Wikihood/eps/6

Summary

• Dahn briefly establishes what his Bard magic entails, while helping set up for the Fundraiser.
• Leigh and Gordon go out for pierogies, at Katyusha's.
• Garfield travels to Mt. Nottigen, but first drops Lex off at Pleasant Park.
• Lex and Jules encounter the same drug dealer (Bling), and find out they have a fair amount in common with each other.
• Bling and Droll are introduced.
• Xavier D'Arque converses with his ancestor.

Transcript

{The Episode opens, with a shot of the Rosenberg building, still coated in dark clouds compared to an otherwise early morning overcast day. Lightning begins to crackle, as the scene cuts to an event room. A group of laborers is constructing a stage. At the same time, a familiar beggar, now dressed in cleaner clothes, is directing them.}

BEGGAR: We want lights everywhere! We are going to blind the audience with our brilliance, you got it?

{Two more laborers walk in, lugging a DJ system. The beggar yells at them.}

BEGGAR: Be careful with that thing! If you break it, you're gonna be sorry! Seriously, I'll break your legs. I'll make you break each other's legs; I ain't fuckin' around here!

{One intern, out of a crowd of them shown on-screen, turns to Stephanie.}

INTERN: Who's that? Miss Rosenberg didn't mention him...

STEPHANIE: That's "Dahn." He's one of our guys. Mr. D'Arque insisted that we include him in the Fundraiser, as our music director.

{Dahn sits on the half-constructed stage, and calls out to Stephanie.}

DAHN: Yo, Stephy. Fetch me a fizzy, won't ya?

{Stephanie frowns, but goes over to a cooler anyway. She rifles through it, taking out a can of Jolt Cola. She throws the can at Dahn, who catches it flawlessly. He opens the can, begins sipping from it.}

DAHN: Thanks.

{Stephanie leans over to the intern.}

STEPHANIE: {whispering} Frankly, he gives me the creeps. D'Arque seems entirely seduced by him, and I'm not sure why...

{Dahn lights up a cigarette. A familiar face - Jules - takes immediate notice, and approaches him.}

JULES: Yo, bruv! This is a smoke-free building!

DAHN: Dude, I'm a special guest. You can make an exception for me.

{Dahn flashes a toothy grin, revealing a gold tooth.}

JULES: I... don't know what to say to this.

DAHN: Say nothin', babe. Just enjoy the sweet, sweet music.

{A few moments of silence play out, awkwardly.}

JULES: I don't hear anythin', man.

DAHN: Shhhhhhhh. It's in your soul, babe. Listen to the music in your soul.

JULES: Uhhhhhhhh...

{Zoom in on Jules' forehead, as "Because I Got High" by Afroman starts playing. After a few seconds, zoom back out to show Jules leaving a trance state.}

JULES: I think I get you, man.

{Leigh appears next to Jules quietly.}

LEIGH: Hey, Jules; what does "fizzy" mean?

JULES: I don't fuckin' know, probs a synonym for soda or somethin'.

GORDON: {offscreen} Och, Leigh! It's almost our lunch break, an' I wanna get me some pierogies!

{Leigh runs offscreen, an awkward silence between Jules and Dahn otherwise passing the time.}

JULES: So uh... What kind of music you play?

DAHN: Sweet jams we ain't got the rights to, my dude. Sweet jams we ain't got the rights to.

{Cut to Garfield, Lex, and Chaos in the apartment above Katyusha's. It appears to be breakfast time, once again. Garfield can be seen, getting out a jar of grape jelly. He takes some out, using a knife, and spreads it on a hotdog bun on his plate. Then, he gets out a hotdog from a pan on top of the stove, putting it inside the bun. At the same time, Chaos is seen on the couch, flipping through television channels in a state of ennui; Lex is munching on cereal, though this time a different brand than the last. Zoom out, to show that the apartment has been partially kept a "LARP Zone," since the last time it was shown on-screen.}

GARFIELD: I've gotta say, the past couple days have been rather quiet.

