(even if you aren't vegan)
Wikihood/Archive/eps/1/Riffed
Transcript
{The main theme for Uta Kata
CHOWKA: I love anime so much it almost hurts.
is heard, it then plays out, after it is finished, the camera pans out to reveal it playing on TV, watched by Vindicator and Coach X.}
VINDICATOR: I like the intro.
COACH X: More like- {imitates Vindicator's voice} "I like the hot chicks!"
BADSTAR: H-...how was that insulting?
{Vindicator grasps Coach X's face and throws it to the ground.}
VINDICATOR: They're only 14! And don't be like that! Kids are watching!
NOXIGAR: Excuses aren't allowed!
{Camera pans out to reveal an old guy is watching. He coughs and drinks a soda, then rocks on his rocking chair.}
OLD GUY: Kids these days, don't know what they're watching...
BADSTAR: You kids these days and your computers, and your nintendo, and your sneakers, and your HD televisions, and your radios, and your I-pods, and your anime, and your millenium items, and your dog collars, and your malls, and your CDs, and your DVD players, and your Pokemon, and your manga, and your megaman, and your mario, and your sonic, and your...
{Opening Theme for Wikihood plays and the logo appears. After a short while, Znex walks by, humming the tune. Vindicator bumps into Znex.}
VINDICATOR: What were you humming?
{Someone knocks on the door. Cut to outside, with Noxigar standing near the door. Noxigar knocks again. He knocks again. He then leaves. After a short while, Noxigar comes back with a sledgehammer and hammers a hole into the door.}
NOXIGAR: Hmph, perfect!
{Noxigar enters.}
NOXIGAR: Hello.
ZNEX: Hey Noxigar.
NOXIGAR: I was thinking of going with Vindicator to the Caverns of Time to visit Wikihood's past as a means of creating the future and observing how the original 4 guys did it so we can finish what they started.
{OOC: Caverns of Time is from World o' Warcraft. It allows you to go back to the past.}
ZNEX: Sounds like a good idea! Though we could just look at the history of the page...
NOXIGAR: And that's when the fourth wall automatically broke.
{Badstar enters.}
BADSTAR: Hey, this is not my house!
DAVID BYRNE: And you may say to yourself "This is not my beautiful house." And you may say to yourself "This is not my beautiful wife." LETTING THE DAYS GO BY LET THE WEATER HOLD ME DOWN LETTING THE DAYS GO BY WATER FLOWING UNDERGROUND INTO THE BLUE AGAIN AFTER THE MUDDY WATERS ONCE IN A LIFETIME WATER FLOWING UNDERGROUND
ZNEX: What a strange thing to say! :P
DAVID BYRNE: Same as it ever was. Same as it ever was. Same as it ever was. Same as it ever was. Same as it ever was. Same as it ever was...
{Vindicator opens a portal.}
VINDICATOR: I'm going to change the past!
{Vindicator jumps in the portal, portal disappears, and Znex has a moustache. A scientist walks onscreen.}
SCIENTIST: Vindicator killed himself. And drew a moustache on Znex... with magic marker.
{DUN DUN DUN}
RAIKU: ...Wow.
{Noxigar goes to the Caverns of Time to visit Wikihood's past. Noxigar sees the 4 original creators.}
{Badstar enters with a lantern and a mining hat.}
BADSTAR: Who are they?
NOXIGAR: They're the original 4 creators of Wikihood. The one in red is Eric, and the naive one is Strong Sader.
SEPHIROTH: Yeah, how would you be able to tell if he is naive just by looking at him? For all we know, he could have been a brave stallion of a man.
The floating chocolate bar in the jet pack is Technochocolate. I don't know who the other one is, though.
{Badstar takes a step further the cave begins rumbling. A giant rock drops above. Indianna Jones music plays in the background.}
VOICE: I'LL SAVE YE!!!!!!!
SEPHIROTH: I doth saveth ye, my fair maiden! Hark! ...Sorry.
{Znex runs at a supersonic speed through a passage into where Badstar and Noxigar are, picks them up and speeds back towards the entrance.}
NOXIGAR: Whoa, how did you get this fast?
ZNEX: Meh, when Vindicator messed up the past, I somehow got supersonic speed...and a magic marker moustache.
{The rock rolls toward them really fast.}
BADSTAR: We aren't gonna make it!!!!!!!!!!!!
BADSTAR: {Starts hitting self over head} Stupid, stupid, stupid...
ZNEX: That's what you think! Luckily, before I came, I brought a whole bunch of Chaos Emeralds.
