(even if you aren't vegan)
Wikihood/Archive/eps/5/Riffed
Contents
Synopsis
Tonight, we pause the story for a bit, to show Wikihood, IN THE PAST! This episode will be split in different time periods. Some of Sephiroth's life, and story are revealed too. Complete with many attempts by Znex to make the time-space continuum as it should.
NOXIGAR: This episode was really good up until it triggered ideas to reboot what had been going rather decently. I mean, all of the timelines used for this episode were done in the style of a sitcom, which people generally like for one reason or another. The part where Chwoka decided to disregard it and prior episodes was the lowest point Wikihood could ever reach.
Plot Summary
- Time is observed via the different time periods.
NOXIGAR: See? No myriad of confusing subplots, no other plot going on, just one linear plot which can be followed by all. Mind you, a similar Wikihood episode will probably not be found again for a while.
New Characters
- NoxivonKarma (Noxi's Franziska-von-Karma Form)
- Vincent (Chaos' only off-track reincarnation that didn't give him his demon powers)
NOXIGAR: Eh, it didn't really introduce much, though. A form I took for metacontextual humor for the time period it was used, as well as an "off-shoot" of a character's archetype.
Transcript
Dark Ages
{Cut to in the middle of the sea in a storm, where there's a longship packed with Norsemen(aka Vikings).}
ZHAROG THE UNFORGIVING: This is a strong wind, by Odin! If Ægir makes the waves any stronger, our ship shall be overturned, and our souls, at the point of death, shall travel to the icy prison of Hel!
NOXIGAR: What if Hel melted?
ZHAROG THE UNFORGIVING: That is not funny, Noxigar. It never melts. It is always frozen over.
NORSEMAN IN THE CROWS' NEST: Chief! I see land, up ahead!
ZHAROG THE UNFORGIVING: Right, then what are we waiting for? Row faster!
{The Norsemen who are rowing try to row a bit faster.}
ZHAROG THE UNFORGIVING: Perhaps the gods have shown favour upon us, this day. We shall live to see another day.
NOXIGAR: If I can crossdress as Franziska von Karma, then Loki, one of your guys' spirits, would be happy.
{Noxigar transforms into Franziska von Karma}
NOXIGAR: Basically that means you've got someone on your side.
{Noxigar facepalms} NOXIGAR: I admit the timing of such a metacontextual joke was poor...
{After a few minutes of rowing, they finally come to land.}
ZHAROG THE UNFORGIVING: We are saved, by Odin! Praise the gods!
{A procession of people walk along towards the Norsemen.}
HEAD PERSON: Hallo.
ZHAROG THE UNFORGIVING: {to Noxigar} What did he say?
AN IN-BETWEEN NOTE: ALTHOUGH IT IS WRITTEN OUT LIKE THE NORSEMEN ARE SPEAKING ENGLISH, THEY ARE JUST MERELY SPEAKING NORSE, AND WE JUST TRANSLATED IT FOR YOU. SO IS THE CASE FOR THE ENGLISHMEN, WHO ARE JUST MERELY SPEAKING A MIX OF SAXON, ANGLE, AND CELT.
NOXIGAR: Specifics are important.
{Sephiroth comes down, in a beam of Black Light.}
SEPHIROTH: This is a warning to everyone! In 48 Hours, something terrible is going to happen! I hail from the future!
ZHAROG THE UNFORGIVING: What? What did you just say?
SEPHIROTH: Terrible Things! RAGNAROK!! It is coming! Many People will die! Be Wary!
ZHAROG THE UNFORGIVING: {to Noxigar} I only caught the Ragnarok bit. {stops for a moment} Wait, Ragnarok?
SEPHIROTH: Yes. Ragnarok. I know. I can tell. It always reveals itself 2 Days before happening. For one, The Sky goes all stormy. {Sky turns into a massive storm.}
ZHAROG THE UNFORGIVING: {to Noxigar} He said Ragnarok again!
PRIMITIVE CHAOS: Oh, boy. This is place is going sky....high.
ZHAROG THE UNFORGIVING: Chaos, what did I tell you about talking in different languages?
PRIMITIVE CHAOS: Meh. Persian owns all other languages.
{Zharog the Unforgiving cuffs Chaos by the ear and twists it.}
ZHAROG THE UNFORGIVING: If you don't start speaking Norse in five seconds, I'll myself make sure you go straight to Hel, got it?
NOXIGAR: It's all the way in Michigan, but since the time period I'm in does not allow me to call it Michigan, I shall just call it something else.
PRIMITIVE CHAOS: There are so many things you have yet to discover about me within the next 2995 years.
ZHAROG THE UNFORGIVING: Right, you're not speaking Norse. Now off you go to Hel. {starts tying a giant weight to one of Chaos' feet}
Medieval Times
{Cut to a battlefield, where an Medieval Sephiroth is there, recording something.}
SIR SEPH: Ah. A New day. A new poem! Let's see.... I know! {Writes Something down.}
{Znex walks over. Strangely enough, he looks exactly like he does in the present(not as in his ancestor, Znex I, but in the present-day Wikihood).}
ZNEX: Greeting, Sir Sephiroth. How's it go with that Poetryhood?
{Noxigar laughs} NOXIGAR: Poetryhood... clever name was clever back then!
SIR SEPH: Very good, I must say, sirrah. In fact, it was you who gave me the idea in the first place!
ZNEX: Indeed.
SIR SEPH: Wanna hear it?
ZNEX: Sure, why not?
SIR SEPH:
All These Deaths,
So Depressing.
Why can't there be more?
SIR SEPH: You like it?
ZNEX: Hmmm...it's a bit bland. Maybe I could help?
SIR SEPH: NEVER! IT IS A BAD POEM, AND MUST BE DESTROYED! {Gets sword, and impales paper.} AHH!!!
