The SkullB Show/46

Overview

Episode 46: Cold as Ice

SkullB and pals get a letter from somebody named "The Mysterious". Who could it be? Meanwhile, Assistant garners the power to control electricity in a freak computer accident.

Transcript

{Open: the living room. Everything is animated in Egoraptor (Metal Gear Awesome) style.}

JERRY: OH MAN I'M MARRIED AND THERE'S THIS ROBOT LIVING WITH ME UUUUUUUNGH!

SKULLB: I'M TOTALLY LOVABLE DESPITE BEING THE KIND OF PERSON YOU'D NEVER HANG OUT WITH!

CASEY: I'M VOICED BY A GIRL FROM NEWGROUNDS!

NUMBER TWO: WUUUUUURGH I'M SKULLB'S EVIL TWIN!

{Cut: the studio. SkullB is looking at the raw footage. Stan is standing beside him.}

SKULLB: ... No. No, we're not doing this.

STAN: Yeah.

{Cue opening theme.}

{Cut: the living room. SkullB and Jerry are there.}

SKULLB: So... What's there to do?

JERRY: Hm?

SKULLB: We've exhausted every plotline I can think of... Meeting the parents, racing, meeting an evil twin... It's all been done! Where is there to go after this?

JERRY: Wow... you're right. ... What kind of life are we living?

SKULLB: The kind where we thrive off of poorly-contrived storylines...

JERRY: Wow.

SKULLB: Yeah.

{Pause.}

SKULLB: You ever think about... about ending it all?

JERRY: Many, many times.

SKULLB: ... {sighs} This is depressing.

{Casey walks in from outside. She is holding a letter.}

CASEY: Hey, guys! What's up?

JERRY: Contemplating existance and the folly of life.

CASEY: How Kafkaesque.

SKULLB: Have you even read Kafka's wor- you know what? Never mind.

{Pause.}

SKULLB: So I can't help but notice you're holding a letter. Why is that?

CASEY: I found it on our doorstep. It's addressed to you, Skully.

SKULLB: You know, it surprises me more that somebody actually wrote an actual letter more than the fact that it's addressed to me.

{SkullB takes the letter and opens it.}

SKULLB: Hm... it reads, "Dear Skullbuggy! I know who you are and where you live." Well, that's obvious, isn't it? After all, you've got my address! Anyhow, "I want you and your friends to meet me at the following place..." ... And then it just lists coordinates. That's weird, isn't it? And it's signed by some guy who calls himself "The Mysterious"!

JERRY: Well! Isn't that just the damndest thing?

SKULLB: Do you think... I have more brothers?!

{Pause.}

SKULLB: Hahaha just kidding. I don't. {turns to the camera} Really. I do not have any more brothers. There will never be any more Skullbuggies. Ever. There are five and only five. Got that?

{Pause.}

SKULLB: Good. Just needed to remind you.

{Casey and Jerry give strange looks to SkullB before resuming with their conversation.}

CASEY: So... should we go? To that place, I mean?

SKULLB: Why not? I mean, it's not like something horrible is waiting for us there, right?

{Cut: Brainfreeze Island. The whole island is covered in ice, save for a rocky path leading to a massive metal structure.}

JERRY: {mocking SkullB} I mean, it's not like something horrible is waiting for us there, right?

SKULLB: You know, that really isn't necessary.

CASEY: I've gotta say, Skully... that building looks really ominous. Unless, of course, a giant metal tower is standard fare.

SKULLB: We've dealt with robot Communists. We can deal with this.

{SkullB approaches the tower, and is stopped by a flying TV screen that flies out of a nearby window.}

SKULLB: AAAH TV FISH

???: What? What are you talking about?

{The TV turns on to show a pale blue-skinned man with an exposed brain, covered only by a glass dome. He wears a long lab coat, and his hair is thin and grey.}

JERRY: Well! I take it you're "The Mysterious"?

DR. BRAINFREEZE: Indeed. But you can call me Dr. Brainfreeze. That is my name, after all.

SKULLB: YOU! I know you... somehow.

CASEY: Wait, you know him?

SKULLB: I can't remember. Maybe I was watching a movie or something.

DR. BRAINFREEZE: Hmph! I'm only the founder of the BVD!

SKULLB: ... BVD?

DR. BRAINFREEZE: The Brotherhood of Villainous Discontent! I'm the founder and head villain, mind you.

