(even if you aren't vegan)
Zippy Emails/emails/19
Overview
Zippy Email #19: future
Zippy goes to a gypsy to find his future.
Transcript
ZIPPY: Oh, check-a check-a check-a check-a check-a your email! {opens email}
subject:future?Dear Zippy,
What do you think will be your future in 10, 20 and 30 years time? I suggest that you try Madame C. Fuchafomunni down the road. She's gooood.
Sincerely,
Not some guy who wants to see if you die in 10, 20 or 30 years time
ZIPPY: {dryly} Wow. Thanks for caring about whether I die or not. Anyhow, {typing} future-telling, huh? To be honest, I've never really considered it. After all, do I really want to know if I die? ... Actually, that sounds pretty interesting. {clears screen} When will I die? I'm getting pretty morbidly curious... To the local run-down carnival!
{Cut: a dirty, depressing carnival. Zippy walks up to a tent. Inside is a Gypsy sitting at a booth, crystal ball in front of her.}
ZIPPY: Hello, ma'am. You must be-
MADAME FUCHAFOMUNNI: Sastipe. Zippy, is it?
ZIPPY: Wow. How do you know my name?
MADAME FUCHAFOMUNNI: I'm a psychic--I should know these things.
ZIPPY: Huh. I've never seen a real psychic!
MADAME FUCHAFOMUNNI: Pachave! It's always nice to see somebody who actually believes in the power.
ZIPPY: Now, then... I'm here to see my future. And- and not the one where I die from alcohol poisoning. I know how that one goes.
MADAME FUCHAFOMUNNI: Then you'll have to pay.
ZIPPY: Oh. I guess you live up to your name.
{Zippy reaches into his bandana and pulls out a five dollar bill. Madame Fuchafomunni takes it.}
MADAME FUCHAFOMUNNI: Thank you, kind duck.
ZIPPY: Actually, I'm a pla-
MADAME FUCHAFOMUNNI: Now, Zippy... gaze into the crystal ball. All shall be seen...
{Fade to white.}
{Cut: a strange, run-down warehouse. The words "Anytown - 2040" appear on the bottom of the screen}
ZIPPY: {v.o.} Wow. Depressing. Why's this place so dirty and brown and dark green and Quake?
{Zippy (who looks much like present-day Zippy, albeit taller, armored and scarred) runs onto the screen, gun in hand.}
ZIPPY: {v.o.} Woah! I'm kick-awesome!
FUTURE ZIPPY: Come on, guys! They're coming!
{A taller Kooky and Mitch follow Zippy. Both are dressed in military uniforms.}
FUTURE ZIPPY: Alright. You're all unharmed?
FUTURE MITCH: Not... not all of us.
{A duck in a fur cap and army gear drags himself into the room. He looks slightly zombified.}
ZIPPY: {v.o.} Hey! It's Monroe! We were good friends in grade school!
FUTURE MONROE: Please... help me...
{Future Zippy takes his gun and shoots Future Monroe.}
ZIPPY: {v.o.} Well. Looks like I offed Monroe. Poor guy.
FUTURE KOOKY: Why, Zippy? Why?
FUTURE ZIPPY: He was a liability. He had to go.
{Cut: the tent.}
ZIPPY: Wow. That's a bit... grim.
MADAME FUCHAFOMUNNI: Yes, but that's how history goes. I am afraid I cannot change it. Good day, sir.
ZIPPY: Wai-wai-wai-wait! I'm not done!
MADAME FUCHAFOMUNNI: Then pay up.
ZIPPY: {groans} Fine.
{Zippy hands Madame Fuchafomunni another five-dollar bill. The crystal ball glows again as the screen fades to white.}
{Cut: a futuristic landscape. The words "Anytown - 20X6 20XX" appear on the bottom of the screen.}
ZIPPY: {v.o.} Twenty exty-ex? Does that year exist?
MADAME FUCHAFOMUNNI: {v.o.} You'd be surprised, young one.
{Suddenly, a purple, anime-looking character runs onto the scene. The camera follows him as he runs toward the futuristic city.}
ZIPPY: {v.o.} What is that? Some sort of... scarf-wearing purple Sonic?
{The purple creature suddenly skids to a stop in front of a building that looks suspiciously like Zippy's house. It enters to a room that looks oddly like Zippy's living room.}
ZIPPY: {v.o.} Wait... I know who this is.
{The camera pans over to show a Knuckles-looking echidna on the couch, with a strange purple raindrop thing in a pet bed.}
ZIPPY: {v.o.} It's all coming back to me... ugh...
ZIPPY K: Hey, hey, hey! I'm back from kicking robot butt and being super cool!
{The purple raindrop creature jumps into Zippy K's arms.}
ZIPPY K: Hey, I missed you too, little guy!
MITSURUGI: So, K... how was it? Being super cool and kicking robot butt?
ZIPPY K: You should have seen it! Dr. Burra had no chance of beating me!
ZIPPY: {v.o.} So, wait. Me in the future... lives with Mitch in the future... and we both try to kill Kooky in the future?
MADAME FUCHAFOMUNNI: {v.o.} Yes. It seems that way.
ZIPPY: {v.o.} Oh. Okay. That's weird.
{Cut: the tent.}
MADAME FUCHAFOMUNNI: Alas, that is all I can say for now. Good day, sir-
ZIPPY: Come on! One more time?
MADAME FUCHAFOMUNNI: You know the drill.
ZIPPY: Mm-hm.
{Zippy hands Madame Fuchafomunni more money and the screen fades to white.}
{Cut: a cyberpunk landscape. On the bottom of the screen, text reads "The World - 2XXX". An armored warrior in purple walks onto the scene, laser sword in hand.}
ZIPPY: {v.o.} Alright, this one I don't recognize. Who... who is this one?
{Zoom in on the warrior. An emblem reading "V" on his shoulderpad is seen. The camera pans to his face as the sound of lasers being fired is heard. The warrior quickly turns around to see robotic bees swarming toward him. Thinking quickly, the warrior jumps in the air and fires a spray of bullets, each hitting a bee and destroying it. Soon after, a gigantic mechanical hornet flies toward him. The warrior takes his laser sword and runs it clean through the hornet robot, taking it out.}
ZIPPY: {v.o.} Woah! That's sweet!
{The warrior puts away his blade and walks off.}
ZIPPY: {v.o.} Man. I can't wait to get my hands on a laser sword.
{Cut: the tent.}
MADAME FUCHAFOMUNNI: Let me guess... once more?
ZIPPY: Nope, I'm good.
MADAME FUCHAFOMUNNI: Really? Well, if you ever need your future told again, I'm always around.
ZIPPY: I guess I'll see you when they email me about my past or something.
{Cut: Zippy's Bedroom.}
ZIPPY: {typing} So there you have it, somebody who's out to get me. I don't die in 10, 20 or 30 years. {speaking} Tune in next time, all! Peace, love.