{Znex takes out the seven Chaos Emeralds. After a few mini-seconds, his hair becomes purple and his fists become balls of fire.}
CHWOKA: Goodness gracious!
ZNEX: Come on!
{Znex runs so fast that just before the boulder would've got them a second after, they're back at the house.}
ZNEX: I knew I should've played Sonic more often(which I did)!
BADSTAR: So... who wants to watch a movie!?
{A Fast Wind is felt. Everyone is Confused. It starts happening again, until it becomes rapid.}
SEPHIROTH: IS IT A BIRD, OR A PLANE?
BADSTAR: Sephiroth, is that you!?
{The Speed stops, then, Sephiroth falls and Lands on his feet.}
SEPHIROTH: Why, yes it is.
SEPHIROTH: WHY NO, IT'S AN OVER-EXCITABLE 12 YEAR OLD! ...How unfortunate.
{Megaman 1 Selection Music Plays.}
NOXIGAR: Personally, I like Megaman 7's selection music more. Megaman 1's selection music sounds more DVD menu-ish.
BADSTAR: {Turns off music and sighs.} We were just about to watch a movie. Wanna join us?
ME: HEY KIDS!!!
SEPHIROTH: Hubbablabbhawhatnow
SEPHIROTH: Sure!
ZNEX: And since I saved everyone(apart from you, Seph) , I get to choose which movie we watch! :D
SEPHIROTH: I'm assuming Vindi gave you the ability to talk in smilies too. ¬_¬
BADSTAR: Okay, fine. TO THE MOVIE THEATRE!
SEPHIROTH: It's true. You never saved me, because I was in no danger.
SEPHIROTH: HAHAHA JUST WANTED YOU ALL TO KNOW HAHA
BADSTAR: Ahem! 'TO THE MOVIE THEATRE!'
{Cut to the Movie Theatre.}
SEPHIROTH: Cool. I like this movie!
SEPHIROTH: Two thumbs down.
WEEBL: Quiet! We're watching!
BOB: I need to pee!
{Cut to inside the movie. Badstar and Sephiroth are wearing cool shades. }
BADSTARSERUSQE: Zneruchi stole the serum!
SEPHIROTH: Yeah, inserting random letters on the end of your name does not make you a spy.
VOICE: Oh yeah? Well, you stole your face!
{Dramatic music plays as Znex walks over dressed in robes, a bowler hat, and cool shades. He still has the magic marker moustache.}
SEPHIROTH: Why the hell are these guys watching themselves, anyway?
SEPHIRERUSQE 2: Gasp! It's Zneruchi!
SEPHIROTH: Plus, didn't they just meet 5 minutes ago? HOW THE HELL DID THEY GET THE TIME TO MAKE A MOVIE?! IT. DOES. NOT. MAKE. SENSE!!!!!
ZNERUCHI: Good to see that you recognise me. On the contrary to your last statement, Badstarserusque, I did not steal the serum, HE DID! {points to a Weeblesque person walking by}
WEEBLESQUE: I did?
ZNERUCHI: Yes! You see, he admitted it! Off to jail you go!
{Zneruchi gets out handcuffs and puts them around the person's hands. He then starts to pushing him in the direction of the prison.}
WEEBLESQUE: But I didn't do anything!
ZNERUCHI: That's what they all say!
{Badstarserusqe and Sephirerusqe 2 roll their eyes.}
WEEBLESQUE: Bobesque! Back me up!!
BOBESQUE: Sorry mate, nothing to say here.
BADSTARSERUSQUE: Looks like we're gonna have to jump for some unknown reason!
SEPHIREUSQUE: Good Idea, Guy-With-Confusing-Name!
{They both jump, and find themselves landing in a Submarine.}
{Cut back to the theater.}
BADSTAR: {Stands up.} I'm gonna get some snacks. Who wants to come?
{Vindicator appears beside Badstar.}
VINDICATOR: Holy-
{An explosion is heard onscreen.}
SEPHIROTH: Heard onscreen? How the hell does that work?
VOICE: Thank god that the sub beside us blew up!
VINDICATOR: -ll come.
{Cut to Badstar and Vindi at the snack counter.}
SNACK GUY: Hello. What would you like?
{In a mini-second, Znex appears next to Badstar and Vindicator.}
ZNEX: I'll have a large popcorn, please! {to Vindicator} How did you manage to put a magic marker moustache on me and make me super fast?
BADSTAR: We would all like a drink, please!
