The SkullB Show/44

Overview

Episode 44: The Wife Also Drives

Casey loses her license after a crazy night of driving. Meanwhile, Jerry and SkullB have a massive kung-fu fight across the city.

Transcript

{Open: the Living Room. SkullB and Jerry are sitting on the couch.}

SKULLB: ... So, Jerry. You got anything for the cold opening?

JERRY: Nope.

{Long pause. Suddenly, Dr. Octopus jumps through the window.}

DR. OCTOPUS: DR. OCTAGONAPUS BLAAAAARGH!

SKULLB: Holy crap!

{Cue theme song.}

{Cut: a "girly" bar. Casey and Fran are at the bar, drinking. Casey looks a little tipsy, and she slurs her speech.}

CASEY: Wow, what a nice place! All the gals are so nice to eachother!

FRAN: ... You don't get it, do you?

CASEY: Yeah, no. I'm a little buzzed.

FRAN: Yeah... you're not a very good drinker, are you?

CASEY: No. No I'm not.

{Pause.}

CASEY: Fran... I love you.

FRAN: {blushes} Is... is that the booze talking, or...

CASEY: Yeah, the booze.

FRAN: Never mind. Say, it's been a bit, how about we get going?

CASEY: Sure, sure! I'll... I'll drive!

FRAN: I don't know...

CASEY: No, no, no! I'm good to drive! {hiccups} Let me grab my drink first.

{Casey and Fran walk out of the bar. Suddenly, seconds later, a crashing sound is heard. Cut to the outside of the bar, where Casey's car has crashed into a nearby pole. Casey looks tipsy still, while Fran facepalms.}

FRAN: {groans}

CASEY: J-just let me back up. I can do that!

{Casey attempts to back the car up, resulting in the car being driven more into the post.}

{Cut: the Living Room. Jerry and SkullB are on the couch, watching TV.}

ANNOUNCER: {on TV} We now return to The Stan Show, already in progress.

SKULLB: Pssh, it figures. You make one successful show and everybody copies you. It's like nobody can think for themselves!

{The two glare at the camera for a bit.}

JERRY: Yeah, let's watch something else. I'm tired of watching forced jokes.

SKULLB: No way, man. I love this channel!

JERRY: {reaches for the remote} Let me rephrase that. We're watching something else.

SKULLB: {reaches for the remote} No! We're gonna watch this!

{Both friends' hands rest on the remote. They look eachother in the eye.}

JERRY: ... I didn't want to have to do this, but...

{Jerry drops the remote.}

JERRY: We must fight for it.

SKULLB: ... Agreed.

ANNOUNCER: Round one... fight!

{SkullB throws a punch at Jerry, who swiftly dodges it. Jerry returns with a sweeping kick, knocking SkullB on the ground. SkullB gets up with a backflip, kicking Jerry in the face in the process. Jerry wipes the blood from his mouth and grabs SkullB by the legs. He tosses him through the window and jumps through, following suit. Outside, Jerry and SkullB start running down the street, exchanging blows along the way. Some cars come by, and the two jump on the top of one of them. Jerry kicks SkullB off the top of the car, causing the car to run him over. Jerry laughs, but a flying rocket fist hits him in the back of the head. Jerry gets up and turns around. Suddenly, another rocket fist goes flying toward Jerry, who ducks to avoid it. Jerry takes a look at the direction the fist came from to see SkullB on a car behind him.}

SKULLB: Hey, Jerry! What's up?

JERRY: {smirks} Not much.

{Jerry jumps off of the car and rams SkullB in midair. The two of them fall off of the car and onto the road.}

JERRY: You're good, Skully. But not good enough!

SKULLB: ... he says as a car comes straight for the both of us.

{The two look behind them to see a truck head straight for them.}

{Cut: a jail cell. Casey is sitting there, an ice pack on her head. Fran walks up to the cell.}

FRAN: {disapproving} Hey, Casey. What's up?

CASEY: {quietly} Keep it down... hangover.

FRAN: I'm guessing you regret all the booze?

CASEY: ... Yes. I do.

