The SkullB Show/28

Overview

Episode 28: Shaken, not Stirred, Part One

Jerry stars as a secret agent in a parody of James Bond. Can he save the world from the master of seduction? Princess Pussycat?

CAST: Jerry (Agent J), a masked thug, a pilot, Mrs. Cashmoney (Fran), Z (Zippy), S (SkullB), a bouncer, a guest, Princess Pussycat (Cassie), Angela Fawls (Casey)

PLACES: The ocean, an office, a harbor, a yacht

PAGE TITLE: The SkullB Show!

Transcript

{Open to a kaleidoscopic background, set to some guitar music. As the colors swirl, they eventually form the face of a tiger. The tiger roars. Zoom in to the mouth, where there is naught but a white hole. The white hole turns green, and it drops into a martini glass. The glass suddenly tips over, and the drops of martini turn into the silhouette of a woman. The silhouette then turns into that of a big cat. The big cat turns into a real tiger, which swipes at the screen. The screen tears to show the title...}

THE SKULLB SHOW
Shaken, not Stirred

STARRING
Jeremy Cohen as Agent J
Francesca Giannopolou as Mrs. Cashmoney
Skullivan Buggy as S
Casey Cohen as Angela Fawls
Cassidy Rogers as Princess Pussycat
and starring
Zippy Platypus as Z

{The words swirl around and turn into a white circle. Agent J walks into the circle, pulls a gun out, and shoots it. The circle fills in with red as it sinks to the bottom of the screen.}

{Fade in to the ocean. A helicopter zooms across the sky. Suddenly, two people drop from the copter. Zoom in to show Agent J and a masked man fighting it out in midair. After exchanging a few punches, Agent J pulls his ripcord. However, there is no parachute. He then takes out a pen and clicks a button on the top. He tosses it at the masked man, who catches it.}

MASKED MAN: Oh, thank you! I needed a pen! I had one yesterday and it ran out of ink and I-

{The pen starts beeping. Suddenly, it explodes, sending Agent J and the masked man away. The two land in the water. Agent J takes out a second pen. He presses a button on this one and it shoots out a rope. The rope zooms into the air and it latches onto the passing helicopter. Now airborne, Agent J looks back at the masked man, who raises his fist at Agent J. Seconds later, the masked man is eaten by a shark.}

AGENT J: Looks like he won't be dying another day. Oh, well.

{Agent J climbs into the helicopter. Punching sounds can be heard and the pilot is thrown from the machine. Agent J turns the helicopter around and flies toward the coast.}

{Cut: an office. Casey is sitting at a desk as Agent J walks in.}

AGENT J: Evening, Mrs. Cashmoney! How's it going?

CASHMONEY: Not much different than usual. How about you?

AGENT J: I just punched a pilot in the mouth and stole a helicopter en route to my demise. Pretty much normal.

CASHMONEY: Huh. Well, anyhow, Z wants to see you. Head into his office.

{Agent J walks into Z's office. Z is at the table, eating something.}

AGENT J: Good day, Z. What're you eating?

Z: Pasta Roni. Put some garlic in it. Very good.

AGENT J: Ah. Sounds good. So, anyhow, what's the scoop?

Z: I'll tell you.

{Pause.}

Z: What were we talking about?

AGENT J: My mission!

Z: Oh, yeah.

{Z presses a button on his desk and a panel on the front of the desk flips to reveal a television. A woman, scantily-clad in a leopard-print bikini, is on the screen.}

AGENT J: Uh... did you forget I was coming or something?

Z: No, no. This is your target.

AGENT J: She is?

Z: This is Princess Pussycat. She was a tiger trainer, worked in a circus for years. She disappeared years ago, but recently resurfaced after several tiger attacks led to her. From what we know, she's training tigers still. We want you to look into that.

AGENT J: So where am I going to find her?

Z: We think she's in Bangladesh, home of the Bengal tiger. However, she can best be reached at her private yacht. Not sure why she has one, but you need an invite to get in.

AGENT J: And how do I get one of those?

Z: We at the lab forged one. It's perfect, right down to the watermark. Only one problem.

AGENT J: What?

Z: It's not your name on the invite. Just tell them that your name is Hans Olbrecht, international model.

AGENT J: Well, I'm not German.

Z: Well neither is Hans!

{Pause.}

Z: Sorry. So many questions. Anyhow, go see S for some gadgets that'll help you out.

AGENT J: Alright, then.

{Cut: a laboratory. S is at a desk, making something. Agent J walks in.}

AGENT J: Hey, S.

S: Hey! Agent J, my man!

AGENT J: Alright, then. What've you got for me today?

S: See this pen?

{S takes out a pen.}

AGENT J: What does it do?

S: It writes.

{Pause.}

S: What? Not everything is a gadget. Now how about this pen?

