(even if you aren't vegan)
Wikihood/arc/39
Synopsis
The house gets overrun by insects and rodents. The crew are forced to temporarily move out.
New Characters
- King Leotheras I
- Royal Advisor Zane
- Other practically remade characters from the previous Wikihood
Transcript
{Open: Sephiroth's bedroom at night. Sephiroth is lying in his bed, sleeping.}
SEPHIROTH: {Mumbling} No.. don't.. don't take away the breadsticks.. I'm not finished yet.. {As this is happening, a spider crawls onto his face, and then into his mouth. He starts choking for a few seconds, until finally waking up.} What on earth was that?
{Sephiroth gets up to notice that there are hundreds of tiny bugs crawling all over his body.}
SEPHIROTH: This isn't very pleasant... Oh Jesus...
TJ: GAAAAAAAAHHH! {runs across the hall, bugs all over him}
{Badstar walks in, with a rat on his head}
BADSTAR: Hey, guys? Back from the dead! And I have a pet rat named Larry! Anybody wanna hear how I came back to life? Anybody wanna know the wonders of afterlife? What heavens like?
{Silence}
BADSTAR: ...Oh, you just don't know a good story...
{Cut to Noxigar. He is surrounded by possums and ants. He takes out a test tube full of chloride nitrate, and smashes it on the floor, wiping out most of them. However, more possums and ants arrive.}
GILLIAN: Guys, we need an exterminator. Or I could just drink their blood.
SEPHIROTH: Uhuh. You really want to risk drinking the blood of hundreds of rodents? Don't you know how much diseases those little buggers could be carrying? ...But if you want too...
TJ: Seph, she's a Raiku character. She's probably immune to that stuff. Oh wait...fourth wall broken, guys.
{Cut to Noxigar, running away from a swarm of possums. He desperately looks for toxic chemicals under the kitchen sink, finds some, and attacks the possums with the chemicals.}
SEPHIROTH: But seriously, I would like to know how the hell these things got here. Has anyone been leaving food anywhere?
(Chaos is being carried across the floor, covered in rats. He is holding his newspaper and has a random stern look on his face.}
CHAOS: I AM THE RODENT KING! COME MY SERVANTS, CARRY ME TO MY THRONE OF CEDAR CHIPS!
TJ: ...damn it, Chaos.
{Noxigar snaps his fingers, opening up a corridor of darkness.}
NOXIGAR: I'm thinking we can have another location. However, I'm fairly certain that it's not as good as the other area.
{Noxigar goes through the corridor, and keeps it open.}
NOXIGAR: Come on in. The other side is an empty warehouse with some more food. It doesn't seem to have any toxins or chemicals though...
SEPHIROTH: It's good enough for me. {Picks up suitcase, and jumps in.}
NOXIGAR: Anybody else? This corridor of darkness doesn't really last too long anyway.
{Cut to Theta in his laboratory. He and a monstrous construct of aluminum foil talk.}
FOIL: I told you the rodents would cause mayhem!
THETA: You know, I glad I gave you the form of aluminum foil. It suits you.
FOIL: Quit your useless talking! We have more work to do!
THETA: Ah, yes. I have Spiral Pegacion floating in space looking for that witch who will be of use to us. A person named DiZ called it Twilight Town.
FOIL: Why is the aforementioned place the same name as a terrible book?
THETA: Don't know, don't care. Let's go get some drinks.
{Foil and Theta walk downstairs to an electronic item that looks like a vending machine. They open it, and take out two Sprites}
FOIL: Hey, I peed in that.
{Theta smacks Foil with the Sprite bottle.}
THETA: Curses! It won't break.
FOIL: You gave me an aluminum foil body. I'm not exactly sure how glass would kill me anyway. Good grief, you're dumb as Hades.
{Hades arrives.}
HADES: You rang?
FOIL: No.
{Hades walks offscreen, disappointed. Cut to the warehouse. It is large, and fairly spacious. On each side of the room, there are numerous crates. Sephiroth comes in, via the portal.}
SEPHIROTH: Hmm.. This is pretty good, I guess. {Looks around, to notice a TV.} Did I say pretty good? I meant excellent.
NOXIGAR: There aren't any video game consoles here, last time I checked. However, I did keep enough money after shopping for groceries such that we could pay for this warehouse while our bills in the other house lower to $0 from the furniture and other assortments being devoured slowly by termites. I killed half of the myriad with chemicals, and I have a gas bomb to kill all the insects and rodents. However, the particular gas would kill us too, so I figured I'd teleport us all to a safe place so we all don't end up dead. Or in my case, faded to darkness.
