(even if you aren't vegan)


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{Open to the apartment, specificlaly Lex's bedroom. His alarm reads 7:00 AM. It goes off, and it is immediately switched off by Chaos, who is standing over Lex's bed.}

CHAOS: Wakey wakey, Lexy. You slept on it. Are you in, or not?

{Lex looks at Chaos groggily.}

LEX: Ah, for fuck's sake, mon.

{Lex props himself up, to be at eye level with Chaos.}

LEX: You ain't gonna change yer mind on this, are ya?

CHAOS: Have I ever been the kind of person to change my mind about anything?

{Lex stifles laughter.}

LEX: Touché. I'm in.

{Chaos cheers.}

CHAOS: Ha, yes! I'm thinking we can even bring the old crew back together: Rashid, Headwiz, Elhera; hell, even Toby!

LEX: That's gonna be a tough titty for you, bruh. For one, Toby's dead.

CHAOS: No way! Fuck, how?

{Cut to the interior of a bar, in parts unknown. A drunk man is surrounded by several angry armoured Dwarven Hellriders, as an intimidated bartender and some patrons look over in shock.}

TOBY: Yknow, you're all a bunch of fuckin' stumps! We Humans are the best at everything!

BARTENDER: Please don't make a scene, please don't make a scene...

{One of the Hellriders, a bespectacled Dwarf with a long blue beard, has a cold smile on his face.}

DOCTORATE: {in a Cajun accent} We can't condone his kind of blabber in your fine establishment. He must pay for his words, as is the intent of our First and Second Amendment rights.

{Doctorate takes out a sword, and begins humming a prayer as the other Hellriders brandish theirs out. Loud screaming can be heard amongst the audience. Toby begins throwing rum bottles at the Hellriders, with one of them hitting Doctorate; this interrupts his prayer.}

DOCTORATE: Not all of them can be saved from damnation.

{The Dwarven Hellriders descend upon Toby, with the camera turning away from them after. Cut back to Lex and Chaos.}

CHAOS: Fuckin' Toby! The guy was a racist cock, but he was an awesome getaway driver. I guess he's out of the picture. What about the others?

{Cut to a desert in Lebanon. Rashid is there, in a mechanical suit that goes over his military uniform, as he looks on to a letter which looks written by a Jamaican man. Rashid lightly chuckles, as he gets into a truck that drives into the hot desert. He looks back, to the inside of the truck. Several high-tech gadgets have price tags on them, as if to be sold in an auction. Other uniformed men in mechanical suits and in possession of high-grade weaponry cheer on, as they continue toward an unknown destination. The screen pauses, with the words "MIA" in blue over the paused scene.}

LEX: ...Rashid's been MIA for a while.

CHAOS: Fuckin' really?

{Cut to a part of Skiverton, which looks to be occupied primarily by Elves - mostly Drow, with some other Elves in the mix. A highly attractive half-Elf can be seen, sitting next to a Drow in dreadlocks, wearing leather.}

DREADLOCK DROW: Elhera, you came. Good.

{The dreadlocked Drow smirks, letting platinum fangs show from his teeth. Elhera looks annoyed.}

ELHERA: Oh, go smoke a pipe, Davv'roth.

DAVV'ROTH: We must discuss how we're going to enable The Glabal MC to take over this dump of a town.

ELHERA: Don't we have other biker gangs to content with?

DAVV'ROTH: They're easy pickin's, but what I'm worried about is-

{The scene cuts back to Lex and Chaos.}

CHAOS: So she's playing for a different team, huh?

LEX: Yeah, I thought she was gonna retire.

CHAOS: So did I.

{Lex thinks for a moment.}

CHAOS: What about Headwiz?

LEX: Headwiz is... Headwiz.

{Cut to a different part of Townindale, specifically a grey computer room. A half-Japanese, half-European woman looks to put on a black fedora. She then turns off the lights, making everything dark except for her sunglasses, which glow silver, and her computer screen, which looks to have green text abound.}

HEADWIZ: Alright, fuckers. I'm coming for you all...

{Cut back to Lex and Chaos.}

CHAOS: We should still try her. I don't know any other hackers. Besides-

{The front door opens, revealing a beleaguered Garfield who looks sleepy. Chaos and Lex hear from a distance, and arrive to greet him.}

CHAOS: Oh, hey Garfield! Um-

{Garfield wordlessly scans the room. Posters and documents are laid about, on the dinner table.}

CHAOS: Planning a birthday party for-

{Garfield's eyes lower.}

GARFIELD: You're organizing a Heist against D'Arque's Fundraiser at the Rosenberg Association, aren't you?

{Chaos is at a loss for words.}

LEX: You figured that out surprisingly quick.

GARFIELD: Under different circumstances, I'm sure my hand would help to make this Heist flawless. However...

{Garfield closes his eyes, shaking his head.}

GARFIELD: I've made a firm promise to Stephanie to not do any vigilante shenanigans at her party.

LEX: At least one of us has his head on straight this mornin'...

