Wikihood/arc/49

Synopsis

Noxigar backtracks to worlds he's previously looked at, starting with the Metal Gear Solid universe and defeating FOXHOUND. Meanwhile, Joseph and Jacques defeat mazes. Joseph's maze has a human-hungry Minotaur Nobody, while Jacques' maze has a time limit of 8 hours. Who will defeat their maze first?

Transcript

{Noxigar is at Glagitar, his fortress. With a fresh and new sketchbook, he destroys the Street Fighter universe, and creates Bisonopolis in its stead via artwork. He then approaches M. Bison's bedroom and proceeds to show him the sketchbook drawing. He nods as he turns many of the pages, then gives Noxigar a shoulder hug.}

M. BISON: You will forever be a hero of Bisonopolis, Noxigar.

NOXIGAR: Thanks!

M. BISON: I shall assemble my troops and we shall rule Bisonopolis, forever in peace.

{M. Bison salutes Noxigar as they all prepare departure. Noxigar draws a teleportation machine that M. Bison and his men use to get to their new planet of Bisonopolis.}

NOXIGAR: My work has led to excellent results, aside from Strong Sad's reforming himself which led to him mentioning gas masks, then a heart attack. I wonder what that meant...

{Noxigar looks at his window. The asteroid layers on the stars are no more, and the stars orbit Glagitar still.}

NOXIGAR: My Nobodies have finally finished mining the layers of asteroids. Let's see what power these stars have. Wait... did I recruit any astrophysicists? I didn't, did I? There has to be someone who knows enough about stars to inform me why these particular ones are orbiting my fortress.

{Noxigar sits back down, then thinks.}

NOXIGAR: When Tannenbaum told me that no one would be able to get through my defenses without an inside job...

{Flasback of Tannenbaum informing Noxigar, then turning around to Psycho Mantis with a grin.}

NOXIGAR: He mentioned that he and Psycho Mantis were immune to whatever gas the Void had due to gas masks...

{Flashback of Psycho Mantis and Tannenbaum in the Void talking about gas masks.}

NOXIGAR: Gas mask...

{Flashback of Strong Sad collapsing, talking about a gas mask before his heart attack.}

NOXIGAR: Perhaps I shall go back to the Metal Gear Solid universe, and see what is going on. If this is just some weird virus FOXHOUND created, then maybe I can use it for my own purposes.

{Flashback of Psycho Mantis hating humanity.}

NOXIGAR: But... if Mantis is the "inside job" Tannenbaum was mentioning, and if he killed Strong Sad...

{Noxigar stands back up.}

NOXIGAR: I hope Mantis' plans don't involve my demise. That would probably explain some of those instances Tannenbaum was mentioning.

{Noxigar creates a corridor of darkness to the Metal Gear Solid universe. He arrives where Psycho Mantis would have, in order to challenge Solid Snake. Meryl Silverburgh is standing beside him.}

SOLID SNAKE: ...you look nothing like Psycho Mantis. Who are you?

NOXIGAR: Name's Noxigar, Number 0 of Organization XIII, or as I prefer to call it, the 13th Order.

MERYL: Wait.. I don't recall hearing about this guy! Is he even part of FOXHOUND?

NOXIGAR: Nope. Just your average Nobody looking for a way to make more Heartlesses.

SOLID SNAKE: Perhaps I shouldn't ask, but... what the hell are you talking about?

NOXIGAR: Well, as you can see, it involves a process known as recruitment. I'm looking for more members of Organization XIII. An inside job from one of our own killed most of the members. I was the one remaining, as was he. I recruited a Namine out of niceness and thinking it would be something Saix or Xigbar would do.

MERYL: Namine? Saix? ...Xigbar? Who are these people?

SOLID SNAKE: You're talking waaaay over my head. Anyway, can you help me at-?

{The entrance to the later part of the facility is already shown to Snake.}

SOLID SNAKE: Nevermind. I have work to do, do you want to chat later?

NOXIGAR: Yeah. But one thing: I don't smoke.

SOLID SNAKE: Not like you need to worry, it sounds like.

NOXIGAR: I worry about myself, but the ways to worry differ for me than for you.

SOLID SNAKE: Hmm. Anyway, yeah. Meet me after this whole Shadow Moses shebang is-

NOXIGAR: I'd like to help you, actually.

SOLID SNAKE: You can start by telling me where Psycho Mantis went.