{S takes out another pen.}

{Pause.}

S: It's not for writing.

AGENT J: Oh! Well what does it do?

S: Listen up. When you twist the pen, it dispenses plastic explosives! Clicking on the top? Detonates it.

AGENT J: Huh. How about that phone?

S: This phone dispenses sleeping gas.

AGENT J: Uh-huh. And that?

{Agent J points to a pill.}

S: Ah, this! It's a little pill I call Linguacil. It lets you speak in any language or accent you wish! This is the German formula, of course. Hans Olbrecht needs his accent!

AGENT J: Ah, good.

S: And now, your final gadget.

{Pause.}

S: Me!

AGENT J: You?!

S: That's right! I can turn into pretty much any vehicle.

AGENT J: Oh, great. I get a wise-cracking vehicle as my sidekick?

S: Ayup.

AGENT J: Alright, then. To India!

{Cut: a harbor in Bombay. Agent J is there, as well as S. The two are standing in line to get on a yacht.}

S: I've never been on a yacht before! It's so exciting!

AGENT J: Just be quiet.

{Agent J takes his language pill. He coughs.}

AGENT J: {in a German accent} Is it working?

S: You bet!

AGENT J: Good. It had better.

{Agent J walks onto the boat. He is stopped by a large man.}

BOUNCER: Name?

AGENT J: Hans Olbrecht. {clears throat} International model.

BOUNCER: And your friend?

AGENT J: Das ist mein Hund. {clears throat} My dog.

S: Bark!

BOUNCER: Oh. Invite?

{Agent J hands the bouncer the invite. He looks at it carefully.}

BOUNCER: ... Proceed.

AGENT J: Danke, Herr Bouncer!

BOUNCER: Uh... you're welcome.

{Agent J walks over to a guest.}

AGENT J: Entschuldigen Sie, bitte, but where can I find Princess Pussycat?

GUEST: Oh, the Princess? She doesn't like to be disturbed.

AGENT J: I brought her a gift.

GUEST: Ah. She's on the veranda deck.

{Agent J leaves and walks up some stairs to see Princess Pussycat sunbathing, as well as her tigers.}

AGENT J: {clears throat} Princess Pussycat?

PRINCESS: ... Who are you?

AGENT J: Hans Olbrecht. International model.

PRINCESS: Funny... I don't seem to recall inviting you.

AGENT J: Surely you must be mistaken! I have an invitation!

PRINCESS: I'm sorry, but you must leave.

AGENT J: I'm afraid I can't. The boat has just taken off.

PRINCESS: Well, then. I guess it's up to Bootsie and Muffin to finish the job. Attack, my darlings!

{The two tigers beside Princess Pussycat jump at Agent J. Thinking quickly, J takes out his phone and sprays the cats with sleeping gas. The two cats fall over, sleeping.}

PRINCESS: ... Looks like you're quite clever, Mr. Olbrecht.

AGENT J: Well, I'm not all beauty.

PRINCESS: Right. Here.

{Princess Pussycat tosses Agent J an invitation.}

PRINCESS: This is to my Tiger Palace in Bangladesh. I do hope you show up.

AGENT J: Oh, I shall, Ms. Pussycat.

PRINCESS: Please. Call me Princess.

{Agent J leaves the deck.}

{Cut: the dock, hours later.}

S: How'd it go, Hans?

{Agent J coughs and spits up the pill from before.}

AGENT J: Pretty well. I got an invite to Princess Pussycat's Tiger Palace.

S: Great! That means we'll be able to stop her in her dastardly plot! Declaw the pussycat, if you will.

???: What's all this about cats?

{Agent J turns around to see a lady behind him. She looks very attractive.}

AGENT J: And who are you?

ANGELA: My name? It's Angela Fawls. Angie's good.

AGENT J: Nice to meet you, Angela.

ANGELA: It's great to meet you. Let's hug on it!

{Agent J hesitantly hugs Angela.}

AGENT J: So, yeah. How were you invited to the party?

ANGELA: I know the Princess through a nightclub of mine that she frequents. Stop by sometime!

AGENT J: Sounds good, but not now. I'm headed to Bangladesh.

ANGELA: Oh? You sly devil, you probably got an invite! Well, you're not the only one!

{Angela takes out an invite.}

ANGELA: I happened to get on the Princess' good side as well. Now, I must get going. Take care!

{Angela leaves the scene.}

AGENT J: Well, that's our cue too. To Bangladesh!

S: Nice! I've always wanted to be in India.

{Agent J walks off. Suddenly, Angela takes out a wrist communicator.}

ANGELA: Princess? This is the Angel. Target has been identified as Agent J of MI7. Next course of action? ... Of course. Take care.

{Angela closes the wrist communicator. She giggles to herself evilly. Fade to black.}

TO BE CONTINUED...?

{Cue credits.}