Video Game Reviews/Batman Returns

BEFORE PLAYING

I've just opened the title screen, only to find out Konami made this. Might be fun. Well, seeing that the movie that they based this off is great, it has a chance it could actually be good. But, as the title can up, I was expecting something way better than that from Konami! It's more blander than an Atari game! Now, let's start this baby up...

DURING PLAY

Well, this first cutscene looks promising. Great graphics for it's time, backstory of the time, and catchy music. Can it get any better than that? Didn't think so. Wait a minute, was that a ninja coming up? Might be. Well, a few seconds later, it reveals that they look a lot like bot master. If you read the text, you can find out it's a circus crew. I get it. Also, there appears to be a strange package where they busted out of. Then, it scrolls into an overhead view of Gotham City. It also explains that the Bat signal is in the sky, but it's nowhere in the damn picture! ... I can't believe that this is all about a cutscene. Later, a flashing Bat signal comes out. NOW it shows it. Then, it shows a crappy cutscene of the Batmobile driving. It then shows the stage. Finally! The gameplay is much similar to Double Dragon... It's fun seeing the sight of Batman punching a man in the jaw in a fistfight. Now that I think of it, it is Double Dragon, just modified... Let's see, walking on the street, same attacks, same gameplay... What the hell? Also, the enemies are mostly in purple. They're also too hard to even attack, really. Wait, I'm dissing Double Dragon? Shame on me! Well, it's not really Double Dragon, just similar to it. Wait a minute, does that enemy have a gun? Not like this is Contra... Wait, his gun looks a little like the one from Contra! So I must have dissed two great games! O MAI! What has Konami done? Also, there's a disco dancer. WTF? He's lots bigger than Batman... Wait, I'm starting to think that the disco dancer is Michael Jackson. He even moonwalks! And then after you beat the Michael Jacksons, you'll get Don Vito as a clown. Don Vito is never good with kids... Oh, also, you can kill enemies by jumping on their head. Mario rip off? So many good game rip offs in here! Anyways, I died when the Don Vito clown stepped on me. On the game over screen, Batman is mad at you. Be sure not to make him get the Hulk! It gives you your score and the high score, put in just to taunt you. It also gives you the choice to quit or continue. I'll just quit, I've wrote enough.

AFTER PLAYING

That. Was. Horrible. DON'T buy this unless you want a rip off of Mario, Double Dragon, and Contra. Konami, WHAT WERE YOU THINKING?

Overall grade: 3/5