NOXIGAR: He probably left because, being a psychic, he must've realized his life was more important than nuclear weaponry.

MERYL: Pfft. I leave it down to cowardice. You can never trust a follower of Liquid.

SOLID SNAKE: You don't know where he is?

NOXIGAR: How about I take over Shadow Moses for you-

{Noxigar opens a corridor of darkness.}

SOLID SNAKE: -while you handle FOXHOUND? These guys are dangerous. Won't you need firearms?

{Noxigar takes out Xigbar's arrow-guns, placing "bullets" laced with venom.}

SOLID SNAKE: Oh. What would you be if you were a soldier?

NOXIGAR: Venom...Monitor. Like a monitor lizard.

{Solid Snake shrugs, tossing a codec to Noxigar.}

SOLID SNAKE: If you need me, my radio wave signal will be 888.80.

{Snake and Meryl both go through the corridor to Glagitar. Noxigar then goes through to the facility.}

NOXIGAR: Follower of Liquid? Well, guess this "Liquid" needs to be taken out. Maybe if I had that FoxDie virus placed in him...

{Noxigar checks himself, out of chemicals.}

NOXIGAR: At some point I'll need to stop and get more poisons and antidotes. Left some liquid "medicines" for Dr. Wilson since he habitually drinks. I think Dr. House might like them, too.

{Noxigar grins to himself, then takes out the sketchbook to draw. He starts drawing.}

NOXIGAR: I don't seem to be anywhere particularly important right now, so I might draw some things. How about that chemical factory, right? Or maybe check-

{A bounty hunter arrives with a claymore.}

BOUNTY HUNTER: You're going to be somewhere particularly important, all right.

NOXIGAR: Didn't I defeat one of you guys earlier in my travels? What makes you think you're so special?

BOUNTY HUNTER: I don't make myself obvious with ranged weaponry. I stick to getting close and personal.

{Noxigar takes out a smoky vial. The bounty hunter puts on goggles.}

BOUNTY HUNTER: Smoke won't stop me.

{Noxigar throws it in the air, where it causes the fire alarm to go off. It rains. Noxigar then places a gas vial on the ground near the bounty hunter. The gas cloud morphs into an elemental which beats the bounty hunter to death while Noxigar runs forward.}

NOXIGAR: {to himself} Smoke may not stop you, but mist elementals will.

{Noxigar stops, as he finds himself in a long, open corridor. A woman in standing at the very end on the second floor, ready to greet Noxigar.}

SNIPER WOLF: What is this? You're not the Solid Snake that I've been told about!

NOXIGAR: No, but my snake sure is solid. Hah, just kidding. Name's Noxigar. Organization XIII member doing Snake a favor and killing Liquid while defeating his lackeys. Sadly enough, while I find you attractive, I'm afraid you're in the way.

SNIPER WOLF: Wait-.. You want to kill Liquid? Not stop Metal Gear? {Flashback: Liquid Snake and the rest of the FOXHOUND members at a meeting. Psycho Mantis sitting with them.}

LIQUID: This is bad! This is really bloody bad!! SNAKE HASN'T EVEN BEEN HERE FIVE MINUTES, AND DECOY OCTOPUS IS ALREADY DEAD! AND ABOVE THAT, WE HAVE AN ROBOTIC MENTAL PATIENT RUNNING AROUND THE FACILITY, KILLING EVERYONE HE SEES! ...He's even crippled Ocelot!

{Ocelot sighs as he raises his right arm, which has a bloody stump where his hand used to be.}

LIQUID: Because of this setback, I've decided to make plans. Psycho Mantis.

PSYCHO MANTIS: Yes sir?

LIQUID: You will be the first to face Snake. The path he's currently going leads straight to your office. Your job will be to stop him from going through at all costs. And remember- Bring him to me. ALIVE.

PSYCHO MANTIS: Right.

LIQUID: And you, Sniper Wolf.. You will be the next to face him, just in case Mantis fails at his job. I want you to patrol the hallway, keeping an eye out for Snake. You need to stop him from reaching Metal Gear!

SNIPER WOLF: Very well. I shall do that.

{End flashback.}

SNIPER WOLF: {To Noxigar} Excuse me for a second. {Pulls out a device and presses a few buttons on it.} There. You should now have full clearance to go ahead. {Gestures to the door and smiles} Enjoy killing Liquid. I never really liked him, to be honest.

{Noxigar opens a corridor of darkness.}

NOXIGAR: A door for me? Here's a door for you. I have a fortress where one can rest.