FRAN: So how's jail going for you?

CASEY: I don't really enjoy using a toilet without a rim, but whatever.

FRAN: Cool.

{Officer Stein walks over to the cell.}

STEIN: Alright, little lady. Your bail's been payed.

CASEY: ... Really?

STEIN: Yep. Now get yourself out of that cell, missy! We've got more prisoners, you know.

CASEY: Alright, alright! Geez, you're giving me a headache.

{Casey walks out of the cell.}

CASEY: Alright, Fran, come on. I'll drive.

STEIN: Ha, ha, ha! No you won't!

CASEY: ... What?

STEIN: Your driver's license, it's been revoked.

CASEY: ... You're kidding. Right?

STEIN: Nope. Drunk driving's a pretty serious offense, girly. You'd best be careful next time.

{Officer Stein walks off, whistling.}

CASEY: ... You have to be kidding me.

FRAN: Well! Looks like you learned a lesson. I guess you'll think better next time?

CASEY: {under her breath} Coming from the woman who took off her shirt to-

FRAN: Don't bring that up! ... I'd rather not revisit that dark hour of my life.

CASEY: {sighs} So it looks like somebody's gonna need to drive me wherever I need to go. Are you game, Fran?

FRAN: Hah! No way. After how you drove, I don't want to be in the same car as you!

CASEY: So... is Jerry going to be driving?

{The two look out the window to see SkullB and Jerry, still fighting.}

CASEY: {sighs} I guess that's a no.

FRAN: I guess that leaves one more person...

{Cut: the Lab. Casey walks in.}

CASEY: ... Hello? Is... is anybody there?

{Assistant walks in.}

ASSISTANT: Oh, hello- AAH!

CASEY: AAH!

ASSISTANT: AAH! Wh- what are you doing here?

CASEY: Well, I came to-

ASSISTANT: Please say you didn't come to kill me!

CASEY: No... no, that's not it.

ASSISTANT: Really? Well, what for?

CASEY: Listen, I just lost my license, so... can you drive for me?

ASSISTANT: ... That's all?

CASEY: That's all.

ASSISTANT: Really? Well, I can certainly do that!

CASEY: Oh, thanks! Now, I need to go shopping.

ASSISTANT: I'm right on it!

{Assistant takes out a key. He presses a button on it and a beeping sound comes from a corner of the room. Pan over to show the Zweiblitz Mark II.}

CASEY: Wow. Impressive.

{Cut: downtown Decentville. SkullB and Jerry run down the street, on opposite sidewalks. SkullB quickly hops over to Jerry's side, ready to strike. Jerry quickly rolls out of the way, and SkullB goes through a window into a shop. Jerry jumps in after him, and they start brawling inside a supermarket. SkullB takes a nearby crate of fruit and tosses it at Jerry, who quickly punches the crate out of midair, breaking the crate and scattering the fruit contained inside. Jerry takes a banana that falls out and tosses it at SkullB like a boomerang. SkullB bends back, Matrix-style, and dodges the banana, which hits Jerry on the way back. Jerry wipes the banana from his face and grabs a nearby leek from the vegetable section and brandishes it like a sword. SkullB takes a nearby pineapple and brandishes it as well. SkullB takes a pin(?) out of the pineapple and throws it at Jerry. Jerry quickly jumps out of the way, and the pineapple explodes. SkullB grabs some nearby oranges and starts throwing them at Jerry, rapid-fire. Jerry is hit by most of them at the beginning, but knocks away the rest with his leek-sword. Now exhausted of ammo, SkullB grabs two carrots and hold them like daggers. The two begin sword/vegetable fighting. After a volley of slashes, SkullB smacks the leek from Jerry's hand. Jerry starts running toward the dairy aisle, SkullB in hot pursuit. On the way, SkullB is hit with an egg. He turns to see Jerry, holding several cartons of eggs. One by one, Jerry fires a volley of eggs at SkullB, each hitting the robot right in the body. SkullB grabs a nearby bottle of milk and tosses it right above Jerry. Jerry blows a raspberry, but suddenly notices SkullB shoot a bullet right at the milk, blowing up the carton and dousing him with milk.}

JERRY: ... Ooooooh, this means war.

