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The Free Country USA Breakfast Massacre: The Ween Toon 2012

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summary: Homestar, Strong Bad, and the rest have been trapped in the breakfast massacre, of many massacres.

CAST: Strong Bad, Robstar Roundhat, Strong Mad, The Cheat, Homestar Runner, Marzipan, Pom Pom, Bubs, Coach Z, The King of Town, Homeschool Winner, The Poopsmith, Homsar (easter egg), The Chef of Town, Scoutty, Champeen, Sobot, Sad Kids, Strong Sad, Leatherlicious

Scene: Computer Room,

Page Title: T-Weenty-Twelve (No Tween here)

Date: October 2012


{toon opens up in Strong Bad's computer room}

STRONG BAD: just when I expected another email, it's Halloween time, where all the candies fly in pizza boxes, kinda like Little Caesars boxes. Ain't that right, Robstar SquareHat?

ROBSTAR: {enters the screen with his face being unsure} Um, yeah, sure. {his face changes normally}

STRONG BAD: Anyway, what are you doing for Halloween?

ROBSTAR: Um, I don't know what I'm-

STRONG BAD: Shut up. For me, I'm going to the abandoned breakfast slaughterhouse and it's gonna be from Mexicola!

ROBSTAR: Oh yeah, same place I'm going to.

STRONG BAD: Hmm, sweet. Where's Strong Mad and the Cheat?

ROBSTAR: Oh crap, I hate to tell you this, but, it's ugly, for S. Mad, and Cheatser here.


{scene cuts to the Free Country Slaughterhouse}


THE CHEAT: {The Cheat gets scared} meh-oh!

{the Cheat and Strong Mad get scared of a distorted screeching voice out of nowhere, as the theme song to the cartoon plays, the title card says, "THIS IS A WEEN CARTOON CALLED..." and fades to "THE FREE COUNTRY USA BREAKFAST MASSACRE!" and then the scene cuts to Homestar's house with Homestar at the couch}

HOMESTAR: My god, i can't believe i don't have a tube. Marzipan, where's mah TV?

MARZIPAN: {appears out of nowhere} Seriously, Homestar? Why can't you go trick or treating?

HOMESTAR: Well, because it's too 2-esque!

MARZIPAN: So basically, you are like a 2-year-old?


{Strong Bad knocks on the door}

HOMESTAR: Come in you little wascal. I mean rascal.

{Strong Bad and Robstar come in the scene}

ROBSTAR: We need your help! {slaps Homestar's face} What did you do to the NBC Fall schedule of this year? {slaps Homestar's face again} Do you know why the grocery store was robbed? {slaps Hoemstar's face again} Who is Darkman?!

HOMESTAR: You know, it doesn't hurt me.

ROBSTAR: Why do-

STRONG BAD: Quiet you, i got this. Anyway, there is a guy in the slaughterhouse who killed my Strong Mad, and my the Cheat. Do you know who it is?

HOMESTAR: Not that i know of.

STRONG BAD: Wait, you don't? How about you come with?

HOMESTAR: yo, nes, yes, no. Wait, what?

STRONG BAD: {sigh} Let's just go.

{scene cuts to the Most of the Graveyard with Pom Pom, Strong Bad, Homestar, and Robstar}

STRONG BAD: Hey dar, Pom Pom.

HOMESTAR: Yo, Pom Pom.

POM POM: {waves}

HOMESTAR:Um, we need help.

POM POM: {bubble noises as he gives Homestar, Strong Bad, and Robstar the map}

ROBSTAR: Hey thanks!

STRONG BAD: Until then, come with us!

POM POM: {bubble noises}

HOMESTAR: Well, what else, we have to find the Cheat Mad and the Cheat Cheat.

STRONG BAD: And you need to come with!

'POM POM: {bubble noises}

HOMESTAR: Suite sweet! Let's go!

{scene cuts to Bubs Concession Stand with Bubs and Coach Z}

BUBS: Remember, Z, I sell halloween costumes and ween costume accessories.

COACH Z: You're not troing, Bibs.

BUBS: Either do you.

{Strong Bad, Homestar, Pom Pom, and Robstar appear on screen}

STRONG BAD: Hey ho! i was wondering, um... WHO IS THAT GUY?!


STRONG BAD: Nevermind, let's go.

BUBS: So wait, what's the point of this?

HOMESTAR: Do you want me to explain the explanatory? It was dark in the slaughterhouse of Free Country USA. It was when heaven broke loose and the Hello-there-bro, came about. The mysterious person used a fork and butter knife with bacon and eggs.


HOMESTAR: You haven't listened to Strong Bad and Robstar Roundhat's conversation at the beginning of the cartoon?


HOMESTAR: Okay, it's your funeral.

{Homestar, Strong Bad, Robstar, and Pom Pom leave}

BUBS: Well, that was somewhat a broken tooth thing.

{a screeching distorted voice appears again}

VOICE: Come here.

COACH Z: I knor it worz you.

BUBS: Me? I don't have that kind-of voice.

COACH Z: Then who is-

{Bubs and Coach Z get kidnapped out of nowhere, as the scene cuts to The King of Town's castle}

KING OF TOWN: Boooooop! Boooooop! Boooooop! We have an alert, there is a missing napkin. Homeschool?! {as camera pans to the left}

HOMESCHOOL: {sighs} What is it?

KING OF TOWN: I can't find my napkin because it's not here.

HOMESCHOOL: Yeah, that's obvious, come up with something new.

KING OF TOWN: Well, I invited you here so that you can secure my bathhouse and be my main man. Am I right? Huh? Huh?


{the bricks on the wall fall as a mysterious person with the distorted screeching voice appears, as the Poopsmith, who appears on the screen, Homeschool and King of Town ran away}

KING OF TOWN: {as he runs offscreen} I heart Huckabees! Do I even get paid to say that?

