Zippy Emails/emails/18

Overview

Zippy Email #18: game show

Zippy runs a game show.

CAST: Zippy, Kooky, Mitch, Syd

PLACES: Zippy's Living Room, a game show set, Zippy's Backyard

PAGE TITLE: ZCell!

Transcript

{Open: Zippy's Living Room. Zippy is watching a game show.}

ANNOUNCER: And you just won a brand new car!

ZIPPY: Lucky jerks.

{The ZCell rings.}

ZIPPY: Oh, great. Another email.

{Zippy opens the ZCell.}

subject: game show

Hey Zippy,

What would it be like if you hosted a game show?

Good jokes,
Iori

{Zippy reads "Iori" as "Io... Rio... Yori? Whatever."}

ZIPPY: {typing} Well, Rory, it would be pretty neat if I do say so myself. But first, you need to consider what kind of game show it should be. After all, I have to artificially extend the run time of this email.

{Cut: a set. Zippy appears on it.}

ZIPPY: {v.o.} It could be one of those unwinnable games where you have to pick suitcases or something.

{A bunch of suitcases appear in a pile beside Zippy.}

ZIPPY: {v.o.} Or one of those games where you have to match cards or play slots.

{A slot machine falls onto the pile of suitcases. It shoots out cards.}

ZIPPY: {v.o.} Or it could be one of those "physical fitness" game shows.

{A bike falls on the pile.}

ZIPPY: {v.o.} Either way, all of those are stupid.

{The pile is set on fire.}

ZIPPY: {v.o.} What the money's really in is the "eat nasty stuff" game shows!

{A pile of worms falls onto the fire, dousing it. Zippy walks over and eats a worm.}

ZIPPY: {v.o.} Yes, anything that invokes the primal urge to throw up is always good in my book!

{The Zippy on the set throws up.}

ZIPPY: {v.o.} But enough about bodily functions.

{Cut: the ZCell.}

ZIPPY: {typing} No, what we should focus on is making this happen. In fact... I'll be back soon!

{Zippy leaves.}

LATER...

{Cut: a set. Mitch, Kooky and Syd are sitting at podiums set up in a corner, while Zippy stands at a larger podium in the other corner.}

ZIPPY: Hello, everyone! And welcome to...

AUDIENCE: EAT NASTY STUFF!

ZIPPY: I'm your host, Zippy P. Platypus. Today, we have three very special contestants. Tell us about yourselves! We'll start with you, the echidna.

MITCH: I'm Mitchell D. Echidna, and--Zippy, you know me. Why do I have to say this?

ZIPPY: Say it for the audience!

MITCH: What audience? That's just a tape player.

{Pan over to show the audience is just a tape player.}

ZIPPY: Fine. Kooky?

KOOKY: I'm Kooky Burra, age 32, inventor. I like long walks on the beach and-

ZIPPY: Yeah, cool. And you, Syd?

SYD: I'm Syd Platypus, age 28, and I own a pet store.

ZIPPY: Alright! Nice to know. Now, everyone, I guess you've gathered that this show is about eating nasty stuff, right?

MITCH: Y-

ZIPPY: Well it is. Alright! Contestant number one, please come up here.

{Mitch walks up to Zippy's podium.}

MITCH: Is this a ploy to get me more air time?

ZIPPY: Hardly! Nobody cares about you.

MITCH: I ghe-!

ZIPPY: Whatever. Now, see this tray?

{Pause.}

ZIPPY: Oh, right.

{Zippy takes out a tray with a cover on it from under his podium.

ZIPPY: See this tray?

MITCH: ... Yes.

ZIPPY: Guess what's under it?

MITCH: ... Nasty food?

ZIPPY: Yep!

{Zippy opens the cover. Underneath is a squiggly black worm.

ZIPPY: This is the giant millipede. Coming from South America, this little guy sprays noxious chemicals from its 'twees. The question is... will you eat it?

MITCH: No.

{Mitch walks away.}

ZIPPY: Fine. Jerk. Contestant number two!

{Kooky walks up to the podium.}

KOOKY: Hm?

ZIPPY: {grabs a spider from the wall} Will you eat this smooshed-up spider?

KOOKY: N- no. No I won't.

{Kooky walks off.}

ZIPPY: ... Fine. Contestant numb-

SYD: I'm out.

{Syd walks off.}

ZIPPY: Great! My game show is a flop.

{The set falls over to reveal he was actually in his backyard.}

ZIPPY: I can't believe I made this for nothing.

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