Wikihood/arc/26

Summary

Everyone is at Sephiroth's funeral, whereas Sephiroth is still alive, attempting to get to Greece to train.

Transcript

{Open to last episode, where Sephiroth's body lies. Two random medic men run by and pick him up, and put him in a suit, then in a coffin.}

????: This all seems familiar.

JOSEPH: Well, it is to me. At least his body is still around. Last time he just disappeared.

CC: Well, hate to leave you guys, but I gotta' take care of some buiusness.

JOSEPH: We decided you could stay? When did I miss the voting?

{Noxigar arrives, using the Organization XIII weapons to help him stand up. The chakrams are attached to his shoes, and the green staff is used as a walking stick. The lances are used as crutches, and the other weapons are on his back.}

NOXIGAR: Owch... using my whole being has made me fragile...

JOSEPH: Well, I got a new keyblade out of this! {holds up XIII keychain.}

CC: Nox, be lucky you aren't dead. Well, see ya'.

{CC opens a portal to the white space abd walks into it}

JOSEPH: So, ready for the funeral?

JCM: Funeral? Who died?

JOSEPH: Shh. You never ask that at a funeral.

NOXIGAR: Yeah, that's the biggest no-no in any funeral.

JOSEPH: But a yes-yes is to ask where the priest is.

{DiZ walks onscreen}

DiZ: Hades had to comfort Sephiroth in the Underworld, so I will be the priest for this evening's funeral.

{OOC: Anyone can control DiZ now.}

{Cut to Hell, Sephiroth and Hades are playing with the Strings of Life.}

SEPHIROTH: Who shall we kill next?

HADES: Hmm.... Tom Cruise!

SEPHIROTH: Yay! {Get his string, and cuts it. Tom Cruises scream is heard. Both start laughing.} Let's torture some Souls!

HADES: Yes!

{Cut back.}

JOSEPH: I have the discreet feeling that Tom Cruise just died.

DiZ: Yep. He did. Weird. Even more suspicious deaths since Sephiroth died...

INCARNATE: It would be a shame for him to go to Hell. I can stop that from happening.

JCM: How? Also, where were you all these years?

DiZ: It's already happened.

{Cut back to Hell. Sephiroth is now sitting there, bored.}

SEPHIROTH: Ok, I'm bored now. ....Can I live again?

HADES: Sorry. Love to do that, but... you've done all your regenerations.

SEPHIROTH: Darn.

HADES: Well... there is one way... but then... you would be mortal.

SEPHIROTH: Dang.

HADES: Anyway, want some Hell-flavoured crisps? {offers a bag of crisps to Sephiroth}

{Cut to the sky. Lightning Guy is looking at the earth and Mr. Cloud is counting money.}

LIGHTNING GUY: Hey, Mr. Cloud, have you noticed all these deaths happening?

MR. CLOUD: {looks up} Huh? Oh, sorry, I'm just counting all this money I made selling coffins. Isn't all these deaths great?!

LIGHTNING GUY: You sicken me. Anyway, I have to talk to those guys in Heaven. Maybe they know what's going on.

{Cut to Hell again.}

SEPHIROTH: Ahh.. I'll do it! So.. what do I do?

HADES: You must pass through the lake of neutralizing, in order to reach the surface. But, to get your powers back, you have to prove yourself as a true hero. Try training with Philotetes.

SEPHIROTH: Smoke me a Kipper, I'll be back for breakfast! {Jumps in.}

HADES: What a guy!

{cut to funeral}

INCARNATE: I was with my brother for all these years. Training to be stronger.

JCM: Oh.

{Cut to Heaven. Lightning Guy talks to someone that is offscreen.}

LIGHTNING GUY: Excuse me, sir, but there are bad things happening on Earth. I'm afraid that people are dying by the second. Yes, sir? The people in the place that shall not be said is causing this to happen? Why can't you go and stop it? Oh, I forgot, you can't leave Heaven. Nevermind, I'll go myself. {leaves}

{Cut to Earth}

INCARNATE: {on phone} What? Oh fine. {off phone} Sorry guys, I have to go. {leaves to his house}

NOXIGAR: So, when exactly is the funeral?

