User:Brerose/characterintros/crazyromanians

SUMMARY: Sirrus and Ventin are introduced, in which they make themselves unwelcome guests in Dracula's castle after being kicked out of Bucharest. Dracula does not approve.

Transcript

{The scene begins in a dusty old movie theatre, inside the projector room. In a first person view, a person opens up a box labeled 'SIRRUS CHARACTER INTROS'. Inside are a variety of tapes, but the theatre person grabs one labeled 'THOSE CRAZY ROMANIANS', and places it in the projector. The film slowly begins, stopping for a second, and then beginning. A disembodied voice, the Narrator, begins to speak.}

NARRATOR: {loud, booming voice} HELLO! WELCOME T- ack!.

{The narrator suddenly starts wheezing, coughs up a small furball, and then resumes talking, albeit in a normal sounding voice.}

NARRATOR: Welcome to... SIRRUS CHARACTER INTROS! {loud thunder}. My name is Narrator! Today's episode is...THOSE CRAZY ROMANIANS.

{The screen changes to a still of Sirrus and Ventin. The two are wearing matching Black Flag t-shirts, long black ripped jeans, and high heels. Even Sirrus. They wave to the camera. Narrator grunts, before speaking again.}

NARRATOR: These two are a couple of Romanian psychopaths, who were kicked out Bucharest, Romania. I'd show you why, but, I don't want to clean you up afterwards. It's pretty bad. JUST LISTEN OKAY WE LOST THE FOOTAGE BECAUSE DAVE IS CARELESS.

{Narrator may or may not be a psychopath. In the distance, a young man can be heard welping.}

NARRATOR: DAVE, GO TO YOUR ROOM. Anyways, I'll leave you alone for now, so here is some sort of introduction of them! ENJOY!

{The lights dim, as the film slowly begins to roll. The scene swaps over to the Transylvania region of Romania, with a stereotypical rainstorm and thunder and lightning. On top of a large hill near Brasov is Bran Castle, a castle in-which entering the vicinity is banned by the government. Someone did not tell this to Sirrus and Ventin, though the government probably wouldn't get in their way. Sirrus and Ventin are pulling a trolley of their belongings by horse, which Ventin is viciously controlling as it cries in pain as they ride towards the castle. Ventin is first to speak, in Romanian.}

VENTIN: Sirrus, we are here! Our new home! Bran Castle! I do not believe I can wait!

{She smiles cheerfully, as Sirrus joins into this cheer, quickly barking towards her.}

SIRRUS: Da, sister! Will be splendorius! Glorioud! Fantasmic! We shall paint it black! Like that one song by that silly band!

VENTIN: Brother, do not spoil the conversation by mentioning that terrible band!

{They continue chatting, as they reach the castle gates, which are closed shut. Ventin has a confused face, pouting.}

VENTIN: Why won't it open? IT NEEDS TO OPEN! {She pulls out a knife, tossing it at Sirrus. Instinctively, he catches it, placing it in his heel.}

SIRRUS: Sister, do not worry! It must just be broken! It's an old castle! We'll call a castle gate repairman!

{Ventin pouts, and shakes her head. She glares at the horse, which wimpers, as she slams down the reins. Suddenly, the horse begins moving at max speed, and somehow, breaking the laws of physics solely out of fear, smashes through the gate. The twins cheer, singing, as they leap out, unpacking their things immediately.}

SIRRUS: Fantastic! It worked! Bravo, Ventin!

{Meanwhile, the castle's true owner, COUNT DRACULA, is waken from his slumber by the crash. He climbs out of his coffin, takes the elevator from the basement up to the tower, and looks over the window.}

DRACULA: Vat? What is all this ruckus? And why did I build an elevator to this tower? Who fucking cares? WHY AM I STILL TALKING TO MYSELF?

{He grabs the telescope, as he watches the twins make themselves at home. Noticing their fashion and their GLEE, he immediately recoils, vomiting over the tower. He hurriedly runs down the stairs, this time ignoring the elevator, as he heads to the main floor.}

DRACULA: TRESPASSERS! INTRUDERS! GOTHS! AAAAH I HATE THEM ALL!