{Garfield peers over to the fridge.}

GARFIELD: {offscreen} Is there anything I can still supply you guys with on your adventure? Maybe some contacts? Ooh!

{Garfield closes the fridge, and goes to his room. After a few seconds, he gets out a pair of Arrowguns, and jokingly points them at Chaos' bed.}

GARFIELD: How about guns?

{Chaos and Lex's eyes both widen, in horror.}

LEX: Woah, mate. No guns.

CHAOS: Yeah, guns are too fuckin' messy. Once you start shooting, you just incite a whole riot. On top of all that, I don't want any blood on my hands. I'm a professional, not a murderer.

{Garfield nods, approvingly.}

GARFIELD: I applaud the fact you have standards, at least that which I do not.

{Garfield heads back to his room, putting his Arrowguns away. He returns to the room.}

CHAOS: Dude, are you sure you don't want to kick D'Arque's ass with us? Last I heard... you wanted a piece of him, too!

{Lex makes nonverbal gestures at Garfield, implying that he shouldn't join in.}

LEX: You're including him in this?! Brudda, he's not suited for this stuff. He's-

GARFIELD: -a vigilante scientist with intensive anger issues, who was already violently-

{Cut to a younger Garfield, in an area presumed to be the afterlife. A skeletal woman, in a similar dress to one Garfield wore in his wanted poster, is also there.}

DEATH: I'm sorry, Garfield. It's not yet your time, and this isn't meant to be. You see, I'm already dating Deadpool, and-

{Cut to Garfield stopping himself midway through assumed exposition.}

LEX: ...that...

{Garfield proceeds to move towards the kitchen, making himself a glass of Naminade.}

GARFIELD: I'll still be at the Fundraiser. I promised Stephanie I would.

LEX: Wait, you're still goin'?

{Garfield drinks his glass of Naminade. Halfway through, he slips a Midol into his mouth and continues drinking.}

GARFIELD: If you must know, tickets for the event are $200 a pop. I consider myself fortunate I got one of my baller paycheques earlier in the week.

{Chaos' eyes become gold dollar signs. He also starts to drool.}

CHAOS: Ooh, and the population count is 500 or more people... not to mention private donations...

LEX: Mighty Jah.

{Lex facepalms. Garfield motions towards the door.}

GARFIELD: I do hope you assemble a posse of some kind, to ensure your weaknesses are mitigated. For now, I must attend to visitation of Stephanie at the Fundraiser grounds. Smell ya later, Edgymancer!

{Garfield shuts the door behind him. Cut to downstairs, at Katyusha's. Volkov approaches Garfield.}

VOLKOV: I heard everything. I think you should join Lex and Chaos to help them not be jailbirds.

{Garfield shakes his head.}

GARFIELD: No can do. For once, I cannot be the bad guy, nor do I wish to be.

VOLKOV: Just 'cause you are bad guy...

{Volkov points at Garfield's heart.}

VOLKOV: ...does not mean you are bad guy...

{Garfield looks outside the window of Katyusha's.}

GARFIELD: Truth be told, I'm extremely conflicted about it. Stephanie could definitely be free of that D'Arque's tyranny.

{Garfield sits down at a table.}

GARFIELD: Come to think of it, maybe I should ask for advice from-

{Garfield facepalms.}

GARFIELD: -why would Xiorno or any of my NoxCorp coworkers approve of a Heist against a guy who sounds like he should run an asylum?

VOLKOV: Wait, are you not wanting to partake? Or just lamenting current conflict of interest?

GARFIELD: Mostly the latter.

VOLKOV: You can still be good guy to Stephiroth. Hell...

{Volkov switches the sign from Katyusha's to say that the restaurant is closed.}

VOLKOV: Garfield give me good idea. I will help Lex and Chaos not get into trouble! Will they need comrades? Maybe... guns?

GARFIELD: Nah, no guns.

VOLKOV: Shame, really. Guns not need be fired for optimal usefulness.

{Garfield's face contorts into one of continued conflictedness.}

GARFIELD: I could've given them other weapons from my cache of them. They didn't rule out melee weapons...

{Chaos enters onscreen. He looks to wield one of Garfield's weapons - a heavy metal AxeSword.}

CHAOS: this?

{Garfield and Volkov look alarmed.}

CHAOS: Y'know... Lex told me about your past in Bluehaven. You wanted to become a Wizard so bad, right?

{Chaos' hands glow a fel-green. An exhausted Lex catches up to Chaos.}

LEX: Chaos, don't!

{Chaos grips the heavy AxeSword, and causes it to glow fel-green as well. After a few seconds, Chaos throws it in the air, and keeps it levitated. The AxeSword slowly breaks into light particles, which causes it to fade into nothingness. Chaos looks at Garfield with disapproval.}

CHAOS: I wonder how much your little toys cost to make...

{Garfield gets up, trembling in what appears to be an internal conflict.}

GARFIELD: ...more than you could ever make in your lifetime...

{Garfield exits Katyusha's, slamming the door.}

VOLKOV: Chaos. You are mean.

CHAOS: If he's not with us, he's against us!

LEX: That's not goin' to change his mind, mon!