Wikihood/eps/3

Summary

Surprise, bitch! I bet you thought you'd seen the last of me!

Transcript

{Open on a cellphone ringing "Living on my Own" by Freddie Mercury, in a room occupied by a dark-skinned man with pointy ears - a familiar Drow, to the audience. He wakes up with a quick yelp, and answers the phone. The camera emphatically focuses on his full head, of glorious silver hair.}

LEIGH: You've reached the house of the... Screw it, I can't be arsed. Hello?

NED: {Through the phone} 'Lay? I just heard you were in that plane that was hijacked the other day...

LEIGH: You definitely heard right. I was in a plane hijacking, but that was evidently not enough-

{Flashback to Leigh, earlier, inside a bathroom stall. Zoom out to reveal that this was inside a Townindale International Airport gender neutral bathroom stall, with no one else around. He appears to be on his phone.}

LEIGH: What do you mean you can't reschedule?!

{Mumbling from the other end can be heard.}

LEIGH: B-b-but I was shot at on a plane! Its landing got delayed.

{Inquisitive mumbling can be heard.}

LEIGH: So they could arrest the terrorist!

{More inquisitive mumbling can be heard.}

LEIGH: Andrew Davies, the Welsh Dragon. Wasn't this on the news for you guys?

{More mumbling can be heard. Leigh looks to be increasingly nervous.}

LEIGH: I legit cannot come in on time! Can't I call in sick?

{More mumbling can continue to be heard.}

LEIGH: Yeah, I just puked...

{Leigh's face becomes more solemn. He hears harsher, more decisive mumbling from the other end.}

LEIGH: Yeah, this... this wasn't gonna work out anyway. {sighs} Thank you for your time.

{The other end hangs up. Leigh has a look of intense anger. He gets up from the bathroom stall, goes to where the bathroom sinks are, and punches a wall perpendicular to them.}

LEIGH: Gods damn it. Why does this always happen to me?!

{Cut to Ned, setting up a DDRMAX Dance Dance Revolution 6thMix machine in his extreme high rise apartment.}

NED: Wait, that means... ah, shit. You alright, bro?

{Cut to Leigh, in his room, sitting in his bed. The camera closes up, on his face.}

LEIGH: Uh, yeah... um... No. I'm not; I'm stuck in Townindale, in the back of a wig maker's shop. This job hunt's not going well, to say the least.

NED: Dang, that's rough, bro. At least you've got Maddie, right?

{Camera slowly zooms out showing he is alone in bed - an old mattress in a nearly empty room - with few other pieces of furniture to his name.}

LEIGH: Yeah, about that...

{Cut to a framed picture of Leigh and Maddie, near his bedside.}

LEIGH: {offscreen} You know how supportive she's been with me and my constant job issues? Well she uh...

{Cut back to Leigh. Tears are starting to fall down his face, but he does not sob.}

LEIGH: She finally got sick of it, and left me. I don't blame her, honestly.

NED: {sighs} Look, I'll help you out a bit. I'm sending you some money; use it to get yourself a nice suit, and the rest should pay rent for a couple of months.

{Leigh attempts to wipe the tears from his cheeks.}

LEIGH: Ned, I don't deserve it. You can't keep bailing me out.

{Cut back to Ned as he turns on the Dance Dance Revolution machine.}

NED: Maybe you don't, but I'm doing it anyway. I know you can do it, bro. Go out there and make me proud!

{Ned presses the start button, causing the machine to yell "DDRMAX!" The game's music can partially be heard, while the call still goes.}

LEIGH: Alright... Thanks, brother.

{Fade to black. The song "Loser" by Beck begins. The word WIKIHOOD appears on screen with the second loop of the riff, shortly followed by the sound of an electric shaver. Cut to the front of the wigmaker shop, as the beat starts. Leigh walks out the door, bald once more and carrying a document held together with a paperclip - his resume. A guy with a boombox walks by, and Loser begins to fade out. The camera shows Leigh's facial reaction - that being of benign bemusement - and then zooms back out, as he proceeds onward to find a tailor. Cut to him entering a nearby Tailor's shop; he is greeted by an older Drow gentleman with a goatee, who is wearing a snazzy vest and sunglasses.}

TAILOR: Oh my, a fellow urban-dwelling Drow! It's not often I run into another one in this town... How may I be of service?

LEIGH: Drow? Oh no, haha! You have me mistaken for someone else. I am a Human!

TAILOR: ...with pointy ears?

LEIGH: Yes.

TAILOR: And dark, violet skin? And white eyebrows?

LEIGH: ...I have a condition.

{The Tailor appears perplexed by Leigh's words, for a couple of seconds. His expression then turns into one of disappointment.}

TAILOR: Aw...

{The Tailor changes his expression to one of partial cheeriness.}

TAILOR: Anyway, how can I be of service?

LEIGH: I'm new to this town, and I'm looking for a job. I need a snazzy suit to make me look hire-able.

{The Tailor furrows his brow, then smiles.}

TAILOR: I know exactly what to put you in!

