The Bastard Goes to the Movies/Nukie

Since I saw the review from The Cinema Snob, the ONLY good reviewer at TGWTG, aside from MikeJ, I decided to give my two cents on the film, Nukie.

Critics call Nukie...

"-50!"-SomethingAwful

"...stay as far away from Nukie as possible."-X-Entertainment

"This is up with the bat-pussies."-Cinema Snob

It starts out where the two stars, named Nukie and Miko, that are actually aliens crashing on Earth where the scientists are frightened that the aliens crash landed to Earth with one of the computers saying, ALARM! and the other saying, TOUCHDOWN! which I assume that they were watching the Giants vs. the Patriots NFL game. Nukie crash landed in Madagascar, {insert old joke from Madagascar 3 here}, as Miko crash landed somewhere that the military went ahead and got him. So Nukie finds signal for Miko, but doesn't work.

By the way, I always hated the design of Nukie. He looks like if it was a shit taken in the toilet from Simple Jack, if you watched the movie, Tropic Thunder, and it talked. The scientist called it, "The property of TOP SECRET." which to me sounds like they saw a way better film, Mac and Me.Anyway, Nukie is afraid of the sun, and allergic to it too. I guess he is a vampire from True Blood, but hey, who am i to kid. He is Nukie, not Nukula. Sorry, that was the best I can come up with. He does the attempt to talk to animals. I can see why animals are running away, and it's because of the little shit costume that's not good for Halloween. Nukie flies to America as a star, and here's my problem, if he can fly, then why the fuck couldn't Miko fly in the military? Probably the military wanted Paul the Alien from the film, Paul, to escape. I don't know.

The majority of the dialogue has to do with calling names. Then, Nukie is buried underground and pops back to the ground only to talk to animals. He then gets captured but there is nothing happening except we miss out on the action scenes of them escaping, and the rest of the plot is about Nukie playing on the computer in the lab and here's where the computer says, "You suck." He may have been talking to the filmmakers of Nukie. They go back to their home planet with their monkey for earlier in the scene where he talks to animals. What a waste.

Not only is it a waste, it's also a bad BAD nuclear waste! Remember kids, if you have a kid that likes aliens, watch E.T. because hey, even with a PG rating, it's at least watchable!

JOIN ME IN THE NEXT REVIEW!

NUKIE IS OWNED BY VIDMARK? AH WHO THE FUCK CARES!