(even if you aren't vegan)
The Choom Gang Riffs Noxigar's Riffs of The Choom Gang's Riffs/mft3kmain
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Apologies in advance, you baby.
You big baby.
NOXIGAR: Implying the apology is legitimate. Implying this intro is anywhere close to legitimate.
NACHOMAN: Spoiler Alert: it's not a legitimate apology because these stories suck.
Contents
EPISODES
Season 1 (Doctor Brainfreeze makes a damn fine slushie.)
- Bell Quest — SPOOK CLIFF
- Raiku Email — I know when I see a baby, the first thing I do is interrogate it.
- Records of Bell — Bell was a self-important author surrogate who's convinced he's the best writer who ever lived, Bling was a retard cat-monster that would probably eat its own foot given enough time and condiments, Tracy's an Anglophile who still thinks the fedora-trench coat combo looks good on any living human being, Sarah's just another Bell but with enough bosom to strangle somebody if they happened to fall in, Don Skull's an obnoxious prick, Daigo's got a robot nutbag and that's unsettling by itself, these two new idiots are from a Jethro Tull song for Christ's sake, Skully B.'s a handsome man with a surprising amount of vomit in his system... oh, speaking of which. {dry heave} Nope, I'm out. Oh, but let me go on. The author has wasted our time with this abortion of a "comedy" series which has about as much comedy as a morgue has healthy individuals, completely one-dimensional characters with absolutely nothing mitigating their existence and no merit to their personalities whatsoever, the absolute worst setting you can have for any work of fiction, plots that are nonexistant—and on the very rare occasion that they do have a plot, it's just another goddamn fight scene... and have I mentioned the humor? It's the comedy equivalent of a miscarriage; something so awful and tragic that you never want to speak of it again—it's the kind of humor that even 4chan would never laugh at, the kind of jokes that wouldn't cut it in the darkest of comedies, slapstick that barely even qualifies as such; genital mutilation, kicking, punching, none of this is funny! This fiction is the text equivalent of the Holocaust; it's awful, it's disastrous, it's a tragedy, it's a crime against humanity... Bell deserves to have his computer, his paper... anything that he can transcribe ANY sort of writing or art on to, it needs to be destroyed at this very instant. I never want to see his writing again. Until he actually pays attention in English class and doesn't draw huge tits all over everything, I want him never to approach a keyboard again in his life. I never want to see him pick up a pencil... I don't even want him to think about writing.
NOXIGAR: Too long; didn't give a shit.NACHOMAN: i love when people say "tl;dr". it's like, "hey, i'm impatient and stupid. let me flaunt said impatience and stupidity!"Honestly, this paragraph was not only uncalled for, but unfeasibly stupid.
SKUB: That's like telling a veteran that Vietnam "probably wasn't that bad".A witty one-liner would've at least been cool. If you wanted to make a rant on why you hated something, there's always the separate fanstuff page to do that in.
CHWOKA: We tried to do witty one-liners for 28 or some-odd episodes. We got fed up
Season 2 (Once More, With NachoMan!)
- Zarel Emails — YOU IN THE DRINK
NOXIGAR: GET IN MY MOUTH.
- X Is The New Y — this got gritty fast
- Some Early 1-Up Emails definitely
- Samtheman hasn't edited since November of 2008 so we assume Samtheman.egg is public domain now.
- Pokemon: Strong Bad Version — It's a lot like Kingdom Hearts,
NOXIGAR: Except it's actually worth finishing the sentence for, and incomplete because I stopped caring about the Pokemon series as a whole.
NACHOMAN: that... that made absolutely no sense. no, it made negative sense.
SKUB: You stopped caring when? After you made that shit fan Pokemon?
Season 3 (The Gritty Reboot)
NOXIGAR: You really don't know what it's like.SKUB: No, you don't. At all. WUW is Hell.
- Wikihood —
NOXIGAR: {mockingly} "Oh man, guys. Let's pick on a publicly-owned entity, because that's always cool for our superiority complexes."
NACHOMAN: you're getting really angry about this and it hasn't even started, geeze.
CHWOKA: Asperger's at its finest. That's right, I said it.
SKUB: Chwoka shut the fuck up I almost had Asperger's. Does that mean you hate me?
CHWOKA: I try to hate everybody equally.
SKUB: Valiant!
Lost Episodes
DON'T READ THESE OKAY GUYS
NOXIGAR: Dead fanstuff is dead.CHWOKA: Tired-ass meme is terrible and should curl up and strangle itself to death.The episode is permanently lost,
CHWOKA: {sing-songy voice} Not to moderators!meaning I don't have to riff it. Ha!
CHWOKA: Nobody is making you do this. Nobody wants you to do this.
NOXIGAR: I actually liked Green Grass. High Tides Forever, not so much.BLUEBRY: i think they both suck
OTHER
- Before you ask any questions please resort to the FAQ thanks
- Who... who is it? Who... who is it? Who... who is it? What is it? What is it? What is it?
- when bluebry goes to strip clubs (which is very often we can assure you) he likes to look at the poll dancers
NOXIGAR: Unfunny pun is unfunny. Blatant lie is blatant.
NACHOMAN: I'M GOING TO USE EVERY MEME I CAN AND IT WILL BE WONDERFUL
BLUEBRY: the bad pun and ironic lie was the joke
CROOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOW
NOXIGAR: The feds must've missed that part.SKUB: That was.... a joke? Possibly? Should I be laughing or groaning?
