The SkullB Show/40

Overview

Episode 40: Jerry vs. Jerry

Number Two builds a robot doppelganger of Jerry. Can the real Jerry best his mechanized clone?

CAST: Announcer, Jerry, SkullB, Weegee, Assistant, Number Two, Metal Jerry, Casey, Luigi

PLACES: The BSoC, The Living Room, The Lab, Palazzo del Pizza

PAGE TITLE: Metal Mayhem

Transcript

{Open: the Black Screen of Continuity.}

ANNOUNCER: Last time on... The SkullB Show...

{Cut: the Living Room. Jerry, SkullB, and Weegee are there. A fire is in the background.}

JERRY: Wu-

{Cut: the BSoC}

ANNOUNCER: And now... The SkullB Show.

{Cue theme song.}

{Cut: the Lab. Assistant walks in.}

ASSISTANT: Master, I made Key Lime Pie! You want some?

NUMBER TWO: Assistant, stop baking and come here!

{Assistant walks over to where Number Two is standing. A tube is behind him, covered by what looks like a flower-pattern curtain.}

ASSISTANT: ... Wha-

NUMBER TWO: It's a robot!

ASSISTANT: ... An-

NUMBER TWO: Behold!

{Number Two pulls off the drapes to reveal a robot that looks like Jerry.}

ASSISTANT: Wow. We certainly cut to the chase today.

NUMBER TWO: That's right!

{Pause.}

NUMBER TWO: Alright, about the robot. I made a robot clone of the blond-haired one!

ASSISTANT: You mean Jerry?

NUMBER TWO: ... How do you know his name?

ASSISTANT: I knew him in high school. But let's save that for the flashback episode.

NUMBER TWO: Alright. With that horribly-executed plot point out of the way, I'll tell you more!

{The camera oh-so-slowly zooms in on the robot.}

NUMBER TWO: I've fitted this state-of-the-art robot with various weapons, including a Vulcan cannon, guided missiles, rocket punch, Bubble Lead-

ASSISTANT: Why Bubble Lead?

NUMBER TWO: To defeat Dr. Wily. That's why. Any-hoo, its body is made of solid titanium, resistant to most impact. Plus, when in mortal danger, it transforms! Isn't that just a hoot?

ASSISTANT: Question.

NUMBER TWO: {sighs} Yes, Assistant?

ASSISTANT: And why didn't you do this with the Zweiblitz?

NUMBER TWO: ... Stop doing that! It makes me feel incompetent as a villain.

ASSISTANT: Well it's not like we aren't already? I mean, that guy over in Wikity's beating us!

NUMBER TWO: Oh, that guy? I think I knew him in grad school. What an over-achiever.

{Cut: the Living Room. Casey and SkullB are on the couch.}

CASEY: Hey, Skully?

SKULLB: What?

CASEY: Do you like my tight sweater? See how it fits my body!

SKULLB: Casey, nobody here has heard of Moloko.

CASEY: You're probably right.

{Jerry walks in.}

JERRY: Casey... did you get a new wardrobe?

CASEY: What, didn't you?

{Jerry unzips his hoodie.}

JERRY: There.

CASEY: You lazy son of a-

SKULLB: Casey! The kids are watching! We'll get emails!

JERRY: God forbid.

{A bowling ball sails through the door and hits Jerry in the head. Pan over to show an angry PTA council.}

SKULLB: Showed you!

{Pause.}

SKULLB: Let's go shopping!

CASEY: Alright! ... But what do we do with Jerry?

SKULLB: Let's just... leave him there.

{The two walk out of the room. A while later, Number Two jumps through the window. Assistant and the Jerry robot walk in through the door.}

NUMBER TWO: {in pain} Augh... why didn't you tell me the door was open?

ASSISTANT: Hey, you were the one who wanted to be all action-y.

NUMBER TWO: ... Shut up and help me grab Jerry!

ASSISTANT: Fine.

{Number Two and Assistant grab Jerry and hoist him outside. They shove him into a bush. The two walk back inside.}

NUMBER TWO: Alright! And now to plant... the substitute!

{Number Two presses a button. The Jerry robot suddenly makes a jerking motion.}

METAL JERRY: Hello, Master.

NUMBER TWO: Ah-hahahaha! It worked!

METAL JERRY: Duhhh, what, really?

NUMBER TWO: ... {annoyed} Wow, it's just like the real thing.

METAL JERRY: Yeah. But I have an arm full of weaponry.

ASSISTANT: That does seem like a big difference.

NUMBER TWO: Never mind that! Now go forth and... impost? Whatever the verb version of that is.

METAL JERRY: You've got it, Master.

NUMBER TWO: Good! Now... to the Lab!

{Number Two jumps through the window again.}

NUMBER TWO: AAAGH! DAMNIT!

ASSISTANT: I'll get the bandages.

NUMBER TWO: YOU DO THAT!

{Suddenly, Casey and SkullB walk in.}

SKULLB: Hey, Jerry, I bought a Game Gear while I was- hey! Assistant!

'ASSISTANT: Ghk- Skullbuggy! Hey! Nice to see you!

SKULLB: Same here, man! So, what brings you here?

CASEY: And why is Number Two on the lawn, screaming in pain?

ASSISTANT: Heh, long story. We just came to get some bandages, is all.

SKULLB: Ah, that sounds legit. Well, I'll let you grab the bandages and then you've gotta head out.

ASSISTANT: Not a problem!

SKULLB: Yep!

{Assistant walks offscreen.}

CASEY: Wow, Jerry... you've been quiet.

METAL JERRY: Is there a problem with that?

CASEY: Not entirely, it's just that I expected a snarky comment halfway in.

