(even if you aren't vegan)


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Garfield intro based around the existence of the Pimp Curtain.


{The story starts in black.}

TRACY: {offscreen} Wait, you got your Nobel Prize from where?

{The scene starts lighting up brightly, as if playing a flashback.}

GARFIELD: {offscreen} It was in 2006. The twenty-year anniversary of The Pimp Curtain.

{The flashback shows a young Garfield being given a Nobel Prize.}

TRACY: {offscreen} 2006? Wouldn't that have made you 19?

GARFIELD: {offscreen} Yep.

TRACY: {offscreen} Right, you were born on November 11, after the Pimp Curtain was raised.

GARFIELD: {offscreen} I'm glad you remembered my birthday.

TRACY: {offscreen} It coincides with what my phone tells me about the Pimp Curtain.

{The scenery changes to Garfield being on-stage, in East Germany.}

GARFIELD: {offscreen} I cured an infectious disease ravaging Orc populaces all across the world. It was known as Ciwic'arrosh, in the Orcish tongue.

TRACY: {offscreen} Was this before or after that whole pink elephant thing?

GARFIELD: {offscreen} Before. That was... 2007? I want to say?

{The scene shows Garfield accepting his Nobel Prize.}

GARFIELD: {offscreen} Ciwic'arrosh being cured meant a lot more to the Soviets than to the United States, for some reason. I never fully understood why. Of all the sciences, I'm the least well-versed in political science.

TRACY: {offscreen} I wish that was how sciences work.

GARFIELD: {offscreen} The rest of my memory gets foggy, but...

{The scene fogs up, with a gold curtain glowing.}

GARFIELD: {offscreen} I remember being told I got into a fight over something involving Bugs Bunny fucking a US politician's wife. I remember there being pink elephants on parade, and I remember people chanting "Pimp Curtain, Pimp Curtain, Pimp Curtain, Pimp Curtain" in a rule of four.

TRACY: {offscreen} Garfield, I'm pretty sure Bugs Bunny didn't fuck that politician's wife.

GARFIELD: {offscreen} Then I don't know who yelled "Bugs Bunny fucked my wife."

TRACY: {offscreen} Uh... what? The hell?

GARFIELD: {offscreen} I brushed up on my knowledge on the Pimp Curtain. Apparently, after 1987, President Dolemite and Chairman Gorbachev came to accords with each other over certain values, which led to the Iron Curtain getting a lavish upgrade. Things keep... happening... in the Pimp Curtain region, and thus the area is popular.

TRACY: {offscreen} Like you getting high.

GARFIELD: {offscreen} That's not what the pink elephants said.