(even if you aren't vegan)


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{The scene opens with Garfield at the front door of Stephanie's apartment. He is shown rifling through the apartment with keys, doing so with his left hand only. His right hand is holding what appears to be a giant tupperware filled with takoyaki. The camera shows Garfield putting the key inside the lock, and turning it to open the door. The camera zooms to the other side of the door, with a Xavier D'Arque in dapper clothing awaiting him.}

XAVIER: Ah, just the man I thought I'd see!

{Garfield gazes at Xavier, frozen in horror.}

GARFIELD: Nani the fuck-

{Xavier takes out a metal baseball bat.}

XAVIER: You and I have unfinished business, Bellinski.

{Xavier swiftly approaches Garfield.}

GARFIELD: Where the hell is-

{Xavier swings the bat, hitting Garfield in the head. This causes him to drop the takoyaki tupperware, and causes him to stumble.}

XAVIER: I'm not going to answer your questions.

{Xavier swings his bat again, but this time Garfield blocks with one of his arms. The expression Garfield wears implies that the hit was still extremely painful. Garfield ducks the third bat swing, to pick up the takoyaki tupperware and make a nose dive for inside Stephanie's house. Garfield throws the tupperware at one of the couches, causing it to land safely. As soon as he turns his attention from the couch, Xavier is up close and swings his bat again. This hits Garfield on the head a second time. Garfield, in the middle of forming a haymaker, stumbles but hits D'Arque in the chest instead of the face as intended. This causes Xavier to also stumble, which gives Garfield a little bit of recovery time. However, it proves insufficient; Xavier is also able to recover.}

XAVIER: I'll have you know, I graduated top of my class in the Navy SEALs-

{Garfield attempts to roundhouse kick Xavier, but his foot is grabbed by Xavier before it can connect with Xavier's face. As he tries to shake off Xavier's hand, the grip on Garfield's ankle tightens.}

XAVIER: -and I've been involved in numerous secret raids on Al-Quaeda-

{Xavier begins lifting Garfield by the ankle, and throws him at a bathroom door. The door makes a loud thud, as Garfield's body slides off it.}

XAVIER: -and I have over 300 confirmed kills.

{Garfield barely gets up. Xavier puts the baseball bat away, and puts up his fists.}

XAVIER: Come on, now. I expected you to put up a fight, Noxigar Bellinski! Or is every bit of you as fake as I thought?

{Garfield's head spins, indicating he's dizzy from the blows to the head. However, he noticeably frowns.}

GARFIELD: What you see is what you get.

{The camera zooms over to Garfield's pants pockets. His hands go into them, which causes Xavier to look confusedly.}

XAVIER: What are you-

{Garfield goes through his pockets, but they turn up devoid of any weaponry.}

GARFIELD: Oh, Tieg damn-

{Xavier hits Garfield with another haymaker to the head. This causes him to hit the bathroom door again, which breaks upon impact. As Garfield falls to the ground, Xavier goes over to the bathtub, turning the water on so it will fill. Garfield attempts to get up, but Xavier grabs him by the neck. Xavier then lifts him up, but Garfield takes advantage of their eyes meeting. The camera pans to Garfield's fist, as it rapidly makes connection with Xavier's cock. The camera then zooms to Xavier's face. As he's about to scream loudly, it cuts to an abandoned theatre, with a skeletal man who is having tea with a goblin. Suddenly, the skeleton flinches.}

DROLL: My Lord! Is everything-?

DEBONAIR: 'm... not sure what's going on... I feel pain. 'mmense pain. 'n places where 't shouldn't be.

{Debonair falls from his chair.}

DROLL: Nani the fuck?

{Cut back to Xavier, whose loud screaming caused Garfield to grimace. Meanwhile, Garfield was let go from Xavier's grasp and is shown backing away.}

GARFIELD: I should probably go find Stephanie while he's still-

{Xavier bull-rushes Garfield, which causes him to fly into Stephanie's kitchenette. His back hits an "island coaster."}

XAVIER: You're going to fucking pay for that.

{Garfield smirks for a second, but his face shifts to terror. As Xavier charges at him, he readies another punch to Xavier's cock. As he punches Xavier in the cock again, Garfield's nose meets to Xavier's left knee.}

XAVIER'S KNEE: Pleased to meet you. Now die.

GARFIELD'S NOSE: Screw you, and the asylum you run.

{Xavier keels over after feeling his cock be punched again. Garfield kicks him in the face, then goes over to the couch. He takes the time to put the takoyaki tupperware in the fridge, but after he shuts the fridge door he is tripped over by Xavier's leg.}

XAVIER: Oh, we're still not done here.

{Garfield recovers from the fall with both of his hands. However, in recovering like that, he makes himself vulnerable to being picked up by Xavier, who suplexes him onto the ground. There is now a noticeable crack in the tiles of Stephanie's kitchen floor. Cut to the bathroom, which still has water flowing into the bathtub looking to be overflowing. From a distance, Garfield witnesses the water heading towards the hallway carpet. He maintains a more hardened look.}

GARFIELD: that so?

XAVIER: Took you long enough to-

{Garfield harshly pulls Xavier by his hair with one hand.}

XAVIER: You are immensely disadvantaged here, I'm afraid. I-

{Garfield tries wrapping his legs around Xavier's face, as he imagines a watermelon being crushed by thighs.}

XAVIER: {muffled} Fucking really?

{Xavier throws Garfield at another door. This time, said door would lead to Stephanie's bedroom. The door is forcibly opened by Garfield being flung at it, as his body lands on part of a bedframe.}

XAVIER: Why won't you stay down?!

{Garfield attempts to get up, but Xavier goes to get a pillow. Xavier grips Garfield by his neck, slamming his face onto the mattress. While keeping Garfield in position, Xavier puts the pillow on top of the back of Garfield's head. This is while Garfield himself tries squirming out of Xavier's grip. His right elbow hits Xavier squarely in his chest, which sets him back a bit. Garfield gets up, and charges forward with an uppercut aimed at Xavier's cock again. However, Xavier dodges at the last second, sending Garfield into an uppercut which connects with a window. The window breaks, with Garfield ascending upwards through it for a little bit. Gravity eventually normalizes, and sends Garfield falling out of Stephanie's bedroom window. The camera cuts to black, as it shows Garfield falling down.}