{Cut to Leigh leaving the Tailor's, in a stylish light-pink suit with a light-blue shirt and tie. His phone begins to ring, and he picks it up. Ned is on the other end. Muffled Eurobeat music can be heard in the background, while he sounds out of breath.}

NED: You remember how I said I would help you, bro?

LEIGH: That was, like, an hour ago.

NED: Yes! Well, guess what? I have landed you a job interview with none other than Jacqueline Rosenberg of the Rosenberg Association, one of the most illustrious companies in the city!

LEIGH: Whoa, no way! How did you pull something like that off?

NED: I have connections, my dear brother. Plus, she owed me a favor from this one time I gave her a quarter for the vending machine, during a conference! Can you believe that billionaires don't carry around change? Outrageous, isn't it?!

LEIGH: Wow. I don't know what to say.

NED: You don't need to say anything. You just need to haul ass, because your interview is in twenty minutes! She agreed to do this on her coffee break, hence the rush.

LEIGH: Oh shinola, that's hardly enough time! I don't even know where it is!

NED: Sure you do! Look at the horizon.

{Leigh looks behind him.}

NED: You see that tall and vaguely evil-looking building? The one that looks like an image from a sci-fi dystopia?

{In the distance, Leigh can see a far-away building, which looks exactly as Ned described. It sticks out like a sore thumb, through dark clouds that loom over it on an otherwise clear and sunny day.}

LEIGH: Yeah.

NED: Good. That one. Top floor. Now hurry!

{Ned hangs up. Leigh looks around to find a quick method of transport, and he notices a familiar kid wearing roller skates. He rushes to the kid, and pulls a deck of trading cards from his front pocket.}

LEIGH: Quick! I'll trade you my collection of Golden Girls cards for your roller skates! I need them urgently!

KID: No way! I already own all the best cards!

{Leigh shifts through the deck, and pulls out a single card. He shows this card to the kid.}

LEIGH: I bet you don't have a 1994 Limited Edition holographic Dorothy Zbornak card, signed by Bea Arthur herself!

{The kid looks at the card in amazement.}

KID: Hoooooooolyyyyyyyy shiiiiiiii-

{Fast-forward to Leigh speeding through the highway on the pair of roller skates, shifting in between cars as he rushes towards the evil building.}

LEIGH: {grumbling to himself} I gave away my rarest card for this job. It better be worth it!

{Leigh turns a corner and runs into two men, crashing into one and tripping over himself. He falls on the ground, dropping his resume in the process. The man Leigh hit is taken aback by this, while the other man proceeds to help him up off the ground.}

???: Are ya' alright?

????: Never mind him, what about me? Watch where you're goin', dumbass!

{Back on his feet, Leigh looks at the man he hit. He winces.}

LEIGH: Oh my Gods, I am so, so sorry, I didn't mean to run into you like that, oh gods, oh jeez, I- I- I'm in a rush, okay? I have a job interview in five minutes and-

{A gust of wind causes the papers to fly off-screen.}

LEIGH: No, my resume! Darn it! First the plane is hijacked, and then this! Argh! I just hope my brother is having a better time...

{Leigh stares forward, wide eyed, for about a second.}

LEIGH: He's probably dealing with a difficult case or something.

{The Drow skates off after the papers, leaving the two strange men dumbfounded.}

????: Pfft, what a weirdo.

{Cut to an establishing shot of the Rosenberg building.}

JACQUELINE: Well, Mister More, I must admit your resume is not impressive.

{Cut to a meeting room, where Jacqueline is interviewing Leigh. His suit is in significantly worse shape than before. Jacqueline flips through his resume, which has also been damaged.}

JACQUELINE: Aside from where you claim to have worked for Santa Claus, it looks like you've never held a job for more than a week.

LEIGH: Wait, the Santa Claus thing is still in there? Oh man, I thought I took it out...

JACQUELINE: It's preposterous! Honestly, you expect anyone to believe-

LEIGH: Oh no, I did work for Santa Claus. I pretended to be an Elf for a good two years. The poor guy didn't have the heart to fire me.

{Jacqueline calmly puts his resume down, taking some time to uncrumple it. She otherwise appears to have checked out.}

LEIGH: So, this is going to be awkward, but... Ned didn't tell me what job I'm interviewing for.

JACQUELINE: {stifling laughter} Lawyers, am I right?

LEIGH: He's my brother.

{Jacqueline looks Leigh up and down, appearing confused. She decides to forget about it, for the time being, and move on.}

JACQUELINE: Of course, why wouldn't he be...? Very well; next question. What would you say your greatest weakness is?

{Leigh takes some time to respond. Jacqueline's expression looks hopeful, showing she is expecting him to have a good answer.}

LEIGH: Probably that I keep getting fired from jobs.

{Jacqueline closes her eyes, raises her head toward the ceiling, and gives a heavily audible sigh. She impatiently gets up and leaves the room, leaving Leigh alone in it. His smile does not waver. Cut to her getting a drink of water in a different room, when Jules appears from out of nowhere.}

JULES: Yo, Aunty!

