Wikihood/arc/23

Summary

3 months later, everyone finds themselves in paradise. Everything they want is done, and it is all fine. A little too fine, maybe?

Transcript

{Cut to an large office room in a skyscraper. At the window, is a futuristic utopia. Sephiroth is at the desk, sleeping.}

SEPHIROTH: {Singing in his sleep.} ......Pretty woman, walking down the street.. pretty woman.. {Phone rings, and wakes him up.} What!? Oh. {Picks up the phone.} Hello?

SECRETARY: Mr. Sephiroth, your supply of Root Beer you ordered is here!

SEPHIROTH: Have an employee send it up. {Puts phone down.} ...What am I doing? {Looks at Logo on wall. It reads "Sephiroth Indrustries". He then looks at the desk. It says "Sephiroth Darkheart - CEO."} Cool! I'm the rich successful CEO of my own company! I don't remember getting this though... Aww heck! I have free Root Beer!

{Noxigar opens the office doors}

NOXIGAR: Good morning, Sephiroth. The papers to the Cheat's custody between Homestar and Strong Bad are finished.

SEPHIROTH: Oh finally! God, that was boring that case. It's funny that we're a company that specializes in: Factories, Legal Issues, and Root Beer supply, isn't it? Anyway, it's getting late. It's 11:00. Do you want to come into my house for dinner Noxigar? My chefs are cooking 10 Star Food.

NOXIGAR: Sure. As long as there's meat and potatoes, not sure what else would prod me to go to dinnerplaces?

SEPHIROTH: Meat and Potatoes? There's much more than that! Some food there is such a delicacy, it is banned on Earth for knocking out a normal human being who eats it! But I'm one of the most powerful men on Earth. Strengthwise, and Business Wise.

HOMESTAR TIGER: I'm thirsty again.

SEPHIROTH: Drink machine activate! {A drink machine featuring 1000 kinds of drinks pops up.}

HOMESTAR TIGER: {Eye twitches} YAY! {Swallows the whole machine}

{Another Drink Machine Pops up.}

SEPHIROTH: How about the food materializer? {A food materializer pops up.} Press the button, and say what snack you want. It will appear at your eyes.

HOMESTAR TIGER: {Presses button} Sephiroth's brain!

{The Machine makes a piece of paper with lots of profane insults, signed by Sephiroth.}

SEPHIROTH: Nice try Dodongo.

NOXIGAR: I'll try... the Flaming Hot Cheetos with extra-spicy Barbecue Sauce. Seph's right. Sometimes there is more to food than one delicacy. However, I prefer spicy things.

{Cut to a small tropical world where Znex is sitting on a throne with a crown on his head. A large population of the planet's indigenous people are making a giant statue of him.}

ZNEX: Stiny, get me a drink. It's quite hot here.

TRIBESMAN: Er, yes, your Majesty!

{The tribesman runs off at lightning speed and then runs back with a glass of water. Znex looks at it.}

ZNEX: Too cold.

{The tribesman runs off again and then runs back with another glass of water. Znex looks at it.}

ZNEX: Too hot.

{The tribesman runs off again and then runs back with another glass of water. Znex looks at it.}

ZNEX: Stiny, you've spilt half of it coming back here! Go back and get a full glass of water!

TRIBESMAN: Er, yes, your Majesty. I deeply apologise.

{The tribesman runs off again and then runs back with another glass of water. Znex looks at it.}

ZNEX: That's better. Go back to your labouring.

TRIBESMAN: Er, yes, your Majesty!

{The tribesman runs off to join the other tribesmen who are still building the statue.}

ZNEX: Ahhhh... {sips water} This is the life.

{Cut back at Sephiroth's Mountain Mansion.}

SEPHIROTH: Why don't you guys make yourself at home at my personal cinema-.. I mean living room. If you want any movies shown, just request one at the office.

{Homestar tiger's tounge hangs out of his mouth and his eyes are not pointing the same way.}

NOXIGAR: Sure, no prob.

{Cut to a little office in Hell. Hades is there, at a table, along with both of the other Satans, Genie, Carpet, and a shadowy figure.}

HADES: So, what do we do?

SP SATAN: Well, if we just unplug them, they'll instantally die.

GENIE: We could find someone to help them?

???: Hmm... I think I know who.

