The SkullB Show/39

Overview

Episode 39: Marooned

After a rather nasty defeat, Number Two and Assistant find themselves lost at sea. Meanwhile, in Decentville, other things happen! Hooray!

CAST: Skullbuggy, Number Two, Assistant, Jerry, Natives, Native Chief, Fireblower, Chrionroar (cameo), Tall Man, Short Man

PLACES: The Living Room, the ocean, an island, a jungle, a native village

PAGE TITLE: Water, water, everywhere! (and not a drop to drink)

Transcript

{Open: the Living Room. SkullB is sitting on the couch.}

SKULLB: We're too tired to do a cold opening today. Go home.

{Cue theme song.}

{Cut: the middle of the ocean. Assistant and Number Two are floating in what remains of the Zweiblitz.}

NUMBER TWO: Oh, why did continuity have to stick around for this episode?

ASSISTANT: What we should be worried about is the fact that we're miles from anywhere.

NUMBER TWO: Oh, yeah. That. Well we can make the best of it, right?

ASSISTANT: We don't have any food.

NUMBER TWO: So what? I don't eat.

ASSISTANT: I do!

NUMBER TWO: So? You're expendable!

ASSISTANT: {sighs} Listen, you need to go under there and get some fish to eat. I'll look out for land, okay?

NUMBER TWO: Hey! Who's the Master and who's the Assistant here? Now I suggest I go looking for food while you look for land.

ASSISTANT: Wh-

NUMBER TWO: Sounds like a plan!

{Number Two grabs an as-of-yet unseen rope from the Zweiblitz and jumps into the water. He ties the rope to the side of the machine and dives under.}

{Cut: the Living Room. SkullB is walking around as Jerry sits on the couch.}

SKULLB: I love having legs! They take me anywhere I need to go!

JERRY: Didn't your wheels do that before?

SKULLB: Yeah, but I got tired of them. Do you know what it's like having wheels? It's pretty boring after the first couple years.

JERRY: Well. I'll have to take your word for it.

SKULLB: What gets me is that I could get arms now and not before. What's up with that?

JERRY: Sounds like pretty important plot information. We should save it for episode fifty.

SKULLB: Aww. I hate surprises.

JERRY: Come to think of it, you never told me what happened to Number Two and that gothy-looking guy.

SKULLB: Yeah, I shot their stupid plane down.

JERRY: ... So they're dead?!

SKULLB: Probably. Now that's taking care of a problem!

JERRY: Wow, you're an ass.

SKULLB: I would be offended but robots apparently can't feel emotions.

{Cut: the Zweiblitz. Number Two and Assistant are still floating along inside.}

NUMBER TWO: Do you... do you see land yet?

ASSISTANT: No...

NUMBER TWO: {burps} I hate fish.

ASSISTANT: Yeah, eating it for two straight days kinda puts you off of it.

NUMBER TWO: ... Do you see land yet?

ASSISTANT: N... yes! I see land!

NUMBER TWO: Really?!

ASSISTANT: {happily} Yes!

{The two start laughing and dancing around. They then stop and hug each other.}

ASSISTANT: ... You wanna stop now?

NUMBER TWO: Yeah.

{Cut: the island. One can see the Zweiblitz on the shore. Pan over to show Assistant and Number Two gathering wood.}

NUMBER TWO: First thing's first, Assistant. We need to start a fire!

ASSISTANT: Didn't you tell me that half an hour ago?

NUMBER TWO: I needed to remind the viewers.

ASSISTANT: ... What?

NUMBER TWO: Never mind. Now that we have a good-sized pile...

{Number Two shoots fire out of his mouth and sets the pile of wood aflame.}

NUMBER TWO: Yeah. That's nice.

ASSISTANT: So... you want me to look for food?

NUMBER TWO: ... Oh! I didn't think you were going to ask, I just assumed... Yeah, go ahead.

ASSISTANT: Yes, Master!

{Assistant walks off into the forest.}

{Cut: a dark forest. Assistant is walking through, looking for food.}

ASSISTANT: I hope nothing kills me. That would suck, huh?