NOXIGAR: Around Episode 44, a person carelessly destroyed more than just a simple sheet of paper... it was an entire sketchbook that got destroyed.
VINCENT: Destroying papers instead of knights again?
ZNEX: Who, Seph? Yeah, he is. Maybe I should write a poem?
VINCENT: Oh, don't think you're leaving,either. You still have to fight, too. This war will be over when they're ALL dead. Then I can dispose of their bodies for them.
ZNEX: What? Oh, you must be mistaking me for some knight. I don't fight wars, I'm just some guy.
VINCENT: Some guy who's inbetween the only two actual knights left. The others all left on a long quest for a more powerful knight. So...you're a replacement! {Gives Znex a sword}
ZNEX: Uh, no I'm not, because I'm skedaddling!
{Znex runs off.}
VINCENT: That's the kind of person that'll grow to be a terrific...peasant.
NOXIGAR: Yeah, what a peasant indeed.
{A Medieval Smiley the Ball bounces up, equipped with helmet, sword and shield.}
SIR SMILEY: {makes bouncing sounds}
SIR SEPH: I MUST KILL!! MY BLOODLUST MUST BE QUENCHED!! ...No, wait, tommorrow. That's when the war starts. The war of the roses! Then I will sever the head of many an enemy!
{A medieval Znex walks over, with a short rapier by his side and dressed up like a noble. He also has a beard and moustache.}
LORD ZORAN I: Greetings, chaps! What's going on here then? I probably wouldn't be here anyway, if my dear brave brother, Strongbadorroth, wasn't out there fighting.
SIR SEPH: Wait... What? {Looks at Zoran.} Znex? Well, anyway, I must be off! We must rest for the battle! The WAR OF THE ROSES!! King Henry will be proud! {Strides off.}
LORD ZORAN I: ....Znex? What kind of man would be called Znex? Silly name if you ask me. Anyway, has anyone seen my brother, Strongbadorroth?
SIR SEPH: Last time I heard, He got captured. Red Mask?
LORD ZORAN I: Oh, great. Looks like I am going to have to go after him. Which camp?
SIR SEPH: House of York. Don't know which camp though.
LORD ZORAN I: Rightio, I'll need some help, though.
{Sir Smiley bounces up.}
LORD ZORAN I: Very good. Anyone else?
{Silver appears onscreen, psychokinetically}
SILVER: Is this the Middle Ages time period?
LORD ZORAN I: Middle Ages period? I don't know what you're talking about! We're just about to get into the House of York's camp secretly--
SILVER: So it's the late Middle Ages.
LORD ZORAN I: Ummm...if you say so.
SILVER: Just inspecting. I'm Marty McFly, I'm a Tudor noble. {Silver shows an identification paper saying that he is, in fact, Marty McFly}
{Present Day Sephiroth comes in from a Time Machine.}
SEPHIROTH: Marty McFly? That reminds me of Back to the Future!
NOXIGAR: That's because it is Back to the Future!
SIR SEPH: Wait... What's back to the future?
SILVER: IT'S A TRAP! {Silver accidentally hits Sir Seph in the head with his desk.} Look at what you did, Sephiroth.
SEPHIROTH: Ow! {Rubs Head.} I remembered that! Anything you do to him, you do to me!
SILVER: So, if I poked Sir Seph... {Silver pokes Sir Seph}
SEPHIROTH AND SIR SEPH AT THE SAME TIME: Hey! Stop that!
{Znex appears.}
ZNEX: Uh, shouldn't we leave before this all turns into a giant paradox?
LORD ZORAN I: Paradox? What's all this about, hmmm?
ZNEX: No idea. By the way, Silver, this is still the War of the Roses. The Tudor stage hasn't started yet.
LORD ZORAN I: What...?
SEPHIROTH: Soon though. We have King Henry I.
ZNEX: King Henry I was one of William the Conqueror's sons, you fool! King Henry VII becomes the first king of the Tudor age!
LORD ZORAN I: Ooh, he does?
{Sephiroth gets out a pistol, and points it at Znex's head.}
SEPHIROTH: Do not call me a fool, or I'll paint the ground a shade of Pink, and Red.
SIR SEPH: What is that?
SEPHIROTH: It's a pistol.
ZNEX: You forget, Seph. I can't be killed. But you can.
NOXIGAR: OBJECTION! Wait...I forget.
{Znex charges up and aims at Sir Seph's head.}
ZNEX: Call this off, or I shall make sure you were never reincarnated.
SEPHIROTH: You can't do that. You're just a mere human. Your Empty Threats do nothing to me. {Smacks Znex's Arm away.} Now, am I a fool, or are you going to die?
ZNEX: Is that a trick question?
LORD ZORAN I: Excuse me, but what is this all about?
ZNEX: {to Sephiroth} We'll discuss this on the planet of Sharoth, ten years before the end of time.
{Znex fades out and disappears.}
SIR SEPH: Wait... the war is over. ...For 5 years.
SEPHIROTH: Heh heh. Idiot. Sharoth was destroyed way before earth was made. Plus, there is no end of time. I looked.
{Znex reappears.}
ZNEX: Darn it, I forgot. Uh...Planet K, the Lava Zone, just before the first ever Challenger's Cup?
Elizabethan Times
{Sephiroth is standing, in a throne room, talking to Elizabeth.}
SEPHIROTH: So.. Yeah. I have nothing else to say.
QUEEN ELIZABETH: Well, that's mighty interesting, Lord Sephiroth. Say, do you have a prezzie for me?
SEPHIROTH: Of Course! {Gets out Something, covered with Purple Silk.}
QUEEN ELIZABETH: Ooh! Purple Silk! Good Taste! So, what is it?