{OOC: Teehee. I'm the only one silly enough to incorporate disney characters in this.}

HADES: {angrily} Holy Zeus! It's Hera, the actual antagonist of Hercules! You framed me, you...er...you...wife of a womanizer!

BS SATAN: Your lack of a good insult makes things more frustrating. And who knows if it's that female dog? Yeah, I said it.

{CC comes in and starts slashing BS Satan with is keyblade}

CC: NO SWEARING IN THE LAVATORY!

{The Mystery character gets out a Staff, With a snake head on the end of it, and zaps CC unconscious.}

???: No. Not Hera. {Comes out of the shadows some more, to show he has a curly beard, and a turban, and evil black clothes, but his face still isn't seen.} Me.

SP SATAN: Umm.... Maleficent?

???: No fool! Maleficent hasn't got a beard!

HADES: Suprise Suprise!

MALEFICENT: {Offscreen} Shut up Hades!

???: Fools! It's me, Jafar! {Comes out of the shadows.}

HADES: Oh. Why are you getting involved?

JAFAR: Genie is involved.

HADES: Oh.

{Adel walks into the room.}

ADEL: Shut up! My father may be dead, but the underworld's useless prattle sure isn't. Now, many of you may have heard that my father was killed trying to defeat me-

{Triumphant fanfare plays.}

ADEL: But failed so he gave his power to Joseph. Now, if we extracted that power, we'd be the most powerful beings in the Universe! Now, I need help from all of you. You in?

BS SATAN: No, no, and no. That whole plan sounds ridiculous.

HADES: Sorry, man. Not stopping to Herk's level. Go read the original Hercules and see what I mean. He killed my dog for no reason, he then kills his wife right after he marries her, and then kills his child. He's also a jerk. Like mother like son: a complete jerkish psychopath. {points at Hera, then at Hercules}

ADEL: But I am the inheriter to Chaos' role in the underworld. You are mine to appoint to whichever job I please!

MYSTERIOUS VOICE: But Chaos is not dead!

{Everyone looks around, but then it cuts to the Invincible. Joseph and the Knights of the Ark are all in a room with the destoryed Alphamon Shell.}

JOSEPH: It's rather unfortunate taht Chaos went the way of a noble warrior.

VAN: Suprising. He said not too long ago that there was nothing that could bring KoTA back together. Looks like he was wrong.

KAIN: Say, Ruin, didn't you say you mailed invitations to all the wikihood members?

JOSEPH: Yeah. I wonder why they haven't gotten them...

{A cleric known as Oiracul arrives}

OIRACUL: So? It's been 3 months. And who's gonna talk to someone who contracted lycanthropy? {points at self}

JOSEPH: Some funerals don't happen for at least a month after the person is dead. You're right on time. Any word from the rest of the Wikihood cast?

OIRACUL: I'm afraid not. Some spiky-haired mongrel took them all. He has something I identified as a Keyblade. I stole one of his. {takes out Oblivion Keyblade} You're lucky werewolves are versatile creatures.

JOSEPH: ...It's just Roxas. No big deal.

{Cut back.}

JAFAR: {To Adel.} Ignore him. He's over exaggerating the story. Hercules didn't kill Cerberus, only temporarily crippled him. He's fine! The Original Hercules story was written by him. And Meg is still alive, and he didn't even have a son. And his mother barely did anything. Aladdin however, he is the worst! I just needed him to get me the Genie, he steals it, and then kills me! ...Well, I did lash out on him, and order him to get killed, but, come on, it is totally uncalled for to seal me away in the Lamp, and then, when I come out, he killed me by throwing the lamp into some lava, and killing me! By the way, I'm in. Only if you steal the Genie's lamp for me.

HADES: Shut up! I didn't over exaggerate! ....That much.. Well, he did punch me, and landed me in the Stix, where I had difficulty climbing out!

JAFAR: Oh, you got punched!? You survived that! I didn't survive the lava!

ADEL: Well, think. if Chaos is still alive, he left the power in Joseph. We can take it from him, and you and Satan won't have to be ordered around by him. YOU can control HIM! I know that's what you've wanted for a long time.

HADES: He doesn't control us. We pull pranks on him all the time. Like once, we locked him up in a cave for 2 days. However, when he came out, he was just annoyed. Not angry. But, he's nothing like his father, Death. Death's more... friendly. I mean, he's more pleasant to be around.

