(even if you aren't vegan)
User:Lucian Summers/Toons/Ween13Sorta
One Big Freakin’ Far East Cartoon Parody
Homestar Runner and friends do the things with the dangling rump rosts.
Cast (in order of appearance):
- Strong Bad - REAL REAL GOOD LEVEL EMAIL DELETER
- Homestar Runner - REAL REAL GOOD LEVEL TERRIFIC ATHLETE
- Zarel - REAL REAL GOOD LEVEL NOT TROGDOR
- Homeschool Winner - The Headmaster
- Marzipan - REAL REAL GOOD LEVEL BREAKER-UPPER
- Strong Mad - REAL REAL GOOD LEVEL HOUSEMOUTH
- The Cheat - REAL REAL GOOD LEVEL FOOTBALL
- Strong Sad - REAL REAL GOOD LEVEL CALLIGRAPHIST
- Pter - REAL REAL GOOD LEVEL NO-LEGS
- Foxx - REAL REAL GOOD LEVEL LITTLE ANIMAL
- Fang - REAL REAL GOOD LEVEL KNITTER
- Bubs - REAL REAL GOOD LEVEL SWINDLING ARTIST
- Coach Z - REAL REAL GOOD LEVEL NOT RAP ARTIST
- Pom Pom - REAL REAL GOOD LEVEL HUNKY BOY
- The King of Town - REAL REAL GOOD LEVEL CHOLESTEROL
- The Poopsmith - REAL REAL GOOD LEVEL EWW
- Homsar - REAL REAL GOOD LEVEL HUMBERTO
Places: Strong Bad’s Basement, The Field, Strong Badia, The Stick
Page Title: REAL REAL GOOD LEVEL HOLIDAY TOON
Transcript
{The toon starts in Strong Bad’s basement. Strong Bad and Homestar are on the couch, Zarel is lying on the floor}
STRONG BAD: Aw, crap-piddles! We missed the Halloween stuff this year! Again!
ZAREL: Strong Bad, isn't this exactly how we opened the last one?
STRONG BAD: No, shut up! This one's different. No more of telling stories about how we didn't do it late. Let's actually storm out of the house and do some kind of Halloween thing!
HOMESTAR: But Strong Bad, it's the month of lovey times! {hearts start to flow up from his head}
STRONG BAD: Ew. Ew. We are not fulfilling some fangirl's fantasy. Now come on, my not-so-smelly underlings, let's get a move-on, and start 'Weening! {The two look at him really strangely} I mean...Halloweening.
ZAREL AND HOMESTAR: {simultaneously ad-libbing} Oh. Yeah, we got it. Mmhm.
{The theme music for the toon begins. The scene fades into a black screen with what looks like a revolver barrel. Each bullethole has different words. "That Lucian Guy presents", "One Big Freakin' Far East Cartoon Parody", and "Yes, we're going there."}
{Cut to The Field, at night. Homeschool Winner is standing on a soapbox.}
HOMESCHOOL: Welcome..."students," to prestigious Hallow's Field Academy. We've gathered you all here because you fifteen are not only the main characters of these sorts of things, but we have chosen you based on all of your prestigious talents. Now, get to know each other all well and good. I, your headmaster, Homeschool Winner, shall be off. {he walks off}
{Cut to Homestar and Marzipan talking}
HOMESTAR: Oh hello, cleaning lady! I'm glad to meet you! My name is Homestar Runner dot-
{A stylized background affect takes over the screen and the camera zooms in a bit on Homestar. On the right side the words: "HOMESTAR RUNNER REAL REAL GOOD LEVEL TERRIFIC ATHELETE" appears.}
HOMESTAR: ...c-Wah...p! Where did this thingy come from?
MARZIPAN: Homestar Runner dot cwap? That's a weird name. I'm Marzipan, and I already know you.
HOMESTAR: Well which is it? Marzipan or "I Already Know You?"
{Marzipan sighs. Cue the same effect except it says "MARZIPAN" and "REAL REAL GOOD LEVEL BREAKER-UPPER" appears.}
{Cut to Strong Bad, Strong Mad, The Cheat, and Strong Sad}
STRONG BAD: Aw man, you actually dressed up as something from a nerdy Japanese cartoon? {The RRGL title effect appears again, dubbing Strong Bad a "REAL REAL GOOD LEVEL EMAIL DELETER"} What?! Why not "Good Level Good Looking"?
STRONG SAD: I only thought that dressing up as something from a Japanese cartoon would go with a cartoon parodying a Japanese cartoon!
STRONG BAD: Also, for the title effects, can't we get something simpler that takes up less time?
{Strong Mad's title appears, this time with the Sickly Sam cough sound and as white text. It reads his profession as "HOUSE MOUTH"}
STRONG MAD: CONTINUITY NOD!
