(even if you aren't vegan)

The First Noelle

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{Cut to Garland and Noelle, at a cafe.}

NOELLE: Hey. Long time no see, friend.

{Garland nods, and sits down. Noelle sits down as well.}

NOELLE: So, where've you been?

GARLAND: Finished my scholarly duties. I was going to write a letter to my pupil, for I miss him.

NOELLE: Wasn't he-

GARLAND: You do not want to know how many times I had to deal with people treating Oiracul differently when she got therapy.

NOELLE: Right. My bad, fam.

{Garland smiles.}

GARLAND: Thank you. My darling Garfield has been busy as well, from what I hear. Apparently, he's awakened some of my previous experiments and is cleaning up nicely.

NOELLE: Would that include the koala cyborg I got to Battel?


NOELLE: Tight! That thing was so cute.

GARLAND: Glad you thought so.

{Giuseppe arrives, looking surprised.}

GIUSEPPE: Signore Bellinski! You-

GARLAND: I'm alive, I'm alive.

{Giuseppe bows.}

GIUSEPPE: Signore, it is a pleasure to see you again.

GARLAND: Thank you, my fine gentleman.

GIUSEPPE: What would you due look to be drinkin' today?

NOELLE: I'll take a green tea, with a couple cubes of sugar.

GARLAND: Hey, Giuseppe. Remember Naminade? I'll have that.

{Giuseppe gasps.}

GIUSEPPE: Signore, I'm not sure it can be mixed until 2300 hours or later! But, if you insist, then it will be fatto.

GARLAND: Take your time. I don't mind if the mixture of Pepsi, sake, and several other things takes long. I'm sure my food options will be a lot simpler.

GIUSEPPE: Very well.

{Giuseppe leaves.}

NOELLE: Naminade?

GARLAND: A long time ago, I made a DuFour guy into a DuZero.

{Noelle flinches at the horrible pun, and is stifling laughter.}

GARLAND: It took more than Pepsi to do it, though. So, I had to drink something more powerful. With the help of an artificial intelligence I installed while riffing bad attempts at sadistic humour, I was able to come up with a recipe whilst listening to some Childish Gambino, Nicki Minaj, and other awesome rappers.

NOELLE: I see.

{Noelle seems to smile a bit more.}

NOELLE: So, I guess it's your coping mechanism for a memory of... the AI?

{Garland shrugs.}

GARLAND: I guess.

NOELLE: You're weird, but I suppose it's a good thing you haven't plotted to take over the universe again.

GARLAND: I've reminded one of my closest friends on Skype that I must keep myself from entering Death Rage with hip hop music playing to clear the voices in my head. My mental health is completely screwed for the next 4-8 years, but I can't let that stop me from going on with life.

{Noelle nods sagely.}

NOELLE: I'll stick to my green tea, otherwise I'd drink to you keeping yourself alive.