{Noxigar walks towards the next part of the facility while Sniper Wolf goes towards the corridor of darkness. Cut to the Metal Gear REX briefing room. Liquid is now standing there, with both Ocelot and Vulcan Raven with him, having just watched the previous events through camera.}

LIQUID: ..No way. THIS MAN IS RUINING EVERYTHING!! FIRST PSYCHO MANTIS GOES WITHOUT A TRACE, THEN SNIPER WOLF DECIDES TO BUGGER OFF AS WELL! Vulcan Raven.. You know what to do.

VULCAN RAVEN: Yes.. I know exactly what to do. Destroy this man at all costs.

LIQUID: That's right.

{Vulcan Raven leaves the room for Noxigar. Cut back}

NOXIGAR: It's sad I never visited worlds when the other Organization members did stuff. Perhaps because I'm not a person of stealth. Still, though. They let that chump Roxas do missions, and I knew he would not be good at stealth. I guess being Number 0 is the closest to nothingness I get as a member of a defunct group of people. Well, let's see who else of FOXHOUND I can rescue from their fates.

{The whirring of a minigun is heard as Vulcan Raven enters the room.}

VULCAN RAVEN: So you're the one who's been messing with the master's plans, are you? Hmph. I can honestly say that you've done quite well. You've even managed to evade the security cameras. But unfortunately, all good things must come to a end.

NOXIGAR: It seems you and I have a lot in common. You are loyal, despite the fact TVTropes will label you Neutral Evil as they have done with my former companions in Organization XIII. Well, most of them. The clone and the traitor are Chaotic Neutral.

{OOC: I missed the live stream of whatever it was. Bloody great, since I had classes during it.}

VULCAN RAVEN: ...TVTropes? Can you please make some sense?

NOXIGAR: No.

{Noxigar takes out one of Xigbar's Freeshooters and shoots Vulcan Raven's minigun, then shoots again to hit Vulcan Raven, you guessed it, in the heart.}

NOXIGAR: You'd make a really decent member of the 13th Order.

{Vulcan Raven collapses, turning into a small Heartless. Noxigar lets the Heartless live for a few seconds, then shoots it in the head. He smirks at the camera.}

NOXIGAR: Organization XIII- 3. FOXHOUND Loser Named Liquid - Negative 1. Now, I wonder how I'd go back in time and save Decoy Octopus...

{Suddenly, a huge storm of guards burst through all enterances with their guns on Noxigar.}

GUARD J: M..m.. Mister... Sir.. L...l..LIQUID HAS ORDERED US TO TAKE YOU TO HIM! Oh no.. Oh god no.. {His stomach growls wildly, and then a squelching sound is heard. He runs off, revealing that he has brown trousers.}

GUARD #1: Ugh. That Johnny.. I don't even know why he works here..

NOXIGAR: I suppose I can see Liquid with an escort. No need to waste a Poison Nova on cowards, am I right?

GUARD #2: Cowards? Hmm..

{Cut to a montage of Noxigar walking through the rest of the facility, being accompanied by Guard J, who has his gun pointed at Noxigar at all times, and his knees wobbling. Finally, they're in the final part of the Shadow Moses facility. The Metal Gear REX control room. Liquid is standing at the entrance, now with his shirt off. Guard J runs off in terror and fear, browning his trousers once again.}

LIQUID: Well, well, well.. If it isn't the one who's been interfering with my plans!

NOXIGAR: Yep. Your guards shat themselves. May I ask why?

LIQUID: Oh lord. {Facepalms} Yeah... His name's Johnny. Johnny Sasaki. He umm.. has irritable bowel syndrome. He tends to soil himself in situations such as these.

NOXIGAR: Well, if it's any indication, I had the decency to spare your grunts and spare Sniper Wolf. I also gave Vulcan Raven the chance to join the 13th Order by not completely obliterating his existence. So... why does Solid Snake want your ass kicked so badly?

LIQUID: Oh no, you've got it all wrong. He only wants to stop me. If anything, it's ME who wants HIS ass kicked!

NOXIGAR: Very well. I volunteered to help Solid Snake. It helps when he, Psycho Mantis, and Sniper Wolf will all be in the same location simultaneously. Oh, and Snake's girlfriend Meryl. Not sure how she'll fare in all of this. Anyway, my frotress of Glagitar is where all of them are. Why? Because I'm testing them to see who of them becomes the strongest when they inevitably duke it out against each other. Say, have you seen Revolver Ocelot or Decoy Octopus? I thought I'd run into them.

