The SkullB Show/38

Overview

Episode 38: Treasure This Moment

Season Premiere

Season Five kicks off with SkullB's arms. He also goes on a hunt for five power crystals.

CAST: Announcer, SkullB, Jerry, Casey, Number Two, Assistant

PLACES: The Black Screen of Continuity, the Living Room, an icecap, the Lab, a volcano, a field, an island

PAGE TITLE: Armed and Ready!

Transcript

{Open: the Black Screen of Continuity.}

ANNOUNCER: On the last episode of the SkullB Show...

{Cut: the Living Room. SkullB has arms and legs now.}

SKULLB: ... HOLY S-

{Cut: the BSoC.}

ANNOUNCER: And now... the SkullB Show.

{Cue opening theme.}

{Cut: the Living Room.}

SKULLB: -HITAKE MUSHROOMS! I have arms!

JERRY: SkullB... are you alright?

SKULLB: I don't... I'm not sure.

CASEY: So... what's going on?

SKULLB: I have arms now.

CASEY: Really? That's odd.

SKULLB: Well whatever. Can we shift focus now?

JERRY: S- sure.

{Pause.}

SKULLB: Hey, guys? I'm going to go find the Power Gems.

JERRY: And what are those?

SKULLB: They're five gems that were scattered around the world. When brought together, they hold the key to a magical treasure worth millions of dollars!

JERRY: Wouldn't the jewels be enough to sell?

SKULLB: True, but those only go for hundreds.

JERRY: Well. Good luck finding the Power Gems!

{SkullB walks (WALKS) out of the room.}

JERRY: Alright, SkullB's gone for a day.

CASEY: Uh-huh.

{Pause.}

CASEY: Wanna make out?

JERRY: Shoot, it took you that long to ask?

{The two start making out. Pan over to show an owl watching from a tree.}

OWL: Oh, they're so in love!

JERRY: SHUT UP!

{Cut: an arctic landscape. In the distance, SkullB walks along the horizon. Zoom in to show him looking at a radar in his hands.}

SKULLB: According to the radar, the Ice Gem should be around here somewhere...

{The radar beeps faster as SkullB approaches a large mound of snow.}

SKULLB: This must be it! I'm guessing it's inside of the mound...

{As SkullB approaches the snow heap, it starts to shake. Suddenly, from under the snow, a massive yeti gets up from its slumber.}

YETI: Groooh... groooooaaaargh!

SKULLB: Oh. Yikes.

YETI: GREEEEAAARGH!

{Zoom in to the Yeti's head. A light-blue gem is lodged in its forehead.}

SKULLB: Looks like I know what I want!

{Cue Wood Man's Theme.}

{The yeti takes one of its large, furry hands and swats at SkullB. SkullB dodges as he runs toward the yeti's back. The yeti tries to follow SkullB as he runs around him, but gets dizzy. SkullB takes this chance to jump on one of the yeti's arms. SkullB crawls up the arm and eventually onto the head. Now on the yeti's head, SkullB tries to pry the jewel out of the yeti's forehead. However, the yeti regains its focus and starts trying to pluck SkullB off of its head. The yeti grabs SkullB, who is in turn grabbing onto the gem. After a bit of pulling, SkullB successfully pries the gem out of the yeti's forehead and is tossed off by the yeti. Now gemless, the yeti falls over, defeated. SkullB gets up and sweeps the snow off of his body. He then picks up the gem. Overhead, text reading "SKULLBUGGY GOT A CHAOS EMERALD" appear.}

SKULLB: Yeah! ... What the hell's a Chaos Emerald?

{Cut: the Lab. Number Two is at a console. A picture of the Ice Gem from before is on the screen. Assistant walks in, carrying a tray of drinks.}

ASSISTANT: Hello, Master! You want an iced tea?

NUMBER TWO: Not now, Assistant. I have more pertinent manners to attend to. That being the Power Gems. Do you see this gem? {points to screen}

ASSISTANT: No, I missed it on the way in.

{Pause.}

NUMBER TWO: So did you see-

'ASSISTANT: Yes.

NUMBER TWO: Alright. So these here Power Gems are just the thing to help us conquer the world!

ASSISTANT: Is that what we're doing? I thought we wanted to kill your brother.

NUMBER TWO: Oh, killing him is just a sidenote. What I'm really focused on is ruling the world! Or at very least, the city.

ASSISTANT: Oh.

NUMBER TWO: Now these Power Gems... with these, we can finally get ultimate power--it is said that when brought together, these five crystals can power the greatest machine ever built!

