User:StrongRad/HowTo/4

So, you fear being sucked into the Internet? Don't feel discouraged, being sucked into the Internet is a common occurance, especially in frequent users. If you do get sucked into the Internet, you will be unable to read this guide, so hopefully you have a good memory.

How to avoid being sucked into the Internet

Being a hardcore user has little or no impact on being sucked into the Internet. However, being a troll will greatly enhance your chances.

How to determine if you are sucked into the Internet

So you got sucked into something anyway. Do not panic, this may not be the Internet. Most of the time you have been sent to the past, absorbed into a book, or stuck in a movie.

1. Check if you still have your normal clothes. If so, you are probably not in a website, however you may be in a movie or more likely the past. Usually being in the past means you have a severe character flaw you must resolve before you can return home, but check out a different guide for more information. Alternatively, if you are naked, you are also not inside the Internet.
2. Check if people can be impaled. In most video games, especially on the Internet, you cannot be impaled, you can only be stabbed and lose HP. If this does happen, you have been sucked into a TV show.
3. Check if it feels anything like the Internet. Is the environment fully interactive? Can characters act independantly? If so, you have not arrived in the Internet, more specifically a game. It is not uncommon, however, for TV characters to be sucked into video games, so you may be inside a fake video game in a real TV show.
4. Check if there are lots of Mexicans, or people-animal hybrids. You have been sucked into PBS kids. You will know for sure it is PBS kids when you see talking animals, or seemingly dangerous mythical creatures that turn out to be completely passive.
5. Check if characters talk in a single tone no matter what their expression is. Also check that good characters talk in a normal-pitched voice while bad guys talk in voices so low-pitched that they would make terrorists cry for not being evil enough. If this is true, you are likely in 4kids. You were probably sucked into the tv and then sucked into a video game on the show. To make sure, look for extreme usage of puns and lots of evil clones.
6. Have you been "chosen"? If so, you are not in the Internet. Or they may have programmed the Internet only for people that get sucked into it.
7. Are all the girls nearby not wearing much clothing for an unspecified reason? If so, you are most definatley in a video game.
8. Are you consuming a long, yellow fruit with a peel, or one that formerly had a peel? If so, you have not been sucked into a video game, but are actually eating a bannana. After successful consumption of the bannana, return to your everyday life. If consumption is unsuccessful, go see a doctor.
9. Check to see if people can talk to you. If a box appears below you with words in it along with your only two options of conversation, then you are most assuredly in a video game. Quickly choose cancel to end your conversation.
10. Try cutting yourself. If you do not bleed, but instead sparks fly out, then you have been sucked into a super nintendo.
11. If seemingly harmless animals such as turtles and mushrooms can kill you upon contact, then you are in a video game.

Assessing the situation

So you know you are inside the internet. But which site exactly? Chances are, you were recently on it or thinking about it. But if you aren't experienced on the website you were sucked into, you will probably be unaware of the situation.

• You are on an art submitting site. Click on the nearest external link possible.
• You are on a video submitting site. Jump on the nearest transition sequence possible.
• You are in a Flash movie. See the above situation.
• You are in a Flash game. Depending on the situation, do what the guide on Uncyclopedia says.
  • You are going to help someone be the guy. Ignore all advice given by this guide so far and run to the nearest apple. Kill yourself and the person you're helping by jumping into it.
• You are in a wiki. See the first situation.
  • You are going to DESTROY an art/video submitting site, Flash movie/game, wiki or the guy. Do so.

What to do

Gather up as much stuff as possible. Don't forget to help as much people as possible, unless they want to be the guy.

Degrees of Absorbtion

• First degree: You got sucked into your computer, which happened to be on a website. Scream at people who pass by to let you out, and pray that it dosent go on screensaver. If someone does find you, they should be able to get you out from the USB port.
• Second degree: You got sucked into the website while on it. Same as first degree, but there is no screensaver. However there is no USB port either. To get out, someone else will need to download you on to a memory card and press the convenient button on the card for "release human".
• Third degree. You got sucked into the URL. The only real way out is to solve the mystery..
• Fourth degree. The world turns into the website! You better solve the mystery, or everyone is collectively screwed.
• Fifth degree. The website turns into the world! You better collectively screw everyone, or the mystery will be solved.
• Sixth degree. The website has been huffed. There's really no way to get out of this one.