LIQUID: Well, Decoy Octopus is dead. He passed, due to the FoxDie virus. And as for Ocelot, I really have no idea.

NOXIGAR: ...that sucks. Wait, who made this "FoxDie" virus?

LIQUID: That would be Naomi Hunter, former member of FOXHOUND. Unlike normal viruses, FoxDie only kills those who it's programmed to. And due to Solid Snake's prescense here, the virus has spread throughout the facility. I fear that even I have got it.

?????: A virus? That kills people? Well well. Looks like we have ourselves a dangerous game we're playing.

{A bounty hunter, more fancily-dressed than the previous bounty hunters, approaches.}

?????: You killed my previous companions, Noxigar of the 13th Order. How convenient that I also get to kill Liquid Snake in the process.

NOXIGAR: Pardon? Why do you fleas keep finding me?

?????: I happen to be a high-ranking bounty hunter. Not like it's difficult to find a high-class bounty such as yourself. You keep rising in bounty class every time you successfully defeat one of us.

NOXIGAR: Wait, that's how I keep being followed? Well, it looks like there is much more that must be explained by my hologram-using future selves.

{Noxigar takes out yellow daggers, Fouge.}

?????: I have a kit of antivenoms to counter your poisons, so unless-

{Noxigar vanishes out of nowhere. The bounty hunter looks around, confused. After a few seconds pass, the bounty hunter hears a knife go through his back, and the bounty hunter collapses.}

NOXIGAR: Ew! Now I have to wash Fouge now! It's touched the blood of stupid people!

{The bounty hunter gets back, and in surprise, turns to Liquid. He psychokinetically has the Metal Gear REX fall on top of him and Liquid. A man walks up to Noxigar and gives him a friendly pat on the back.}

REVOLVER OCELOT: I'd clap for you if I didn't only have one hand. But honestly, I must congratulate you on a job well done! You did all this faster than Snake ever could! Of course, providing that you did take a few short-cuts.. But the results are all the same, right? {Grins}

{Cut to Jacques, wondering around the labyrinth, where he stumbles upon a group of furry bird-like creatures who are dancing around a fire. They notice his presence, and they all start jumping at him.}

JACQUES: Whoa! What the hell is going on here?

FIREY #1: WESA GON' HAVE A GOOD TIME!! {Jumps up and down}

{Music starts playing in the background as Jacques looks even more confused than before}

FIREY #2: DON'T HAVE NO PROBLEM?

FIRE GANG: NO PROBLEM!

FIREY #2: AIN'T GOT NO SUITCASE?

FIRE GANG: NO SUITCASE!

FIREY 2: DON'T HAVE NO CLOTHES TO WORRY ABOUT?

FIRE GANG: NO CLOTHES TO WORRY ABOUT!

FIREY 2: AIN'T GOT NO REAL ESTATE OR JEWELLERY BINDING ME, YEAH!

FIREY 1: BAD LUCK!

FIREY 2: WE CAN SHOW YOU A GOOD TIME!

FIRE GANG: SHOW YOU A GOOD TIME!

FIREY 1: AND WE DON'T JUDGE NOTHING.

FIREY 3: Just strut your nasty stuff, wiggle in the middle yeah, get you talking to the fun gang..

FIRE GANG: {Singing} CHILLY DOWN WITH THE FUN GANG,

THINK SMALL WITH THE FUN GANG,

BANG HIPS WITH THE FUN GANG,

WHEN YOU THINK IT'S HARD,

CHILLY DOWN, CHILLY DOWN!!

{Firey 2 then puts his fingers into his eye-sockets and gouges his eyeballs. He throws them onto the ground like a pair of dice, only to pick them up again and swallow them. He opens his eyelids to reveal that they're back in place.}

JACQUES: This is really creepy.

{Firey 3 rips off his head and kicks it over to Firey 1, who starts bouncing it like a basketball. They all volley the head around a bit, before tossing it back onto Firey 3's body. They all laugh in unison.}

FIREY 1: WILD AND CRAZY, REALLY LAZY, HIGH ROLLIN, FUNKY STROLLING, BALL PLAYING

HIPS SWAYING, TROUBLE MAKING, BOODY SHAKING, DRIPPING, PASSING, JUMPING

BOUNCING, BRAWLING, STYLIN, CREEPING, POUNCING, SHOUTING, SCREAMING

DOUBLE-DEALING, ROCK-N-ROLLING, AND OH REELING

WITH THE MAX IN SEX APPEAL

CAN YOU THINK I GREW WITH FEELING?