ASSISTANT: And do we have the greatest machine ever built?

NUMBER TWO: Close! We have...

{Number Two presses a button on his console. A garage-style door opens to reveal a machine.}

NUMBER TWO: ... the Zweiblitz!

ASSISTANT: ... What?

NUMBER TWO: I finished it yesterday! It's only the greatest flying machine ever made ever.

ASSISTANT: So... it flies?

NUMBER TWO: Not only that, but it adapts to special armor made just for it! Watch!

{A large ring is lowered down onto the Zweiblitz. Suddenly, it grows arms and legs, as well as a large antenna on the top. Number Two gets into the machine and starts controlling it. It walks over to Assistant.}

ASSISTANT: ... Impressive.

NUMBER TWO: I know, right?

ASSISTANT: I just know Dr. Robotnik's gonna be on our asses for this.

NUMBER TWO: What do you mean? We're certainly not infringing rights here.

{Pause.}

NUMBER TWO: You still have that iced tea? I'm a bit thirsty.

{Cut: a volcano. SkullB is ascending the mountain as his radar beeps quietly.}

SKULLB: Alright! The Fire Gem's gotta be up here!

{As SkullB finishes climbing the mountain, he sees the Fire Gem perched precariously on the edge of the volcano. SkullB approaches it, but a sudden rumbling from the volcano makes the gem drop into the volcano. SkullB dives in after it.}

SKULLB: Yikes! Maybe this was a bad idea. Whatever.

{As he falls, SkullB sees the gem on a small ledge. Thinking quickly, SkullB shoots an as-of-yet unseen grappling hook at the wall, successfully snagging the ledge with the gem on it. SkullB quickly climbs the rope and grabs the Fire Gem.}

SKULLB: Alright!

{The volcano starts to rumble. Suddenly, a spurt of lava shoots up right in front of SkullB.}

SKULLB: Ahh! Hot lava!

{SkullB starts to climb the wall. As he climbs, the lava flows steadily under him. Eventually, he reaches the top of the volcano. He starts running down the mountain, lava following behind at a quick pace. After some running, SkullB makes it to the bottom, and runs away quickly.}

{Cut: a stormy field. Lightning strikes the ground every so often. SkullB arrives on the scene, radar beeping slowly. As he walks toward the Gem, he is struck by a fist from somewhere. He is knocked back by the blow, and as he gets up, he sees Number Two and Assistant in the Zweiblitz's battle armor.}

NUMBER TWO: Skullbuggy! It's you!

SKULLB: How are you, gentlemen?

ASSISTANT: I'm doing fine, tha-

NUMBER TWO: We'll be just peachy once you hand over the Gems!

SKULLB: You... know?

NUMBER TWO: Of course we do!

{Pause.}

NUMBER TWO: Wait... how did you get arms? And legs?

SKULLB: Listen, let's not focus on that. How about I kick your ass and we just get it over with?

NUMBER TWO: Yeah, I like that plan.

{Cue: Sky Deck - Sonic Adventure.}

{The Zweiblitz throws a rocket punch at SkullB, who dodges it. SkullB counters with a spray of bullets from his Vulcan cannon. The shots, however, barely pierce the armor of the Zweiblitz.}

NUMBER TWO: Ah-hah! Your bullets can't do anything to my robot! Zweiblitz... activate jet engines!

{The Zweiblitz activates some engines in its back and quickly rushes at SkullB, trampling him. SkullB manages to get up from the blow, only to be punched by the Zweiblitz. SkullB is knocked quite a ways away, and doesn't get up.}

NUMBER TWO: Ah-hahahahahah! I win! I win! I-

{Suddenly, SkullB is struck by lightning. This shock gives SkullB the power he needs to get up.}

NUMBER TWO: WHAT?!

SKULLB: Wow... what a coincidence. Take this, asshead!

{SkullB runs at the Zweiblitz and punches it. The Zweiblitz, surprisingly, is knocked back.}

NUMBER TWO: How did you do that?!

SKULLB: It must be the lightning!

NUMBER TWO: Damnit! Extend antenna!

{The Zweiblitz's antenna extends.}

NUMBER TWO: Now let's see who's thunderstruck!

SKULLB: That makes no sense.

NUMBER TWO: Sh- shut up.

{The Zweiblitz is struck by lightning. It too gets supercharged.}

NUMBER TWO: Yes! My plan didn't backfire at all!