{The Cheat and Strong Sad's titles appear, respectively "FOOTBALL" and "CALIGRAPHIST"}
STRONG BAD: Freakin' what? He gets something good?
PTER: {offscreen} Yay, for once I'm not called a football!
{Cut to Foxx and Pter, Pter is holding a punch drink}
FOXX: No way, where'd you find the punch?
{Their titles appear as they talk, Foxx's being "LITTLE ANIMAL" and Pter's being "NO-LEGS"}
PTER: I brought it, remember? It was my turn this year to do so!
ZAREL: {offscreen} Yeah, and you're due three years! You don't know how angry The Hurricane got! {walks in, his title says "NOT TROGDOR"}
PTER: Zarel, Homestar made that night up, remember?
ZAREL: Well, yeah, but Ar-er..."he who shall not be named" was there to see it!
FANG: {offscreen} You're on thin ice, Lewis!
{Cut to Fang and Bubs}
FANG: I swear, I'm never going to live that down. {His title appears, stating here's an RRGL "KNITTER"}
STRONG BAD: Wait, you do knitting?
FANG: Well, it's a hobby of mine. Been one for a while now.
STRONG BAD: Man, I could really use a soft cozy for my Lappy-oh wait.
FANG: All this time away from emails has gotten you confused, Strong Bad. We need to get you your groove back.
BUBS: Yeah! And I can help! {His title as RRGL "SWINDLING ARTIST" floats above him}
STRONG BAD: Bubs, I'm not sure if I'm going to want you for that based on your title here. Nah, I'm just kidding, I know you'd swindle me of my buck.
BUBS: How did you know? Great Drilda's eyes; what's with all the floating text?
COACH Z: {walking in} Ah, Bubs, my fellow airtist! {his title says RRGL "NOT RAP ARTIST} Why's it gotta be "Real Real?" Why can't it be "Really Real"? That sounds like what I could name my next album! {starts freestyling} Uno, dos, uno dos, I'm Really Real, on the mic! {stops} Oh my gorsh it's the really popular student!
{Cut to Pom Pom bouncing in with the title "REAL REAL GOOD LEVEL HUNKY BOY" floating above him in glittering gold}
STRONG BAD: What?! He is clearly not worthy of the title! Round is not hunky! I swear, I'm going to kill you for that title!
{Everyone gasps}
STRONG BAD: What? You guys know I'm always this hostile!
{Cut to Homestar}
HOMESTAR: Strong Bad, you better watch your back. During this year's Fieldian Trial, I'm going to evict you of murder!
STRONG BAD: Fieldian Trial? What are you talking about?
{Cut to the King of Town}
KING OF TOWN: {panicked} Come quick, come quick! Something's gone down at the 'Badia!"
{Cut to Strong Badia, the fifteen all run to see what's behind the fence}
STRONG BAD: Keep your pants on, King! Now what's gone on hereeeooooh, sandwiches...
{Cut to the back of the fence. The screen goes black and white and Homeschool can be heard making odd noises. Lines are drawn in the dirt to represent the shape of blood. The Poopsmith lay there with the General Tso's Chicken box in his mouth. Above his head is "REAL REAL GOOD LEVEL EWW" and he has his eyes open}
HOMESCHOOL: {whispers} You're supposed to be dead.
{The Poopsmith nods quickly, and closes his eyes}
MARZIPAN: Someone's murdered the Poopsmith!
STRONG SAD: But who could've done it?
PTER: Who would've done it?
FOXX: Who should've done it?
PTER: No, seriously. Who would be able to get that close without dying from his stench? If anything, The Poopsmith could've murdered one of us with the stench alone.
STRONG BAD: I know I said this to the King of Town before but everyone except Pter, keep all of your pants on! Look, alls we gotta do is-
HOMESTAR: Ah-ah-ah, Strong Bad. I'm the main character here, so I get to say it! Alls we gotta do is investigate the murder and then we can find out the culprit.
MARZIPAN: Dot Cwap's got a point there.
BUBS: Yeah!
STRONG MAD: WE CAN TOO!
{They all stare intently at the "body."}
ZAREL: Yep, I got nothing.
HOMESCHOOL: Well well well!
{Cut back to Homeschool}
HOMESCHOOL: It looks like you guys already found out the objective of the game. Since you're all so smart, why don't I take you on a despair-filled ride?
STRONG BAD: You mean the Riverquest Safari-venture?
HOMESCHOOL: Not that despairing. Geez. I mean a Fieldian Trial!
{All fifteen save for Homeschool and the Poopsmith sit around The Stick at a cardboard box. In place of the Poopsmith is a Tofu sculpture, but instead of Homestar's face, it's The Poopsmith's face.}
HOMESCHOOL: So here's how it goes down. If you guys all find the culprit and it's the right guy, you all get candy, and the culprit doesn't.
