The SkullB Show/33

Overview

Episode 33: The One Where Jerry Gets Possessed

Jerry, true to the title, gets possessed. As such, the gang seeks help from the church.

CAST: Number Two, Assistant, Lucy, Chernobog, Jerry, Fran, Skullbuggy, Casey, Father Kilpatrick

PLACES: The Lab, Hell, Lucy's Office, The Living Room, The Bathroom, Casey's Room, The Decentville Catholic Church, Jerry's Room

PAGE TITLE: The SkullB Show!

Transcript

{Open: the Lab. Number Two is sitting at his chair, looking extremely angry. Assistant walks in.}

ASSISTANT: Hello, Master. What's up?

NUMBER TWO: I can't believe I lost to an inferior model... How did I let myself down like that? I turned into a damn super giant robot, and he still beat me!

ASSISTANT: Oh, yeah. That happened, didn't it?

NUMBER TWO: {sighs} Oh, but he won't get me down. He will not. For he has made a very big mistake, messing with me. Because of this, I will exact revenge. Revenge so powerful, so destructive, that he'll be reduced to scrap metal! Until then, he will have to live his life in fear! Every waking moment of his life will be spent worrying, as the Sword of Damocles swings above his head, ready to fall at any moment. And when it does, it will slice him clean in half, proving that I reign supreme! On that day, Skullbuggy will regret the day he messed with me!

{Number Two starts laughing maniacally.}

ASSISTANT: So you have something planned?

NUMBER TWO: No, not yet.

{Cue theme song.}

{Cut: Hell. A boat pulls up to a dock at the Lake of Fire, carrying several ghosts.}

CAPTAIN: {over speakers} We have now arrived at the seventh layer of Hell. Thank you for riding with the Dante's Inferno, and we hope you enjoy your stay in Hell.

{As the ghosts float off the ship, two very familiar ghosts exit last.}

LUCY: Ah, Hell... it hasn't changed much, has it?

CHERNOBOG: Can't say it has.

LUCY: You know, it's been a while... this place is actually pretty creepy. Don't you think?

CHERNOBOG: Yeah, I've never really got used to the whole "fire and brimstone" deal.

LUCY: Well, never mind that. Now that I'm finally back in my element, I can finally rule Hell once more!

{Lucy and Chernobog fly to an office building.}

{Cut: Lucy's Office. Lucy walks in, Chernobog following.}

LUCY: Ah, it's great to be back! My office still smells like burning flesh!

CHERNOBOG: Always inviting, isn't it?

LUCY: Alright, then. My place has been sealed, and I don't want to lose it again. Chernobog!

CHERNOBOG: Yes, milady?

LUCY: I've got a job for you. It's pretty important, so listen up.

CHERNOBOG: I'm listening!

{Cut: the Living Room. Jerry and Fran are sitting on the couch.}

FRAN: Have you heard the news? Yesterday, some one was possessed by a demon!

JERRY: Uh... huh. And where did you read this?

FRAN: Skeptics Weekly. Why?

JERRY: {facepalms} There's a reason it's called Skeptics Weekly.

FRAN: Well, I don't know. Given the stuff it's happened around here, it could be plausible!

JERRY: I don't get you.

{Outside, Chernobog's ghost floats around, looking inside the window.}

CHERNOBOG: There he is! I'm gonna be so evil!

{Chernobog zooms through the wall and hits Jerry. Jerry is thrown off of the couch and into the wall.}

FRAN: Jerry?!

{Fran runs over to Jerry and kneels down to look at him. Jerry starts to open his eyes.}

JERRY: Ugh... what just ha-

{Suddenly, Chernobog starts taking over.}

CHERNOBOG: Hey hey hey! It's good to be back!

FRAN: Wh- what?

CHERNOBOG: Are you Fran? Oh, I've heard so much about you! Lilith tells me you're a nice gal.

FRAN: Lilith?