{By the time he reaches downstairs, the entire main floor has been painted some sort of mix of black and pink in pinstripes pattern. Dracula's head collection has been replaced with a monument to Sirrus's large Transformers collection, and Ventin replaced the furniture with couches from IKEA. The two are currently eating some form of Indian curry while watching Mighty Morphin Power Rangers with terrible Spanish dubs. As Dracula enters, Ventin spots him and grimaces, but Sirrus is instantly cheery.}

VENTIN: Who the fuck is he, Sirrus? Is he coming to take our castle?

SIRRUS: No, sister, I believe he is just the live-in maid!

{Ventin cheers up a small bit, while Dracula instantly gets angry, growling at them.}

DRACULA: WHO THE FUCK ARE YOU AND WHY ARE YOU IN MY FUCKING CASTLE, FUCKERS?

SIRRUS: No, no, Mister Maid! My belief is that you have it all wrong! This is our castle, we claimed it! Ventin even put a sign in front!

{cut to a small, crayoned-in sign saying 'VENTIN AND SIRRUS'S CASTLE', cut back}

SIRRUS: But don't worry! We'll still let you live here, and being our maid, you don't have to pay rent!

{Dracula is about to attack in anger, until Ventin gets up, and stares into his eyes. Suddenly, he feels his soul, even though he doesn't have one, grimace in fear, as he backs up.}

DRACULA: {hesitant} Y-yes! I'll uh..leave you alone now!

{Dracula runs back to his basement, locking it up, and then hides in his crate bunker.}

DRACULA: GAH, I NEED TO GET THEM OUT OF HERE!

{Sirrus and Ventin are locked in Mina's their bedroom, making loud, but muffled noises. Dracula slowly creeps up, and listens in to them, grimacing.}

DRACULA: What the fuck do they think they're doing? This is Mina's room! I'll teach them! YEAH! Wow, self-help books really work.

{He bashes the door open, and repulses at what he sees. In the middle of the room is a blood pentagram, with Sirrus and Ventin on either side of it. Mina's unconscious body is in the middle of it. The blood is coming from Sirrus and Ventin's wrists, and is flowing around, like it is alive. Suddenly, Ventin spots Dracula.}

VENTIN: BROTHER, HE IS INTERRUPTING THE RITUAL! WE SHALL FIRE HIM!

SIRRUS: Sister, what if it was an accident? What if he tripped and the door went flying because of it?

VENTIN: WHILE LIKELY, I DO NOT CARE! LET US DESTROY HIM!

{Dracula meeps, and tries to run. Sirrus does a bloody facepalm, as Ventin chases after him, hemokinetic knives floating from her wrists using the power of blood magic. He screams like a girl, until he remembers he is a vampire, and catches the blood with his mouth, drinking it. Until he vomits after realizing that it is blood that is currently being enhanced by a blood god, and he begins screaming again, running some more.}

VENTIN: BLOOD FOR THE BLOOD GOD!

{Ventin corners him. As she's about to kill him, she feels a tap on her shoulder. Sirrus is behind her, and when she turns around, he smiles, and punches her in the face, knocking her out.}

SIRRUS: Sorry about that! She can get a bit cranky sometimes! No hard feelings, Mister Maid?

DRACULA: M..meep.

{Cut to the next day. Sirrus and Ventin are leaving, due to boredom of the castle, Mina is still in the blood altar, and Dracula is currently in the fetal position in his crate fort.}

VENTIN: That was fun, Sirrus! Where to next?

SIRRUS: {looking at a map} I found something...Listless, USA! Sounds very welcoming!

{The film rolls over some boring credits, and at the end. Fin. Narrator returns.}

NARRATOR: Fantastic, right? RIGHT? No vampires were harmed in the making of this film.

{The narrator, and the theatre vanish. Fin.}