ALL: Okay.
HOMESCHOOL: But if you guess wrong...you all get no candy.
{All gasp}
HOMESCHOOL: And if you win the culprit gets executed.
STRONG BAD: Who cares? No candy? That's a fate worse than death! We gotta find out who murdered The Poopsmith right away!
HOMESCHOOL: Trial starts now!
STRONG BAD: I'm gonna say it now, Strong Sad did it.
STRONG SAD: Hey! You know I didn't!
STRONG BAD: I do, but I want you executed.
STRONG SAD: Let's take a smarter approach, shall we? Noseless characters?
BUBS: Nope.
COACH Z: Nuh-uh.
HOMESTAR: Nah.
MARZIPAN: Had an operation.
KING OF TOWN: I'm clean.
STRONG BAD: Ironic statement.
STRONG SAD: Well that got us nowhere. Anyone else have any leads?
HOMESTAR: I do know it's February.
STRONG SAD: No no, about the murder!
HOMESTAR: February did it!
MARZIPAN: I did find something!
STRONG SAD: Finally! An inch of sanity here!
MARZIPAN: I observed the crime scene and found a couple of non-existent toenail clippings by the Poopsmith's body.
STRONG SAD: Ugh! What does that have to do with anything?
STRONG BAD: Don't you get it? The culprit left them behind! Now non-existent toenail clippings can only come from nonexistent toes, which come from nonexistent feet, which come from nonexistent legs! Which only means...Foxx did it.
FOXX: You've got that wrong!
STRONG BAD: No, you've got that wrong. It was Pter.
PTER: WHAT?!?
BUBS: Tell us, Pter, why'd you do it?
PTER: I...
KING OF TOWN: Spit it out, hooligan!
PTER: I just wanted the King of Town's turduckens! You don't know how long he's had those things buried in the depths of his castle!
HOMESCHOOL: Well, our culprit admits! It's time for the execution of the No-leg!
{Cut to Pter standing in the field}
PTER: {falsely} Noooooooo...
{Homeschool throws a sawblade which lands under Pter}
HOMESTAR: And there you have it! We solved the murder of the Poopsmith! Yay!
POM POM: {irritated bubbling}
HOMESTAR: And now time for the Lovey Days to take over! {the hearts from before appear again, Pom Pom looks disturbed}
STRONG BAD: NO!
END OF TOON
Easter Eggs
- Clicking on the Poopsmith when we see his "corpse" will cause the words: "No Homsar Here!" to appear.
- However, clicking on Strong Bad's head diamond before the Fieldian Trial when he talks about the Poopsmith, Homsar appears.
{Homsar waddles in}
HOMSAR: Aaaah'm here for the beer of the year!
STRONG BAD: Beat it, shorty!
HOMSAR: Fine then! Play the organ, and hold the walnuts! {waddles off}
- The following below are for the end of the toon.
- Click on Marzipan:
STRONG BAD: Hey, wait a second, Marzipan, I thought you didn't play video games!
MARZIPAN: No no no, my character is from a movie! Though they made me hold some kind of device to make it go...
- Click on Pom Pom:
STRONG BAD: So Pom Pom, I know you're not the critic guy anymore, but how about that game Marzipan's costume's from?
POM POM: {bubbling}
STRONG BAD: Second worst? Ohoho.
- Click on Strong Sad:
STRONG BAD: {singing} Sie sind das Essen und you are a dorkus!
- Click on The Cheat:
HOMESTAR: Hey, The Cheat. Great choice in costume this year. I was The Greatest American Hero a few years ago myself!
- Click on Bubs:
COACH Z: Alright, Bubs, I give up. Just who are you supposed to be?
BUBS: I'm a terrible movie!
- Click on Fang:
FANG: Hey, Bubs. You know what we are?
BUBS: Uh, not really!
FANG: A pair of Jacks! No? Ah, screw all ya.
- Click on Homestar:
HOMESTAR: Hey, Homestar. I really like your Ned Flanders costume. Why thank you!
STRONG BAD: Wait, did you just...?
- Click on Pter:
STRONG BAD: {singing} He's up all night to get some, up all night for good fun, but he ain't gotta no legs, he's up all night and he's a dorkus.
- Click on The Cheat:
STRONG BAD: Gotta say, The Cheat. Source material of that costume? Really pushing the "family friendly" limitations. Respect.
- Click on Foxx:
{Foxx gets taken away by a giant crab claw and starts screaming. Sooner or later another Foxx in costume runs on}
FOXX: Oh, crap! I gotta warn past me about this! {runs to where the future Foxx stood}
