User:Lucian Summers/Toons/Ween14Sorta

Zarel's Handy Guide To Making Your Halloween Not Suck

Self-explanatory titles are fun, right?

Cast (in order of appearance): Zarel, Foxx, Bubs, Pter, Fang, The King of Town (Easter egg)

Transcript

{Cut to the Roomy-Vac, at a shot of Zarel's computer screen. You can see his feet hanging from the ceiling, with an eerie creaking noise. The lights are off and wind howls through the room. Suddenly the lights go on and the camera pans left to Zarel's face.}

ZAREL: Hoo-wee! Now that was grim and really off-character, wasn't it? Hi. I'm half of Zarel's body because the rest of me is offscreen, but I'll assure you, this is the half you want. Now Halloween is coming up, so why don't I give you some handy tips on how to not make your Halloween suck? I mean...How not to...I mean...AHEM!

{The title appears as Zarel says it in unison with a crowd}

ZAREL AND CROWD: Zarel's Handy Guide To Making Your Halloween Not Suck!

MALE IN THE CROWD: What a mouthfuuuul!

{Cut to the outside of Zarel's Roomy-Vac, Zarel is in costume now.}

ZAREL: Now the first tip to making your Halloween sufficiently cool, is to fashion your house as one of those scary, supposedly haunted house mazes full of black tarp. As you can see, I've got the Roomy-Vac here fashioned just perfectly.

{Zoom out to just see the Roomy-Vac covered in a black tarp with "spooky" painted on the tarp near the door. The outdoor printer is not covered.}

ZAREL: {offscreen} Now if you want your house to be scary, you need to know what the public fears. {as he says these next few words, the Roomy-Vac prints out pictures of the following:} Politicians, {a caricature of Ronald Reagan is printed} plagues, {The words "It's the common cold, yo!"} and homework, {The words: "What's x+72 on a bus?"} are all equally effective choices. Now let's see how it works on a commoner here!

{Foxx starts to walk past the house. The Roomy-Vac prints out a picture of a plate of pancakes drizzled in chocolate syrup and strawberries.}

FOXX: {jumps} AAH! An overly unbalanced breakfast that might as well be dessert food! That's no way to start off a morning workout routine! {runs away dropping his candy bag} Purge the bad thoughts from my head!

{Zarel re-enters the scene}

ZAREL: Works like a charm!

{Cut to Bubs' Concession Stand, where Zarel is standing near the back.}

ZAREL: Now, let's talk about the best places to trick-or-treat are! T-or-T-ing is all well and good in a normal middle-class quiet mountain town, but sometimes the best treats come from the rich kids' homes, where they give out fistfuls of cash or even new cars! Now watch as I "tort" where the wild things are!

{Zarel zips around to the front where Pter and Bubs are exchanging conversation.}

ZAREL: What up, suckas? Trick-or-treat!

BUBS: Zarel, where have you been? Our Halloween shenanigans ensued last week!

ZAREL: Wait, then why are you guys in costume?

PTER: Oh, didn't you hear? Marzipan's organizing her Day of the Dead Slash Autumnal Luau tonight! And I don't just mean "slash" because it's two things at once! She actually got Slash himself to play music there!

ZAREL: Well forget this hitch-hike! Actually, wait, I see your ruse! No, I won't end Zarel's "ha-gut-mee-hnas" (HGTMYHNS) here and now! Time to bust out the big ones...and by that I mean...

{Cut back to The Roomy-Vac's exterior, still with the tarp and "spooky" writing.}

ZAREL: {holds up two cartons of eggs} HOUSE EGGING!

{Zarel starts pelting his own home with eggs and toilet paper.}

ZAREL: I know for sure that this is Fang's house...that smug son of a word I can't say but the meaning is quite literal since Fang is canine-

FANG: Zarel...you do realize I live with you, correct?

{Zarel gives a long pause with a look of realization on his face. He slowly turns towards Fang.}

ZAREL: ...and if you run out of eggs, toilet paper, or sanity just throw the residents of the house at their own house!

FANG: Wait, wha-

{Zarel picks up Fang and tosses him into the Roomy-Vac}

FANG: ...freaking OW! I was just on my way to Marzipan's Luau and you go and chuck me into our house!

ZAREL: Oh, beans! That's happening now? {Zarel runs off, his voice trailing out} Leave me some tooooooofuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!

{The words "The End!" appear on the screen in orange, splattered text. The toon ends with a cut to Marzipan's Gazebo, showing Zarel, Foxx, Fang, Pter, and Bubs in their costumes.}

Easter Eggs

• Click on Pter at the end of the toon:

ZAREL: Hey, Pter. Good show on the "Borat from Liar Liar" costume.

PTER: That's not even family-friendly.

• Click on Bubs at the end of the toon:

PTER: Bubs, you didn't do anything different for this year's Halloween?

BUBS: This year's Halloween was the same as this year!

ZAREL: How does that make any sense?

• Click on Foxx at the end of the toon:

ZAREL: Have you found those berries yet, Foxx?

FOXX: Yes. In the fridge.

ZAREL: Oh my gosh.

• Click on Fang at the end of the toon for an extra scene.

{Cut to the King of Town's castle. Fang is at the door with the King.}

KING OF TOWN: Psst! Don't tell anyone I gave you this! These coins are all...chocolate. {hands him a bag of cash}

FANG: Hot diggity!

• Click on Zarel at the end of the toon for an extra scene at the Luau.

{Cut to the Luau, all the other characters are mingling offscreen while Zarel and crew sit around a campfire with some Cold Ones.}

ZAREL: So I say to her, "You think I'm just going to come back to you whenever I need some cranial trauma? I'm thinking of switching to Strongbadia. How about that?

FOXX: Fences ain't as hard as her gazebo, man.

FANG: You ever considered Bubs'? It's made of brick.

ZAREL: Nah, I worked there once. I dunno, maybe the One's getting to me.

See Also

Zarel's Handy Guide To Making Your Halloween Not Suck Costumes