SNACK GUY: I see. Would you like to try our new mega super ultra banana fanna stawberry tootie frootie...
{2 HOURS LATER...}
SNACK GUY: Lemon carrot...
ZNEX: How about no?
SNACK GUY: Sounds like a plan! But seriously, what do you want?
BADSTAR: Uhhh... we missed the movie.
{Noxigar walks, picking up the Chaos Emeralds in this order: blue, red, orange, light blue, purple, white, and green.}
SEPHIROTH: I can see a rainbow!
NOXIGAR: Not much changed, but the bronze dragons gave me this humongous shield. I'l call it the Eclipse Shield. It has 7 slots in it, no particular shape.
SEPHIROTH: yeah we can see it you know
{Noxigar stuffs the Chaos Emeralds in the Eclipse Shield.}
{Sephiroth comes.}
SEPHIROTH: Hot Darn! That movie was AWESOME!! Definatly the part with The Monkey!!!
NOXIGAR: Hmm? What movie?
{Noxigar warps to Vindi's house. It now belongs to Lord X.}
NOXIGAR: 'Ello, Lord X. How goes life?
LORD X: {sitting at TV watching this} Shh... it's almost over.
DEMOMAN: {from TV} Oh they're gonna have to glue you back together... IN HELL!!
{Team Fortress 2 theme plays, ad ends.}
VOICE: We now return to Wiki's End-
{Lord X turns the TV off.}
LORD X: Meh, seen it before.
{OOC: I'm bored. What should we do now on this? - Znex
Same as we always.. TRY TO TAKE OVER THE WORLD!!.... We Should really go on to the main story now. - Sephiroth}
NOXIGAR: Okay, where was I? Oh, yes. We need a plot.
{Noxigar gets out a megaphone.}
NOXIGAR: {through the megaphone} Attention, everyone! We are hosting auditions for recurring characters
SEPHIROTH: characters who show up once or twice and then bugger off not to be seen againto be on our show! Everyone's invited!
{OOC: I'd like to control Strong Sader, because he is naive and makes a wonderful recurring character. - No Cigar}
SEPHIROTH: Okay! On to the Auditions!
{Cut to the Auditions, Sephiroth is interviewing Weebl and Bob.}
WEEBL: As I say, we would like to-..
SEPHIROTH: HIRED!!!
NOXIGAR: Saying "HIRED!!!!" like that is a meme that is forced.
WEEBL: But-..
SEPHIROTH: I SAID HIRED!!!
BOB: Sweet!
{Znex walks over to where Sephiroth, Weebl, and Bob are.}
ZNEX: Anyone know what the main plot is?
{Cut to another stage. On the stage is the Demoman, Lord X, a girl with black hair and a stick figure.}
LORD X: Aren't I already a recurring char-
{Lord X is shot. He falls to the ground lifeless.}
SEPHIROTH: Falls to the ground lifeless? Sounds like some kind of indie band.
VINDICATOR: You're now an abandoned character.
DEMOMAN: I-
VINDICATOR: HIRED! You don't wanna be horrid!
GIRL: Uh-
VINDICATOR: HIRED! You're hot!
STICK FIGURE: You haters can't tase m-
VINDICATOR: NO STEREOTYPES!!!
SEPHIROTH: Yo brutha, do you have sum watty-melon
{Vindicator shoots the Stick Figure. He falls to the ground headless, the head falls next to the Demoman. Cut to Noxigar sitting down in the front row with a pen and paper, writing down all recurring characters.}
NOXIGAR: So, who's next? And what's the name of the girl?
{Shadow the Hedgehog walks onstage.}
SHADOW: I'm Shadow the Hedgehog-
NOXIGAR: You're hired! Just turn in your resume and you should be okay.
{Shadow gives Noxigar his resume and walks offscreen.}
{King Of All Cosmos Walks in.}
KING: We would like to be in this beacuse-...
SEPHIROTH: HIRED!!! Fun game by the way.
SEPHIROTH: I find it funny how these people get hired with no resumes or anything
KING: Why thanks!
{Insanity Prawn Boy Comes too.}
IPB: Anus.
SEPHIROTH: Arse.
SEPHIROTH: Okay...... Hired.
IPB: Thanks mate.
SEPHIROTH: So we've got.... Weebl and Bob, Demoman, Hot Girl, Shadow The Hedgehog, King Of All Cosmos, and Insanity Prawn Boy. We should have a couple more.