DiZ: It's now.

{Cut to Sephiroth swimming in the lake, and when he comes out, he's a human, with black hair.}

SEPHIROTH: Oh... I'm human...

{Cut back to Noxigar, DiZ, and everyone else.}

DiZ: Before I begin, is everyone Sephiroth requested in his will present?

JOSEPH: Well, contrary to his first death, he wrote Chaos, but since he died between these two deaths, I just crossed him out.

DiZ: {whisperingly to Joseph} Don't tamper with the will any more...

{Cut to Incarnate's house. Shows him training against a demonic post}

INCARNATE: How much longer and harder until I can destroy Earth?{breaks post}Excellent.

{Cut to Russia, where Human Sephiroth is. He is climbing a snowy mountain.}

SEPHIROTH: Darn Hades. Why would he place the well in Russia?! Russia! Well... before I go to Greece... This gives me a great opportunity for a Rocky Training Montage. {The Montage starts, with "Hearts on Fire" from Rocky IV playing, where Sephiroth is training in the mountains. As the song ends, Sephiroth is at the top of the tallest mountain, and starts yelling.} DRAGO!!!!.... Umm..... I'VE NEVER BEEN SO ALIVE!!!! ....{A little extract of "Gotta Fly Now" is played.}

{Cut back to where DiZ and Noxigar is.}

DIZ: Okay, the people in the will, and what they are recieiving is:

Joseph: A Free Membership to Dictators United
Noxigar: Sephiroth's Gunblade
Znex: The Power to Make Potatoes Live.
DiZ: $12,000

DiZ: Weird list..

????: What about me? Even though I hardly know this guy.

DiZ: Oh yeah... {Gives him a Rubber Ducky.} That's what he had for you.

VOICE: The power to make potatoes live, how lovely.

{Pan across to where a hologram of Znex is.}

ZNEX HOLOGRAM: Hey guys. I'm currently fighting in a war of a certain universe. So I'm contacting via hologram.

{Cut back to where Sephiroth is now. He is now in China, climing the great wall.}

SEPHIROTH: Grr... Darn Human Limits! ....Wait a minute.. I might have something. {Gets Genie's lamp from Bag.} Yes! {Rubs it. Genie comes out.}

GENIE: SEPHIROTH! You're alive!

SEPHIROTH: And Human. And my wish is, I wish to be normal again!

GENIE: Can't do that. The Lake of Neutralizing must of erased every trace of your power completely.

{The Orb of Digital Power begins to glow, and it flies in front of Sephiroth.}

ORB: {In Chaos' voice} Sephiroth?

SEPHIROTH: Chaos? ....Guess what! I died too! Since I lost all my regenerations, I had to neutralize my powers.

ORB: I don't think I'm dead. The place I'm in is very dark. Now, I think I know how to help you! Put Hades on!

SEPHIROTH: I can't! I'm alive again! .......And powerless. I'm looking for Philotetes in Greece, to Train, so I can get my power back. Even Genie can't.

ORB: But I can! You just need to-

{The orb stops glowing, and falls on the ground. Joseph picks it back up.}

SEPHIROTH: Joseph? What are you doing here? In China?

{Is the CC in-text the one I'm thinking about?}

{OOC: If it's Clueless Cat, or formally Homsardude, than yes.}

JOSEPH: What're you talking about?

{The background falls down, to show Sephiroth's in the middle of the chapel.}

JOSEPH: Lat time I checked, it's un-dead persony to show up at your own funeral alive.

SEPHIROTH: But, this isn't the funeral. This is a fake Chapel. {Knocks it over, to reveal they're still in China.} You, and I, are the only ones here. I used a summoning scroll to summon you here. I need your help, as you are the closest person to Chaos who is alive.

JOSEPH: I thought you ran out of those. Now, why do you need me?

{Znex's hologram appears.}

ZNEX: Chaos knows the only way of making Sephiroth a Sharothian again. Currently, he's human.

JOSEPH: But the on ly remaining fragments of Chaos are this orb, my Chaos form, and...possibly that armored Choas-looking guy, but it looks like he's as clean as possible.