CASEY: ... You are aware that BVDs are-

DR. BRAINFREEZE: I know, I know! ... I was kind of forced to use that acronym. All the others were taken. ... But enough banter! You know why I called you here?

JERRY: Given that you're villains, logic would tell me that you're going to either kill us, kidnap us, or both.

DR. BRAINFREEZE: Kill you? Ha, ha, ha! Heavens, no! I was going to invite you to an initiation seminar we hold! All protagonists of ours must attend, if you must know!

SKULLB: ... Excuse me?

DR. BRAINFREEZE: Come in, come in!

{The flying TV screen flies back into the tower. SkullB, Jerry and Casey enter the tower through a massive door.}

{Cut: the lab. Assistant is at the computer, drinking Blue Soda. Suddenly, Number Two walks in.}

NUMBER TWO: ASSISTANT!

{Assistant jumps out of the chair in surprise, spilling his soda all over the console of Number Two's computer.}

ASSISTANT: ... Oops.

NUMBER TWO: What the- ASSISTANT!

ASSISTANT: What now?

NUMBER TWO: What were you thinking, spilling that all over my computer?

ASSISTANT: What was I thinking? You're the one who came in here screaming!

NUMBER TWO: Don't blame this on me, you jerk! Now go turn that thing off before it electrocutes me!

ASSISTANT: ... Fine, whatever.

{Assistant walks over to the computer, which is still sparking with electricity. Assistant pushes a button on the computer, presumably to turn it off, and gets electrocuted. He is subsequently thrown to the back of the room.}

NUMBER TWO: Woah. That was awesome!

ASSISTANT: {offscreen} Hardly...

{Pan over to show Assistant, crackling with energy.}

NUMBER TWO: Woah, man! You're glowing! ... Am I high?

ASSISTANT: I'm pretty sure you're not. I'm feeling numb, can you help me up?

NUMBER TWO: Sure, whatever.

{Number Two grabs Assistant's hand to help him up, but is instead shocked by a powerful blast of electricity. Number Two is blasted right out the window.}

ASSISTANT: ... Now that was awesome!

{Cut: Brainfreeze Tower's lobby. SkullB and the others walk in and are greeted by a massive golem made of what looks like slime.}

CASEY: EEEK! What is it!?

JERRY: Uuurgh- and what's that smell?

THE OOZE: ... Welcome. You Skull-buggy?

SKULLB: Uh, yeah. I guess.

THE OOZE: Good to meet you! Me am The Ooze! Nice of to come, Skull-buggy!

SKULLB: The pleasure's all mine, Oozy!

THE OOZE: You here for seminar?

JERRY: Apparently.

THE OOZE: This way, please!

{The Ooze ushers the trio onto an elevator. Once inside, muzak starts playing.}

THE OOZE: So... you new to fighting villains?

SKULLB: I guess you could call me a veteran.

THE OOZE: Ooh! We pick good protagonist!

{The elevator stops. The Ooze gestures the three heroes to exit the elevator. They comply.}

JERRY: ... God, did you smell that guy?

SKULLB: It smelled like a garbage truck took a dump on a trash barge.

{Suddenly, the three are approached by Dr. Brainfreeze himself.}

DR. BRAINFREEZE: Ah! You've arrived safe and sound! And how was your usher?

CASEY: Permeating is the word I would use.

DR. BRAINFREEZE: Yes, I'm afraid he does smell a bit... but that's his specialty! In fact, he's quite proud of it!

JERRY: I noticed.

DR. BRAINFREEZE: If you would follow me, sirs and madam?

{The three and Dr. Brainfreeze enter a large board room. Inside are all manner of villains, including several from pop culture.}

SKULLB: ... I feel unsafe.

{Cut: the lab. Assistant is floating in the air, somehow, while Number Two is sitting in Assistant's chair.}

NUMBER TWO: Okay, something's up. First of all, you're flying.

ASSISTANT: Yeah, that did seem a bit odd.

NUMBER TWO: Second off, when I tried to help you up, you went and shocked me! What was that for?

ASSISTANT: ... I have a theory.

NUMBER TWO: Really, now? Tell us all about it, Mr. Wright.

ASSISTANT: Wh- that's not my name!

NUMBER TWO: It's a joke.

ASSISTANT: Anyhow, I'm pretty sure this has something to do with that incident earlier. I think that when I spilled that soda on the computer, I-

NUMBER TWO: {cutting off Assistant} You were blessed with the power of lightning by Raiden from Mortal Kombat?