{Sephiroth takes off the silk, to reveal it is a Platinum Orb, with Diamonds and Rubys in it.}
QUEEN ELIZABETH: Nice! It's nice and shiny!
{A Znex walks in, dressed like a Tudor noble.}
LORD ZORAN IV: {bows} Your Majesty, there appears to be someone to see you.
VINCENT: I honestly think I don't need an introduction.
QUEEN ELIZABETH: Vincy Wincy!! Nice to see you! Got a prezzie too?
VINCENT: I have 2. 1's in the battlefield, but it's a bit messy. The other is urgent news.
{Vindicator walks in with a bottle of champagne.}
VINDICATOR: Non-alcaholic champag-in?
VINCENT: In all honesty, I don't think we should celebrate. That was but a spared victory. Now, about the "prezzie" I left in the battlefield...
SEPHIROTH: You mean, the Armada? It's probably sunk now.
VINCENT: It's the blade of your slain foe from the foreign lands. {pulls out a blood-covered Diamond blade, with a golden, jewel-encrusted hilt}
LORD ZORAN IV: Ooh, diamond blade.
QUEEN ELIZABETH: That's not diamond! {Takes Blade, looks at it, and finds that it's plastic.} Weird.. What's this glassy material?
LORD ZORAN IV: I would not know, your Majesty. It looks a bit flimsy. Perhaps I should try to give it a go?
SEPHIROTH: I would know what it is!
QUEEN ELIZABETH: Ooh. It intrigues me. What is it then?
SEPHIROTH: Plas... Wait... Sephimaterial. {Quietly.} If I discovered it in this time, I can name it!
QUEEN ELIZABETH: Sephimaterial? I like it! It looks pretty! Bring me more!
SEPHIROTH: {Gets out a Lego Playset.} How about this?
QUEEN ELIZABETH: Yay! Detachable Heads! Now I can practice beheading safely!
{Znex appears and destroys all the plastic with a blast of his hand.}
ZNEX: I'm not going to have you mess up my race's original homeworld's history, Seph. {wipes the memory of everyone so they don't remember the Sephimaterial bit, or Sephiroth} You're coming with me.
{Znex grabs Sephiroth and warps away.}
{Cut to a blank space.}
SEPHIROTH: Get your filthy hands off me you god darned human! {Pushes Znex to the ground.} You don't control me!
{Znex gets up.}
ZNEX: Perhaps, but I shall still not let you alter my race's original homeworld's history. There's even an agency dedicated to stopping people from altering history in an alternate universe.
{OOC: See here for more details. - Kleenex}
SEPHIROTH: You moron. That is a video game. What do you expect to happen next? {Mocking} GIANT STICKY ROLLING BALLS!?
{A giant Katamari rolls down a large hill and rolls Sephiroth up.}
ZNEX: Uh...yes?
SEPHIROTH: Well, I guess, it has to be. Just. Like. This. {Snaps fingers. Cut to an Inn, where Znex is lying in a bed. He wakes up.}
ZNEX: What the crap?
{Znex warps back to where Sephiroth is. Sephiroth isn't there. Instead, is a table, with a note, some nice tasting assorted chocolates, and a Coke.}
{Znex picks up the note and starts reading it.}
NOTE: Dear Znex, I was getting bored of waiting for you, so I just gone off. I traveled to Belgiem, to get you some nice chocolate, and to Atlanta, for some coke. The Table, however, is from Canadian Great Maple. Right now, I am working as an executioner. Ta Ta. From, Sephiroth. Ps: Do not eat the mutton you are going to be offered when you come back.
ZNEX: Uh, okay....the thing is, that I've never drunken coke in all my life. But, I don't mind the chocs as much.
{Znex eats all the chocolate as quickly as he can.}
ZNEX: Alright, let's see what's happening back there.
{Znex warps to outside the throne room.}
{An Obese guy comes up to Znex, with some mutton.}
FAT GUY: Want some mutton?
ZNEX: Uh, thanks, but no thanks. I've never eaten mutton in all my life, and I don't want to start now, thank you very much.
FAT GUY: {Shouting} YOU EAT YOUR MUTTON, AND YOU WILL LIKE IT!! {Stuffs it in Znex's Mouth.} EAT IT!!
{Znex spits it out.}
VINCENT: You! I need to talk to you! {somebody's hand pulls Znex into a portal while Vincent is talking to him}
{Cuts to a white void, where Chaos is.}
CHAOS: Are you some sort of IDIOT!?!?! I mean, blanking eveeryone's memories? What if they're impervious to it? Then they'll gab. You should've just killed them all while you had the chance. That's it. I BAN YOU from ever returning to this time period. Now, get out! {permanently alters Znex's CoT to detour him whenever he tries to go to Elizabethian times}
ZNEX: Hey, that's a good point. But, my ancestor is--Oh, screw it. I'm stopping it before then. I've got a spare CoT! {takes out spare CoT and puts it on and time travels before Chaos can stop him}
JUST BEFORE SEPHIROTH ENTERED THE QUEEN'S THRONE ROOM...
{Sephiroth walks along, but just before he gets to the doorway, he is knocked unconscious by Znex, and teleported to China, where Znex then drops him off and then disappears.}
SEPHIROTH: I have had it from about here with Znex! {Gets out Knife, and transports back to the Elizabethan Times. However, he finds himself in Scotland.} Znex!!! {Gets out an orange belt with flashing lights, and puts it around him. He then transports back to the throne room.} ZNEX! WHERE ARE YOU?
{Lord Zoran IV walks over.}
LORD ZORAN IV: Greetings, sir. Have you come to see the queen? Well, you can't. She's busy watching a beheading of a James B Grinkofod.
SEPHIROTH: James? I knew him! Jerk. By the way, have you seen this guy who looks just like you?
