The SkullB Show/48

Overview

Episode 48: A Very SkullB Christmas

SkullB celebrates Christmas for the first time--but he wonders what it's all about.

Transcript

{Open: Fran's Living Room. Fran is sitting at her couch. A menorah is on the coffee table. Fran sighs.}

{Cue theme song.}

{Cut: the Living Room. Casey is decorating a Christmas tree. SkullB and Jerry are on the couch, eating cookies.}

SKULLB: Great cookies, Casey!

CASEY: Thanks! The special ingredient was vinegar!

JERRY: Well! I could have gone without knowing that.

SKULLB: So, this has been bugging me for a while... why is there a dead tree in the living room, exactly?

CASEY: ... It's Christmas.

SKULLB: ... And that would be?

JERRY: Hahaha wait. Are you seriously telling me you don't know what Christmas is?

SKULLB: I hain't the faintest.

CASEY: Well... it's that special time of year when you get together and celebrate!

SKULLB: Oh. ... Mind elaborating?

JERRY: Let me, let me. It's all about getting gifts!

CASEY: And giving them.

JERRY: Yeah, but mostly about getting them. That's the Christmas tradition!

SKULLB: Oh. So it's a celebration of all things material? That sounds like something I could get in on real quick!

CASEY: {sighs} It's not all about presents, Skully. Haven't you ever heard of Santa Claus?

SKULLB: I beg pardon?

CASEY: Santa Claus! Jolly, dressed in red, hearty laugh?

SKULLB: ... I've still got no idea.

CASEY: Well, every year, Santa comes to good people's houses and gives them gifts!

SKULLB: And this is in the course of a day?!

CASEY: Well, y-yeah. He's magic!

SKULLB: You believe in magic? Really?

CASEY: There's no reason not to! I mean, we've fought demons, why not believe in magic?

SKULLB: ... So Santa's a demon?!

JERRY: Oh, this is amazing.

CASEY: Skully, I... I don't think I can explain it very well. Try asking somebody else about Christmas, why not?

JERRY: No, no, keep going, please.

SKULLB: Fine! I'll just go ask somebody else!

{SkullB walks out of the house.}

JERRY: Oh, if only I had a camera...

{Cut: Fran's house. SkullB walks in.}

FRAN: Oh, Skully! Happy Hanukkah... er, Merry Christmas!

SKULLB: Hey, Fran. I have a little question.

FRAN: Hm?

SKULLB: What's Christmas about?

FRAN: ... Skully, I don't think I can tell you.

SKULLB: Oh, come on! Why not?

FRAN: Skully, I'm Jewish.

SKULLB: I don't see how being juicy factors into this.

FRAN: ... Jewish. I practice the Jewish faith.

SKULLB: Oh. I still don't see how this factors into this.

FRAN: Skully, I don't even celebrate Christmas!

SKULLB: Well, what is there to celebrate, then?

FRAN: I celebrate something called Hanukkah! It's the Jewish version of Christmas, per se.

SKULLB: There's more than one kind of Christmas?!

FRAN: ... Well, not exactly. I mean, it's basically the same thing, but... different!

SKULLB: What's the difference, then?

FRAN: Well, Hanukkah is about the Miracle of the Oil-

SKULLB: Wait, you're celebrating oil?

FRAN: No, it's more complicated than that--see, after the evil King Antiochus was overthrown by Judah Maccabee, they had to light the temple menorah with only enough oil to last one night. However, the menorah stayed lit for eight nights, and it was a miracle! So that's why we Jews light the menorah every year on Hanukkah and celebrate God's gift to us!

SKULLB: ... You're still celebrating oil.

FRAN: {sighs} You just don't get it, that's all. Listen, I'm not the best girl to ask about Christmas. Try asking the reverend at the church, I'm sure he can tell you!

SKULLB: Really? Thanks, Fran!

FRAN: No problem!

{SkullB runs off.}

{Cut: the Decentville Catholic Church. Father Kilpatrick is arranging a nativity scene inside the church. SkullB runs in, covered in snow. He quickly shakes it off.}

SKULLB: Evening, Father.

KILPATRICK: Skullivan! Why, I haven't seen you in ages, boy!

SKULLB: I know, I know. Listen, Father, I have a pretty big question.

KILPATRICK: Fire away.

SKULLB: What's Christmas about?

KILPATRICK: Aye, that's easy! It's about the birth of our Savior, Jesus Christ!

SKULLB: ... What?

KILPATRICK: Oh, I forgot... you must not know the story, do you?

SKULLB: I don't think I got the memo, no.

KILPATRICK: Well, the virgin Mary was giving birth to our Savior, the son of God, and the Three Wise Men came to witness it, and that day was Christmas! It's very simple!

SKULLB: Hang hang on, Father. You're saying Mary was a virgin, yet she gave birth?

KILPATRICK: 'Twas a miracle, Skullivan!

SKULLB: ... Now, I'm not the type to doubt God, but doesn't this seem like a bit of a coincidence? For that matter, why do we give and get presents on Christmas instead of celebrate Jesus?

KILPATRICK: Well, you're supposed to celebrate Jesus, but those damn superstores have downplayed the religious part and now it's all about toys and all that truck... it makes a Catholic man ashamed, that...

SKULLB: Yeah... this isn't helping me. I'm sorry, Father...

KILPATRICK: It's alright, Skullivan. I tried my best to explain it.

SKULLB: And I tried my best to listen. Good night, Father.

{SkullB walks out of the church.}

{Cut: a bridge. SkullB is leaning over the side, staring at the river below.}

SKULLB: I don't get it... why can't anybody tell me about Christmas? It's as if there is no right answer...

{Suddenly, three people appear before SkullB.}

SKULLB: Woah! Wh-who are you people?

JESUS: I'm Jesus Christ.

SANTA: I'm Santa Claus!

MARIO: And it's-a me, Mario!

SKULLB: ... I understand Jesus and Santa, but why you, Mario?

MARIO: I represent-a the materialism of-a Christmas!

JESUS: Skullivan, we've heard you've had conflicting emotions about this most sacred of holidays.

SANTA: Yes, we're here to teach you about Christmas!

SKULLB: Really? You mean it?

JESUS: Of course, my son. For nobody should go without knowing the true meaning of Christmas.

SKULLB: Oh, thank you, Jesus!

SANTA: Skully... what matters most is what you think Christmas is about.

SKULLB: But... I don't know!

MARIO: Exactly! You see, Christmas doesn't-a have a solid meaning... it's-a subjective! After all, it depends on-a whether you celebrate the gift-a-giving...

SANTA: The tradition...

JESUS: Or the religious side.

SANTA: So you see, Skully, Christmas is about what you want it to be about!

JESUS: Do you know now, Skullivan?

SKULLB: ... Y-yeah! I do! I do understand!

JESUS: Then go, my child. Celebrate.

MARIO: Celebrate however you want to! Woo-hoo!

SKULLB: I will, Mario!

{SkullB runs off, humming Christmas carols to himself.}

{Cut: the Living Room. SkullB runs in, happy as can be.}

CASEY: Well, did you figure out what Christmas is really about?

SKULLB: Yep!

JERRY: And pray tell, what is it about?

SKULLB: I don't know!

CASEY: ... What?

SKULLB: Merry Christmas, everybody!

{SkullB brings the other two in for a hug.}

JERRY: ... Seriously, what?

{Cue end credits.}