{Jerry jumps on top of the shelves and starts running down them. SkullB follows. The two jump from shelf to shelf, as they both grab boxes of whatever is near and chuck them at eachother. Eventually, Jerry is knocked off of the top of a shelf and lands right into a display of cans. SkullB laughs, but is quickly hit with an errant can, knocking him into the same pile Jerry is in.}

SKULLB: ... I hate you.

{Cut: outside the Decentville Mall. Casey and Assistant walk out of the mall, bags in hand.}

CASEY: It sure was nice of you to drive me here, Assistant!

ASSISTANT: Thanks! It was great driving you! Heh...

CASEY: So... where's the car?

ASSISTANT: Oh, hold on.

{Assistant takes out the keys and presses a button. Suddenly, the Zweiblitz flies onto the parking lot and opens up.}

ASSISTANT: Yeah, it usually returns to the lab after we get out.

CASEY: Neat!

{The two get in the Zweiblitz and fly off.}

{Cut: the Lab. The Zweiblitz lands on a launch pad and the two get out.}

CASEY: I still can't believe you have room for a laboratory here!

ASSISTANT: It's mostly an underground thing, but-

NUMBER TWO: {offscreen} ASSISTANT!

ASSISTANT: ... Oh, boy.

{Number Two stomps into the room, looking extremely angry.}

NUMBER TWO: Assistant... what the hell is she doing here?

ASSISTANT: Well, uh, it's a long story, and I-

NUMBER TWO: Assistant! She's the enemy! What the hell were you thinking, I mean- she could be stealing our secrets!

CASEY: ... What secrets?

NUMBER TWO: We don't have any! ... I mean, they're none of your- just, just forget about it, okay?

CASEY: Whatever, I wasn't even going to take any-

NUMBER TWO: Silence, woman!

CASEY: ... Jerkbutt.

NUMBER TWO: Assistant, why is she here?

ASSISTANT: She lost her license, and I'm the one who has to drive her around, sir-

NUMBER TWO: She can walk! Besides, you're supposed to pull your gun on people like this!

ASSISTANT: Sir, I don't have a gun. All I have is a spring-loaded boxing glove in a box. And I don't even know when that'll ever be useful.

NUMBER TWO: It's called a novelty weapon, Assistant. You should appreciate it for its humor.

CASEY: Since I see you two are bickering, I guess I'll leave. Bye, Assistant!

{Casey leaves.}

ASSISTANT: Bye, Casey! {to Number Two} She's a really nice gal, you know. Too bad she's married, or-

NUMBER TWO: Just... just shut up, okay?

{Cut: the Living Room. Casey walks in and drops herself on the couch.}

CASEY: Oof, what a day. All that shopping is making me tired! ... I wonder what's on the news?

{Casey turns on the TV and starts watching the news.}

GUY: {on TV} Hi, I'm Guy Newscaster. Today in downtown Decentville, everyday people are witnessing a fight between what seems to be a skeleton robot and some goth guy! We'll have more as the fight progresses.

CASEY: {facepalms} Oh, damnit.

{Suddenly, Jerry and SkullB crash through the ceiling, grappling eachother and generally causing mayhem.}

CASEY: Hey, hey, HEY! Will you two quit it?

JERRY: He needs to surrender first- OUCH!

SKULLB: Not until- YEOWCH! He admits defeat!

CASEY: ... Why are you fighting, anyhow?

SKULLB: This jerk won't- OOF! Let me watch TV!

JERRY: This moron just doesn't- AAAH! Know good humor when he sees it!

SKULLB: I'll have you know that I have an extensive knowledge of frozen treats. YAARGH!

CASEY: Oh, damnit. This is why we can't have nice things!

JERRY: Admit defeat! ADMIT IT!

SKULLB: Never! Neeeeeever!

{Casey sighs and leaves the two to brawl it out.}

CASEY: {offscreen} I hate this house.

{Cue credits.}