JACQUES: Ugh, okay. That's it, I'm going!

FIREY 2: YOU'RE GOING? BUT WE DIDN'T EVEN GET TO PULL OFF YOUR HEAD!

{The Fire Gang try to pile up on Jacques, who shakes them off and tries to flee while they start chasing him. However, he finds a nearby wall and uses his grappling hook to climb up on top of the wall, evading the Fire Gang. They throw their heads up in the air as a last effort to capture Jacques, but he just shoos them off.}

JACQUES: Wow.. I can honestly say.. That was one of the oddest moments I have experienced in my life.. Ever.

{Cut to Oiracul, who looks at his watch after being at the end of the maze. He sees the Minotaur Nobody chase after some of the other characters. Oiracul opens the watch.}

OIRACUL: Noxigar isn't at Maze World like he said he'd be. The reason I know is because his Minotaur Nobody made this maze several times easier to traverse to the other side.

??????: Pff. Oh, Oiracul, you humor me often. The stories Jacques tells me about your helping him are astonishingly bizarre.

OIRACUL: All I ask is that you stop giving Jacques the really absurd bounties and give him something more serious.

??????: It takes two to tango, homeboy. You have yet to find Noxigar yourself. He's been leading you on a wild goose chase just like he lead Jacques through.

OIRACUL: Bounties worth their salt are supposed to do that. This one I've underestimated, admittedly.

??????: Destroy Maze World, then go to Jareth's labyrinth and get the Crystal Ball. Your werewolf powers should be able to penetrate the walls as though they were paper dolls. I expect Jacques to take longer than 8 hours. You? You'll get the job done in less than five.

OIRACUL: Let Jacques handle it himself, 'kay? I already helped save his ass so many times. The 70-30 my-way deals aren't looking to pleasant on his part.

??????: Meh. You deserve that 70% of the split 70% of the time. It's some of the more basic bounties that Jacques screws up that make it seem unfair.

{OOC: I should make Oiracul a character anyone can control. His affiliations alone are reason to do this.}

OIRACUL: We'll see. Right now I have to help my friends in the maze who are going to end up killed by a mockery of Greek mythology.

??????: Alright. Do not tell Jacques I've assigned you to the same bounty as him.

OIRACUL: I always help Jacques. But sure. Anyway, gotta go. Fare thee well.

{Oiracul shuts off his watch as he notices the moon, then turns into a werewolf. He howls, attracting the Minotaur's attention. Oiracul's arms glow a white light and turn into shields.}

OIRACUL: Devotion Aura. Now I stand a chance to the Minotaur.

{The Minotaur Nobody smells Oiracul and charges at Oiracul, punching one of his arms. The shield cracks, but is still present.}

JOSEPH: Hey, pot roast!

{Joseph is behind him.}

JOSEPH: Your fight is with me.

{Joseph hucks both of his blades at the minotaur. One of them sinks in, and they both return to him. He begins to step back, into the maze.}

JOSEPH: Guys, I've got this instead. Take the ship and try to blow up the crystal! I'll distract this thing.

{Joseph hops on top of the wall and notices that the maze is near infinite, going beyond his sight.}

JOSEPH: Damn, this thing is huge. Oh well, more space to try and lose him in.

{The Minotaur Nobody punches the wall Joseph is on, causing it to crumble. Oiracul gives his Devotion Aura to Joseph.}

OIRACUL: Good luck. Say, where's the ship?

{Cut: DiZ, Namine, and Homsar piloting the ship.}

NAMINE: We just left Joseph and Oiracul back there! We have to help them!

DiZ: Joseph mentioned the crystal. That is very important, and will probably save them.

NAMINE: OR once we blow up the crystal, we end up sending Joseph and Oiracul into space, where there's no oxygen for them to breathe!

HOMSAR: The boss has this nice and tight.

{DiZ steers the ship headlong into the crystal holding Maze World, causing the world to scatter into universal pieces. Joseph, Oiracul, and the Minotaur Nobody are all on one fragment that is crashing towards the Bonus Stage universe.}

DiZ: That fragment will crash into the Bonus Stage universe, either killing the denizens or denting that universe heavily.