{Cut:The Wikihood house. Chaos is still being carried around by the rats.}
CHAOS: ...Can we...go to my throne yet, guys?
TJ: Uh...WAIT FOR ME! {jumps through corridor}
{Cut to a throne room. King Leotheras I and a royal advisor are present.}
ZANE: Your Majesty, you must be wed soon! We need to start the Leotheras royal family!
LEOTHERAS I: Me? Settle down? That doesn't sound like it's gonna happen.
ZANE: Milord, what if a usurper were to kill you? You need a means to keep the royal blood from not going dry.
LEOTHERAS I: Don't kings have illegitimate children that they don't know about usually?
ZANE: Your Majesty! Don't talk such pish-posh!
LEOTHERAS I: Man, you are such a bore! Talking all about "Tradition", "Customs", "Honor", and whatnot.
ZANE: But you're the king!
LEOTHERAS I: I know, I just don't like being forced around like that! {Leo sighs.} I'm going for a walk around Quelton Gardens. Don't follow me. {Leaves.}
ZANE: Ugh, teenagers these days.. So smart, yet so ignorant!
{Cut to Namine, drawing everything. DiZ and Homsar watch.}
HOMSAR: You're recreating the chain of memories.1
DiZ: Namine, you've been drawing in that sketchbook for two whole days.
NAMINE: I still need to finish the part where the warehouse is their new home for now. And the part where the warehouse is in the realm of Sharath.
DiZ: We're not going to stop you, not like we want to...
????: I think it's kinda neat. Plot twists... I like it.
{Homsar and DiZ turn around to take a look at this mystery man. He is wearing a black Org XIII style coat.}
????: Huh? Oh yeah, sorry for intruding. Just wanted to see what goes on in here.
{The figure pulls the hood over to reveal a man with a grey face, glowing blue eyes, and a hairstyle similar to Axel's.}
????: The name's Davaros. 2 Protector of order in the universe. You know, to make sure things don't become too chaotic. {Looks at Namine.} Hmm.. Seems like you're the only one here aware of the previous universe. But yeah, I used to be part of that universe, as a being of evil... Looking back, I was kinda up myself. But as that universe got destroyed, and the new one created, I found myself being rewritten back into reality.. Whatever the hell that means.
HOMSAR: My metal box detects metal inconsistency.3
????: Don't worry, your doubts don't surprise me one bit. Frankly, I'm kinda baffled about my own change of heart. I'm only here for one reason. I'm just here to supervise... to make sure things don't get too outta control. Once you get used to me, you'll love me!
DiZ: Heh, very well. Davaros, you are welcome to supervise with us.
NAMINE: I don't want another Marluxia... that guy was a prick.
HOMSAR: I feel light as a pillow.4
DAVAROS: Wow, Namine.. That kind of language is unexpected from you.
{Namine ignores Davaros' comment and opens her sketchbook again, drawing}
NAMINE: Hmph... I almost have Sharath finished. Now I need to get the remaining Wikihood cast out of the house with the toxic gas, and into the warehouse until I'm done designing Sharath's countryside, and the Royal Tournament.
{Cut: Spiral Pegacion on a spaceship closing in on Twilight Town.}
SPIRAL: Hey, Theta! I have found the planet!
THETA: {from sound system} Good! Then find an empty mansion. That is all I shall give to you as a hint. Oh, and if you want to raise some hell, go ahead and raise it.
SPIRAL: Yes. Oh, shall I find my target for my promise.
THETA: {from sound system} Oh, I won't forget.
{Cut back to Noxigar, Sephiroth, TJ, and the others in the warehouse. Sephiroth is watching the TV.}
SEPHIROTH: So Noxi, where did you find this place, anyway?
NOXIGAR: I just imagined a safe area.
SEPHIROTH: So that's how it works? You just imagine where you wanna go? Sweet. That's a much better method of transportation than I have.
{The noise of a powersaw can be heard. It begins to cut through the door, then gets stuck trying to saw the doorknob(which is unlocked) in half. The area just gets kicked in, as Chaos hops into the area from the now ruined doorway.}
NOXIGAR: I presume the corridor of darkness fizzled on you?
{Cut to Theta holding on to an ant farm.}
THETA: My mutants are the greatest experiment I've ever created.
FOIL: Hey, thanks for the helm.
{Foil is wearing a tin foil helm}
THETA: It should protect you from mind control.
FOIL: Hmph. That's very generous of you, even if there's practically no one in the world who'd want to posess me.