{Jacqueline yelps, and throws her cup of water up in the air in surprise. She turns to see her nephew, who is now covered in water.}

JACQUELINE: Jules... How many times have I told you never to sneak up on me like that?

JULES: Yeah, sorry 'bout that, Aunty. Hey that Elf-

JACQUELINE: He insists he's a Human. I'm not sure why.

JULES: That Human who came in to interview... his name ain't Leigh, is it?

JACQUELINE: Do you happen to know him from somewhere?

JULES: Motherfucker saved my life in the hijacking. He'd take a bullet for a complete stranger.

JACQUELINE: How long ago was that?

JULES: Yesterday.

{Jacqueline pauses to think.}

JACQUELINE: He did not look to be recently shot...

JULES: Yeah, no yeah. But, he was gonna be shot! He pushed me out of the way. Dude's lucky he didn't get hit.

JACQUELINE: And you're telling me this, why?

JULES: You gotta hire him, Aunty! I owe him a favor after that shit!

JACQUELINE: I don't know if that's the wisest choice, for you see... he has no qualifications to speak of.

JULES: I'd be dead without him!

{Jacqueline sighs.}

JACQUELINE: I think I can arrange something, though I reserve the right to not make any promises.

{Cut back to the meeting room; Leigh's smile is still there. Jacqueline comes back in the room with a bottle of wine and a few sheets of paper.}

JACQUELINE: You've got the job, More.

{Leigh's smile fades and he starts to stand up.}

LEIGH: I understand, I'll leave my- WOAH!

{Leigh falls to the floor, as he is still wearing rollerskates.}

JACQUELINE: Just as a head's up; rollerskates are not appropriate attire for this position. They're also wildly unprofessional for an interview.

{He lifts his head up.}

LEIGH: Wait a minute, did you say I got the job?

JACQUELINE: I was recently informed that you saved my idiot nephew's life. I can also see that you're easily frazzled, likely as a result. So, yes. You got the job.

{Leigh jumps up to his feet with perfect balance, and rushes to shake Jacqueline's hand.}

LEIGH: Thank you so much, you absolutely will not regret this, Mrs. Rosenberg!

{Short pause. Jacqueline looks confused, and somewhat annoyed.}

JACQUELINE: Um, I'm sorry?

{Leigh recognizes his mistake.}

LEIGH: Ah, shoot. I assumed-

JACQUELINE: Let this be a lesson to you, Mister More. Assumptions are the mother of all eff-ups. It's Miss Rosenberg.

{Another short pause. Leigh still has his hand out.}

LEIGH: You will absolutely not regret this, Miss Rosenberg!

{Jacqueline shakes Leigh's hand more firmly, in response.}

JACQUELINE: I highly doubt that.

LEIGH: By the way, just what exactly is my job?

JACQUELINE: Telemarketer, at $10.50 per hour. I presume that's alright with you?

{Leigh nods.}

LEIGH: Yes, ma'am!

JACQUELINE: Good. You start here tomorrow, at 7:00 AM. Now, if you'd just fill out these forms...

{Jacqueline slaps the papers on the table, and sits down.}

JACQUELINE: ...then we should be ready to go, by the time you return. Be ready for anything.

LEIGH: Once again, I thank you for the position! You won't regret this, I swear it!

{Leigh runs out the door, papers in tow. After he leaves, Jacqueline takes out a bottle of wine and begins chugging from it. Cut to Leigh racing down the street in celebration.}

LEIGH: I have a job!

{He slows down, as a realization hits him.}

LEIGH: But I'm out a shiny Dorothy card. Darn...

JULES: {offscreen} Eyyy, SLAY-MORE!

{Jules runs into the scene, slightly out of breath.}

JULES: What is up, my Drotha?

LEIGH: Hey, it's you! The guy from the plane. I didn't expect to see you here... wait, did you just call me "Drotha?"

JULES: Oh shit, fam. Was that offensive or summit? My bad, I didn't mean to offend or anythin'; I was just callin' you that as in, my Drow brother, y'know? Y'catch me?

LEIGH: No, not at all. I just had no idea what it meant. Besides, you have me mistaken... I'm not a Drow, I am definitely a Human!

{Jules squints his eyes at Leigh.}

JULES: Pops did tell me I needed to wear my glasses... Shit, man, my bad! I just wanted to thank you again for savin' my life and all that shit!

LEIGH: Haha, yeah, no problem. I mean, you're giving me way too much cred-

{Leigh takes a few seconds to process where Jules had come from, why he might be here, and what has happened within the job interview.}

LEIGH: Wait, is Miss Rosenberg your aunt?

JULES: You betcha, fam!

LEIGH: Oh wow. So I guess I should thank you for getting me the job!

JULES: Hey, don't mention it. What you did back there? It was bad-fuckin'-ass! Nobody could have done what you did back there!