{Lord Zoran IV thinks thoughtfully.}
LORD ZORAN IV: Nup, can't say I have. Sorry I can't be of any more assistance.
{changes to a bar, with Vincent inside of it, sitting there with an empty glass.}
VINCENT: Hmm. This place seems a little off...perhaps If I just waited for another hour or so, something or somebody interesting will come in and help end this part of the episode...
{The obese guy walks up to Vincent, with some mutton.}
FAT GUY: Want some mutton?
{Vincent pulls out his sword, and sticks it through the obese guy's neck, making him die.}
VINCENT: Not quite what I was looking for.
{Sephiroth runs past the screen.}
SEPHIROTH: Yes! Znex got what he deserved...
{Time freezes, and Znex appears.}
ZNEX: Don't make such rash decisions. By the way, I can freeze time with the CoT as well.
VINCENT: Well, undo it! Sephiroth is in a weird pose. Now, where's that segment ender?
Victorian Times
VINCENT: These times grow old, as do I. This has never happened before, however.
DR. JEKYLL: Yes. I'm a Monster!!
{Cut to a Victorian style house, where a Victorian Znex is reading a book.}
LORD ZORAN XXII: Hmmm, this book is most intriguing! What's it called again?
{Lord Zoran XXII takes a quick look at the cover and reads it.}
LORD ZORAN XXII: "Dr Jekyll and Mr Hyde: A work in progress". It seems very good, despite this is only a beta copy. Beta?
NOXIGAR: Nah, I'd say it's a gamma copy full of gamma rays. But that's just me.
BARON SEPHIROTH: Yes. It's based off a real story. Jack Ripper is supposed to be helping with the gory details in the book.
LORD ZORAN XXII: Excellent! Excellent indeed!
BARON SEPHIROTH: By the way, do you know who Jack the Ripper is?
LORD ZORAN XXII: Ummm....er....no.
NOTE: THIS IS BEFORE THAT BIG MURDER SPREE THAT WAS BLAMED TO BE CAUSED BY A "JACK THE RIPPER".
BARON SEPHIROTH: Oh.. Right.. {Newspaper gets thrown at him. Sephiroth reads it.}
BARON SEPHIROTH: Oh crap. They're on to me. They know of the dissapearences. I should of lowered a bit. As my barber alias. I've never acually tried the pies. I supplied the "Meat", but I've never tried them. I think it's because I'm not a cannibal. Crap. Did I say that out loud?
LORD ZORAN XXII: Uh, are you okay, Baron?
BARON SEPHIROTH: HAHAHA!!! BETTER THAN USUAL!! My other name is Sweeney Todd!! The Demon Barber of Fleet Street! Yeah, I got that name given to me by one of my victims.
NOXIGAR: And thus a name change would be made under the discretion of Super Sam...for the duration of a few milliseconds.
WWII
{Sephiroth is seen, with a machine gun, and a cigarette in his mouth. He is firing in random directions.}
SEPHIROTH: AHH!! I CAN'T CONTROL THIS THING!! {Machine Gun Stops.} Whoa. Finally. Oh Crap! I ran outta Bullets! Well, at least I have these babys! {Gets out grenade. Notices it has not thing on the top.} AHH! {Throws Grenade Outside Trench. Lots of Enemy Screams are heard.} Whoa. Sorry guys!
SOLDIER: Sorry? I should be saying thanks! You just wiped out the whole enemy front. Jim was about to get killed! You saved him!
SEPHIROTH: I did?
JIM: {Offscreen} Yeah! Thanks Seph!
{Noxigar appears in Axel form once again, holding green Bomb-ombs in his sleeves.}
NOXIAXEL: I can't wait to bomb Dodongos! {throws a Bomb-omb outside the trench. A huge explosion from No Man's Land buries the enemy front trench}
{Noxigar facepalms}
SOLDIER: What the? Who's this guy? He's got impressive throwing accuracy.
NOXIAXEL: My accuracy's not too impressive. The name's Axel. Got it memorized?
NOXIGAR: MY FACE WHEN-
SEPHIROTH: Nice ta meet ya Axel! {Shakes hand.} I haven't seen you before, you new? My name is Lieutenant Sephiroth. I used to be Private Sephiroth, but I got promoted. ....On the first 10 minutes I was fighting. The thing is, I got told, that I have a strong chance of getting promoted even more, but I never purposely killed anyone in my life. My kill count is 9001. IT'S OVER 9000!!! I don't like hurting people.
NOXIGAR: {sarcastically} I also don't like using commas correctly.
{A Znex walks over, dressed in brigadier regalia and with a handlebar moustache.}
LORD ZORAN XXIV: Greetings, chaps! How's the fighting going, eh?
SEPHIROTH: Bad! I keep killing the enemy! I bet I'll end up killing Hitler, and Eva!
LORD ZORAN XXIV: {sighs} Seph, you're meant to be killing the enemy. That's war. If you didn't want to kill anyone, then why did you join the army, hmmm?
SEPHIROTH: It wasn't my choice! I was drafted in 1940!
NOXIGAR: You should've fled north to Canada...oh wait. Nevermind.
{Lord Zoran XXIV sighs.}
LORD ZORAN XXIV: If you really want, you can do the dishes for tonight. Make it quick, though.
{A shell fires over them and hits ten metres behind the trench, sending up a shockwave of dirt.}
{Cuts to Chaos, walking around picking people up. When they're picked up, they vanish.}
CHAOS: Root ta doot-doo! Picking up dead corpses, helping my dad!
{A hippie version of Badstar walks in.}
GROOVESTAR: This is not the answer, man! Violence is NOT cool, man!
SEPHIROTH: {Gets out Machine gun, and "Accidently" fires at Badstar. He just misses.} Wait... This is 1944! Hippies don't even exist yet!