{OOC:The armored Chaos is Chaos with amnesia and more powers.}

SEPHIROTH: I know how to get everything back, but I need easy transport to Greece, to Train, in order to become a hero, to get it back. And the reason why I have so many scrolls is, because I know how to write them. {Gets napkin, and writes something on it. A Dancing Nacho appears.}

JOSEPH: So, why don't you teleport to greece from here?

SEPHIROTH: Oh yeah! I'll go there, with my magic powers... WHICH I DON'T HAVE ANYMORE!!

JOSEPH: But you just use a transport scroll on me, and you made that Nacho!

SEPHIROTH: That was a summon scroll, and that's the only thing I know. Summon.

JOSEPH: Well, Summon YOURSELF to wherever you need to go to! I could read the scroll and do it for you, couldn't I?

SEPHIROTH: YES! ...God, you are rude for an angel.. Oh wait.. I have a teleport scroll. ....With limited radius. Wait.. {Puts on a Bono disguise, and transports to the funeral, where no one sees him. He goes to Noxigar, and takes The Lances, The Scythe, The Guns, and the Chakrams, without him noticing. He runs out, and uses the wind power of the lances to ride himself there.} Yay!

{The Orb of Digital power briefly glows.}

ORB: ...Idiot...

{The orb deactivates, and Joseph returns to the funeral. Sephiroth flies back in, with no one knowing still, and Noxigar, without some of the weapons for support, on the floor, kicks the orb, without Joseph knowing, and gives the Orb the 2-Finger Gesture, before leaving again.}

SEPHIROTH: Idiot eh? I heard that! {Flies off again. In the middle of flight, he pulls out the Lexicon.} Whoa.. I had this all along? They missed it. Cool!

{Znex's hologram appears again.}

ZNEX: Now you must go to Greece.

SEPHIROTH: Greece. Wanna come with me? I know you're far away, but with my last summon scroll, I can teleport you here for 6 hours.

ZNEX: Nah, I'm currently helping war effort in another universe. My hologram will follow you.

{Disc-scratching happens and the screen temporarily freezes}

NOXIGAR: {offscreen} His funeral hasn't even happened. What are we, fickle? Here's my viewpoint on all o' this.

{The screen unfreezes. Cut to Noxigar in a wheelchair at the Great Wall of China. The wheelchair is controlled by a Sega Genesis controller, and it runs over Daxter, Cogsworth, Luigi, Dr. Phil, and AVGN, among other minor characters}

NOXIGAR: Alright, I'm back.

SEPHIROTH: You're a danger. Stop running over people. {Blasts the Chair away with the guns.}

DAXTER: Stop bullying us! {Jumps up, and punches Noxigar in the face, and knocks a tooth out.}

ZNEX: Enough! We need to go to Greece.

SEPHIROTH: Fine! Let's go! {Uses the lances, to make a cloud of Solid Air, and Rides on it, with Znex's Hologram following. It shows a picture of a world map. It shows a dot, travelling across Europe. The Dot then lands in Greece. It zooms in, to show Sephiroth and Znex in a Greek Forest, walking.} Now... Philotetes. Well, Herc found him fine!

ZNEX: Yeah, but Heracles was living 3000 years before us or something. The land has changed.

SEPHIROTH: I'm aware of that. {Gets out a suitcase, and a little machine comes out of it. It starts to grow as it builds.} BUILDING A TIME DISPENSER! {It's built now, but still not working. Sephiroth takes a chunk of metal out of his pocket, and then starts to hit the Dispenser with a wrench. It upgrades, and then starts to work.} Good thing I have expert Engineer skills! {Presses Button.} Ancient Greece! {The Machine Glows, then takes Sephiroth, and Znex through time. They are now in the past.} There. They're living in Olympis now, but since we have no way of getting there,we just go to the past!

ZNEX: Right, let's move!

{The two start walking across the Greek forest. Cut to a southern mountain where the two are climbing. Only Znex has no difficulty climbing, in fact, he's walking up the mountain. Cut to a Greek plain where the two are walking along, and Sephiroth falls down panting.}

ZNEX: You've had enough now?