{The Zweiblitz then starts to short out.}

NUMBER TWO: WHAT?!

ASSISTANT: Sir, the Zweiblitz's battle armor is overloaded! We need to ditch it!

NUMBER TWO: Damnit damnit damnit! Why does it never work for me?

ASSISTANT: Apparently your brother had less power in his system, so it charged it only to where he needed it. We were still at full power.

NUMBER TWO: I don't need a damn explanation!

{The Zweiblitz detaches from its battle armor and flies away. The Thunder Gem drops from the Zweiblitz and SkullB grabs it.}

SKULLB: Hohoho! Two more to go!

{Cut: the Living Room. Casey and Jerry are sitting on the couch.}

CASEY: Not much to do when SkullB's out, huh?

JERRY: Yeah.

{Pause.}

CASEY: Want to make out again?

JERRY: You bet.

{Cut: an island. SkullB gets off a speedboat and walks onto the island. His radar beeps quickly. He crouches down to find the Water Gem, half-buried in the sand.}

SKULLB: Wow! I had my work cut out for me! Maybe this hunt was a good idea!

{Suddenly, the Zweiblitz flies onto the scene.}

SKULLB: Oh dear God.

NUMBER TWO: We don't know how to give up!

ASSISTANT: And thanks to the Gem we found...

NUMBER TWO: ... we'll be kicking your ass!

SKULLB: Try me.

NUMBER TWO: Oh, we will. Sun Gem! Activate!

{The Zweiblitz suddenly turns into a large, sun-shaped disc-type robot. On its sides are two buzz-saw objects.}

NUMBER TWO: Suck this, yo!

{The Zweiblitz fires a buzz-saw at SkullB. SkullB jumps and lands on the still-spinning buzz-saw. As the blade returns to the Zweiblitz, SkullB jumps off and kicks the Zweiblitz in the cockpit.}

NUMBER TWO: Oh, come on!

SKULLB: I learned that from Mega Man!

{SkullB runs and jumps at the Zweiblitz, which flies out of the way. SkullB lands in the sand as the Zweiblitz charges a laser. SkullB gets up just in time to flee from the laser.}

SKULLB: Come on! At least give me time to get up!

NUMBER TWO: No way, man!

{The Zweiblitz fires another buzz-saw at SkullB, this time slightly hitting him. SkullB screams in pain as he grabs his side. Now ready for an attack, the Zweiblitz charges at SkullB, knocking him down.}

NUMBER TWO: Yes! I win! I win! Now to get rid of this pest and get the Gems!

SKULLB: {weakly} Wait...

NUMBER TWO: Oh what is it? I'm busy gloating.

SKULLB: {weakly} Won't you... give an evil speech before you waste me?

NUMBER TWO: What? ... Oh, right. That.

{Number Two clears his throat and takes out a paper.}

NUMBER TWO: Let's see... ah, here. As your archrival, it is my pleasure to kill you in your darkest hour. It gives me nothing but joy to see your pathetic, mangled body on the ground before me, beckoning me to end it now. But no! I will not end it just yet, for I enjoy seeing you suffer...

{As he speaks, SkullB charges his SkullBeam.}

NUMBER TWO: ...and with this final blow, be sure that I, Number Two, your archrival, will enjoy every minute of it. Thank you.

SKULLB: I'd clap, but it's hard to clap for a dead man!

NUMBER TWO: What?

{SkullB fires his SkullBeam directly into the body of the Zweiblitz. It starts to shake as it malfunctions.}

NUMBER TWO: Damnit! You caught me monologuing again! Rest assured, Skullivan, I will be back! I will!

{Number Two and Assistant, in the Zweiblitz, fly off toward home. However, mid-flight, its engine explodes, sending Number Two and Assistant into the water.}

NUMBER TWO: {distantly} Damn you, Skullbuggy! Damn yoooouuu...

{SkullB looks around for the Sun Gem. He grabs it and raises it above his head. The item jingle from Zelda plays.}

SKULLB: Alright! All the Gems are mine! Time to head home!

{Cut: the Living Room. Jerry and Casey are still on the couch. SkullB walks in.}

SKULLB: Hey hey hey! Did you miss me?

JERRY: Nope.

CASEY: No.

SKULLB: Oh. Well it turns out the "Treasure" I was talking about earlier was actually immense power. It didn't work on me, though, so I sold it to buy a Sega Dreamcast.

{Pause.}

SKULLB: It's the best damn investment I've ever made. Now who wants to play Jet Set Radio?

{Cue end credits.}