CHAOS: Don't we have neighbors who can make things interesting around here?

{Garfield and Lex look at each other.}

LEX: It's just us three, for now.

CHAOS: Yeah, but... how many apartments are on this floor?

LEX: Two. Volkov's living space, and ours.

{Chaos turns off the television.}

CHAOS: All the more motivation for us to get out and do something, while we've got the element of surprise-

GARFIELD: Define "something."

{Garfield points at a familiar bag of ski equipment, on the floor next to Chaos.}

GARFIELD: Do you have plans to go to Mt. Nottigen anytime soon?

CHAOS: No. I just bought ski equipment on happenstance.

{As soon as Chaos says "happenstance," Lex mouths the same word but puts up his hands as if to do airquotes. Garfield chuckles.}

CHAOS: Oh, what are you laughing at?

GARFIELD: A lot of things, generally.

CHAOS: Well, I find it hilarious that we still haven't cleaned up this place.

LEX: We still have a story arc to finish, through-

CHAOS: And I care about your LARPs, why?

LEX: It's how we...

{Lex points at Garfield and himself.}

LEX: ...have fun, mon.

CHAOS: Fun.

{Chaos looks up at Lex, with a scowl on his face.}

CHAOS: Is it "fun" that we are stuck in the middle of the fucking slums with time passing us by?

{Garfield closes his eyes, his expression telling of restrained fury. Lex looks at him concernedly.}

LEX: Garf, it's not worth it.

{Garfield takes deep breaths, his eyes still shut. Lex glances back at Chaos, with an exasperated look of his own.}

LEX: What's the matter with you?

CHAOS: I want three years of my life back.

{Lex's frown widens.}

LEX: So do I, mon.

{Garfield opens his eyes. They are still normal, for once.}

GARFIELD: Well, if you aren't going to go to Mt. Nottigen...

{Garfield decisively gets up.}

GARFIELD: ...then I will. I believe it is the last possible place where an item that once belonged to me can be found.

CHAOS: Uh, what item, exactly?

{Lex also gets up, his expression changing to one of joy.}

LEX: Ooh, a treasure hunt! We haven't done one o' those in a while, Garfield!

{Lex ponders for a moment.}

LEX: ...though, come to think of it...

{Lex shakes his head, and looks crestfallen.}

LEX: I'll have to sit this one out, for once. I gotta get my marijuana prescription refilled, at The Place.

{Garfield nods. He looks uneasy, but keeps his gaze away from Chaos entirely.}

GARFIELD: The Place, eh? I can make a stop by there.

{Garfield and Lex motion to leave. Chaos goes over to them, but he is transparently ignored. The door slams shut behind them, in Chaos' face. The camera cuts to downstairs, at Katyusha's. Garfield and Lex are shown heading into it, through a backdoor.}

LEX: Garf, I thought you already had all the pieces for that Katawa Heart you were makin'?

GARFIELD: I'm missing that one dragon figurine. That would make eighty of them in total. Then, factoring sixty-four Orbs, and the one-hundred-fifty Kinder Eggs we smuggled from Canada...

{Garfield uses his gloved fingers to keep track of all the reagents.}

LEX: What are ya even gonna do with that, anyway?

{Garfield pauses. The two of them are at the door leading out of the front of Katyusha's.}

GARFIELD: Legend has it a Katawa Heart has the power to-

{Garfield gets bonked on the head, by the door opening. He is sent sideways, as Leigh and Gordon come forth. Lex goes over to check on Garfield's well-being, while the camera homes in on Leigh and Gordon.}

LEIGH: Are you sure this is the "best pierogi bar ever?"

GORDON: Sometimes, ye wanna go to a place where erryone knows yer name, ye ken?

{The deli appears to be empty, save for: a concussed Garfield, a concerned Lex, a confused Leigh, a confident Gordon, and a commanding presence, belonging to Volkov.}

VOLKOV: Gordon! It is pleasure to see you!