{Rewind to a familiar plane scene. Andrew Davies is pointing his gun at the passengers.}

ANDREW DAVIES: As I speak, this plane is being rerouted to Swansea, where each and every one of you will be held hostage until our demands are met!

{Pan over to Leigh, who is freaking out at the sight of terrorists on the plane.}

LEIGH: Oh jeez, oh God, oh jeez, oh God! I-I-I-need to get offa this plane!!

{Leigh tries to get up from his seat. His girlfriend grabs his shoulder.}

MADELYN: Leigh, what the hell are you doing?! He has a gun!

LEIGH: I-I-I just need some fresh air, I just need some freshhhh...

{Leigh begins to hyperventilate. Suddenly, a commotion is heard. Somebody - Jules - stands up, and begins to engage Mr. Davies.}

JULES: Hey, do you know who the fuck I am?

ANDREW DAVIES: Sit down, uffar gwirion, or I will fire.

JULES: You think you and your little buddies can just waltz on up here and hijack my plane, huh?

{Cut to Frank Rosenberg, who is now sleeping while wearing headphones. Then, cut back to Jules and Mr. Davies. The Welsh terrorist points his gun at Jules.}

ANDREW DAVIES: I will not ask a second time. Sit down, or-

{Cut back to Leigh, who stands up suddenly, giving everybody around him a shock.}

LEIGH: I CAN'T TAKE THIS ANYMORE!!

ANDREW DAVIES: HEY, YOU! YOU SIT DOWN TOO, OR I'LL-

LEIGH: Excuse me, sir; I just need a little bit of air!

MADELYN: Leigh, don't! You're going to get yourself killed!

{Leigh moves through the passenger seats and rushes towards Mr. Davies, pushing Jules out of the way to get through. Simultaneously, Mr. Davies fires the gun at him. Zoom in, towards the bullet, revealing it was a blank.}

BRUCE: Oi, that's a blank!

ANDREW DAVIES: Of course it's a blank! Did you honestly think I was going to fire an actual gun on an airplane?! I just expected you all to comply!

GOD COMPLEX: {completely flatly} Your expectations were illogical.

LEIGH: GET OUT OF MY WAY!!

{Leigh tries to rush past Mr. Davies, but in the process of doing so, trips on his own shoelaces. This propels him forward, with his fist coincidentally slamming Mr. Davies in the face. The Welsh terrorist is knocked out in one blow. Leigh rushes to the front of the plane, in pursuit of the washroom. He finds himself in the cockpit instead, and is greeted by the two other hijackers, who have tied the pilots up.}

HIJACKER: Hey, you ain't supposed to be in here!

LEIGH: SORRY, I-I-I WAS LOOKING FOR THE WASHROOM!

HIJACKER: Washroom, my ass! Come on, Colin!

{The two hijackers attempt to engage Leigh, who panics and closes his eyes. The screen turns black for a second, as punching sounds can be heard. After the screen returns, the two hijackers are out stone-cold on the ground. Leigh rushes out of the cockpit and finally into the washroom, where he looks at himself in the mirror. A few seconds later, he proceeds to throw up in the toilet. He then takes additional time, to regain his composure; after doing so, he opens the door to the stall, with the passengers all looking at him. Both Jules and Madelyn are at the front. Jules looks amazed, while Madelyn looks worried sick.}

MADELYN: What the hell did you just do?!

JULES: That. Was. Fucking. Sick.

{Cut to Frank Rosenberg, who suddenly wakes up from his nap.}

FRANK: Wait-wait-what?!

{Cut back to the present.}

JULES: How you rushed in there and took those guys out, man, you are sick, man! Damn!

LEIGH: I, uh, was just doing what anyone else would in that situation... Completely panic.

{Jules laughs.}

JULES: Shit man, if that was panic... you gotta panic more often. Hey, uh, what kinda job you get with us anyway? You Aunty's new bodyguard or some shit?

LEIGH: Telemarketing.

{Jules frowns, in disappointment.}

LEIGH: Not glamorous, but better than no job, for sure.

JULES: Fuck, that's boring! I'm gonna talk to someone, see if I can get ya something more exciting.

LEIGH: Please don't.

JULES: Nah, I gotta do it! A badass like you NEEDS a badass job. Maybe you could roll with me?

LEIGH: I'd really like to prove I can hold a job first, before anything else is lined up at my doorstep.

JULES: Aight, man. Aight. We'll give you time, and then I'm finna get you somethin' better.

{Jules slaps Leigh's back, a little harder than he intended.}

JULES: Meantime, we gotta celebrate.

LEIGH: We do?

JULES: New job, motherfucker. That's reason enough.

LEIGH: You're the reason I have the job in the first place! And besides that, I've only got money for rent. And it's, like, noon.

JULES: You think any of that shit matters? I'm rich, bitch! My treat.

{Jules pauses for a moment.}

JULES: Well, I suppose we could wait until the night time starts... where do you live?

{Leigh starts accepting that this is just a thing that's happening now, and calms down a bit.}

LEIGH: You know that wig shop on Third?

JULES: The one that just announced they were using Elf hair?