{A hologram of Noxigar appears.}

H.N.T.F: I designed Maze World to also attempt to destroy the Bonus Stage universe once you chumps blew up the crystal holding Maze World together. One point for me, and one point for me.

{The hologram dances with joy. Cut back to Jacques, who is now standing right outside a swamp.}

JACQUES: Oh my.. This is possibly the most unconventional maze I have ever travelled through in my life. I mean, a giant castle is one thing.. But a gigantic bog is another. {His watch starts beeping. He picks up.}

???: Oh, I wouldn't go through there if I were you, Jacques.

JACQUES: Umm.. I wasn't planning to.

???: I know that you're smarter than that, but I still felt the urgent need to tell you anyway.

JACQUES: Why is that? Is there some kind of creature lurking underneath?

???: Oh no, nothing like that. There's actually quite an interesting explanation behind it. See, this is "The Bog of Eternal Stench".

JACQUES: The Bog of Eternal Stench?

???: Yep, a bog that is apparently so odorous that stepping one foot inside of it would make you smell bad for the rest of your life. Trust me, it's horrible!

JACQUES: I can see why it would be.. By the way, may I ask you something?

???: Sure thing.

JACQUES: I've been working under you for almost 6 months now, yet you've never told me your name.

???: Really? Hmm.. That's odd. I guess I'm so used to be referred to as "Boss", that I've actually stopped bothering to give people my name. Rather rude on my part, I must admit. Well, anyway. You may call me "The Thin White Duke", or just "The Duke" for short.

JACQUES: Thin White Duke?

THE DUKE: Yeah. It's my codename. I shamelessly stole the name off of David Bowie's stage persona in 1976. I found it much better than "Major Tom", or "Ziggy Stardust".

JACQUES: You are aware that the Thin White Duke character was created when Bowie was at his craziest, right?

THE DUKE: Oh yes, I'm aware of it all.. The "Cocaine, Milk and Peppers" story. I just don't care.

JACQUES: Heh, fair enough.

THE DUKE: But yes.. Anyway, to pass the bog, you have to go through the bridge. But be warned, the bridge is guarded by a man known as "Sir Didymus". But don't be alarmed, he'll be cake to get by.

JACQUES: Right.

THE DUKE: Good luck. {Switches off}

{Cut back to Joseph, Oiracul, and the Minotaur. The Minotaur charges at Joseph again. Joseph knocks some rocks his way, causing him to stray off, and he begins to run through the maze, with the Minotaur following suit.}

JOSEPH: How in the hell am I supposed to get out of this one? Oiracul! Oiracul!

{Oiracul slashes through a wall, grabbing Joseph and pulling him out of the Minotaur's line of sight.}

OIRACUL: Just give me a few seconds to give you this Aura Sphere. It keeps an aura inside the ball as long as you have it and don't break the thing.

{Oiracul gives Joseph an Aura Sphere.}

OIRACUL: Just kill the Minotaur. Hopefully we can land off the damn maze somehow. I have a bad feeling about this.

{Oiracul keeps himself next to Joseph.}

OIRACUL: Outside of auras, I can just plain heal you. So go ahead and see how much of the Minotaur you can take. So I can heal said damage.

JOSEPH: I wonder...

{Joseph focuses, and the Aura Sphere radiates a heavy aura of water as it slowly transforms.}

JOSEPH: Take this!

{Joseph hucks the water-infused Aura Sphere at the Minotaur. The Minotaur is slowed down considerably by the rising water. The Aura Sphere returns to Joseph due to the direction of the water current.}

OIRACUL: Nice work! Just don't recklessly toss the Aura Sphere to an opponent all the time. Some will be smart enough to use that Aura Sphere against you if you do that.

{The water is high enough for Oiracul and Joseph to be partway submerged.}

OIRACUL: Great job with the water current, though. I guess it depends given the direction we head. The Minotaur seems colossal enough where he'd have a negative buouyancy, so we should be fine with escaping.

JOSEPH: And what's better, I've got an advantage in the water.

{Joseph dives down and begins looking for the Minotaur. He seems unphased by the aquatic environment, he emerges from the water with a large breath.}

JOSEPH: Nowhere to be found. Come on, start swimming.

{Joseph makes easy work of all the water around him. Oiracul has a slightly harder time, but still manages due to having better agility as a werewolf.}

OIRACUL: Yeah. I found the opposite side ages ago. Noxigar's not here, though. I should see if the Thin White Duke can get us a ride.