{Chris Crocker Comes in.}
SEPHIROTH: I facepalmed so hard I gave myself a concussion
CHRIS CROCKER: I think I should be in here because...
SEPHIROTH: No, No, and NO!!!! NOW SCRAM YOU FREAK!!
CHRIS CROCKER: LEAVE BRITNEY ALONE!!
{Sephiroth Shoots Chris. Vindicator swings his scythe at Chris, which chops him up.}
VINDICATOR: Did you say Chris Burgers?
SEPHIROTH: And that's perfectly legal at all!
NOXIGAR: Did anyone turn in their resume other than Shadow?
{Cut to a computer, aptly named The Technochocolate 888. It reads the following.}
100% of Wikihood's history copied as part of RAM in my data. Phooey. And after that, phooey. I need to get more screentime.
{Cut back to the stage. Everyone from before is still there except Chris Crocker.}
SEPHIROTH: POPSICLE!!
SEPHIROTH: Yeah, I'm not even gonna
NOXIGAR: Say, where's Chwoka?
ZNEX: I think he disappeared in a big flash of light. :D
NOXIGAR: We need more recurring characters. Who else is up for audition? You know what they say, the more the merrier!
{Spainish Inquisition randomly walks through the door.}
SEPHIROTH: THIS IS A DEAD PARROT! Did I do it right?
SPAINISH INQUISITION: Hey, do any of you guys know where the bathroom is around here?
NOXIGAR: Second door on the right.
{Pan to show 50 doors on the right all marked "The Second"}
VINDICATOR: We've really got to renovate.
SPAINISH INQUISITION: Indeed you do. And now, I'm off. {runs off to the bathroom}
NOXIGAR: I was gonna ask what you were on.
{Pom Pom comes up.}
POM POM: {makes bubbling noises}
ZNEX: He said that Smiley the Ball wants to audition as well.
BADSTAR: Somebody just came in and wants to audition. There he is!
(Cut to a giant pickle with a face, arms, and legs on the stage.}
HAPPY PICKLE MAN: I'M THE HAPPY PICKLE MAN!!!!!!!
BADSTAR: You're in!
HAPPY PICKLE MAN: YAYZ!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
SEPHIROTH: Pickle? You're a Pickle?
HPM: YEAAAAAAAAAAH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
{Screaming is heard from down the hall. Cut to Spainish Inquisition trying to hold down a door while crocodiles are trying to get through it.}
SPAINISH INQUISITION: WHY DO YOU GUYS KEEP CROCODILES IN THAT ROOM?!?¡¿
SEPHIROTH: It's a big lipped Alligator moment!
{Smiley the Ball comes up.}
SMILEY: {makes bouncing noises}
ZNEX: Cool, YOU'RE HIRED!
{Smiley bounces up and down so eagerly that he bounces off everything else, including the other characters. Zombies run in.}
ZOMBIE: BRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAANNNNNNNNNNNNSSSSSSSSSS...
{Vindicator throws Bran cereal at the Zombies}
ZOMBIE: BRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAANNNNNNNNNNN...
{The Zombies run out}
{The bran cereal lands on Spainish Inquisition's shirt.}
SPAINISH INQUISITION: O SNAPS. {run away!}
KOAC: We are confused. KATAMARI TIME!!!
{A Giant Katamari comes up and rolls everybody up.}
WEEBL: AHH!!! I'm part of a Ball!
BOB: Heh. You said ball.
BADSTAR: This is getting crazy! How about all of us MAIN characters go home and have a game night?
SPAINISH INQUISITION: I'm fine with that. But how are we gonna get off this katamari?
BADSTAR: {Hands SI a jetpack.} We fly off. {Puts on a jetpack.} Lets go!
SPAINISH INQUISITION: {blasts off with jetpack} Whee.
{Badstar leaves with jetpack.}
SPAINISH INQUISITION: Ya think we outta go save the other juys?
{Znex runs by, holding Seph and Bob.}
ZNEX: No sweat, I'll do it.
WEEBL: You forgot me!
SEPHIROTH: Oops! Sorry! {grabs Weebl} I'm Hungry. Let's eat some Chris Burgers!! {gets out Chris Burgers}
ZNEX: Later, Seph.
{Cut to the wikihood house. Everybody exept Sephiroth is there. They are sitting around a large table, and Badstar is at the end of the table. Everybody is wearing party hats and decorations are scattered everywhere. A lot of presents are on the table. There is a big birthday cake on the table, too. Above everyone is a banner that says. "Happy Birthday, Badstar!!!". Everyone begins to sing.}
VINDICATOR: {drunk} Happy burfday to- {falsetto} -YOUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU! {hiccups then throws up}
ZNEX: How old are you?