CHERNOBOG: Oh, just a demon I know. She's been watching you, by the by!

FRAN: But... I'm Jewish? I don't exactly believe in Hell...

CHERNOBOG: Oh, I know. Why else would a demon be watching you?

FRAN: Alright, spit it out. What happened to you just now, Jerry?

CHERNOBOG: What the hell do you think happened? I just possessed him!

FRAN: P- possessed?

CHERNOBOG: Wait... did I just say that out loud? Damn!

FRAN: I've... I've gotta go. Like, right now.

{Fran runs up the stairs.}

CHERNOBOG: Fine! Be like that. I don't care.

{Chernobog sits down on the couch.}

CHERNOBOG: Nice place they've got here. Ooh! Is that leather on this couch? Very comfy.

{Cut: the Bathroom. SkullB is in the bathtub, surrounded by candles. Fran runs in and switches on the lights.}

FRAN: Skully, I... what are you doing?

SKULLB: I was trying to relieve some stress. What were you doing in the house?

FRAN: Uh... huh. This is a bit awkward. I'll... uh, come back later.

SKULLB: Yeah, you do that. I'll stay here.

{Fran leaves. SkullB lies back in the tub.}

SKULLB: Can't a guy get a bubble bath going?

{Cut: Casey's Room. Fran walks in.}

FRAN: Uh... hey. Casey.

CASEY: Hey, Franny! What's up?

FRAN: Jerry's been possessed or something. I don't know.

CASEY: Possessed? Girl, have you been smoking again?

FRAN: You know I gave that up years ago. I'm serious!

CASEY: Really. Let's see it.

{Cut: the Living Room. Casey, Fran and SkullB(in a bathrobe) watch as the possessed Jerry watches TV.}

SKULLB: So... this is it?

CASEY: He doesn't look that possessed to me.

FRAN: I swear! He's possessed! He told me himself!

CASEY: He was probably pulling your leg.

SKULLB: Hey, wait. What's he watching?

ANNOUNCER: {on TV} And now back to Family Guy!

SKULLB: Hold on! Jerry never watches that show--he hates it!

CASEY: Wait... what?

SKULLB: Guys... I think it's for real. I think Jerry's actually possessed!

CHERNOBOG: What gave you the first hint?

{Jerry (Chernobog) opens a soda and takes a swig.}

CHERNOBOG: Ahh... nothing like a cold, refreshing Coke.

SKULLB: Ah-HA! Further proof! Jerry likes Pepsi, not Coke!

CASEY: What... really?

SKULLB: We need to see Father Kilpatrick. He can help.

{Cut: the Decentville Catholic Church. Father Kilpatrick is sitting at a pew, reading the Bible. SkullB and the gang walk in, as well as the still possessed Jerry. Jerry is tied in a rope, being led by Casey.}

SKULLB: Hey, Father Kilpatrick?

FATHER KILPATRICK: Why, if it isn't Skullivan! How are you doing?

SKULLB: Not bad. See, we have a problem that we think only you can solve.

FATHER KILPATRICK: What's that, son?

SKULLB: Our friend Jerry... he's possessed.

FATHER KILPATRICK: Really? Oh, my. If this is true, then this {takes out a vial} should hurt him.

CHERNOBOG: Wait... what's that?

FATHER KILPATRICK: It's holy water.

CHERNOBOG: Oh, come on, Father! It's a joke, really! They're trying to pull your leg.

FATHER KILPATRICK: The power of Christ compels you!

{Father Kilpatrick tosses a few drops of holy water at Jerry.}

CHERNOBOG: Yeeeowch! What the hell, man? What was that for?

FATHER KILPATRICK: Aye, I'm afraid it's worse than I've thought. He truly is possessed.

SKULLB: Hah!

FRAN: Hah!

CASEY: ... Aw, hell.

FATHER KILPATRICK: Usually, the first couple drops are enough to get the demon to get out of the body. But this one... he's strong.