{Oiracul activates his watch, and changes his radio signal to match the Thin White Duke's.}

OIRACUL: Joseph and I are looking for a way out of this damn Maze World. We were looking for Noxigar so we can help Jacques. However, he's not around. Can you send a ride for us? Or at least some helpful information as to where we should start helping people out?

THE DUKE: Ooh, is this who I think it is? ..Oiracul? Oh man! Your brother has told me many things about you! ...Things I can't really repeat in polite company, mind you. But never mind all that. Where are you?

OIRACUL: Maze World. Trying to escape from it. Near the Bonus Stage universe. Could use some help myself, for once. I constantly help Jacques DuFour with his missions. With no handlebars, no handlebars, no handlebars. Anyway... yeah. We might drown if we don't get a ride. Of course, we definitely have five hours. With no metronome, no metronome, no metronome.

THE DUKE: Oh yes, I see it right here. On my giant computer screen. Which is looking quite lovely right in front of me. Oh, sorry.. But yeah, sure. I'll send one of my "Tin Machines" to pick you guys up. Oh, and I'm well aware of you helping Mr. Jacques. He doesn't let me hear the end of it! I mean, he's a cool guy and all.. But Jesus. H. Christ, does he go on!

OIRACUL: {muttering} Talk about the pot calling the kettle black...

THE DUKE: Wait, what was that? I couldn't hear you.

OIRACUL: Oh, nothing. Just thinking aloud.

THE DUKE: Rightio then! It'll be here in about 15 minutes. Try to hang on until then, okay? Auf wiedersehen!! {Switches off}

OIRACUL: Hey, Joseph! We have a ride! It'll be here in a bit! You ever heard of Tin Machines?

{Oiracul looks around him.}

OIRACUL: ...Joseph? Where'd you go?

{Joseph is about a mile ahead of Oiracul already.}

JOSEPH: That goat-legged bitch is mine! Lemme at him!

{Oiracul sighs, chuckling. Cut to the Minotaur Nobody, who, while discomforted, looks up at where Joseph is and grins, not having to necessarily have the advantage of mobility, but of endurance. The Minotaur roars in order to get Joseph's attention, and prepares his boxing gloves. Cut to DiZ, Namine, Homsar, and Remolay all inside the ship.}

HOMSAR: When do we start the Jeffersons?

DiZ: Relax, Homsar. We shall start them once we know where Joseph and Oiracul are. Given the Bonus Stage universe's risk being run, we have to at least rescue them before they get hurt from the collision. Hurt real bad they will be.

{DiZ pilots the ship, looking at a Maze World fragment that is already at the Bonus Stage universe's stratosphere.}

DiZ: I have a feeling that is where Joseph and Oiracul are. We can leave the Minotaur for dead, unless-

{A Tin Machine darts past the ship, making it go a different direction.}

DiZ: Sodding great.

NAMINE: ...what was that?

DiZ: A tin ship. I shan't bother with it, as it could be an ally.

{DiZ, Namine, Homsar, and Remolay see the Tin Machine head straight for the fragment near the stratosphere.}

NAMINE: Let them handle it. Joseph and Oiracul will be safe regardless.

{A loud noise can be heard. Large amounts of screaming can be heard. A Voidspawn breaks through the window.}

TANNENBAUM: {Offscreen, above the ship} Surprise, surprise. I heard there was a party, and though I'd...

{Tannenbaum phases through the ceiling.}

TANNENBAUM: Join in?

{Voidspawn begin surrounding the e-Ship.}

VOIDSPAWN: Where is the Tempest? This is personal.

NAMINE: Excuse me?

DiZ: We know not of this "Tempest".

HOMSAR: AaaaAAAAaaaaAAAAAaaaaAAAAAAAAAhhhhhAAAAAaahhhhaaaaAAAAAAaaaahhhhhhh

{Homsar continues to open his mouth and yell.}

DiZ: ...Homsar, is that an alarm?

NAMINE: Homsar, do you know what this Tempest is?

DiZ: Um, let's leave Homsar be. I'm sure he'll have a solution at some point.

TANNENBAUM: I'm looking for the one who wields two blades.

DiZ: Joseph? Well, he and Oiracul are at a fragment of Maze World which will collide with the Bonus Stage universe, fighting a Minotaur Nobody. Leave us a message after they get themselves recovered by what appeared to be a Tin ship that just darted past us.

