The SkullB Show/22

Overview

Episode 22: What If...?

In the obligatory "What If?" episode, Casey finds a magic lamp.

CAST: Chernobog, Lucy, Jerry, SkullB, Casey, a Genie, Father Kilpatrick, Dr. Norton, pink Skullbuggy, Sullivan

PLACES: Hell, the Living Room, a cabin, Decentville Catholic Church, the Decentville Hospital, a highway

PAGE TITLE: The SkullB Show!

Transcript

{Open: Hell. Chernobog is kneeling in front of a shadowy figure.}

CHERNOBOG: Sir, I couldn't bring them with me. Sorry.

????: You idiot! I send my best man and I get nothing!

CHERNOBOG: No, I can do it again, trust me! This time I'll get them!

????: No, no. I think it's time for me to get into the ring.

{The shadows dissipate to show a female demon in a business suit.}

LUCY: For I am Lucy, Vice President of Hell! {laughs maniacally}

{Pause.}

CHERNOBOG: So, we're doing this now?

LUCY: Yes we're doing this now.

{Cue theme song.}

{Cut: the Living Room. Jerry and SkullB are sitting on the couch when Casey walks down the staircase holding an odd item.}

CASEY: Hey, guys! Check out what I found in the attic!

JERRY: My shattered dreams?

SKULLB: The bat I used to shatter his dreams?

CASEY: ... Okay, seriously? Are you just cracking jokes or are you that stupid?

JERRY: Well, I'm serious.

SKULLB: But seriously, what it is?

CASEY: It's one of those Faberge eggs! You know, the really intricate ones?

SKULLB: Wait, hand it to me.

{Casey hands the egg to SkullB.}

SKULLB: This isn't a Faberge egg at all... this is a genie egg!

JERRY: Are- are you serious?

CASEY: A genie? Really?

SKULLB: Yes! I read in the Daily Skeptic that genies lay eggs in places nobody goes. Like our attic! I've never seen up there, so...

JERRY: Why would you believe a magazine marketed to conspiracy theorists?

SKULLB: Seriously! We just need to lay on it for a couple of days, so we can hatch a genie!

CASEY: Ugh... you cannot hatch a genie. They don't even exi-

{The egg starts wobbling to and fro and falls out of SkullB's hands and onto the floor. The egg breaks and a small blue ghostly thing comes out.}

GENIE: Hi. I'm a genie. I only one year old.

SKULLB: Who called it? Who called it?

{A bowling ball flies from nowhere and hits SkullB in the back.}

SKULLB: GYAAAH MY DAMN BACK!

GENIE: So I free. Three questions you get.

JERRY: Wait, questions?

GENIE: I only do "What If" questions. I can't grant wishes yet.

JERRY: Wow, that's... oddly plot-specific. I guess I go first.

CASEY: No no no no no. Ladies first.

GENIE: State your question.

CASEY: Alright, then. What if... I married somebody else? That would be interesting.

GENIE: Okay! Look into the magic mirror to see your fate.

{The genie creates a mirror out of thin air that Casey looks into. Suddenly, the image in the mirror shifts into that of the cabin from episode 20.}

{Cut: the cabin. Casey and SkullB are there. Casey is crying.}

CASEY: I just wished he loved me more!

SKULLB: There, there. Come cry on my shoulder.

{Casey leans over onto SkullB's shoulder-analogue and continues crying. Suddenly, she stops.}

CASEY: You know... {sniffs} You've been a really nice friend to me. We've been through thick and thin, and I can say you've been there. Which is why I want you to be my husband.

SKULLB: ... Really?!

CASEY: Yes. Will you marry me?

SKULLB: Oh my God... I will!

{The two hug.}

{Cut: the Church.}

FATHER KILPATRICK: ... And do you, Casey Harris, take Skullivan to be your lawfully wedded husband?

CASEY: I do!

FATHER KILPATRICK: Whosoever has any objections shall speak now, or forever hold their peace.

{Pause.}

FATHER KILPATRICK: Wow, really? Hmm. Well, then, you may kiss the bride.

{The two kiss.}

{Cut: the Living Room. Jerry is sitting at the couch, watching TV, when SkullB and Casey walk in.}

CASEY: Jerry, good news!