{Leigh drops his face entirely.}

LEIGH: {Under his breath} That motherfucker... {Normal volume} Yeah, that's the one. I live in the back of it!

JULES: Cool, I'll come get ya around 6:00! See you then!

{Jules and Leigh split ways, for a moment. After a bit of walking on his part, Leigh bumps into someone wearing a black coat, whose face is obscured by the hood.}

LEIGH: Oops! I didn't see you there, I'm so sorry!

{Leigh takes a gander at who they are. They definitely don't look to be from around the part of Townindale that's familiar to the Drow.}

????????: I take it there must be a custom for those in this part of Towningdale to dress up in Drow-like apparati...

{The hooded man looks lost in thought, much to Leigh's confusion.}

LEIGH: What? No man, there’s this Drow tailor down the street who... Wait, you mean Townindale, right?

{The hooded man looks taken aback by Leigh's correction.}

????????: Look, I've had a long day...

{This hooded man then proceeds to have an entire monologue in Deep Speech, which unnerves and confuses Leigh. There are no subtitles, to identify what exactly this guy said at this precise moment, and the scenery fast-forwards to the end of said monologue, with a caption underneath both parties reading "Twenty-five Minutes Later..."}

LEIGH: You did not need to tell me all of that. At all.

{Leigh sighs, in exasperation.}

LEIGH: Look, I've got to get ready for an outing later this evening, and have a stern conversation with my landlord, apparently. If you don’t mind, I should get moving.

{Leigh walks towards the wig shoppe, which is not far off from where he was. The hooded man walks offscreen, in search of a trolley. As soon as Leigh enters the shoppe, the camera cuts to Ned. He appears to have finished going through every song in the entirety of DDRMAX Dance Dance Revolution 6thMix. Around him, are several empty bottles of water, as well as some breakfast bars. Ned steps out of the DDR machine, and sits on a couch. He looks out the window of his high rise apartment - a lot of Townindale and surrounding towns can be seen in the distance.}

NED: {huffing in between words} Woo! Good workout.

{Ned pauses. He gets up from the couch, to get a better view of the outside.}

NED: Bro, I'm worried about you. If the stories people tell of Townindale are true, then...

{Ned closes his eyes. He otherwise has a grimaced look on his face.}

NED: ...you're going to be in for a world of pain.

{Cut to Leigh exiting the wig shoppe, with a look of horror upon his face.}

LEIGH: I bet that will be a conversation I look forward to remembering in the back of my mind... yeesh.

{Leigh walks along the sidewalk. He takes out his cellphone, from his pocket, and goes over his contacts list, which is sparse: Maddie, Ned, Santa Claus.}

LEIGH: Odd that I still have Santa's name on my list... {stifles laughter} I hope I'm still on his Nice List.

{Leigh reviews the contact information on Santa Claus that he has, before going back to the main list.}

LEIGH: I should really get to know more people.

{Leigh presses a button, pulling up Maddie's information this time. He uses a shortcut to input Maddie's number, and attempts to call her using it.}

MACHINE: You've reached Madelyn Raid, please leave your name and number and I'll get back to you.

{Leigh ends up unable to reach Madelyn, deciding to hang up and not leave a voicemail.}

LEIGH: Well, that was an idea I hope didn't incite any ill will between us. It's a shame she's not always there...

{Leigh pauses, with an expression of sadness looming on his face. After a while, he considers going through Ned's contact information, his thumb hovering over a button to input Ned's number.}

LEIGH: I already called him a bunch of times, and I know how busy he gets with work...

{Leigh ruminates, while eventually going back to his contact list without having called Ned.}

LEIGH: I'd rather not jinx myself. Every other time I've called him, I've done so prematurely. I'd rather wait until it's been longer than a week.

{Leigh puts his phone back in his pocket. Leigh looks crestfallen that he did nothing with it in the end, then proceeds walking throughout Skiverton's sidewalks.}

LEIGH: {internally} I should've gotten Jules' phone number when I had the chance... problem being, I don't know where to meet him halfway so he doesn't have to get creeped out by my landlord!

{Leigh stops himself for a moment.}

LEIGH: {internally} I wonder where-

{A vehicle shows up within Leigh's vicinity. The windows roll down, revealing Jules in the back seat, as well as two hot Elven women in the front seat. Marijuana smoke is let out of the car.}

JULES: Yo, Play-more!

{Leigh smirks. Jules opens the door, which lets out more smoke. Leigh starts to notice it, and backs away.}

LEIGH: What the-

JULES: Dude, it's okay; I always have a rule. Marijuana in the daytime, alcohol in the nighttime!

{Leigh blinks.}

LEIGH: I'm pretty sure I have a drug test tomorrow...

JULES: Come on, dude! Get in! You're not goin' to get weed in your piss.

LEIGH: If something can go wrong, it will for me. I'm the unluckiest guy ever!

{The two Elven women in the front look at Leigh with looks of skepticism on their faces.}

JULES: Even if that happens? I know a guy who knows a guy.

