The Ten Stages of Sephiroth Torture

He's shoved me into a van and pushed me into a river...

He's stabbed me in the back...

He's called Lucky Star creepy... (HOW DARE HE HAVE AN OPINION!!!!!)

That one time he borrowed my DS and never gave it back...

This time...

ITS PERSONAL

Stage One

{Open: A dark, dimly lit room. Under the light, is Sephrioth, tied to a chair. The door opens, and Badstar walks in}

BADSTAR: Well, well, well... if it isn't poopy mcpoop himself! ...Thats you, if you were wondering.

SEPHIROTH: {In a sarcastic, mocking tone.} Ooh, what's this? I'm tied to a chair in a dark room? HOW ORIGINAL!! What's this? YOUR MOTHER'S BEDROOM?!!! ....Yeah, I went there.

BADSTAR: ...Oh, now you've just crossed. YOU HAVE FREAKING CROSSED IT.

{Badstar runs out of the room, then quickly comes back with a giant wheel}

BADSTAR: Sephiroth, say hello to... The Wheel of Torture! This baby determines the kind of torture I put you through. Lets give it a spin... {Spins the wheel. It spins for a few seconds, until eventually stopping on the Team Fortress 2 logo} Oooh! The Team Fortress 2 method!

SEPHIROTH: {Even more mocking} Oh no! What are you going to do? RECITE QUOTES FROM THE GAME? Because I've heard it all... Spy sapping my sentry!!! Erecting a Dispenser!... GENTLEMEN!

BADSTAR: {Chuckle} Oh, I'm gonna do more then that... {Walks out of the room. Comes back in dressed as Scout} I'M LIKE FRIGGIN' SPEED RACER {Runs at Sephiroth, wielding his metal baseball bat}

SEPHIROTH: ....Fire. {Badstars' hat catches on fire.}

BADSTAR: ...OHGODOHGODOHGOD {Throws hat on the ground, and stomps on it until the fire is put out} ...Hey, asshole! Y'know this qoute!? {Slams the bat against Seph's face. Repeats this over and over} BONK

{Despite having his face smashed in, Sephiroth is indifferent of the torture being inflicted onto him.}

SEPHIROTH: No you fool! This is how you do it! {Frees one arm, and snatches the bat. He then proceeds to bash Badstar in the face the same way he was doing to him.} Oh, and about the DS.. {Pulls the DS out and gives it to Badstar.} ....One more thing... I need to tell you something.. I'm... I'm... REALLY PISSED NOW!! THUNDER!! {A lightning bolt comes from nowhere and hits the DS. The DS explodes on impact.}

{14 hours later.}

SEPHIROTH: JESUS CHRIST!! Is this the next method of torture? Boring me to death?! We've been here for 14 hours!

BADSTAR: Oh, I've just been to shocked to respond. Anyway... {Runs out. Comes back in dressed as Demoman}

SEPHIROTH: My god, this is so pointless!

BADSTAR: {Starts firing sticky bombs.} And why is that?

SEPHIROTH: You're fighting a losing battle. Oh, and also... I SPIT AT YOU! {Spits at Badstar.}

BADSTAR: {Wipes spit off} ..."Losing", eh? {Points to beeping sticky bombs attatched to chair}

{EXPLOSION.}

{Once the rubble disappears, we can see that SI has teleported in}

SI: Badstar, quit stealing my thing.

BADSTAR: What the-!? ...Where the hell did you come from!?

SEPHIROTH: Ugh... THat gave me a headache... I HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HAAAAAAAAAAATE HEADACHES!!!! ....You know what? I'm outta here! {Takes a knife from his pocket with the arm that is still free, and cuts the rope.} Oh, and one more thing.. {Pokes Badstar's eye's and kicks him.} That's for tying me up!

BADSTAR: GWAH! {Falls down} ...NO REGRETS

SEPHIROTH: Actually... {Sephiroth looks at Badstar with an evil grin.}

BADSTAR: ...Why are you-

The Ten Stages of Badstar Torture

He's faked death to gain the upper hand in a fight...

He's called me poopy mc poop...

He's tied me up to a chair and whacked me across the face with a bat...

And seriously, you don't see Bell trying to torture me for what I do to him!

But I admit, it was pretty cool of him to portray me as a Indiana Jones type hero once..

Stage One

{Open: A dark, dimly lit room. Under the light, is Badstar, tied to a chair. The door opens, and Sephiroth walks in.}

SEPHIROTH: Well hello, hello! The tables are turned!

BADSTAR: Uh, okay, um... lets not do anything too hasty now...

SEPHIROTH: Time for my wheel of torture! {Pan over to reveal the wheel of torture, with the methods of torture replaced with pieces of paper that Sephiroth has designed himself.} Nice!! {Sephiroth spins it, until it lands on something.} ....What's this? PHISHLAPPING? I'll enjoy this! {Pulls out a giant fish.}

BADSTAR: ...Do I at least get to eat it when you're d-

SEPHIROTH: SHADDAP! {Smacks Badstar across the face with the fish.}

BADSTAR: Oh god, you got some gill in my eye!

SEPHIROTH: PHISHLAPP!!!! {Smacks Badstar 5 more times.} FINLAND!!!

BADSTAR: OH GOD I'M SEEING FLYING CRAWFISH EVERYWHERE

SEPHIROTH: Next.... A WHALE!! {Pulls out a Sperm Whale.}

BADSTAR: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!