GROOVESTAR: Thats what the man wants you to beleive!
SEPHIROTH: No, the Wikipedia article says so! Oh wait.. the internet hasn't even been invented yet!
NOXIGAR: ...poor sod didn't know there was a fourth wall that had been present since the Renaissance Era.
{A bazooka missile hits Groovestar. He explodes. A Badstar in war clothes walks in holding a bazooka.}
BADSTRONG: I'm sorry, but somebody had to do it!
{Two Soldiers Come up to Sephiroth.}
SOLDIERS: Ja. We like you to come with us, Herr Sephiroth.
SEPHIROTH: What? Alright. {He leaves with the Soldiers to an unknown field far away.
{Cut to a Field, where there is a Small wooden house. Far away, a woman is singing about hills, and how music sounds.}
SOLDIERS: {Puts gun against Sephiroth's head, and handcuffs him.} Come with us. NOW! {Brings him inside House where there is a Nazi General analysing a map.}
{The General turns around.}
GENERAL ZHEINZ: Greetinkz, Herr Sephiroth. Please, sit down. {gestures towards a chair}
{Sephiroth sits down.}
SEPHIROTH: What do you want with me!?
SOLDIERS: We want to bring you, to the Furher.
SEPHIROTH: You mean Hitl-...
SOLDIERS: JA JA!! Just call him the Furher, PLEASE! {Picks him up, and throws him in a room.}
CHAOS: Guys? Where did you go? I forgot to tell you, you guys are supposed to win the war. Wait... is this the day BEFORE or AFTER the Pearl Harbor bombing...I shouldn't say anything else.
LORD ZORAN XXIV: Don't ask me, I'm British!
NOXIGAR: It was after Pearl Harbor.
60's
{Cut to the city, where there's lots of posters about. Sephiroth can been seen in a record store.}
{At the record store.}
SEPHIROTH: Groovy Baby! These prices are good!
{A hippy Znex walks in.}
ZHECKS: I know, man. Even the records are good!
NOXIGAR: Wait, where's Groovestar?
SEPHIROTH: Y'now what, I'm stopping talking like this. Begone you dirty hippie!
HIPPIE: Hey man! Don't be like that!
{Sephiroth goes up to him, and sprays him with mace.}
SEPHIROTH: GO AWAY!!!
ZHECKS: Man, that's harsh, dude. Although I'm mainly in peace and all that stuff, I might have to sic Skcehz on you.
CHAOS: Hey! No evil nega-forms in my record store. I just cleaned in here!
ZHECKS: Sorry, dude. Peace out.
SEPHIROTH: DIE HIPPIE!!!! {Police come from behind. Their faces are obscured.}
POLICE: I'm afraid we have to arrest you for disturbing the peace.
{Sephiroth looks up to see those people are hippies too.}
SEPHIROTH: Ahh!! HIPPIE POLICE!! {Sprays with Mace.} Hippies are the disease, and I'm the cure!!
NOXIGAR: And then the police dragged the man straight to the loony bin.
{The police actually just look like normal 60s police.}
POLICE CHIEF: What is this guy, is he mad?
POLICE 1#: I'll say he is.
POLICE 2#: Permission to take this guy to a mental hospital, Police Chief?
POLICE CHIEF: Permission granted. Take him away, boys!
{The police put handcuffs on him and put him in one of the police cars.}
POLICE 3#: I'll take him, Police Chief.
POLICE CHIEF: Thank you.
{The police officer gets in the car and drives away, with Sephiroth's insane shrieks echoing back. Machine Gun fire is heard far away. Sephiroth runs back, covered in blood.}
SEPHIROTH: HAHAHA!!! YOU HIPPIES WILL NEVER LIVE!!! {Runs off spraying hippies. Runs into a Policeman. He kicks him, and sprays him too.} Wait..
POLICE 4#: Right, that's it. You're arrested for murdering and assaulting police, and murdering police is worse than murdering ordinary people. Right, let's go. {puts handcuffs around Sephiroth's hands, but makes them tight, and puts him in the back of his police car, while he gets into the front and turns on the radio, which happens to have a Beatles song playing}
{The police car drives off, toward the gaol.}
SEPHIROTH: You know something.
POLICE 4#: What Punk?!
SEPHIROTH: This! {Black Flames engulf him. Cut to outside of the car. The Car merges explodes, and only Sephiroth is standing. He then walks away, throwing away a melted pair of Handcuffs. He then walks in a police station, and the police station warps into nothingness.} Hippies, you're next. {Goes back to the Record store.} I've just killed a bunch of Police. Hippie Lovers. ...Wait... I killed the entire police force! I remember! Today was Police Meeting day!
VOICE: Dang.
{A vortex opens, and out of it comes Znex.}
ZNEX: Was this really what was supposed to have happened? Oh well, I have to change it back, anyway. It's my job, securing the universe and the like from rips in time or other things that can drastically change the future, and present. Don't worry, Seph. You won't remember that any of this happened, after I turn back time. But you will still have to be taken into custody. Turning back...now!
{Everything that just happened happens speeded up backwards, until we reach the bit that Sephiroth says "DIE HIPPY!"}
SEPHIROTH: DIE HIPPIE!!!! {A sole man comes from behind. His face is masked.}
MAN: I'm afraid I'm going to have to arrest you for disturbing the peace. {vines wrap around Sephiroth, making it so he can't move a single muscle, except for the muscles that operate the lungs and the heart, of course} And for security reasons, I'm afraid I'm going to have to put you unconscious. {the man does one great thump, and drags the unconscious Sephiroth over to the police station}
NOXIGAR: Lolwut?
ZHECKS: Whoa, man. Who was that mysterious guy?
RANDOM HIPPY: I don't know, man, but he means good news for us hippies!