{Volkov warmly embraces Gordon, who reciprocates not long after. Lex sneaks off, quickly getting Garfield out of the building.}

GORDON: I swear, Leigh. This lad 'ere makes some of the finest pierogis I've ever 'ad!

{Leigh looks around, noticing that nobody else is present.}

LEIGH: I'm going to be level with you; I'm not really sure I'm in the "pierogi" mood.

{Volkov leaves, then re-enters with a fresh tray of pierogis.}

VOLKOV: DID SOMEONE SAY NOT IN THE PIEROGI MOOD?!

{Volkov throws a pierogi into Leigh's mouth.}

VOLKOV: Your day not begin until you've had my pierogies!

{Leigh begins nervously chewing on the pierogi. He proceeds to chew a little more confidently once he realizes it tastes good. He swallows, not long after.}

LEIGH: Wow, these pierogis are good!

GORDON: I told you, lad! These pierogies are amazin'!

{Leigh and Gordon find a table, and sit down. Volkov brings them the tray, then walks back into the kitchen area. Leigh resumes eating pierogis, with Gordon following suit. Zoom out to the outside of Katyusha's, with Lex setting up pillows and blankets to cover a knocked-out Garfield.}

LEX: I guess you could say the door...

{Lex takes out some gold sunglasses, putting them over Garfield's eyes.}

LEX: ...was open.

{The ice cream truck turns on, playing Genie by Girls' Generation - as if on cue. Lex blinks; he clearly expected nothing to happen. After a few seconds, he gets in the driver's seat. He drives to Pleasant Park. The music still plays, with a zoom out to reveal the Townindale map. It shows dots from Little Moscow to Pleasant Park, then the camera cuts to Pleasant Park. Lex is shown failing to put the truck on parking gear, though not for lack of trying.}

LEX: Huh. This is not the first time I've had this problem...

{The music continues to play. Lex gets out of the ice cream truck, with uncertainty in his steps. As soon as he's a distance away, the camera pans back to the truck interior, which shows the contents within shuffling. Garfield's body slides into the driver's seat, with his left foot hitting the pedal by what appears to be coincidence. The camera shows Lex turning around, to see the ice cream truck driving away.}

LEX: Wh-

{Cut back to the ice cream truck, music still playing. Though Garfield does not awaken, the truck acts as if he is piloting it. Though the ice cream truck is steadily speeding along the roads, it narrowly evades various traffic - cones, stop signs, and - lastly - a circle of armoured Dwarf Hellriders. The Hellriders gaze at the ice cream truck as it speeds past them, in pure awe; meanwhile, the ice cream truck heads towards a ramp, does several backflips in mid-air, and lands at the base of Mt. Nottigen. After landing, the music finally ceases. Cut to Lex, in Pleasant Park.}

LEX: Oh, bother.

{Lex heads inside Pleasant Park, taking a firm look of his surroundings. He eventually finds a part of the park - landmarked as "The Place" by a cinderblock. Lex finds another person - a familiar blonde man in a suit.}

JULES: Well, you're deffo not my guy.

{Lex is somewhat amusedly taken aback by this.}

LEX: Who is?

JULES: I was recommended this guy, who-

LEX: Tell me you're not a crack fiend.

{Lex looks Jules - who looks shocked by what he just heard - up and down.}

LEX: Nevermind, mon. Anyway...

{The two of them appear to be looking at their surroundings.}

JULES: Know a guy?

LEX: I... think so?

{Lex shrugs.}

LEX: I have a need and it's fulfilled by him.

JULES: Good luck on finding your guy.

LEX: And also with you.