HOT ELF WOMAN 1: More like we know a guy who knows a guy.

HOT ELF WOMAN 2: Calm down, Quilonna!

{Leigh sighs in resignation, and gets in. He closes the door behind him, and begins putting on his seatbelt.}

LEIGH: You're early. What did you do, wait until I got out?

JULES: Pretty much as soon as we parted ways, I got into contact with these lovely ladies, and we tried to start the party at Villa De Garcia!

{Jules waves at Quilonna, signaling for her to keep moving forward. She proceeds to drive.}

JULES: Alright, let's get this party started!

{The second Hot Elf Woman turns her head to face Leigh.}

HOT ELF WOMAN 2: So now you know Quilonna's name, let me give you mine. It's Vylinthe.

{Leigh waves at Vylinthe.}

LEIGH: Pleased to meet the both of you.

{Quilonna looks to have calmed down, considerably. Zoom out, to show - on a "map" of Townindale - that the car she's driving is proceeding towards Surreal Cereals. Cut to Leigh and Jules, in front of the building and on the sidewalk.}

VYLINTHE: Alright, Jules. You know the drill. Come back to us after you do your thing.

QUILONNA: We'll be waiting!

{The Hot Elf Women blow kisses to Jules, as they speed off to a different part of Downtownindale.}

LEIGH: Uhhhhhhhh-

JULES: We're doing a pub crawl. We start from one part of Downtownindale to another, until we forget why we came in the first place! I usually start here, because man oh man the price is affordable!

{Jules and Leigh enter. Tracy greets them.}

TRACY: Uh, hello. We-

JULES: G'day, guv'nor!

{Tracy looks at Jules confusedly.}

JULES: We'd love to partake in some vodka in two mason jars, s'il vous plait!

{Tracy gives it a moment, but proceeds to nod. He gets out a bottle of vodka, and pours the contents of it into two mason jars.}

TRACY: You're always more than welcome to stay however long you like. However, in saying that, I must warn you; I eventually need to sleep.

JULES: It's cool. We'll be on our way before then.

LEIGH: I appreciate the mason jars!

{Tracy gives the mason jars.}

TRACY: Alright, let me just calculate this here...

{Tracy goes over to the cash register, and inputs some buttons. He prints out a check, which he gives to Jules. Leigh wordlessly observes.}

JULES: So...

{Jules gets out his wallet, taking out his credit card.}

JULES: Yo, y'know if Bling's around?

{Tracy pauses. Zoom out to reveal the scope of Surreal Cereals - many tables and booths are present, and look to have been kept meticulously clean. There are some other occupants around, but they mostly keep to themselves.}

TRACY: Not... that I know of?

{Tracy's eyes glance at Leigh for a moment, then return to facing Jules.}

TRACY: {whispering} Are you... tryin' to buy for your mate there? Look, I'd be cool with this if it was like earlier and we weren't exactly under potential public eye.

{Jules looks at Leigh as well for a bit, then looks back at Tracy.}

JULES: Nah. I just like checkin' up on him.

{Tracy nods, taking Jules' credit card. He slides it through the cash register. Tracy prints out a working copy of the receipt.}

TRACY: He's doing fine.

JULES: I hope to run into him soon.

TRACY: I will let him know. In the meantime...

{Tracy gestures to any number of unoccupied tables and booths.}

TRACY: You're more than happy to take a seat anywhere you like. If you guys are still around by the time I get back from this phone call I gotta make, I'll let you know when I decide I'm tired.

{Tracy walks offscreen.}

LEIGH: Cool place!

JULES: Yeah. This guy's really good with hangover remedies.

LEIGH: Wait, how often do you come here?

{Short pause.}

JULES: Enough that I'm a familiar face. I've lost track.

{Leigh nods.}

LEIGH: Understandable. So, we just get drinks from every pub we see until we get to a specific one?

JULES: I'm so glad you understand!

{Jules smacks Leigh's back hard, causing the latter to flinch.}

JULES: Our final stopping point will be at the best bar in town!

{Cut to Leigh and Jules, in front of a bar called "The Angry Bull." A caption underneath them reads "Later That Evening..." While it looks to be in good shape, Leigh has a skeptical expression on his face.}

LEIGH: Are you really sure this is the best bar in town?

JULES: Hell yeah, it is!

{Leigh and Jules open the front doors, entering the bar.}

JULES: Sometimes you want to go to a bar where everyone knows your name, know what I'm saying?

{Leigh and Jules enter the bar. The Angry Bull looks to be well-maintained. One Gnome bartender is serving what looks to be a respectable amount of patrons from this impressive liquor cabinet. Various arcades and machines make a menagerie that provides an alternate distraction. Jules goes out of his way to make his entrance dynamic, but finds that nobody immediately takes notice.}

LEIGH: {giggles} So much for "everyone knows your name..."

{Both Leigh and Jules see what occupies the minds of the patrons in the bar - a hooded man, familiar to at least Leigh, dancing and singing through the karaoke machine.}

JULES: Oy, get a load of this motherfuckin' mad lad! He's gone and taken the spotlight from me!