{Cut to the police station.}
POLICE CHIEF: What do you mean he just left?
POLICE 1#: I--I--I don't know. He just dropped off the criminal, stating his crime, then he went off.
POLICE CHIEF: Hmmm, strange. Strange indeed....
{The Police Leave. The Police Chief takes off his outfit, to reveal he's Sephiroth.}
SEPHIROTH: I forgot nothing! {Bursts out in insane laughter. He then disappears in blue flames. A Little blue flame appears, and Sephiroth's arm comes out and takes a Pile of Beetles Records.} Jackpot! {Fire Disappears.}
END!
NOXIGAR: NOT.
80's
{Cut to The Stick in the field with a box next to it. It has fake punk hair on it. Zhecks walks by, looking like a normal 80's guy, now.}
ZHECKS: Well, that's the end of the punk era. I should take this off, now.
{Zhecks takes off the punk hair and puts it in the box.}
{A Different Carnation of Sephiroth Walks by. This one is Blonde, and has long hair down to his shoulders. He's listening to a walkman, and singing to it.}
SEPHIROTH: HOT BLOODED! CHECK IT AND SEE! I'VE GOT THE FEVER OF 103! {Takes Earphones out.} Hey there! You got the ExciteBike game that just came out?
ZHECKS: Nup.
{Coach Z walks by, but with that big moustache.}
COACH Z: Hey there, guys! What you all been talking about?
SEPHIROTH: Coach? Your Moustache is on fire.
COACH Z: What!? {Moustache gets burnt off, along with afro.} NOOO!!! MY GLORY!! Oh well, at least I've still got wigs. {puts on fake afro and moustache} I'll wear this until it goes out in popularity.
SEPHIROTH: It already has. It's the 80's now.
NOXIGAR: A decade after afro hairstyles started decreasing in magnitude of popular.
COACH Z: NO!!! AM I DOOMED TO BE LAME, AND TALK IN A STUPID ACCENT!?
ZHECKS: Is that a trick question?
{A baby Znex crawls along, looking a bit like Strong Bad. Shortly after, a baby Strong Bad follows him.}
ZHECKS: Ah, aren't they sweet. Pity their mother went off with someone else *cough*Strong Dad*cough*.
{A baby Strong Mad crawls along.}
ZHECKS: There's Strong Mad! Despite that he's only related to my ex-wife, not me, he's still okay.
COACH Z: Uh, yeah. Wonderful pieces of infomotion {sic} !
SEPHIROTH: Oh. 4:00. I have to go back to the city. See ya Coach!
COACH Z: See ya! .... I have to work on my stupid accent. Job? Job.
SEPHIROTH: How 'bout Jorb?
COACH Z: Jerb?
{Cut to the city. It is like the 60's era city, however, It is different, as all the fashion is 80's based.}
SEPHIROTH: Ahh, the 80's! Where the Hippies don't rule anymore! {Sees a Hippie Getting arrested.} SUCKER!
CHAOS: Actually, the hippies practically RULE this era. Where were you in history class? I have the right to know, being your teacher{shows Teacher I.D.} Now, head back to your dorms!NOW!
SEPHIROTH: I haven't been in school for 230 Trillion Decades. Yes. I'm that old. I remember the announcement of planet earth. I was one of the first to live here. Though, in my time, The Weather was immensely humid, and big Dinosaurs ruled the earth. Good thing I know Dinosaur! ROAR!!! Anyway, hippies are more likely to be arrested, and aren't protected by law anymore!
NOXIGAR: Surely these lines of dialogue were not serious...
POLICEMAN: It's true. Hippies aren't as classy anymore.
SEPHIROTH: When were they?!
RANDOM PERSON: No idea.
SEPHIROTH: Who are you?
RANDOM PERSON: My name is..... MICHAEL JACKSON!! {Moonwalks.}
{Chaos pulls an intercom out of nowhere, and it sounds like it's actually going through a speaker.}
CHAOS: Mr. Jackson, the aliens are here to take you away and replace you with a white clone who will get sued and arrested and dangle babies off of buildings to increase your overall viewing factor.
MICHAEL JACKSON: Aww Crap! Well, I could take my contract to the moon! {Does a Jackson Scream, and Turns into Robot Jackson. He then flys into space. The Chorus of Bad is Heard.} BYE EVERYONE!!
NOXIGAR: Okay, now I don't understand where this was going. But it was fine for a few minutes.
6700 EO
{Silver the Hedgehog gets out his scrapbook of stuff from the past}
SILVER: The past of Wikihood sure was mysterious...
{Blaze walks onscreen}
BLAZE: Bah. There's no such thing as mysterious.
{OOC: "H*R joke. - No Cigar}
{Offscreen, you can hear some sort of alien gargling.}
SILVER: And it also seems that the future of Wikihood is mysterious too.
{Sephiroth comes in, wearing a black jacket.}
SEPHIROTH: Weird. I think this is the waste dimension, where random stuff goes.
NOXIGAR: I wouldn't assume you were incorrect...
{A Police Station comes floating behind Sephiroth. People are screaming in it.}
SEPHIROTH: I remember that! It was in my 60's Hippie Kill Craze!
{Znex appears.}
ZNEX: You mean it was in your 60's Hippy Kill Craze. It didn't even exist at all. Don't know why you can still remember it.
SEPHIROTH: Silly Thickie. You think that was me getting arrested? Heh Heh..
ZNEX: No, it was you getting arrested, you're just a copy of Sephiroth that got here by some way of an alternate universe portal.
{A portal appears, and before Sephiroth can do anything, Znex pushes him into it, making the portal disappear.}
ZNEX: Now, where's the real Sephiroth?
{Another Sephiroth comes in, dressed as normal.}
ZNEX: Ah, there you are, Sephiroth. I was meaning to talk to you about something.