{Lex and Jules part ways, for a while. The camera focuses on Jules.}

JULES: {internally} Tracy told me 'bout his bro... isn't this his-

{Jules hears a distant sound, of trap music coming from a cellphone. He follows the sounds; as he is "closer" to what he's looking for, the music gets louder. Eventually, he comes across a campfire and what looks to be a hotdog cart. Jules also spots a blond man whose attire consists of a fuzzy X-men jacket, a jet black snapback put on backwards, several pieces of ostentatious gold jewelry, a college T-shirt that says "Purdue" on it, some excessively-long jeans, and a pair of sneakers. This man also appears to be holding a microphone and beatboxing, while the trap music plays from a nearby cellphone.}

BLING: Yo. Yo. Yo. Yo. Yo. Yo. Yo. Yo.
Hit or miss, y'know it's everyday, bro!
I took the kids, a thing that's everyday, bro!
Then I sold 'em for some hyper cocaine, bro!
If you're mad, get in the back of the line
With more behind than Nicki Minaj's behind
I've got a record that's eight miles high
If you're lookin' for a good time,
You know I'm your motherfuckin' guy
Just be warned, I tend to leave {beeps} high n' dry-

{Bling finally notices Jules, and stops.}

JULES: Uh-

BLING: Yo, yo, yo, yo! What it is, motherfucker?! How have you come to find my fuckin' place of business this fine fuckin' day?!

JULES: Through your bro, Tracy.

BLING: That candy-ass {beep}? Y'know he and I are motherfuckin' estranged, right?!

JULES: Shit, sorry to hear.

BLING: Nah, nah, it's cool. I'll forgive you, ONCE I'VE SHOWN YOU MY COLLECTION.

{Bling opens up his hotdog cart. Inside of it, are many bags filled with drugs.}

BLING: Aight, so I'm not sure which one ya want. I've got that good shit, though: marijuana, ecstasy, ketamine, crystal meth, PCP, GHB, LSD, liver disaster tea, Ayahuasca, that cactus {beep}, and Rohypnol. There's more, but that list o' normie stuff is what most of my {beep} customers usually get.

JULES: I'm just here for the good ol' Mary Jane.

{Bling nods, then gets out a bag filled with marijuana.}

BLING: It's gonna cost you four-hundred-and-twenty motherfuckin' boonies.

JULES: Holy smokes, that's overpriced!

{Bling takes out a Glock.}

BLING: You'll pay the full price, or I'll end yo' {beep} ass life!

JULES: Aight, aight. I'll pay the full amount, geez. Don't get your panties in a bun-

BLING: Panties? {Beep}, I do not do that {beep} shit. I knew a guy who did and I'd cap him if not for the fact that I {beep} {beep} a sheep.

JULES: Completely unnecessary, my guy.

{Jules and Bling finish the transaction - Jules writes Bling a cheque. Cut back to Leigh and Gordon in Katyusha's, with Volkov. A few more people have shown up. Leigh looks at a clock in the building.}

LEIGH: Looks like it's time for us to go.

VOLKOV: You have made Pierogi Chefs ecstatic!

{Leigh gets up, as does Gordon.}

GORDON: Can we get some dessert t'go? I'm not quite done yet, but...

{Volkov gives a thumbs-up.}

VOLKOV: I remember what you like. Give me moment.

{Volkov dashes into the kitchen, then gets dessert for Gordon and Leigh, packaged to go. Gordon checks it, and begins biting into some of it. He appears happy.}

GORDON: Good stuff as usual, Volkov!

{Gordon begins making his way out of the door. Leigh looks back at Volkov, nervously.}

LEIGH: Erm, thanks for everything...

{Leigh smiles cheerfully.}

LEIGH: I'm quite impressed by what I ate!

{Leigh follows Gordon out of Katyusha's. Cut back to Pleasant Park, from Lex's point of view.}

LEX: I wonder where 'e is...

{Bling arrives on-screen, through use of his hotdog cart.}

BLING: Leeeeeeeex, my Alien friend! How's it motherfuckin' goin'?! Just here for a prescription refill, my {beep}?

{Lex wordlessly nods, to confirm. Bling gets out another marijuana bag, from within his hotdog cart.}

BLING: It's gonna cost you four-hundred-and-twenty motherfuckin' boonies.

LEX: Mighty Jah, you drive a hard bargain.

{Bling goes over to get out his Glock, but Lex waves his hands in dismissal.}

LEX: It's whatever, mon. Y'know I'm good.