JERRY: You finally decided to move out?

SKULLB: No, silly!

CASEY: I'm... pregnant!

JERRY: Wh- gh- what? Why? How?!

SKULLB: It's best not to question it.

{Cut: the Hospital. SkullB is pacing back and forth in the waiting room. Suddenly, Dr. Norton walks through the door.}

DR. NORTON: Mr. Buggy? It's a girl.

SKULLB: ... Oh, thank you, God, for blessing me with a child!

{Cut: the SkullB House, years later. Everyone seems older, and a pink Skullbuggy is there as well.}

PINKBUGGY: Dad, you don't understand me!

SKULLB: Well I just don't want my daughter going out looking like a tramp!

PINKBUGGY: Who are you to talk? You don't wear clothes!

SKULLB: Hey! You wanna go out tonight or not?

CASEY: Honey, you should listen to your dad...

PINKBUGGY: No way! I'm going up to my room to cut myself for attention!

{Pinkbuggy runs upstairs.}

CASEY: She'll get over it.

{Fade out.}

{Fade back to the present-day Living Room. Casey and SkullB are staring at eachother.}

CASEY: Wh- I- wuh- gh-

SKULLB: Me? She marries me?

JERRY: Hahaha wow. That's odd.

GENIE: Alright, you? Pink black gothy girl, can't wish no more.

CASEY: I am not a goth! I just enjoy the color black. And the pain of others.

JERRY: Hah, my turn.

SKULLB: What? Why?

JERRY: Man is superior to the robot race!

SKULLB: Well, you do have thumbs. I guess you can have the next question.

JERRY: Alright, alright. What if... I was less snarky and sarcastic?

GENIE: Look into the mystical magic mirror!

{Zoom in onto the mirror to show the Living Room.}

{Cut: the Living Room. SkullB and Casey are on the couch.}

SKULLB: Do- do you sometimes think we shouldn't be doing this anymore?

CASEY: Yeah, 22's a nice episode to stop on.

{Jerry suddenly runs into the room.}

JERRY: Hey, guys! I just had a zany idea!

SKULLB: Great. What is it?

JERRY: Dude, check it check it check it out. I built a rollercoaster in our house!

{Suddenly, a rollercoaster car zooms into the room, in front of the couch.}

JERRY: Last one on's a rotten egg!

{Jerry hops onto the car and speeds off. Seconds later, a large crash is heard.}

JERRY: OH GOD MY SPINE ISN'T SUPPOSED TO BEND THAT WAY!

SKULLB: {to Jerry} You brought it upon yourselves!

JERRY: NO REGRETS!

{Fade out.}

{Cut: the present-day Living Room. Jerry just stares at the genie.}

JERRY: R-really? That's all?

GENIE: Yes. You die in a bad rollercoaster accident.

JERRY: What a gyp! I deserve another question!

GENIE: No way, man. Little car is next.

SKULLB: Oh, I've been saving this one up. What if I were human?

GENIE: Good one, though cliched. Look in the mirror.

{Cut: the Living Room. Jerry is sitting on the couch. Suddenly, another guy walks in, this one with black hair and wearing a blue hoodie with a skull on it.}

JERRY: Hey, Sully. What's up?

SULLY: Oh, not much. I just got this brand new video game!

JERRY: Really? Looks like somebody isn't eating for the rest of the week.

SULLY: It's cool, isn't it?

JERRY: Yeah, sure.

SULLY: ... Wanna play it?

JERRY: Mm-hmm.

{The two start playing the game. Fade out.}

{Cut: the present-day Living Room.}

SKULLB: So... it wouldn't be any different. Oh.

GENIE: That's all the wishes y'all get. Peace out.

{The genie flies off.}

JERRY: Wow, this episode sure had a lot of effort put into it.

SKULLB: All filler episodes do!

{Cue credits.}

{Cut: a car. Lucy and Chernobog are in the car.}

LUCY: Chernobog! Which exit do I take to Decentville?

CHERNOBOG: Exit 1a.

LUCY: Good. Good. We'll be there soon, I know it...

TO BE CONTINUED...!