ADEL: Why do you think that is?

HADES: Because Death is more civilized, and does something useful, while Chaos does nothing, and boasts.

{OOC: Yep. Hades Dislikes Chaos.}

ADEL: Well, why not get rid of the useless...{creates a Pawn chess piece colored like Chaos} Pawn? {Crushes the chess piece} After all, with that power, we could do it.

HADES: We could just cut his life string. But, i'm not really in favor of killing him... I mean, he is a jerk, but he's not that bad.

JAFAR: Oh you are useless! I'll help you child! We'll both share the power, and leave everyone behind, in our trail of power!! All we need, is the lamp, and we're all set.

ADEL: Well, lead the way.

HADES: Adel trumps Chaos. He's more assertive, decisive, and active.

ADEL: Well, last chance, Hades. Come now or lose the chance to lead your own path.

HADES: Alright. Count me in. Something tells me siding with you is right...

ADEL: Oh, it couldn't be more righteous.

HADES: Alrighty. {gets out a contract} Sign this, all of you.

JAFAR: {Signs.} Great! Now... To get some people to join us. Come on!

{Adel uses psychic powers to make the pen float, and signs it.}

{Cut to a room, where lots of notorious villians are at. Jafar, and Adel are at the table, negotiating.}

OOGIE BOOGIE: So you want us to kill Chaos do you? Sure! I'm in!

SCAR: Oh, it would be so devilishly smashing! I'm in!

ADEL: No! We need you to kill his Nobody. And take his orb of digital power. It looks like a blue sphere with numbers around it.

HADES: He has a Nobody? Let me call up my Noxiphone! {gets out a phone with the Organization XIII emblem on it, and dials a number} Hello? Oh, he's not home? Alright. Well, Chaos has a Nobody that I presume works with Roxas. What the-? Namine? Even better... Okay, you go get 'im outta the park. 'Kay, bye. {hangs up}

ADEL: I could've just told you his name!

HADES: Okay, you call Namine then.

{Hades throws Adel the phone, and he opens it and presses buttons.}

ADEL: Hello, Namine. What? No, I like your cooking. Next Wednesday? Sure. Now, I needed to tell you his name. Joseph. Yes, the idiotic one that looks like Chaos. OK. See you. Bye!

{Adel hangs up the phone.}

ADEL: Such a nice girl.

HADES: What exactly will be needed next Wednesday? Is that when our plan actually triggers?

ADEL: No, it's when I'm going over to dinner at her place with Noxigar. She said she'd get right to work on fin-

{The phone rings the Nokia theme.}

ADEL: Hello? WHAT! Everyone? Oh, god-

{Adel destroys the phone.}

ADEL: They were all caught in that stupid simulation! She can't affect them. We need to storm in there and destroy the simulation before we can further the plan.

{CC jumps through the window (Thus cutting him bad) and stares at Adel}

CC: Excuse me, you have any hot glue guns I can play with?

{Adel lifts CC up with psychic powers, and teleports him to an A.C. Moore, in the Hot Glue Gun section.}

CC: HOT DOG! This'll distract him long enough to realize he's wasting his time with me. But first. {Burning sounds can be heard} MY EYE!!

{Cut back.}

ADEL: I wonder if he knows I took away any teleportation powers and doors and windows from that A.C. Moore...He'll probably be O.K.

{Cut back}

CC: Now to send him pictures of me and hot glue in my mouth.

{Cut back.}

ADEL: Now, let's go find where they're at, so we can destroy the simulation.

{OOC:Seph, get ready to reveal the one behind all of this.}

{As everyone leaves, A mysterious figure falls from the cieling.}

MYSTERIOUS FIGURE: Not if I can get to him first!

{Pan to Twilight Town. DiZ is looking at the sketches}

DiZ: What in the-? A simulation? She totally ripped off my idea!

{OOC: If it truly were a simulation, Noxi woulda already seen some Org. XIII members here, ones that are supposed to be dead. For instance, he'd have to have spotted Demyx shortly before.}

{OOC:Honestly we sorta pre-plotted. Adel is supposed to end the simulation and my newest character is supposed to stop him and travel with you for a while. Sorry.}

{OOC: No prob. I'm sorta a semi-mod. Just add a reunite scene with any Org. XIII member of your choice, it can't be Roxas or Namine}

{OOC:You mean you want me to do it?}

{OOC: You control the Org. XIII "illusions". I talk to them. You came up with the simulation idea, not me.}

{Noxigar looks out the window to see a cloaked person in Org. XIII attire.}

{OOC:...MARLUXIA!}

MARLUXIA: Good to see you again, Noxi.