{Lex gives a wad of cash to Bling, who accepts it with a firm nod and a wide smile.}

BLING: Good shit, my {beep}.

LEX: It's a wonder y' ever make it out of prison at all, mon.

BLING: Prison's like that {beep}, near the revolvin' doors. She lets anythin' come out, if it lets her go about. Just like-

{Cut to Garfield, who awakens inside the ice cream truck.}

GARFIELD: {yawns} Great skillet nap. I probably shouldn't try that again, however...

{Garfield takes a look outside of the truck, recognizing it's driven a good portion of the way up Mt. Nottigen.}

GARFIELD: Shit, it's just like my dream. I've been doing this climb in my sleep!

{Garfield continues looking outside, seeing the remainder of Townindale from a decent distance. Zoom in from this distance, to cut back to Lex and Bling. Lex looks to be testing the marijuana, by rolling up a blunt. Bling seems to not take this kindly, but doesn't have his Glock out.}

LEX: There we go! Almost done with th' catchin' up...

{Lex ignites the blunt, with a lighter. He begins smoking, much to Bling's amusement.}

BLING: Careful, my {beep}. That's gonna fuckin' knock your fuckin' lights out.

LEX: It takes more than this to get me through some days, truth be told.

BLING: Okay, now you're reminding me of this other guy I saw earlier. He was kind of a massive {beep} but I let him go on his motherfuckin' way once he paid for his shit. I can't have customers if they're all corpses, y'know?

{Cut to Leigh and Gordon, at the office.}

GORDON: Och, where's Jules when y' need 'im for comic relief?!

LEIGH: It's probably something important...

GORDON: Let's get our paperwork done. If we're quick, mebbe we kin see Jacqui go through thirteen more bottles o' rum.

LEIGH: Yo ho ho, and all that.

{Cut back to Jules, in Pleasant Park. He looks to have made his first marijuana blunt in a while.}

JULES: It sucks to have run out on such short notice...

{Jules begins smoking his blunt. Lex enters the scene.}

LEX: I thought you'd be near.

{Jules and Lex look at each other.}

JULES: How come?

LEX: Looks like we got th' same dealer, mon. I can tell.

{Jules and Lex have visually-matching marijuana bags. Lex gets a good laugh out of it.}

LEX: I wonder what else we've got in common...

JULES: Y'ever feel like you've got this friend who's more or less the only person who brightens your day?

{Lex thinks on this for a moment.}

LEX: Come t' think of it-

{Cut to Garfield, at the top of Mt. Nottigen. He looks to be using knives entirely made out of gold, to act as makeshift lightning rods. Rosenberg Industries' storm clouds are seemingly out of reach from him.}

GARFIELD: Damn it all! I lament not getting the tank fully-juiced with fresh electricity earlier. I don't even know if my collection of French knives will even power a quarter of the ice cream truck.

{Garfield looks around him, slightly in awe.}

GARFIELD: I can't believe I somehow got all the way to the top of Mt. Nottigen, all while pushing a truck up it partway through.

{Garfield begins collapsing, but then re-arranges himself. He gets out a picnic basket, and takes out teacups and crumpets from it, while looking around for some logs to produce firewood.}

GARFIELD: How about some tea & crumpets, Shadaria?

{The ice cream truck honks in response.}

GARFIELD: Yeah, we'll go over nicknames for you later. I thought that one was good.

{The ice cream truck continues honking. Garfield rifles through more of his picnic basket.}

GARFIELD: I know, I know. I'm looking for the red beef curry ingredients!

{Cut to Lex and Jules, as they continue talking.}

LEX: -yeah.

JULES: Well, I-

{Cut back to Leigh and Gordon, who are in Jacqueline's office.}

JACQUELINE: Wow, you guys have been surprisingly more productive than usual!

GORDON: We jus' got some inspiration.

JACQUELINE: Inspiration, eh?

{Jacqueline looks slightly skeptical.}

JACQUELINE: Better not curb your enthusiasm, once this Fundraiser blows over...