{Namine smirks.}

NAMINE: In short, not here. So there really wasn't a reason for our ship to, ya know, {her eyelids lower and her smirk is no more} ATTACK A CIVILIAN SHIP.

{Homsar's yelling continues, bringing forth beams of light which repulse some of the Voidspawn approaching him. DiZ looks at Homsar with some astonishment.}

TANNENBAUM: Very well. I only need to give him a message. But don't think you're safe while I'm here.

{Tannenbaum jumps out the hole in the window and the Voidspawn move along with him. Cut to Jacques, walking around an empty goblin city.}

THE DUKE: So.. How exactly did you manage to get past the bridge?

JACQUES: Oh, I bribed the guard. He loved my present so much that he let me through, with no problem at all.

{Cut to Sir Didymus, a tiny, anthropomorphic fox-terrier playing around with a squeaky toy while Abrosius, his sheepdog steed just sits there, watching.}

SIR DIDYMUS: I don't even know what this is, BUT IT IS SO FUN! YAY!!

{Cut back}

THE DUKE: It's been about 5 hours now.. If I didn't know any better, I'd say that you're right outside the castle. The city region, if I am to be correct.

JACQUES: {Looks up to see a gigantic castle not too far away from him.} Oh you can say that again.

THE DUKE: Heh. Go for it, man.

JACQUES: Yes sir!

{He travels a mile or so, through the empty streets. There's a look of astonishment on his face when he realises that there is literally no one there but him.}

JACQUES: I really hate ghost towns. They've always freaked me out. So. I should be right outside the castle.. {He notices that he is now standing right outside the castle.} ..Hmm. That was painfully obvious.

{Cut to the interior of the castle. Jacques is now walking to the throne room. Music is heard in the distance. As he finally approaches the door to the throne room, the door opens and a little creature bumps into him.}

HOGGLE: Hey! Watch where you're going!

JACQUES: Oh. Sorry about that.

HOGGLE: I'll let you off. For now. So judging by your ridiculous attire, I assume that you're the traveller, am I right?

JACQUES: Right.

HOGGLE: Master will be waiting for you inside the throne room. You caught him in a good mood. Lucky you. Now excuse me, I need to go clean.

{Hoggle hobbles off, as Jacques opens the door to the throne room. Inside, it is packed full with goblins, and Jareth is sitting on his throne, looking rather bored. As soon as he sees Jacques enter, he claps his hands and the music stops.}

JARETH: I'm sorry everyone, I have to cut this little party short. I've got matters to tend to with my guest!

{The huge wave of goblins exit the room at once, each one expressing their disappointment at Jacques for ruining the party. One even goes so far as to kick him in the shin. The door shuts behind him, and now it's just him and Jareth in the room.}

JACQUES: I've completed your task sir. I've trekked through the Labyrinth. ALL IN 6 HOURS.

JARETH: With 2 hours to spare. Wow. You are quick. Did you get lost?

JACQUES: Not really. I've always been pretty good with mazes.

JARETH: ..How did you get past the red and blue guards?

JACQUES: Easy. I just asked them what color socks they were wearing. The one that lied said that his socks were purple.

JARETH: Hmm. Smart trick. What about the Chilly Downs?

JACQUES: They.. They were annoying. Still managed to get past them.

JARETH: Interesting.. The Junk Witch?

JACQUES: Told her to piss off.

JARETH: Wow. You really are much different to the girl. You're way more fast-paced than her. Although, you also seem to be much more reckless.

JACQUES: Yeah, I didn't come here for a lecture. Do you have the crystal ball?

JARETH: Oh, of course I do. But seeing as you've completed my task, I can rightfully say that it is now yours. {Pulls the ball out from his pocket, gives it to Jacques, and bows.}

JACQUES: Thank you.

JARETH: Heh. No problem! Oh, and by the way.. Good luck with that "mission" of yours.

JACQUES: How did you know about that?

JARETH: Oh, I have my way of finding out. {Smiles} Well then, I must be off. I've got matters to tend to elsewhere. Hold onto that ball, because if you lose it, I'm not giving you another one.

{Jareth transforms into an owl and flies through the window, as Jacques watches with astonishment.}

JACQUES: Wow. He really is an enigma.

{Suddenly, a heavy breathing voice is heard behind Jacques. As Jacques turns around, the figure reveals itself to be Psycho Mantis.}

PSYCHO MANTIS: Heh. After hours of searching around, I've finally found you.. Jacques.

{End episode.}