{Pause.}

ASSISTANT: Heh! Look at me, talking to myself. I'm not crazy yet.

{Suddenly, Assistant trips. He looks at the ground near his feet and sees a snake.}

ASSISTANT: Uh... hi, little guy! How's it-

{The snake then jumps on Assistant's arm and starts squeezing it.}

ASSISTANT: Oh, boy.

{Cut: the beach. Number Two is resting by the fire.}

ASSISTANT: {offscreen} Uh, Master? I found some food.

NUMBER TWO: Great! Let's see it!

{A couple coconuts are thrown near Number Two.}

NUMBER TWO: That's all you could manage? ... It's almost nightfall, anyhow. Hey, why aren't you coming any closer?

{Pan over to show Assistant's whole body being squeezed by the snake.}

ASSISTANT: I would, but that would only make the snake squeeze- {squeezed, in higher voice} tighter.

NUMBER TWO: Ooh, snake-meat! Come here, Assistant!

{Assistant rolls himself over to Number Two. Number Two zaps the snake off of Assistant's body, which also zaps Assistant himself.}

{Cut: later. A pile of snake-like bones sit near the fire as the camera zooms out to show Assistant and Number Two, looking well-fed and holding coconut shells with straws in them.}

NUMBER TWO: Mmm! That was good! And we have a little mini-jail for mice!

{Zoom into the snake bones. A small mouse is inside, clanging a small metal cup against the bones. Zoom out.}

ASSISTANT: I've gotta say, for snake it wasn't bad.

NUMBER TWO: Want another Island Courage, sans rum?

ASSISTANT: Gladly!

{The two tap their coconuts together and drink.}

{Cut: the next morning. The camera is zoomed in on the face of Number Two. He opens his eyes.}

NUMBER TWO: {yawns} Morning, Assistant!

{Pause.}

NUMBER TWO: Huh... he must not be up yet.

{Zoom out. Number Two and Assistant are tied to a pole.}

NUMBER TWO: ... Wait.

{A couple natives walk up to the two.}

NATIVE CHIEF: Ah, you're awake! Perfect.

NUMBER TWO: Uh... did we do something wrong?

NATIVE CHIEF: Do you see those bones?

{The native points to the bones of the snake the two ate before.}

NATIVE CHIEF: Our sacred mouse was trapped in there for days!

NUMBER TWO: ... Sacred mouse?

NATIVE CHIEF: Yes, we believe the mice are the most powerful of all animals. Don't ask us why, we're just told they are.

NUMBER TWO: Oh. So why are we tied to a pole, again?

NATIVE CHIEF: For trapping our most honored of animals, you shall be burned at the stake. I thought that went without saying.

NUMBER TWO: Oh. I thought you were going to eat us or something!

NATIVE CHIEF: Oh, God! No! We'd never do that! That's disgusting!

NUMBER TWO: Sorry, I thought you were of the cannibal persuasion.

NATIVE CHIEF: No! Now get the royal fire-blower out here!

{A large man wielding two torches walks onto the scene.}

FIREBLOWER: You called?

NATIVE CHIEF: Take care of these intruders!

FIREBLOWER: Got it.

{The fireblower blows a ball of flame at the foot of the pole. It sets on fire.}

NATIVE CHIEF: Good. Good. Now we make our leave.

{The natives walk off toward the beach. Assistant wakes up.}

ASSISTANT: {yawns} Mmm... what's cooking, Master?

NUMBER TWO: We are.

{Cue comedic trombone.}

NUMBER TWO: Quit that!

{Pan over. A native with a trombone sits beside them.}

TROMBONE NATIVE: Sorry.

{Cut: the beach. The natives from before are here.}

NATIVE CHIEF: Alright, everyone. Search the beach for stuff they left.

NATIVE: {offscreen} I found something!

NATIVE CHIEF: {sighs} What is it, M'tulu?

{The chief walks over to where the native is standing. Pan over to show the wrecked Zweiblitz.}

NATIVE: Chief, I think it's a sign!