{Jacqueline shakes her head.}

LEIGH: I look forward to being this productive every time I come to work! It's so riveting!

{Jacqueline smirks at Leigh.}

JACQUELINE: I suppose it fills a void of some kind, for you.

LEIGH: Oh, definitely!

GORDON: Fills th' same kind o' void fer me, lad.

{Jacqueline begins checking the office work that Gordon and Leigh have produced for her. She gets out a bottle of whiskey, marked as her twentieth.}

JACQUELINE: You're both free to go. I can't really invent some other task for you guys to do. Just make sure you don't cause any trouble for that D'Arque guy. He kind of pisses me off, whenever I think about him...

{Leigh and Gordon both nod, leaving the scene. Jacqueline begins opening her bottle, and guzzles from it. Cut back to Lex and Jules.}

LEX: Huh. That does sound familiar to what my friends might do.

JULES: I know, right?

LEX: Well, I at least know one Wizard. He-

{Cut to Chaos, who looks to be twiddling his thumbs.}

CHAOS: God, I hate that they just up and left without me. They're probably doing something cool!

{Chaos' eyes shift to Garfield's room. The door to it is closed.}

CHAOS: Garfield and Lex are holding out on me. Their LARP descriptions always cause me some suspicion...

{Chaos opens the door to Garfield's bedroom. As he's about to enter, cut back to Lex and Jules.}

JULES: He sounds like a complete asshole.

LEX: Nah, life just kind of messes 'im up.

JULES: What, did Bugs Bunny fuck his wife, or something?

LEX: Chaos never married.

{Jules blinks.}

JULES: Oh!

{Pan to Bling, who is pushing his hotdog cart.}

BLING: Why the motherfuck does Lex's money motherfuckin' remind me of some {beep} ass Monopoly money...?

{Bling re-examines the money, in a different compartment of the hotdog cart. His eyes widen.}

BLING: That no-good {beep} motherfucker. He's gettin' that ass banned from my wares.

{Cut back to Lex and Jules. They look to be heading their separate ways.}

JULES: I should probably go make sure my friends aren't in any trouble with Aunty.

LEX: And I should make sure the Chief of Police doesn't have Chaos in custody. Again.

{Jules snickers.}

JULES: That sounds like a fun story. I'd love to hear it, when next we meet!

{Jules and Lex wave each other goodbye. The camera fixates on Lex.}

LEX: I just recognized something.

{Pan to an empty part of the parking lot, where the ice cream truck once was.}

LEX: Where is my truck?

{Suddenly, it begins raining. Thunder begins crackling, as the camera cuts to the source of it. The ice cream truck gets zapped by it, with Garfield now being inside the truck, and looking to finish the last of his curry.}

GARFIELD: Woohoo! We've got power again, it looks like!

{Garfield gets in the driver's seat, and begins driving down Mt. Nottigen. Cut back to Lex, who begins attempting to walk home. He is intercepted by Bling.}

LEX: Oh, uh-

{Bling flashes Lex's wad of cash.}

BLING: Yo, Lex! You're one dumb motherfucker if you think your {beep} shit with the money is gonna save you! Get that ass banned from life!

{Bling takes out his Glock. Lex slaps him.}

LEX: No, not today.

{Bling and Lex begin punching each other, but Lex quickly wins the fight and begins running away. He calls 911, when he's a good distance away from Bling. Moments later, police sirens can be faintly heard. Bling tries to reach for his Glock, but it is stepped on by the Chief of Police, who shows up with a taser and some handcuffs.}

CHIEF: I didn't think we'd see each other again, Bling... but, here we are. Just what the hell did you think you were doin' with this Glock?

BLING: Motherfuckin' Leeeeeeeex!

{Cut to Garfield, who is now in Little Moscow, what looks to be a few hours later than everyone else. He feels slightly jovial, with the truck parking of its own accord - in the parking lot, now. He gets out of it, and heads inside to Katyusha's. The scene he bears witness to is one in media res - Lex, Chaos, and Volkov look to be arguing - Chaos is also holding a noiceably bulky AxeSword, which Garfield recognizes.}

CHAOS: Oh, so I'm just supposed to believe this thing is-

GARFIELD: Is there something I can help you with, Distinguished Guests?