METAL JERRY: Yeah, I don't do that any more.

CASEY: Oh. Well... good luck with that. Listen, Skully and I are going out for pizza. Want to come with?

METAL JERRY: Sure, why not?

SKULLB: That's the Jerry I know!

METAL JERRY: ... How did I change?

SKULLB: Good point. Let's-a go!

MARIO: {offscreen} Woo-hoo!

{Cut: The Palazzo del Pizza. Casey, SkullB and Metal Jerry are at a table.}

SKULLB: What a nice place. I'm surprised I only saw two cockroaches!

CASEY: Yeah... great.

{A waiter comes over.}

LUIGI: Hello, my name is Luigi, and I will be your server!

SKULLB: ... The Luigi?

LUIGI: ... What do you mean?

SKULLB: Never mind. I'll take the "Leaning Tower of Pizza", please.

CASEY: I'll have the "Mona Pizza".

METAL JERRY: Can I get a "Pizza the Sky", but with lugnuts instead of pepperoni?

LUIGI: ... Come again?

METAL JERRY: Ah, never mind. Just get me a cup of oil and I'll be fine.

LUIGI: ... Okay, then! The customer is always right!

{Luigi walks off.}

CASEY: ... Oil?!

METAL JERRY: What? I'm damn thirsty.

CASEY: {to SkullB} Something's wrong, Skully--Jerry's not acting like himself!

SKULLB: {to Casey} Tell me about it. On the way over he bogarted some of my motor oil. I need that to live!

CASEY: Something's up, I know it.

METAL JERRY: Come again?

CASEY: Nothing!

{Luigi walks back to the table.}

LUIGI: Your pizzas should be done in a bit. Here's your... uh, oil, sir.

{Luigi hands Metal Jerry a cup of oil. Metal Jerry takes a swig and almost immediately spits it out.}

METAL JERRY: What the hell is this?

LUIGI: It's oil!

METAL JERRY: This is vegetable oil, you idiot! What are you trying to do, kill me?

LUIGI: But you asked-

{Metal Jerry gets up and lifts Luigi into the air by his collar.}

METAL JERRY: So help me God if you don't get me some real oil, I'll

{Metal Jerry starts to fizzle.}

METAL JERRY: What the-

{Metal Jerry falls over, electricity surging through his body.}

METAL JERRY: AGH! Damnit! That oil...

CASEY: That's... that's not Jerry at all, is it?

SKULLB: I don't think so.

{Suddenly, the real Jerry runs into the room, covered in leaves and twigs.}

JERRY: {angrily} YOU!

{Jerry points to Metal Jerry.}

JERRY: You impostor! You knocked me out, took my friends... you son of a gun!

{Jerry runs at Metal Jerry and attempts to punch him. However, Metal Jerry quickly slides out of the way. Metal Jerry delivers a kick to Jerry's back, knocking him on the ground. Metal Jerry jumps into the air and fires a blast from his arm. The blast barely hits Jerry, singing his hoodie. Jerry quickly rolls over and gets up. Now back on his feet, Jerry runs over to a nearby table and grabs a chair. He starts to throw, and Metal Jerry zooms to the side. However, Jerry throws the chair at where Metal Jerry zoomed to, and Metal Jerry takes the full impact of the chair. Jerry runs toward SkullB's table and grabs a pizza from the stack that SkullB ordered. As Metal Jerry gets up, he starts throwing the pies at Metal Jerry. Most of them miss, but the last one thrown hits Metal Jerry, knocking him down.}

METAL JERRY: Augh! I'm... I'm blind!

{Jerry runs over to Metal Jerry, now immobilized, and whacks him with a chair, several times. After about the fifth time, Metal Jerry suddenly jerks up and blasts the chair into bits. Jerry reels back in surprise as Metal Jerry rises to its feet quickly. Metal Jerry suddenly starts transforming into something much more sinister...}

METAL JERRY: That is it! You're dead, Jerry!

{Metal Jerry finishes transforming into a heavily-armored version of himself. Metal Jerry aims a cannon-arm at Jerry, who dives behind a table. Metal Jerry fires at the table, disintegrating it. This continues for a bit, Jerry diving behind tables and Metal Jerry destroying them. Eventually, Jerry hides behind SkullB's table.}

JERRY: Skully, do something! You're the robot!

SKULLB: I am, aren't I?

JERRY: Do something or he'll frag us!

SKULLB: Fine! Fine.

{SkullB aims a fist at Metal Jerry as he prepares to fire. SkullB fires a rocket fist at Metal Jerry, knocking his cannon out of the way and making it fire into the ceiling. Metal Jerry falls over due to backblast. SkullB jumps from behind the table and starts charging a SkullBeam. Metal Jerry gets up just in time to take the whole of the SkullBeam. After the blast, the camera pans over to show Metal Jerry, laying on the ground, a hole in his middle.}

SKULLB: That's how you solve a problem!

JERRY: Phew... that was close. Thanks, Skully.

SKULLB: No prob. But you're paying for the pizza.

JERRY: Ah, damnit.

{Cut: the Living Room. Jerry, Casey and SkullB are there, sitting on the couch.}

SKULLB: What a day.

JERRY: You said it, Skull-man.

CASEY: So, what did they do with that robot, anyhow?

SKULLB: I think they made it into a pizza-making machine.

JERRY: Ah. I'm never eating there again.

SKULLB: ... Yeah.

{SkullB looks at the camera.}

SKULLB: Yes, viewers, we're going to stay like this. No, we will not change again. Don't like that? Read something else, why not? After all, if we can't make you happy, I'm sure somebody else can attend to your every whim. Right?

{Pause.}

SKULLB: Yeah, that's what I thought.

{Cue credits.}