THETA: Hey, this gives us a direct opportunity to kill Garland, ExDeath, and Wolf O' Donnel before they ruin our schemes.
FOIL: Uh, no it doesn't.
THETA: Actually, it does.
{Theta opens a corridor of darkness}
THETA: Let's go.
FOIL: {sighs} Whatever...
{Theta and Foil go through the corridor of darkness to the house. The house is covered in a toxic radiation gas. Theta accidentally inhales the gas, choking.}
FOIL: Looks like this was a bad idea after all.
{Foil goes back through the corridor of darkness before it fizzles, leaving Theta to die. Exdeath comes in through the door, holding a tray of muffins.}
EXDEATH: Hey friends, I baked a batch of muffins, just for you!! {Notices there's no one there but Theta.} Oh my. It seems like they've gone and left.. {Notices the gas and dead rodents.} Can't really blame 'em, that is. Ha, It's a good thing I'm wearing an airtight helmet, or I could be vulnerable! No use for these, however. {Puts the tray down next to Theta.} Have these to munch on as you die. {Leaves.}
{Cut back to the warehouse. It's obvious that Chaos is angry, and his clothing is a bit battered.}
CHAOS: You guys couldn't have TRIED TO HELP ME!
NOXIGAR: I actually did, by opening a corridor of darkness to this very house. And I set off a bomb that would kill all the rodents and insects. However, it would not have any effect on you, since you're immune. Wait, how do I-
{Cut to Namine, drawing Noxigar's pondering of how he remembers Chaos' immortality}
DAVAROS: Do you spend all your time doing this? Drawing things while these two watch?
HOMSAR: She's open to interpretation and constructive suggestion, officer.5
DiZ: She usually drives off in my '88 Chevrolet to get Wendy's.
JOSEPH: And IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII Help!
DAVAROS: Right... I'm gonna go get some Ice Cream. Anyone want some?
HOMSAR: I'll take some mint ice cream, Davaros.
DiZ: Woah, Homsar! How are you coherent?! Oh, I'd like sea salt ice cream.
HOMSAR: Slam a thesaurus on my head again.6
NAMINE: Cookies and cream please.
JOSEPH: CHOCOLATE SHAKE
DAVAROS: Uh huh. Okay. {Leaves.}
JOSEPH: Anyways, Namine, I'm beginning to think that maybe the best idea to solve this would be to leave it as-is. Make it like...Noxigar knows something about Chaos that they all don't?
{Cut back to the warehouse.}
NOXIGAR: Oh, nevermind. I thought Chaos would be immune to the gas at the time, I should have killed more rodents and then bring the corridor of darkness to Chaos. Sorry.
CHAOS: That's now the whole reason. Why do you think I tell you not to attract so much attention to the house? The whole thing's a mess, and all of that crazy crap that happens to it doesn't help. And of course, when the house inadvertently turns green in the middle of the day, the government's going to care. They're fighting the house you idiot. Literally shooting at it from planes and tanks. I got caught in the crossfire and interrogated.
NOXIGAR: So does that explain why Garland and ExDeath did not go through the corridor either?
CHAOS: Garland flew away in an airship before you dropped the gas, and ExDeath is immune to it, too. He's in airtight armor, for god's sakes!
NOXIGAR: Garland TOOK OUR AIRSHIP?! {shrugs} Better than it being irradiated as well, I guess. Now I guess we can leave the warehouse, it's near a grocery store. This time we can't really buy seeds to grow our vegetables because we are in an industrial city where the ground is almost always concrete. Plants hate concrete.
CHAOS: Leave the warehouse and go where? Our home's being shot at.
SEPHIROTH: Really? Is it me, or is the government getting more stupid? Shooting empty houses.. What have they come to?
CHAOS: Oh, no, that place isn't empty. some guy in a funny coat is still in there, and technically the rodent carcasses could still count as things in the house.
{Cut to the Wikihood house. Government officials and medics carry Theta out of the house. The house explodes.}
SEPHIROTH: Well, I'm sure the house will be just fine!
NOXIGAR: Let's stay in the warehouse for now.
END EPISODE
1. "Aren't you just adding similar characters, but redesigning them and re-establishing their memories to not fail?"
2. He's now a protagonist.. Kinda.
3. "I don't believe him! He wants to usurp this new world! We've been trying to get a good universe in for a while!"
4. "Alright, but no Roxas fighting... yet..."
5. "DiZ, a Keyblade-wielder named Joseph, and I usually give her suggestions while she draws. She does take breaks to eat and such."
6. "You kidding? I always make sense and am always coherent!"
