Yahtzee Style Reviews/Number four

SI chainsaws through Gears of War two.

Raview

People who give popular things sequels must’ve had the same brain of the the chap that thought Thorpe Park should make a ride out of the Saw films. It’s a brain dead idea, which is why no-one liked final fantasy twelve. Whilst on the topic of games at this years E3, I might as well talk about Gears of War two. The game is virtually unchanged from the original GOW, apart from some nifty features like the ability to get into a lightsaber duel, only the lightsabers are chainsaws. You can also crawl away when you’re downed, but the only use that does is heading to your own doom. The main new feature is the brand new story, but that kinda annoys me. Why? Because it ‘’’’’sucks’’’’’. Dom didn’t need a wife, Cole didn’t need a mum, they’re just characters used as support. Also, what’s this “the locust queen is human?!” crap, we all saw it coming, ‘’Cole’’. And to top it all off there’s some god awful new characters, specifically Dizzy. Let me tell you about him: he’s a redneck who constantly calls his car his wife, what? Betty? And then there’s Tai. I was rather saddened by his unsuspected suicide, but still, he’s only an addition to the brain-gnawing story. However, I did get attached to one character: Carmine. He shares , my first name, luckily none of you play Gears of War so you wouldn’t know, ‘cept for Noid. But really, at his death I nearly cried, thanks to being a heart-warming, blissfully unaware, rook who’s constant funny lines made me guffaw at every chance, and did I mention his last lines where really touching?

To make up for the story, there’s the gameplay. Nothing changed from the original, but loads of nifty new weapons, like a huge-ass flamethrower and grenades that puff out squid-ink and slowly infect the lungs of the other sqeaky aliens. Also returning from the original is the chainsaw, which when used spays a delightful shower of blood on your screen like something from Texas Chainsaw Massacre, a film I never saw but did read about with my near obsessive compulsive love of finding out the plot of films I’m never going to get the guts to watch. Xbox live retains the old games, and adds new ones, like the incredibly hair-pully outy hair game Annex. A star wars battlefront (a game I love) style capture point deathmatch.

Anyway, to wrap this all up like yesterdays Christmas presents, the game is mediocre. Sort of a expansion pack to the original GOW, causing me to wonder whether it really was worth fourty quid.

-Not reviewing a wii game any time soon,

SI Yahtzee.