SEPHIROTH: Human... Limits.... God.... {Gets out vial of Water, and drinks it. He jumps up.} Alright! Let's move! ...Again!

{A Hoplite on a horse rides by and stops when he sees the two.}

MESSENGER TRIS(three): {speaks in Mycenaean, offering his hand}

ZNEX: {to Sephiroth} I think he wants us to come with him. Unfortunately, since I'm a hologram, I wouldn't be able to translate it.

{Suddenly, a big lightning bolt hits the plain, causing the horse to run away. The lightning bolt comes out of the ground to show that he's Lightning Guy.}

LIGHTNING GUY: {in big, powerful voice} Which one of you two are Sephiroth?!

{Hades comes in, in a circle of flames, and fights Lightning Guy off.}

HADES: You two! Go! {To Lightning Guy.} What is your problem?

{Znex and Sephiroth walk off.}

ADEL: Well, if it isn't Znex and Sephiroth!

{Adel uses his psychic powers to trap the two in a large stone prison.}

ADEL: You two aren't going anywhere!

{The hologram is replaced with the actual Znex and Znex blasts apart the stone prison. After doing so, he picks up Adel with one hand and looks straight in his eyes.}

ZNEX: Adel, if we meet you like this one more time, we'll rip your entire body apart and make you eat yourself. Understood?

{Without waiting for his answer, Znex opens a portal and flings Adel into it back to the present. He then closes the portal and is replaced by the hologram again.}

ZNEX: {to Sephiroth} Now, where were we?

SEPHIROTH: Greece.

HADES: Everyone is after you! The Lamp! That's what they are after! Just go! I'll fight off anyone who attacks! {Creates a barrier of hellfire behind Znex and Sephiroth. Znex and Sephiroth run off, and Sephiroth drops a Yellow Emerald without noticing.}

ZNEX: What's this lamp they're after?

SEPHIROTH: {Gets out Genie lamp.} 3 Wishes.

{Van appears out of nowhere, holding 2 rather large guns.}

VAN: Well, well. Your death appears to be a lie. Anyways, I've come to help you.

ZNEX: You mean by "help you" helping us to give the lamp to you by killing us--well, Sephiroth and prying it from Sephiroth's cold dead hands?

{Everyone looks at him weirdly.}

SEPHIROTH: No Znex. Just no. And Van, I did die, and I went through this proceedure to revive myself, only now, I'm neutralized. Can't do nothin'. Except for impersonating voices. {In Znex's Voice.} Hello! I'm Znex! I wear a Time Cuff! ....Or something like that... I know! {In Adel's Voice.} I'm Adel! I have issues, because I want to kill my father! Blah Blah Blah! {Normal Voice.} Alright. Let's go. {After 2 hours, they all arrive in a destroyed Greek Temple. They see a pair of goat legs sticking out of a tree.}

???: Hello?! I hear someone! Help me out kid!

{Sephiroth uses the Lances to create a gust of wind, to throw him out of the tree. It's Philoctetes.}

PHILOCTETES: Oh Great! Lemme guess! You want training, right?!

SEPHIROTH: Yep.

PHILOCTETES: I've got 2 words for you kid! No!

SEPHIROTH: What? Why?

PHILOCTETES: Since I trained Hercules, EVERYBODY WANTS TRAINING! SO NO!! I won't train any old person who just comes here!

SEPHIROTH: ....I bought weapons. {Takes the Org XIII weapons out.}

PHILOCTETES: {Stares at them.} Oooh..... Okay. Fine, I'll help you. But don't think I'm going easy on you!

VAN: How long do you think this is going to take?

PHILOCTETES: Hopefully not long. Now.. For the first weapon! {Presses Button, and a bunch of targets come up.} Shoot these in 5 sec-... {They get shot by the Xigbar guns.} Whoa.. Nice.

{OOC:Now all we need to do is accomplish the goal of the Summary.}

{The Bullets deflect, and all pass through Znex, which do no harm, since he's a hologram.}

PHILOCTETES: This is gonna be long.. Oh God.. Oy vey...

{End 'Sode.}