{Chaos, Lex, and Volkov all turn to face Garfield. A smile slowly forms, on Chaos' face.}

CHAOS: Oh, good! You're here...

{Chaos tries physically lifting the AxeSword, intensely struggling to do so.}

GARFIELD: Um, what exactly are you trying to do?

{Chaos continues to struggle. After a while, he decides to take the magical route, but it proves to also be an arduous task. Garfield wears an expression of horror.}

GARFIELD: You clearly have no idea what you're doing!

VOLKOV: Chaos, what are you-

{Chaos groans even further.}

CHAOS: HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU CARRY SOMETHING SO HEAVY?!

GARFIELD: I make it a point to not skip Leg Day, if I can help it.

{Chaos' magical lifting causes the Axe-Sword to nearly drop on him. His hands glow fel-green, which causes him to have more control over the Axe-Sword.}

CHAOS: Alright. Now, I had a line of questioning for you about something I overlooked.

{Chaos begins steadily losing control over the Axe-Sword.}

CHAOS: Oh, shit. Oh, shit. Hang on, I-

{The AxeSword starts to dissipate, becoming broken particles of light. The stormy weather outside blows a wind in, and sends the particles flying out of Katyusha's, much to Garfield's sadness. His eyelids lower, as he gazes at Chaos menacingly.}

GARFIELD: Are you done?

{Garfield closes his eyes. He turns away from everyone, sighing sadly. Garfield's eyes remain normal, but other telltale signs of intense anger from him manifest themselves instead.}

GARFIELD: Why is it that you antagonize us so much?!

{Garfield looks to be on the verge of tears. Chaos is visibly taken aback.}

CHAOS: Dude, I didn't even break it on purpose! How much did that even cost, anyway?

{Garfield closes his eyes, taking deep breaths.}

GARFIELD: That AxeSword was one of the first items I ever made, from scratch! It cost me some rare metals and a lot of time, but in the end it wound up not being expensive at all!

{Chaos looks visibly shocked.}

CHAOS: Wow, if it had that much value to you, I probably would've paid a lot more careful attention to-

GARFIELD: That's the problem, Edgymancer! You seem to give so little a shit about anyone other than yourself! You're not different from D'Arque, how can you not see that?!

CHAOS: That's a low blow, man.

GARFIELD: No. You need an ego deflation.

{Lex and Volkov make hand-wave gestures.}

VOLKOV: This was accident!

LEX: Yeah, mon! If ye had been in the conversation, you'd have seen he-

{Garfield starts wiping tears from his face.}

GARFIELD: Oh, fuck this! I was having a good day, then I come back from climbing up all the way to Mt. Nottigen - while pushing an ice cream truck I caused to run out of electricity up it, no less - to see that Edgymancer is doing his usual "peeing on me" and "peeing on Lex" thing. I was hoping to brag to everyone at my workplace about how invigorating it felt to have a day where things don't get hijacked by some assfuck! But noooooooo~

{Garfield points at Chaos.}

GARFIELD: You just have to keep peeing on us!

CHAOS: So is this "peeing on you guys" thing a reference of some kind? 'Cause I'm pretty sure you just described-

LEX: I don't think he's bein' literal.

{Garfield snarls, unsure if anyone present is taking him seriously. As a result, he wordlessly marches to the back of Katyusha's, leaving everyone speechless. Garfield slams the door leading up to the apartment behind him, doing so as loudly as possible. The camera fixates on him, as he ascends the steps, for a few seconds. Then, it cuts back to Chaos, Lex, and Volkov.}

VOLKOV: I should probably talk to him...

{Volkov heads into the back of Katyusha's. He heads upstairs, and the camera fast-forwards to Volkov knocking on Garfield's bedroom door.}

VOLKOV: Can friend come in?