ASSISTANT: ... Dig deeper, Watson. What I think happened was that, when I touched the electrically-charged computer, I was somehow supercharged with the power of electricity!

NUMBER TWO: Oh. That's more boring.

ASSISTANT: Alright, seriously? Keep interrupting me and I'll toss a bolt of lightning your way.

NUMBER TWO: Eep! Okay, okay!

ASSISTANT: So, now that I have electrokinesis... what now?

NUMBER TWO: Start a gaming company?

ASSISTANT: Good idea, but no. I think... I can use this power for evil!

NUMBER TWO: ... And?

ASSISTANT: What, so you're not impressed at all?

NUMBER TWO: I'm a walking arsenal! Electricity? Pah, who needs it?

{Assistant zaps Number Two with electricity, knocking him into the wall.}

ASSISTANT: WHO IS THE ONE WITH THE ELECTRICITY

NUMBER TWO: I AM SORRY

{Cut: the boardroom of Brainfreeze Tower.}

DR. BRAINFREEZE: Well! Ladies and gentlemen-

TF2 SPY: GENTLEMEN.

DR. BRAINFREEZE: -I'd like to introduce you all to our new protagonists.

{Pan over to the end of the table. SkullB, Jerry and Casey are sitting there.}

SKULLB: Yo.

DR. BRAINFREEZE: These three are relatively new to the villainy circuit, but they've already made a name for themselves in the minor league!

{Pan over. Many villains sit around the table.}

SHREDDER: The minor league? Pah! I eat minor-leaguers for breakfast!

DR. ROBOTNIK: And how do we know they can handle major league villainy?

DR. WILY: True, true. I think that these three are a bit too... inexperienced.

COBRA COMMANDER: YESSS! WE'RE JUST TOO GOOD FOR THESE LOSERSSSS!

DR. BRAINFREEZE: Now, now, gentlemen-

TF2 SPY: GENTLEMEN.

DR. BRAINFREEZE: Settle down. And just how do you know that they're inexperienced?

DRACULA: Well, yes... we can't be certain, now can we?

DR. BREEN: Agreed. We need to test these fine young people.

DR. ROBOTNIK: And just how would we go about that, hm?

DR. BRAINFREEZE: Easy enough! Ladies and gentlemen-

TF2 SPY: GENTLEMEN.

DR. BRAINFREEZE: I give you... The Brain Maze!

{Pan over to a neglected side of the board room. A curtain lifts to reveal a massive maze, with traps and such.}

JERRY: {offscreen} What, no application forms?

{Cut: the streets of Decentville. People are going about their business, when all of a sudden, Assistant flies onto the scene. His attire has changed color to black and yellow, and he is now wearing a mask.}

ASSISTANT: Well, well, well! If it isn't downtown Decentville!

ONLOOKER: Look! It's a maniac in pajamas!

ASSISTANT: No, you idiots! I am something much more... I am what some would call a mutant, but I am not. I am a god. I am Assistant, and I shall deliver unto this town the power of electricity! Muahahahahaha!

{Number Two runs up to the scene.}

NUMBER TWO: And I'm his best friend, Number Two! Ooh! Ahh!

{Assistant fires a bolt of electricity at a nearby car. One of the tires pops. The driver gets out of the car.}

DRIVER: Hey! That was a minor inconvenience! I'm only going to need to get the spare tire out of the trunk!

ASSISTANT: And such is my wrath, fair citizens! In due time, you shall all fear the name Assistant!

NUMBER TWO: And Number Two!

ASSISTANT: ... Stop that.

{Assistant flies back to the lab. Number Two follows, running and panting.}

{Cut: the lab.}

ASSISTANT: Man! This new power of electricity... it's just the greatest!

NUMBER TWO: {panting} Wh... what?

ASSISTANT: Ever since I've got these powers, I've felt great!

NUMBER TWO: I know... it's kind of annoying.

ASSISTANT: Hmph. Who cares? As long as I'm the one with all the power, I don't care what anybody says!

NUMBER TWO: ... And say, somebody took the power away? What then?

ASSISTANT: Why, I'd just be crushed! ... Wait a minute. You're not thinking...

NUMBER TWO: No, of course not!

ASSISTANT: ... I've got my eye on you, robot. I have got my eye on you.

{Assistant flies off.}

NUMBER TWO: Great. My assistant's become a douchey villain. I've gotta knock him down a peg... but how? How does one suck up electricity? ... {gasp} That's it!