{Cut to the hooded man's dancing and singing, for a few seconds. It appears to be done rather skillfully. Then, cut back to Leigh and Jules.}

LEIGH: Um, Jules-

{As soon as Jules' name is said, everyone inside the Angry Bull temporarily diverts their attention to him and Leigh. A tall Minotaur greets them.}

BRUNO: Oh, hey, Jules! Good to see you made it!

JULES: First of all, what's going on here? Second of all, who's this assclown?

BRUNO: Cut him some slack, he's just some nerd! He came in, and wanted to play with the karaoke machine. We told him if he got the high score for a particular song he seemed especially interested in, that he'd permanently get drinks for free here.

{The Gnome Bartender shown earlier - Gus - waves at Jules and Leigh. All the while, everyone else redirects their attention back to the hooded nerd.}

GUS: It's true!

{Jules and Leigh go over to Gus, and take their respective seats at the bar. The karaoke distraction doesn't last much longer; the screen can be seen from here, to show that the hooded dancer did not achieve his goals. Said hooded dancer looks crestfallen, despite the fact he came extremely close to beating the high score. Bruno can be seen talking to him, in the distance. The conversation ends with the hooded man - still jovial in spite of his defeat - heading out.}

LEIGH: Wait a minute - that's the same guy who ranted at me in Deep Speech! He definitely looks a lot less annoyed than when I last saw him...

JULES: Deep Speech? Isn't that Drow-speak?

LEIGH: He's probably just some guy who shares my same appreciation for Drow and their culture.

{Jules shrugs.}

JULES: I don't think it matters all that much, in the grand scheme of things. People come, people go. I'm not even sure I want to- hang on, hang on.

{Jules gets out a megaphone, turns it on, and puts his mouth to it.}

JULES: ATTENTION EVERYONE! WHO'S UP FOR FREE DRINKS FROM JULES ROSENBERG, TONIGHT?! LIMITED TIME OFFER!

{The crowd circles around Jules and Leigh, much to the latter's horror.}

GUS: Hey, you're another new guy, right?

{Gus pokes at Leigh.}

GUS: What'll it be?

{Jules turns off his megaphone, putting it away.}

LEIGH: Uhm... maybe a hard lemonade?

{As the crowd heads to the front of the bar, other Gnome bartenders begin coming out of the woodwork. Multiple drinks are being served to different people, in such a way that Leigh can't keep track of everyone else around him and Jules. Gus gives Leigh a shot glass, and pours from a bottle of hard lemonade.}

GUS: Here ya go!

{Leigh gets out his wallet, as if to pay for the drink. A butterfly falls out of it.}

LEIGH: Awkward.

GUS: I assume this is going on Jules' tab, then?

JULES: Hell, yeah! Bottom's up, Leigh!

{Leigh sips his hard lemonade nervously, as Gus moves on to help other patrons. Time passes by around Leigh, while he thinks to himself.}

LEIGH: {internally} Y'know? Today's been good, all things considered...

{He begins to smile.}

LEIGH: {internally} I still have my apartment...

{Cut to the Wigmaker's Shoppe. Frank, the Wigmaker, can be seen rifling through some money. Part of that money came from a jar, which was labelled "Leigh's Rent Money." He can be heard cackling madly, as he counts it.}

FRANK: Ooh, this is just nice! I'm surprised he's been so timely with his rent deposits...

{Frank continues to cackle madly. Zoom out to show that he has a bag full of Elf hair, as he puts away the cash he collected. Cut back to Leigh.}

LEIGH: {internally} I am still friends with Maddie...

{Cut to Madelyn, at the Townindale International Airport, sitting in a bench. On her left, are some packed bags. On her right, is an elderly troll wearing dark sunglasses and a stylish pompadour. Her face looks upward, gazing at a television screen.}

ANNOUNCER: {over an intercom} For all passengers on Flight 5309 to Detroit, your flight is delayed until 9:00 PM.

{Madelyn heavily exhales in exasperation, which the elderly troll takes notice of.}

ELDERLY TROLL: Everythin' alright, Madds?

MADELYN: It's fine, Gg'arth. I've just had two long days here, and I'm just ready to go back home to Ann Arbor. Thank you, for helping me with my bags.

{Gg'arth nods.}

GG'ARTH: I'm happy to help, however you need.

MADELYN: I was looking for a place to stay here, but I came too short.

GG'ARTH: Maybe we could be neighbors, in Forgeheim!

{Madelyn strokes her chin.}

MADELYN: ...Forgeheim did have some nice places...

{Madelyn shakes her head, as if to turn down the decision.}

MADELYN: A lot of crap's happened recently, and I just need to go back home. If I do decide to return here, I think the Greater Townindale Area might be where I-

ANNOUNCER: Will a Mister Nozzom, party of two, come over to the front desk of Blackletter?

MADELYN: That's us!