CHERNOBOG: Damn right! I was on the Varsity wrestling team at Beelzebub High! Go, Mites!

FATHER KILPATRICK: I'm afraid that we'll have to perform a full exorcision. I'll be over at your home later tonight. May God bless your souls.

{The four leave.}

{Cut: Jerry's Bedroom. Jerry is being tied down to his bed, while the rest of the crew watch.}

CHERNOBOG: Listen, guys. We don't have to do this, right? I mean, I can just leave right now, right?

CASEY: No way. We're getting you out of there.

CHERNOBOG: Oh, you guys are jerks.

{Father Kilpatrick walks into the room, holding a briefcase.}

FATHER KILPATRICK: Hello, everybody. I trust you've been well?

CHERNOBOG: Some of us. Now untie me!

FATHER KILPATRICK: Not happening, demon. You're leaving now.

CHERNOBOG: Relax! I didn't do anything to you!

FATHER KILPATRICK: Just shut up.

{Father Kilpatrick takes out a holy cross and some holy water.}

FATHER KILPATRICK: Now leave! Leave this world, demon!

{Father Kilpatrick takes the cross and starts sprinkling holy water on Jerry.}

CHERNOBOG: GYAAAAAH! Stop that!

{Father Kilpatrick keeps sprinkling water.}

CHERNOBOG: Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. OW. OW.

FATHER KILPATRICK: Wow, a tenacious one this is.

{Finally, Father Kilpatrick pours the vial of holy water on Jerry.}

CHERNOBOG: YEEEAAARGH!

{Suddenly, Jerry turns back to normal.}

JERRY: What's going on?

{Chernobog takes over once again.}

CHERNOBOG: Shut up, you!

{Jerry takes over.}

JERRY: Get out of my body!

CHERNOBOG: No!

JERRY: Get out!

CHERNOBOG: You get out!

JERRY: No, you!

CHERNOBOG: Great comeback.

JERRY: Oh, that's it.

{Jerry breaks the ropes and starts hitting his head against the wall.}

JERRY: Whatever hurts me, hurts you!

CHERNOBOG: Ouch- Ouch- Stop- that- please-

JERRY: Get out of my head!

{Jerry grabs the holy cross from Father Kilpatrick and drives it into his own chest.}

CHERNOBOG: Yeeeeeeeeeeeaaaaaargh!

{Suddenly, Chernobog's ghost jumps out of Jerry's body.}

CHERNOBOG: It hurts! It hurts! Stop it, please!

JERRY: Skully! Make like the Ghostbusters! Or Luigi! Either one is fine.

{SkullB nods and starts sucking up Chernobog's ghost.}

CHERNOBOG: Wait, you can do that?

{Chernobog is completely sucked in and disappears.}

SKULLB: Sweet. I'm a Ghostbuster. Or Luigi.

FATHER KILPATRICK: Well. Looks like my job is done here! May God bless you all.

{Father Kilpatrick leaves.}

JERRY: Oh, thank God that's over.

CASEY: Yeah, that's great... but you did stab yourself with a cross.

JERRY: Yeah. I did, didn't I? Can somebody call a doctor?

{Jerry falls over.}

{Cut: the hospital. Jerry is on a cot, bandaged. The others are there.}

JERRY: Phew. That was odd.

CASEY: You can say that again.

SKULLB: Except, don't. That's annoying.

JERRY: Well, I'm not possessed no more. Let's celebrate with some cake!

SKULLB: I hope it's not devil's food cake!

JERRY: ... I want to punch you but I can't...

{Cut: Lucy's office. Lucy is sitting at her desk. A beat and battered Chernobog enters.}

LUCY: Well. Looks like you failed me again.

CHERNOBOG: Can I not do that ever again? I'm bleeding pretty badly right now.

LUCY: Ugh... how do those humans keep winning? I swear I'll find a way to take them down some day...

{Cue credits.}