BLAZE: Huh? Isn't that... the guy who killed Aeris?
SEPHIROTH: That was me, you blundering idiot. You just pushed me through a frikkin' portal! I had to past 12 Near-Impossible Trials, then have a Giant 12 Headed Dragon Try to Kill me. By the way, what you are doing is screwing the timeline up, which is against the Time Travelers Code, Punishable by Death. Any attempt to destroy, or even touch me, will result with you getting "De-Regged."
{A Large Being casts a Shadow around everyone.}
???: Znex, consider this a warning. Any attempt to pervert the timeline, will result with you being De-Regged. That means, you, and all your ancestors will be erased from history.
ZNEX: Bah, you could never erase me from history. Sure, you would be able to erase my ancestors, but you could never erase me. I'm too deep in the makings of the history of the world. Besides, I'm in a different dimension entirely. I can't be killed, I can't be destroyed, and I certainly can't be erased.
SEPHIROTH: Who are you?
???: Who am I? I am... I can't say. But NO MORE TIME BREAKING!! {Smashes Scepter on ground.} I HAVE SPOKEN!
{FF7 Sephiroth Floats by.}
SEPHIROTH FF7: By the way, Blaze. That was me who killed Aeris. Not the guy with identical name.
SEPHIROTH: Acually, my Name isn't Sephiroth. It's-..
???: Not a good idea, Sephiroth. {Dissapears.}
NOXIGAR: Aww, now the more-interesting part was gone...
SILVER: I've had similar confusions, Blaze. The one that doesn't have the large sword is the Swordless Sephiroth. The one that's got one wing more than Swordless Sephiroth is the Sephiorth that killed Aeris. Confusing as heck, I know, but that's how I manage to tell the difference.
BLAZE: Wait, where's Noxigar? And Hades? And the rest of the people that are supposed to be in our same timeline?
HADES: I'm here. {Comes over with a Coke.} Want some? It's a tad warm though.
SEPHIROTH: Who was that entity though? And why didn't he want my name to be revealed?
CHAOS: Because this is the year your near-immortality ends. You can officially be killed, and, well, we want your secret information intact.
SEPHIROTH: You're getting it wrong. I'm not losing any immortality, I'm acually, gonna die, in a few minutes, of old age, and get reborn. Wait... 3...2....1... {Sephiroth falls on the ground lifeless. A new, Younger Sephiroth, with a Goatee and a Mustache comes out of the sky.} My Reincarnations are fast. Let's see how many hearts I have! {Feels around chest.} I have 2 this time! {Looks at dead self.} Hello? Dead Body needing sending. Oh wait. {Takes body too chamber, named Sephiroth Storage Place. In the Storage Place, many Past Incarnations of Sephiroth are in tubes. Sephiroth brings his body, to a tube. He then craves this into the bottom. "Sephiroth: 1908-2008."} That sorts out my death! I'm gonna see how my experiment is working. {He walks into a door, named "Zephyr Project, and locks the door."}
CHAOS: The thing is, that you LOSE that power this year. If you go around spreading all of your real information, we'd have a tom of minds to erase.
SEPHIROTH: {Inside, slightly muffled.} I know! This is what the project is for! The results are gonna be Ace! See, my species is complicated. When they permanently die, they don't end up, in Heaven, or in the underground, we end up in a completely new life. I mean, the Resurrections I have, are like Mini-Resurrections.
ZNEX: Okay, if I can't touch you, I can at least do this! {he waves a hand, and instantly, Sephiroth remembers nothing about a Hippy Massacre} Don't try to destroy me. As I can remember, there isn't even such thing as a Time Travelers' code.
SEPHIROTH: 1. I still remember. Just waving your hand won't make me forget. 2. There is. Read up on it.
ZNEX: 1. Oh, forget it. 2. There isn't. Me and Pan Pan together worked on the first time machine {points to Cuff of Time} but we never decided on there being a code, since it was only going to be me time travelling. Besides, I know enough of time travelling, and since I'm not effected by the effects of time travel, all I have to do is make sure none of this effects my ancestors' past, unless the effects were meant to happen. 3. YOU KILLED MY GREAT GRANDFATHER IN THAT MASSACRE!!! IF I DIDN'T CHANGE IT, MY GRANDFATHER WOULD'VE NEVER BEEN BORN, NEITHER MY FATHER, OR EVEN ME!!! So, as you can see, I had to change it.
SEPHIROTH: Acually, your Time Machine was the first Earth Time Machine. My People have had them, before the creation of Earth. And, the reason why I killed Zhecks, is because, he was a hippie. I had a hatred for hippies.
ZNEX: That doesn't mean the code has to apply for Earthlings. And besides, to secure my own existence, I had to change it. Since my grandfather Znex I wasn't actually born until the 80's.
SEPHIROTH: Wait a minute. {Lots of sounds are coming from the room. Sephiroth emerges, without the Facial Hair.} Well, Chaos, you can update my records again! I have just added 13 Billion more years onto my lifespan! Well, this is nice! I feel all new again!
CHAOS: You all need to learn the truth of the universe. Too bad by the time you all find it out, you'll die in the next nanosecond.
{Namine draws on the sketchbook while sitting on the couch. Noxigar arrives back with what appears to be futuristic groceries.}
NOXIGAR: ...Futuristic groceries. Well, it's better than a Bat Credit Card.
NOXIGAR: May I inquire what our life span is? Since Sephiroth is a human phoenix, his life span is infinity and beyond. Anyway, just curious.
NAMINE: Oh. None of the other Organization XIII members remembered their age, so I wouldn't know.
SEPHIROTH: Let's see! {Gets out Sonic Screwdriver, and Scans Noxigar's eyes with it.} Weird. You can never die of Old Age. You can only be killed with... Weird. Well, can't say anything! {Puts it away.}
NOXIGAR: Talk about a mind screw, bro.