{Zoom out, to show that across the way from Madelyn and Gg'arth is a restaurant known as Blackletter. They both stand up, and proceed towards the restaurant. The camera still focuses on them, as they continue their conversation. The remainder of that conversation is inaudible, due to the sounds of a jazzy piano increasing in volume as Madelyn and Gg'arth get closer. Once they are inside the restaurant, the camera cuts back to Leigh.}

LEIGH: {internally} I made a new best friend...

{Pan to Jules, who is having the wildest time of his life. He looks to be in the midst of telling a story, with several women giggling at his antics.}

LEIGH: {internally} I got a new job... well, for now I'm not the unluckiest guy in the world.

{Leigh's smile widens, as "Thank You For Being A Friend" as performed by Cynthia Fee starts playing in the background. Leigh takes notice, and looks to find the song is coming from Golden Girls pinball machine in a corner. He gets up and starts singing along, as he walks up to it. All other sounds fade.}

LEIGH: {singing} And if you threw a party
Invited everyone you knew
You would see the biggest gift would be from me
And the card attatched would say "Thank you for being a friend..."

{Leigh stops moving, standing in front of the pinball machine. Instinctively, he checks his pockets, finding a couple of quarters. He puts them into the machine, starting the game. He launches the first ball. Before he can do any button inputs, it falls straight into the left drain.}

MACHINE: {Sophia's voice} Don't move.

{The ball launches again and falls down the center drain immediately instead. The Game Over sound plays.}

LEIGH: Oh for the love of- It was only one ball!

{Leigh checks his pockets.}

JULES: Out of quarters, already?

LEIGH: Yeah. Frickin' rip off, anyway.

JULES: I just noticed you like Golden Girls. Fave show?

LEIGH: Yeah. It's been a childhood staple of mine.

{Leigh looks at Jules, who looks a lot more intoxicated. Jules' outfit looks as if drinks were also poured on him. The Drow is suddenly taken aback.}

LEIGH: Wh-

{Jules stumbles closer to Leigh, without saying anything.}

LEIGH: I think I have an important call to make-

{Leigh darts over to the Mens' Restroom, farther inside The Angry Bull.}

JULES: {offscreen} What's the matter?

LEIGH: I'm sorry, it's just... that I have...

{Jules follows suit, coming on-screen through the doorway of said restroom.}

JULES: Severe anxiety issues nobody else picks up on? Shit, I should've noticed lot sooner! Now, I feel like an asshole...

{Leigh blinks. Words escape him.}

JULES: Y'know, now that I think about it, you and Aunty have an awful lot in common.

{Leigh looks unnerved, and slightly put off by what was said. Cut to a shot of Jacqueline Rosenberg, asleep in her office. She awakens, extremely pissed. She looks around, concernedly. Cut back to Leigh and Jules.}

JULES: I don't mean it in a bad way. It's just somethin' I personally noticed. You're both badass people who have trouble with regular everyday things, but still get by based entirely on how badass you are. There's definitely more than that, but right now that's the reason you and her ain't so different. How badass you are is actually inspiring. You inspire me, Leigh. I think I love you.

{Leigh nods slowly. He is then stunned, when he realizes what Jules just said.}

LEIGH: Alright, I've got to say, that's really sweet! But, um... I recently broke up with someone. On top of that, we've only really just met.

{Jules blinks.}

JULES: Shit, it's too early for this, isn't it?

LEIGH: Yes.

JULES: Shit. Question now is, are we still cool?

LEIGH: I... I think so!

{Leigh weakly gives a thumbs-up. Jules smiles.}

JULES: You're better than you think you are.

{Leigh tilts his head.}

JULES: I don't personally think you're unlucky. I think instead that you don't believe in yourself... that's definitely one of your many issues. I say you should believe in yourself, by proxy of believing in me!

LEIGH: Th-thanks? I think?

{Jules showcases a comically large bag of quarters, then puts it back in one of his pockets.}

JULES: Don't give up on your pinball dreams! Let's cross-examine the parrot in the courtroom!

{Jules begins marching out of the men's restroom, but stops himself.}

JULES: I'm finna give you a few minutes to give you some space, though. I sorta get the vibe that you'd want that, and that's valid. The quarters will be ready for you, when you are.

{Jules exits offscreen, for real this time. Afterwards, Leigh takes some deep breaths for roughly a few seconds. He looks at himself, in the mirror.}

LEIGH: Wait a sec... cross-examine a parrot? The courtroom? What? I'm just confused, at this point.

{The next shot shows him opening the door to go back to the main part of the bar. He readjusts himself to his surroundings, and spies Jules not far ahead. Leigh convenes with Jules, who gives him the promised bag of quarters and gestures at the Golden Girls Pinball Machine. The camera pans over to it briefly, then back at Leigh - who has a smile on his face, once again. He approaches the Golden Girls Pinball Machine with a confident stride that feels unfamiliar to himself, as the scenery fades to black. The letters for "WIKIHOOD" show up, one by one. Once the letters are all on-screen, they glow a faint crimson, signalling the end of the episode.}