing, Ralph.

{Mitch leaves.}

ZIPPY: See? Easy thirty bucks!

{Cut: Zippy's Bedroom.}

ZIPPY: {typing} So let's review. One, eat everything you've got to save on grocery money. Two, use all-natural biodiesel instead of gasoline. Three, steal your neighbors stuff and sell it back to them at competitive prices. That, my friend, is how one saves money. {speaking} Tune in next time, everybody, when I take skiing lessons! Will it be a breeze, or will I eat powder? Only you can find out!

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