NOXIGAR: So I'm ageless and killable only by {gets out a list with the following:} Suidide, Riku clones, Riku, The Beast, since he's overpowered against overpowered people, another Organization XIII member's weapon when used at the back of the head, and Roxas. Brilliant.
SEPHIROTH: You forgot a few things: Sora, Eggplants, and the 8 Dragon Balls.
ZNEX: I can't actually be killed by anything at all, unless the Cuff of Time is taken off--Don't try it!
SEPHIROTH: Cuff of Time? I have the sands of time!
NOXIGAR: How do eggplants and Dragonballs kill Nobodies?!
NOXIGAR: Seriously. How?
SEPHIROTH: Eggplants, They can make you burst in Purple Flames, and Dragon Balls, that's just a mystery. I have them here! {Gets them out.}
NOXIGAR: I'll test your eggplant theory, but the Dragonballs theory is ridiculous.
{Noxigar calls a Dusk nobody over and throws the Eggplant at said Dusk's head. Nothing happens.}
NOXIGAR: Your theory's debunked.
{The Dusk suddenly explodes.}
CHAOS: TA-DA!!! Now, for the dragon balls.
SEPHIROTH: Yes. {Puts Dragon Balls Together. Shenron comes out, and destroys a nearby Dragoon Nobody. The Dragoon bursts into Orange Flames, and then disintegrates.}
SHENRON: You have 3 Wishes. Use them wisely.
SEPHIROTH: Ok. I wish for... a super power that will let me find hidden things!
SHENRON: Then it shall be! {Shoots Sephiroth with a golden beam.}
SEPHIROTH: Wait.. Hey Chaos! You have a Wallet under your shoe! $75!
SHENRON: What else?
SEPHIROTH: Err... A new pair of Sneakers for Chaos, prehaps? No offense Chaos, but your shoes are wearing out.
SHENRON: Fine! {New and stylish shoes are on Chaos.}
SEPHIROTH: And, a LIFE TIME SUPPLY OF SUSHI FOR ALL OF US, WHICH WE CAN ALL GET OUTTA NOWHERE!!
SHENRON: Weird Wish. Anyway. {Everyone gets bathed in golden light.} Now I have to go. The Dragon Balls will become stone, and will be scattered everywhere here, for 1 Year! {Leaves. The Dragon Balls drop on the ground, and then turn into stone. They quickly turn back.}
SEPHIROTH: Sucker. This place is timeless. {Gets out Sushi Roll.} Yum! {Picks up Dragon Balls, and puts them away.}
CHAOS: What's wrong with my shoes?...
SEPHIROTH: They were Old, and literally falling apart.
{Noxigar comes in, then he transforms into Franziska von Karma.}
NOXIvonKARMA: OBJECTION! His shoes weren't falling apart many dialogues ago.
NOXIGAR: That's what you think!
SEPHIROTH: This place is Timeless. Time is kinda wacky here. I've gone through 19 Pairs of Socks in the last Hour.
{NoxivonKarma holds up the Dragon Balls in the air. Shenron comes back.}
SHENRON: I do not know how you found the Dragon Balls, but you managed to dig some stones didn't ya?
NOXIvonKARMA: Why do that when their locations are on Wikipedia the instant that they scatter? Same thing happens to my Chaos Emeralds when they're outta my fridge for too long.
SHENRON: I don't have all day, gimme your wishes.
NOXIvonKARMA: Namine gets free pizza for infinity years.
SHENRON: Why not you getting free pizza?
NOXIvonKARMA: Do not question a von Karma's logic!
NOXIGAR: Only Miles Edgeworth does it correctly!
{Namine gets a Pizza Hut card}
SHENRON: Second wish, please.
NOXIvonKARMA: I wish for Pandarens in the Horde. They do not belong in the Alliance.
SHENRON: Right away, sir!
{Cut to Orgrimmar. Along with blood elves, orcs, tauren, Darkspear/Revantusk trolls, and Forsaken, pandarens start running amok. They and the rest of the Horde are partying.}
NOXIGAR: Where are the Bilgewater Cartel goblins? Oh, wait. Nevermind.
NOXIvonKARMA: Lastly, Hades shall be a good guy.
NOXIGAR: As he almost always is within a decent interpretation of Greek mythos.
SHENRON: That's all the wishes I can conjure. Since time is seemingly limitless, I will end this episode then scatter the Dragon Balls.
{End credits pop up. Sephiroth pops up. He gets out a gun, and shoots the credit screen. He then jumps up, and rips the screen off.}
SEPHIROTH: Hey, Hey, Hey! This episode ain't over yet! I need to do a few things. {Runs offscreen}
CHWOKA: Well, since the episode isn't over yet...
{Chwoka closes his eyes.}
CHWOKA: I USE THE POWER OF QUANTUM THEORY!
NOXIGAR: And this episode starts to go down the crapshoot from here. I think a more legitimate ending was better-suited, but during that time I had probably done some homework while this feud had been going on. I regret not being more attentive to Wikihood in its early stages.
{Everything begins to fade in and out, and each time they fade back in, something is different about them.}
CHWOKA: You see, until I observe that you do or do not exist, you switch. Also, until I observe HOW you exist, you will constantly switch.
{Chwoka opens his eyes, and everyone is wearing bright orange.}
CHWOKA: Well, it's not too bad.
{Znex presses a button on the CoT, and everything that happened to him reverses, until he is just as he was before everything started to fade in and out.}
ZNEX: Nice.
{Chwoka does the quantum eye close again, and this time, the episode ends.}
NOXIGAR: And then I facepalm with a tiny bit more regret than before. After this episode, things start to get janky.