NATIVE CHIEF: No, this {holds up a stop sign} is a sign.

CHRIONROAR: {offscreen} SIGN!

NATIVE CHIEF: This is a miracle!

{Cut: the native village. Number Two and Assistant are still tied to the pole.}

ASSISTANT: So... we're living our last few moments on fire.

NUMBER TWO: Hey, we're on an island at least! Why not enjoy it?

ASSISTANT: How c-

NUMBER TWO: {singing} Oh we're goin'! To the Hukilau! The Huki-huki-huki-huki-huki-hukilau!

NATIVE CHIEF: {offscreen} Stop the fire!

{Pan over to show the natives running back, carrying a large pot of water. They douse the flame and untie the two captives.}

ASSISTANT: Wait... what's going on? I thought I was going to be fried like chicken in a moment!

NUMBER TWO: Yeah, what gives?

NATIVE CHIEF: Oh, so you'd like to be back up there?

NUMBER TWO: No! Not at all!

NATIVE CHIEF: We saw your heaven machine! We know you are the ones destined to come to our island and save us!

NUMBER TWO: ... What?

NATIVE CHIEF: In ancient lore, the prophets spoke of a small man with a skull for a head and a tall man with pale skin. These two men flew from the sky on a heaven machine to save us all!

ASSISTANT: Save you from what?

NATIVE CHIEF: This island! This place is horrible!

ASSISTANT: ... Really?

NATIVE CHIEF: You wouldn't believe it! All we have to eat are coconuts and the occasional snake, the water is nigh undrinkable, and the mosquitos are fierce! I'll tell you what, this is no paradise!

NUMBER TWO: So, if we, say, took you somewhere else, you would let us have this island?

NATIVE CHIEF: Sure thing! Anything's better than this dump.

NUMBER TWO: Alright! We just got an island!

ASSISTANT: Cool. But how are we going to get off?

NATIVE CHIEF: Worry not, chosen ones. Our best mechanic is on the job.

ASSISTANT: You have mechanics?

NATIVE CHIEF: Yeah, you'd be surprised.

{Cut: the beach. The Zweiblitz looks brand new. All the natives are standing before it as Assistant and Number Two get in.}

NUMBER TWO: Wow, what a bang-up job they did! Who knew coconuts and bamboo could be used for so many things?

ASSISTANT: Well, it's time to leave... for now.

NUMBER TWO: Alright!

{Number two pulls a lever. Outside, the Zweiblitz extends a large arm. The arm lowers a net onto the ground. All the natives get on and the Zweiblitz takes off.}

{Cut: Number Two's house. All the natives are there (in business suits), as well as Number Two and Assistant.}

NUMBER TWO: Ah, home sweet home! How are you natives holding up?

NATIVE CHIEF: We started an island-themed casino! We're already raking in tons of cash!

ASSISTANT: That's nice. Are you funding an Indian reservation?

NATIVE CHIEF: Pfft! No! We just want tons and tons of cash!

ASSISTANT: That... {sighs} that's a little less nice, but whatever suits you.

NATIVE: Like these Armani suits!

NATIVE CHIEF: Thank you again, skull-man and pale-skin. We'll be sure to see you at the Island in the Sun! That's- that's the name of our casino.

{The natives leave.}

NUMBER TWO: Take care!

ASSISTANT: Bye!

NUMBER TWO: Gee, I wonder what my brother's up to? I mean, I kinda... miss him after being stranded on an island.

{Cut: the Living Room. Number Two and Assistant walk in.}

NUMBER TWO: Hey, all! What's going on?

{Pan over to show SkullB and Jerry talking with a tall, pale man and a small guy with a skull on his head.}

NUMBER TWO: ... Oh.

SKULLB: ... Hi. I see you came back.

NUMBER TWO: Yeah... we did.

SKULLB: ... We didn't think you would. We got... we got new villains.

NUMBER TWO: ... Right.

{Long pause.}

NUMBER TWO: This is... awkward.

SKULLB: Yeah... {to the other people} You might want to... leave.

{Cue credits.}