NOXIGAR: Marluxia... is it really you?

MARLUXIA: In the flesh.

NOXIGAR: I heard you got killed by Roxas. How can you still be alive?

{Diz arrives to tell the sad news}

DiZ: He isn't. This is a cyber-reality where one's dreams come to life. The sod who copied off of me is getting a beating via Riku.

{Joseph enters the room.}

JOSEPH: How about a beating via ruin? {pulls out his 2 keyblades.}

{OOC:You should make pages for DiZ and Namine.}

{OOC: Thanks for suggesting.}

DiZ: You've got to be kidding me. How many people have Keyblades now?

JOSEPH: Well, ruling out Roxas because he returned to Sora's body, and CC because his are just styrofoam, 4 people:Me, Sora, Kairi, and Riku.

DiZ: So you're telling me that I have to dissect Sora to have Noxigar kill Roxas? As if this couldn't get any harder...

JOSEPH: You REALLY need to watch the KHInsider videos on YouTube. they were made for people like you to get information like that.

DiZ: So? Explain Namine then. She's with No Cigar. And me, to a lesser extent. She won't be inside Kairi unless she needs to control her. So, Roxas is using Sora to find and kill Noxi. How unfortunate, that neither person will be able to kill the other.

JOSEPH: Seriously. Did you even pay attention to the KHII Script? Roxas can't control Sora, Sora absorbed him and got his full power back.

DiZ: I know. I was in KH2. Tetsuya Nomura demanded that I enter.

{Oiracul arrives}

OIRACUL: Heh, I smell meat. {points at DiZ, then points outside the window to realize it is nighttime}

{Oiracul transforms into a werewolf and attacks Noxigar. DiZ takes out a Keyblade and challenges Joseph}

NOXIGAR: Werewolves... a whole new challenge...

DiZ: Joseph... do not ever correct me...

{Noxigar uses a Poison Nova on Oiracul, while DiZ uses Ars Arcanum on Joseph}

JOSEPH: Ahh! My I-can-so-totally-do-that-ness! {uses Ragnarök on DiZ}

{DiZ uses Sonic Blade to send Joseph to a wall, while Noxigar is struggling to overpower Oiracul, as he uses an Aura Sphere to use the powers of light. Oiracul howls, indicating he has strengthened.}

NOXIGAR: This doesn't look good. An Aura-using werewolf... how challenging.

JOSEPH: Don't make me angry...

{Noxigar has a light-bulb in his head, and he throws a bottle full of venomous gas on the floor. The bottle breaks, and Oiracul is seen covering his nose and yelping loudly.}

NOXIGAR: That'll distract that werewolf long enough for me to help DiZ defeat this daredevil.

{Noxigar takes out a green staff and whacks Joseph in the back of the head. DiZ does another Ars Arcanum on Joseph.}

{Joseph's clothing then is turned black, his face is bandaged, his hair turns black, and long chains are now on his arms.}

CHAOS FORM JOSEPH: I am through playing!

{Joseph pulls out a third keyblade, a black scythehead with a black claw, and puts it in his mouth. Then he draws his other two keyblades, which float when released. He perfoms a super fast version of Ars Arcanum on DiZ, then aligns the keyblades like at the end of eternal session, and makes a giant ray blast on DiZ.}

DiZ: {grinning and panting in between words} Heh, that is indeed tough. But I've got one more trick up my sleeve. Valhalla!

{DiZ strikes at Joseph, curing himself for half the damage he dealt to Joseph}

NOXIGAR: DiZ, do you need help?

DiZ: I'm fine. Go, Noxi. Hurry and leave the simulation before the programmer spawns more Org. XIII illusions. Go!

{Noxigar jumps out the window, seeing a Keyhole among other things below.}

CC: Hey, Nox.

{Noxigar turns around and realizes CC is in the room. Oiracul tackles CC.}

OIRACUL: More meat, merrier me!

{Noxigar jumps to the Keyhole, ending the episode with him in Olympus Coliseum}