{cuts to the kitchen with The Chef of Town, Sobot, Scoutty, and Champeen}

CHEF OF TOWN: Hello Scoutty. What are you doing for Halloween?

SCOUTTY: Nothing, how about the guys over here?

CHEF OF TOWN: You mean Sobot and Champeen?

CHAMPEEN: Not doing anything.

SOBOT: Just going for the sad kids.

{pans to the sad kids}


SCOUTTY: I'm about to leave now since the we're gonna be attacked.

CHEF OF TOWN: Oh yeah, by the guy.

{they run away}

SCOUTTY: {offscreen} Now that's awesome!

{cuts to a Strong Sad's room}

STRONG SAD:No way they gon' get me. I am the real sad man. Sometimes with my costume I could be happy.

VOICE: {appears out of nowhere} You're next.

STRONG SAD: i knew this was coming three days from now. I'm gonna get my paperbags.

{scene cuts outside Strong Sad's room, where we see Strong Bad, Homestar, Pom Pom, and Robstar}

STRONG BAD: It's a-hopeless-a. Now we're never gonna investigate who this mysterious person is?

HOMESTAR: Welp, i did actually investigate.

STRONG BAD: What? What are you talking about?

HOMESTAR: Yeah, I did for my Uncle Roy.

ROBSTAR: Wait a sec, what did you investigate?

HOMESTAR: Well Homestar, it's a massacre for breakfast.

ROBSTAR: Wait, aren't YOU Homestar?

HOMESTAR: Good one, Pom Pom. Anyway, I found out that the one who has been using the breakfast massacre is somebody we know of. Leatherlicious!

{dramatic sting plays}

STRONG BAD: Um... I don't get it.

HOMESTAR: Well, {as frightening music plays} it at started a long time ago. {as scene cuts to the stick with Leatherlicious, as Homestar talks offscreen} Leatherlicious used the waffle mixer for his contest at Free Country USA's Food Battle. {scene cuts to the contest at the gym} He failed so much so, that he left the contest... {camera pans to the maggot pies} to use maggot pies for people to eat. As this happened, {scene cuts to the grocery store} the people tried it at the local grocery store, but ended up turning into midgets, and got the jibblies out of their spines. {Senor Cardgage appears turning into a goblin} Leatherlicious also had fresh baked frozen spider pizza, with flies as pepperoni! And then, {scene cuts back to Homestar talking} Leatherlicious went to the slaughterhouse, an abandon one at that, and yeah that's what happened. {frightening music ends} So there you go. Leatherlicious is on the lose-EEEEE!

STRONG BAD: I... don't get it.

HOMESTAR: Well, Leatherlicious is a vicious licious guy. He-

ROBSTAR:Yeah, please don't remind us again. We know.

HOMESTAR: GREAT! Now we gotta find this David Letterman. I mean, Leatherlicious.

{scene cuts to the slaughterhouse}

STRONG BAD: Here it is, the slaughterhouse. Now what can we do to find that man?

HOMESTAR: Not sure as of now, but I know how we can call him. Watch this. {speaks Pig Latin}

VOICE: What the, who goes there?

POM POM: {bubble noises}

HOMESTAR:Yeah, i agree. Only a mean spirited goose can say, EEKAUGH!

STRONG BAD: Homestar, I think that makes it worse.

ROBSTAR: Just let him go. He's just an idiot that doesn't know what he's talking about. Kinda like the whathisname, Fergielicious.

HOMESTAR: Oh trust me, it's gonna work!

VOICE: Not on my watch. {captures Homestar, Strong Bad, Pom Pom, and Robstar as scene cuts to the slaughterhouse}

HOMESTAR: Is this a trap or what?

{camera pans backwards so wee see Leatherlicious}

LEATHERLICIOUS:' No. You're part of the trap!


LEATHERLICIOUS: So wait, you're not scared? Hmm, I'm kinda surprised. Usually my fellow death-mates would get scared. Well then, be prepared for the definition of death. Inition!


{dramatic theme from Jibblies 2 plays as the sword drops to the screen}

HOMESTAR: That's just a pirate sword. Did you make it yourself?

LEATHERLICIOUS: Oh yeah I did, and there's plenty where that came from!

STRONG BAD: Um, how are we gonna get outta here?

LEATHERLICIOUS: Well, you don't. Oh wait we do. We had technical difficulties, so... off you go!

STRONG BAD: Even though I got the jibblies from you, {voice breaks to sadness} i will still miss you, Homedstar? {voice turns normal} Although I wanted you to stop abusing my Trogdor arcade game.

HOMESTAR: Not really, i already got the jibblies from the game, so i'll keep on abusing it.

STRONG BAD: Well, okay.

LEATHERLICIOUS: {he does the evil laugh until Marzipan, Bubs, and Coach Z come in and throw eggs on Leatherlicious, burning the eyes}

HOMESTAR: Did you just save us from our break-up Marzipan?

MARZIPAN: {enters the screen alongside Bubs and Coach Z} Yes i did. And so did the rest.

BUBS: That Leatherlicious is a broken G-Pad.

HOMESTAR:Well, where's the real rest?

BUBS: Oh... about that-

HOMESTAR: Yeah, they're dead.

BUBS: And kidnapped too.

HOMESTAR: Okay. How about some egg sandwich?

{the words, "END USA!" appear on the screen}

Easter Eggs

  • Click on the Poopsmith during the King of Town scene to see a scene with Homsar:

{scene cuts to Homsar in the Stick was the distorted voice appears out of nowhere}

HOMSAR: AaAaAaAaA-I wouldn't do that, Mr. Eddie Murphy. I have a dozen five golden shower cleaners.

{the voice screams and runs away offscreen, obviously}


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