The Kricitt Show./Show1

Skit 1: The Introduction

CHARACTERS: Kricitt, Announcer (voice)

{Cut to an dark stage. The lights come up dimly, revealing several incomplete sets in the background, and 'TKS' written in large letters in the middle of the floor. A microphone is in the middle of the stage. A spotlight appears, moving around.}

ANNOUNCER: And now, your host: Kricitt!

{The audience cheers. The spotlight focuses on a door in a kitchen-like set. It opens, and Kricitt walks out, wearing a tuxedo. The lights come up fully. Kricitt shields his eyes with his arm, then walks over to the microphone. He hushes the crowd.}

KRICITT: Thank you, thank you. Welcome to The Kricitt Show. {pause for applause} Okay, now that all the formalities are out of the way, {He begins unbuttoning his shirt} I think I'd better change into something a little more casual.

{He removes his shirt and pants, revealing his boxers. The audience laughs. Looking startled, he grabs a pair of jeans and a t-shirt from the pile, and puts them on.}

KRICITT: Well, that was a bit strange. But anyways, I suppose I had better tell you guys a bit about how the show goes around here.

{He reaches into his pocket, and pulls out a remote control.}

KRICITT: I swear, whoever invented this thing has to have a pat on the back. Check out what I can do with it!

{He presses several buttons, which turn the lights on and off, play music, and cause random doors to open and close in the background.}

KRICITT: You see? This thing basically controls the show. And, the most important button of all. {he presses a button, and a giant screen lowers from the ceiling} This means it's time for the next skit.

Skit 2: Worst Worker: Frank Kravitz

CHARACTERS: Frank Kravitz, Boss

{Lights on to reveal a man working on some pipes. His nametag reads 'Frank Kravitz' Another man walks in, looking displeased.}

MAN 1: Hey, uh, Frank. Can I talk with you for a minute?

FRANK: Uh, sure boss. What do you need?

BOSS: Well, according to this chart, every single project you've worked on has failed horribly because of freak incidents.

FRANK: What? Can you explain that, sir?

BOSS: Well, your last job was working on the ceiling?

FRANK: Yes, but I don't see how—

BOSS: When the job was finished, someone found some of the tiles replaced with pancakes.

FRANK: Well maybe it was Jonesy, he always eats a late breakfast, so maybe a couple pancakes fell out of his pocket.

BOSS: Uh-huh. Well, another problem was the stairs.

FRANK: What was wrong with the stairs?

BOSS: Anytime someone would try to walk up those stairs, they'd slip down.

FRANK: {innocently} Well maybe that's just a booby-trap on the house.

BOSS: Even so, Frank, the biggest mistake was the support beam.

FRANK: What's wrong with the support beam?

BOSS: It's been replaced with pipes!

FRANK: You have no proof of that!

BOSS: Well then what's that behind you?

FRANK: {looks behind himself} Oh, those pipes.

BOSS: Yeah...listen, Frank, uh, how can I put this delicately?

FRANK: You're firing me?

BOSS: Well, yes.

FRANK: Darnit! That's the third job this week...

BOSS: Well, Frank, at least now you're leaving this with some important knowledge.

FRANK: What's that, sir?

{Pan out to reveal the house falling down, leaving a small patch of ground on top of the pipes, where Frank and his boss are standing.}

BOSS: Don't use the power saw to cut down the support beam.

Skit 3: Interview with...Bigfoot?

CHARACTERS: Kricitt, Announcer (voice), Homestar Runner

{Zoom out to the stage once again, the screen going back up into the ceiling. The stage has two chairs, one Kricitt is sitting in. In between the chairs, there is a table.}

KRICITT: Well, Frank, I'm glad you didn't build my house. {pause for laughter} Now, ladies and gentlemen, I have a very special guest here tonight. He's literally a legend, give it up for Bigfoot! {Applause}

ANNOUNCER: Uh, Kricitt? We couldn't find bigfoot.

KRICITT: What? We still haven't found him?

ANNOUCER: No. But, we got the next best thing.

KRICITT: The Loch Ness Monster?

ANNOUNCER: No.

KRICITT: How about the al...

ANNOUNCER: No, not the aliens from Area 51 either. We had to settle for Homestar Runner.

KRICITT: But I thought you said we couldn't get bigfoot! {Pause for laughter} Oh, well. Bring him out.

{A door opens in the back, and Homestar walks out, wearing a tuxedo, only with a white star on it. Wild applause from the audience}

HOMESTAR: Thank you, thank you. Hello, Kricitt. How about a handshake?

{pause for laughter. Kricitt attempts to grab Homestar's invisible hand, but fails. He picks up Homestar's foot and shakes it like a hand. more laughter}

KRICITT: Oh, um, nice to meet you.

HOMESTAR: Thanks, now can you put my foot down?

KRICITT: Yes, sorry.

{He drops the foot, and they both sit down.}

KRICITT: So, Homestar, I hear that you've been working hard in the site's downtime?

HOMESTAR: Yeah, I've been working a lot lately. What's it been, like, a couple months since I actually had a major role. I mean, the infomercial with Coach Z, but I just had to say 'hustle for sports'.

{Cut to a clip of the episode. Homestar turns around and says 'Hustle for sports'}

KRICITT: Well, what about the interview?

HOMESTAR: {looking confused} What interview?

KRICITT: The interview in the infomercial?

HOMESTAR: Oh, that interview. Well, that was from the end of the sport season, way back before the halloween special.

KRICITT: And they just got around to using it?

HOMESTAR: Yeah, they're not very efficient.

KRICITT: Okay, we're almost out of time for this interview, I just have one last question.

HOMESTAR: Shoot.

KRICITT: What's this I hear about a cinematic adventure that you're taking?

HOMESTAR: {long pause, with a confused look} Oh! You mean a movie! Yes, I'm starring in a new movie that's coming out sometime next year.

{The audience cheers and claps wildly. Kricitt hushes them.}

KRICITT: What can you tell us about the movie?

HOMESTAR: Well, we're still filming it, so I can't tell you a lot. But, I can say that it'll be the best movie...ever.

KRICITT: Well, thank you for that, Homestar. We'll hope to see you on the show another time!

HOMESTAR: Thanks, Kricitt, I'll take you up on that offer later on.

KRICITT: And that's all the time that we have for tonight. I'm Kricitt.

HOMESTAR: {In his old voice} And I'm Homestar. Runner. Homestar Runner.

KRICITT: {laughing} And this has been The Kricitt Show!

HOMESTAR: The Kricitt Show! Goodnight, folks!