BADSTAR: Who, me?
ZNEX: No, Vindi.
BADSTAR: I'm 12, just to let you know. Oh, and Vindi? Don't drink so much soy sauce at my birthday parties anymore.
{Noxigar writes on a sheet of paper}
NOXIGAR: Okay, Vindicator is obviously drunk from marshie moonshine.
{A waiter appears with Marshie Moonshine.}
WAITER: More for Monsieur Vindi?
{Noxigar shakes his head no. Cut to Shadow the Hedgehog.}
SHADOW: Uh... am I late? Happy birthday, Badstar.
{A Rumbling sound is heard. Sephiroth rises from the ground. He is dressed in a red jacket, and is surrounded by Zombies. They start dancing.}
SEPHIROTH: Cause' this is Thriller, Thriller night,
And no ones gonna save you from the beast about strike!
You know its thriller, thriller night!
You're fighting for your life inside a killer, thriller tonight! OH!! {Starts to Moonwalk.}
SEPHIROTH: no comment
{Everyone is silent and just looking at him.}
KING OF ALL COSMOS: Not Bad. Not Perfect. Pleasing performance though.
INSANITY PRAWN BOY: Well, I LOVE IT!!
{Vindicator starts to foam at the mouth and babbles on about space and how people will fly to the moon.}
{Spainish Inquisition pulls out a shotgun and blasts one of Sephiroth's dancing zombies to pieces.}
SPAINISH INQUISITION: Hey, it dropped a green herb! Sweet!
{OOC: Uh, Spainish, we already got away from the zombies. ^_^ - Znex
I was talking about Seph's dancing zombies. I'll change it to clear things up. - Spainish Inquisition}
{Cut back to Shadow. He looks at everyone weirdly.}
SHADOW: Uh... that was just creepy. Why in the world would you make me remember Cryptic Castle? 'Cause Eggman did that same dance after I lit all of his defense lanterns.
{Noxigar holds a strange device, looking exactly like a Wiimote. Noxigar pushes a button and Shadow's previous lines of dialogue are rewound. Noxigar throws a pie at Shadow before he can reiterate said dialogue.}
NOXIGAR: You okay, Shadow?
SHADOW: I have pie all over me.
{Vindicator runs in with a small gun.}
VINDICATOR: This is "The Deleter". It can delete everything.
{And can't come back :D|Vindicator begins to delete random things, the couch, the dancing zombies.}
VINDICATOR: Well, that was fu- ocra-
{Vindicator accidently deletes the Chaos Emeralds*****}
{*****They caused problems in Wikihood 2. Don't write these back in.}
{OOC: Uh, I wrote them in before, back near the beginning. O_o - Znex}
{OOC: I know that, but it also prevents them from coming back. See Wikihood II.}
{Somehow, Plank from EENE is there.}
SEPHIROTH: Plank? Yes? You want to become a reoccurring character? But the tryouts are over. Oh. Really? I'll talk to the others about it. People! Plank here wants to be a reoccurring Character!
BOB: He's just a plank of wood though!
NOXIGAR: I put the Chaos Emeralds back in the fridge. Don't use 'em. By the way, you had 'em in a recycling bin. Your Deleter has promblems. And the slots in my Eclipse Shield are empty. And no Plank neithers. He's an inanimate object, and he'd be abused much like the Master Emerald.
{Noxigar steals the Deleter from Vindicator. He reverts the deleting of the couch. "OOC: Godmodding via the Combine was anotehr reason Wikihood II was made of fail, aside from Strong Sader's incompetence."}
NOXIGAR: The zombies were meaningless, I keep the Chaos Emeralds in a fridge, and we need something to sit on. {sits on couch}
SEPHIROTH: It's 500 miles to Chicago, we've got a tank fulla gas, it's dark and we're wearing sunglasses.
{OOC: Canonically in a fridge for a reason, pal. - No Cigar}
NOXIGAR: Uh, are we rolling?
SHADOW: {voiceover} I think we're out of film. Oh, and never use GUN soldiers or Combine peoples to film. They killed Maria.
NOXIGAR: Okay. But end it now.
NOXIGAR: We already wasted this viewer's precious time.
{Shadow turns the camera off. 'End sode.}
SKULLB: God I want to go out with all the animes, and we would have an anime child and Kingdom Hearts would be the midwife.