GARFIELD: {muffled} Sure, I guess...

{Volkov opens the door. Garfield looks to be blowing his nose.}

VOLKOV: I hope resentment not boil over into anything drastic.

GARFIELD: Nah. That is going to be one hell of a weapon to replace, though...

VOLKOV: Maybe event will occur that gives spiritual successor.

{Garfield sighs.}

GARFIELD: I hope so. I haven't been to a high-end auction in god-knows-how-long.

VOLKOV: That long, eh?

{Garfield nods.}

VOLKOV: Y'know Chaos isn't bad guy, right?

{Garfield winces.}

GARFIELD: His time as a nuisance doesn't convince me of that. But, I think Lex has tried to convince me of the same, before. I presume your intent is to corroborate, yeah?

{Volkov nods.}

VOLKOV: Chaos has issues of his own. Perhaps your advantages can help him. He's been looking for job, for quite a while. He's also out of his element, though that is definitely obvious.

GARFIELD: It is.

VOLKOV: So, what is verdict? Can you reconcile with former jailbird?

{Garfield begins pondering. After a few seconds of rumination, his eyes glow red.}

GARFIELD: I'm going to help Chaos sort his shit out, even if it kills me!

VOLKOV: That's spirit!

{Cut to Jules, who has returned to the Fundraiser event room. He sees Leigh, Gordon, and Dahn talking amongst themselves. The conversation looks to have ended.}

DAHN: That's just fine; thanks, my Drotha.

LEIGH: I-

GORDON: Is this a thing or summit? Oi remember Jules callin' ya that, too, a few times...

LEIGH: I'm not a Drow, for Pete's sake!

{Jules motions over to Leigh, pulling him off to the side, his arm around his shoulder. Dahn and Gordon continue to converse amongst themselves, as if nothing happened.}

JULES: Hey man, hey. It's alright, he didn't know. No need to flip your tits, aight?

LEIGH: You're right, you're right...

{Leigh blinks.}

LEIGH: You weren't even there for the full conversation!

JULES: Dude, you seem to be legitimately fearful of people callin' you a Drow, so I thought I'd try to cheer ya up.

LEIGH: I appreciate that.

{An idea comes into Leigh's head.}

LEIGH: Hey, I wanted to ask you something. You have a "Crew" you roll with, right?

{Jules starts to look nervous.}

JULES: Uh... yeah. Definitely do. You aren't my only real friend, that's for sure.

LEIGH: We need Security for the event, don't we? I thought, "Who better for the job than the most intimidating guy I know?"

JULES: I dunno, man. You ever hear of Altamont?

LEIGH: No.

JULES: In that case, I'll do it. Just let me go uh... call my "Crew"...

{Jules runs off around the corner.}

JULES: Oh shit.

{Cut to Xavier D'Arque, being escorted into the Gauzy Girl Theatre by a small greyish-green goblin in a suit.}

XAVIER: So you're from the Bayou. What's it like there? I've never actually been.

DROLL: It's a bit of a shithole, but it's my shithole, y'know?

XAVIER: I get you. Sometimes I get tired of the high life, myself. I envy people like you. I've seen pictures and videos from those areas. You all look so poor, but you seem so happy.

DROLL: {sarcastically} Gee. Thanks.

{The two go through the dusty and abandoned theatre until they reach the backstage area, which has been redecorated in the style of a colonial-era throneroom. Sitting in the throne is a man with rotted flesh and a mostly visible skull, dressed in dapper and dusty clothing. Droll bows to the undead individual before exiting the scene. The individual stands up, as Xavier goes over to shake his hand.}

XAVIER: I have followed your advice to the letter. The Fundraiser goes as scheduled, and everything is going entirely to plan.

????????: Y'ave done well in following my orders, Xavier. T'will not be long until the D'Arque family name is returned to its former glory. You will take your rightful place as the head of it, with me by your side.

{Zoom out of the theatre, as the camera pans towards a nearby cemetery. Lightning strikes, signalling the Episode's end.}