{Cut: the end of the Brain Maze in Brainfreeze Tower. Jerry, Casey and SkullB crawl out of the maze, looking beat up.}

DR. BRAINFREEZE: Well! It looks like you've made it!

JERRY: It wasn't easy...

SKULLB: Yeah. I have to say, wrestling the Ice Key from the dragon's mouth was pretty hard.

CASEY: Not to mention the laser-sword fight with King Korask. That was tough!

DR. BRAINFREEZE: Needless to say, that was quite the display. I think you'd be perfect protagonists!

SKULLB: Cool, cool. So... what now?

DR. BRAINFREEZE: We assign you a villain, hand-picked from the BVD itself!

CASEY: Ewwww.

DR. BRAINFREEZE: We have a lot of candidates, but it looks like you'd be best matched with one of our prime villains! Come on out, Baron!

{A man dressed in a black and red costume with a flaming skull for a head walks out.}

DR. BRAINFREEZE: Ladies and gentlemen-

TF2 SPY: GENTLEMEN.

DR. BRAINFREEZE: Meet Baron Flamingskull. We call him the Baron!

FLAMINGSKULL: A pleasure to meet you all! {cackles}

SKULLB: ... And what's his specialty?

FLAMINGSKULL: Mostly having a skull that's on fire. That's all. And minimal pyrokinetic abilities.

CASEY: That's... cool?

FLAMINGSKULL: Hey, I've been here a long time--I know how to be villainous!

DR. BRAINFREEZE: It's true! He dealt with the likes of Action Jackson!

SKULLB: Wow... Action Jackson.

FLAMINGSKULL: Well? Whaddya say?

SKULLB: Well! Nice to do business with you, Baron!

{SkullB and Flamingskull shake hands.}

DR. BRAINFREEZE: Please do enjoy our new villain!

JERRY: We, uh... we will.

{The three leave.}

DR. BRAINFREEZE: They'll be good heroes, I know it.

{Cut: the lab. Number Two is nowhere to be seen. Assistant walks in, surrounded by an aura of electricity.}

ASSISTANT: Hey! ... Where is he? I expected English muffins on my plate this morning! ... He's gotta be somewhere, I know it.

NUMBER TWO: {offscreen} Hey, Assistant!

ASSISTANT: What the-

{Assistant turns to see Number Two holding a huge magnet.}

ASSISTANT: Th-that magnet... why do you have it?

NUMBER TWO: Why do you think?

ASSISTANT: I knew it! You're trying to sap me of my powers!

NUMBER TWO: Well, you know what? You're a prick with these new powers, so I need to get rid of them!

ASSISTANT: ... It won't be that easy, I assure you.

{Assistant tosses a lightning bolt at Number Two. Number Two uses his magnet to absorb the bolt.}

NUMBER TWO: Ha! What now?

ASSISTANT: GRR! I can't believe you!

NUMBER TWO: Come on, thunder god! Come here and get some!

{Assistant flies toward Number Two, and is suddenly thrown out of whack by the magnet. He falls to the ground.}

ASSISTANT: Urgh! My powers, they're not working!

NUMBER TWO: Eat magnetic field, Assistant!

{Number Two tosses the magnet at Assistant, which catches Assistant and pins him to the wall.}

NUMBER TWO: Yeah! How about that, huh?

ASSISTANT: You...! You're awful...

NUMBER TWO: Maybe this'll shut you up from now on!

ASSISTANT: ... Fine. You win, Master.

{Assistant sighs.}

ASSISTANT: Now can you let me go?

NUMBER TWO: Let's wait until those powers of yours subside. I figure this magnet will absorb the electricity in due time.

ASSISTANT: ... What do I do until then?

NUMBER TWO: Well, I figured I should punish you somehow... Hold on! Let me get the stereo... it's time for a nonstop marathon of Barry Manilow!

ASSISTANT: ... N-no! No, you don't have to- no! No no no! NOOOOOOOO!

{Cut: the living room. SkullB, Jerry and Casey are sitting on the couch.}

SKULLB: Looks like we've got a new villain!

JERRY: Yep. Looks like it.

CASEY: Mm-hm.

{Pause.}

JERRY: I haven't seen Number Two or that pale guy all day. I wonder what's wrong?

{Cut: the lab. Assistant is still pinned to the wall, singing along with the music.}

ASSISTANT: {weakly} Ooooh, Mandy! Well, you came and you gave without takin'! But I sent you away, ooooh, Mandy! Well, you kissed me and stopped me from shakin', and I need you today, ooooh Mandy!

{Cue credits.}